Content Warning: Verde’s Doohickey 2.0: Sensational Summer Romp contains content that some readers might find disturbing, triggering, or uncomfortable. This includes sexually explicit activities, dubious consent, strong language, hateful language and slurs, and incestuous activities. Reader discretion is advised.
Verde’s Doohickey 2.0: Sensational Summer Romp
July 2nd – Maid Café Mishaps
Part 1: Minor Maid Café Mishaps
Date: Thursday, July 2, 2015
Time: 17:32 JST (Japan Standard Time)
Location: Akihabara, Tokyo, Japan
As school was let out and the standard work day reached its end, the streets of Akihabara sprang with life. Not the life they enjoyed during Saturdays, Sundays, or summer break in August, but for the many shops trying to make it in this booming city of constant change, some traffic was better than none. Restaurants were the go-to destination for people passing by on their way home. An opportunity to treat themselves with a hot meal without the labor of making something at home or the gamble of checking what was left at a konbini. Family diners, ramen shops, and any number of eateries could be found in every cranny of Tokyo, but Akihabara had gained international acclaim for one manner of eatery above all others: Maid cafés.
Novelty eateries where an all female cast of waitress dressed up as maids to server their patrons, providing them with a distinct atmosphere meant to cater to the stalwart otaku crowd. Not because they desired to be cared for by modern maids, housekeepers, or cleaners. But because these otaku had manufactured a commodified idealized version of a maid based around an exaggerated aesthetic picked up from Western culture. An aesthetic that was driven to extreme by artists who exotified it to its limit, until it became something divorced from its historic touchstone. …Not that most patrons really cared. They just liked seeing young women in cute frilly dresses, and these maids were an effective way to satiate such desires. Hell, it was so popular it was not even uncommon to see people ages 16 to 60 the clientele.
One of the lesser known of these maid cafés was hidden away on the third floor of an eight-story building, with minimal signage and not much floor space. A true niche of a location that mostly impressed with its intimate nature. A restaurant too small to fit more than 35 people, with only an exterior wall overlooking an alley, and only three maids manning the restaurant itself. The theming was careful and thorough, capturing a soft ethereal feel that almost made one feel as if they had stepped into another world. The flooring, wallpaper, even the tables and chairs— everything was chosen to match a specific theme of soft and welcoming. With such theming, it was little wonder why this place was catering to 28 people. Specifically 24 men and 4 women, but that was hardly a surprise.
As a middle-aged salaryman entered, that number turned to 29. He waited a moment, looking around at the decorum with a degree of familiarity, before being greeted by one of these maids 10 seconds later. She was a small and fuller woman, looked to be about college-aged, her face defined by her plentiful freckles and glasses. From sight alone, the salaryman could tell this maid was meant to be the shy and timid one of the menagerie, and smiled at her presence, reading her heart-shaped name tag, “Chidori.”
Chidori: “[Hello and welcome to Vava Café. My name’s Chidori, and I’m happy to serve you, Master.]”
Salaryman: “[Ah, Chidori! It’s nice to see you again. You remember me, don’t you?]”
Chidori: “[But of course, you’re Master Touya! Let me find you a seat, and I’ll get your usual~!]”
The salaryman laughed at the maid’s thoroughness, thanking her as she directed him to one of the few empty tables in the café. It was a routine interaction, but it was enough to draw the eye of a far less familiar maid. Masayo, originally Masahiro, stood out as the tall maid of the group. Taller than many of the patrons in this establishment thanks to the heels on his feet. His slim frame did not give much curvature to the standard maid uniform, but when paired with their short, teetering on boyish, hairdo, they neatly nestled into the tall tomboy niche. He was unsure of himself, fidgeting around like he was looking for something, but to some customers, such nervousness was a feature, not a flaw.
Shaking his head, Masahiro brought out two slices of strawberry shortcake to a pair of high school boys. One enthused, one looking hopelessly embarrassed, each still wearing their high school uniform.
Masayo: “[H-Hope you enjoy your cake. A-And that it’s… uh… scrum-dilly-umptious! Ahahaha…]”
The embarrassed boy cringed in sheer schadenfreude of seeing a woman a decade older than him act like this, while the enthused one was laughing his ass off. Masayo tried to laugh along with him, knowing that the important thing was that he was making an impression. He promptly walked away, looking down at himself. At the standard poofy black dress and white apron he was wearing, at the breasts poking under it, the white stockings on his legs, and the high heels that just had to have a pencil thin heel. He rushed back past the door separating the dining area from the restaurant and nearly crashed into the third maid working, Taeko.
Taeko, previously Takeshi, matched a more typical idea of a standard maid. Average stature, long hair that matched the desired look, and while one could tell he was a Christmas cake, past “prime marrying age,” there was a certain pep in the way he carried himself. His hair was tied in twintails kept together by pink hairbands and clips. A pink heart shaped locket drew eyes to his collarbone and the breasts that were just a few inches down. And there was even a pink heart painted on his right cheek. It teetered on desperate, but it just barely worked. It sold a hyper girly girl image, and he reflected that in his speech.
Taeko: “[Omigosh, that was so cringe~! But it’s okie Masa-chan, it’s still your first day.]”
Masayo: “[Can it dude, It’s bad enough you’re making me go through with this, but you could still treat me like myself.]”
Taeko: “[Aw, but Tae-chan just wants to spice up Masa-chan’s life and let her into the slippery world of girlhood.]”
Masayo: “[This better pay as well as you said it does…]”
???: “[Hey! Only one maid can be off duty at a time!]”
Masayo and Taeko both flinched as they heard a booming voice echo from the kitchen. They slowly turned their heads to see them, standing in a doorway, looking pissed as all hell. It was none other than their boss, a woman well into her 40s, standing well past 190 centimeters, and with an appearance that would draw an eye even in a place like Akihabara. Her name was Ryuujin, but she insisted that people call her Rumi, and her very presence was chilling. Her hair was and rough, eyes had a glimmer of rage within them, and her face, hardened for a middle-aged woman, was painted with a harsh scar across her left eye, from her forehead to her cheek.
Rumi was dressed only in a casual cook’s apron, tank top, and trousers, did little to hide her imposing physique. With powerful muscles, pronounced shoulders, a hearty core that only a man with a death wish would ever call fat, and a pair of sizable breasts, each peppered with imperfections, minor burns, and injuries from who knows what. No part of her was fully without some grit or scratch, and while some of that was to be expected from a hardworking solo cook, it went without question that she had some turbulent past. The details of which… were beyond anything any maid was willing to ask.
Taeko: “[I was just giving Masa-chan a li’l pep talk and… I’ll get-going-now-bye-bye.]”
Like a mouse seeing a tiger, Taeko scurried back to the customers, leaving Masayo standing before a woman who looked like she could kill him in less than 30 seconds, using only a spoon.
Rumi Ryuujin: “[You know, I have a camera out there. So I can see ‘everything’ from the kitchen.]”
Masayo: “[I’m sorry, I—I’m new at this whole thing and—]”
Rumi Ryuujin: “[And you’re doing great, kid.]”
Before Masayo could process her words, Rumi slammed her hands on his shoulders. From this touch alone, he felt that she could break him in one swift clench.
Rumi Ryuujin: “[It’s a tough job, we’re understaffed, and I threw you right into the fire. Don’t get discouraged, and if you make an ass out of yourself, make it ‘moe.’ Grab a drink and get back out there. I’ll whip you up something light and easy real quick.]”
With Masayo stunned, Rumi walked away, her figure almost shaking the floor as she returned to her post. Masayo blinked thrice, grabbed his water bottle from the miniscule staff room, and walked back to the dining area. It was as busy as it was three minutes ago, Chidori and Taeko were both catering to customers, chatting with them, and with no one asking for orders at the moment, he opted to do the same, moving towards two of the only female customers in the establishment, a pair of office ladies, about his age.
Masayo: “[S-Sorry about that. Is… is there anything I can do to make your stay more enjoyable.]”
Office Lady A: “[No, no, we were just about to get going. The food was great as always, and it’s nice seeing new faces here.]”
Office Lady B: “[Yeah, for sure. Though, you gotta work on your confidence, Masa-chan. I can tell it’s your first day, you’re cute, but confidence is half the battle. There are some jerks who would eat you alive unless you give them some clap back.]”
Masayo: “[I… I know, it’s just… that I’ve never done anything like this before.]”
Office Lady A: “[Well, for your first day you’re doing great.]”
Office Lady B: “[Über moe in my book! So, you gonna bring us a check?]”
Masayo: “[Right, uh, they didn’t teach me how to—]”
Taeko: “[Nya-nya-nya, Taeko-chan is here to save the day with the power of payment processing!] Will that be cashu or credito?”
Masayo breathed a sigh of relief as Taeko took over for him, pulling out a receipt for their order and dramatically placing it on the table, to the office ladies delight. He wondered how Taeko even managed to grab a receipt before he could, but then he saw Chidori behind the counter in the corner, fiddling with the register and POS machine.
Masayo: “[The power of teamwork in action, I guess.]”
Chidori: “[It’s what works. Rumi is not the most… trusting when it comes to handling cash, so she likes having me do it whenever possible.]”
Masayo: “[Wow, she must really trust you then.]”
Chidori: “[Let’s just say I’ve been working for Rumi since I was… too young to be legally working.]”
Masayo: “[What is your relationship—]”
Chidori: “[None of your business. The southwest table looks like they want to place an order.]”
Sighing, Masayo heeded Chidori’s words. After all, the night was young, and he wasn’t exactly sure he could last another four hours.
Part 2: Mild Maid Mishaps
Date: Thursday, July 2, 2015
Time: 19:25 JST (Japan Standard Time)
Location: Vava Café, Akihabara, Tokyo, Japan
Masayo: “[Is this really that great compared to driving a car all day?]”
Taeko: “[Like, duh! Have you heard me complain about my job? This is Tokyo, land of the subway, and driving sucks here! People always slow you down, the major thoroughfares can be ass to go through, and every time they try to get rid of cars, my life gets harder! Every time I need to drive through the Scramble, I wanna scramble something else, if ya catch my drift! And I need to behave, be professional, and listen to people as they talk about inane crap on their phones. Here, I’m a cute babe, people love me, and they like me for the character I wanna play! I’d rather be kawaii than be another suit! You have it nice in your game store, but I’m stick of the isolation, I wanna be where the people are, and get extra cash!]”
Masayo: “[…Couldn’t you use that thing to just steal money from a rich guy or something? We can use it to swap bodies, you know.]”
Taeko: “[Maybe, if we want to be criminals, but …If I gotta do something for a living, this seems pretty fun, don’tcha think?]”
Customer: “[Oh Masa-chan, could you come over yonder for little old me?]”
Masayo turned to see two archetypical otaku. Overweight, dressed light in basic T-shirts, sporting shaggy hair, and carrying a particularly potent body odor. Masayo worked in a retro game store, and maybe it was just his new nose, but they smelled. Still, his job was to serve, and he didn’t want today to be a waste.
Masayo: “[S-Sorry about that, we’re a little short-staffed as you can see. But we’re making it work. Hahaha!]”
Otaku Guy A: “[I can see, but I’m not surprised though. The grub here’s good, and atmosphere’s not bad, but maid cafés are becoming a dying breed.]”
Otaku Guy B: “[Nowadays, it’s all about cosplays, about selling the fantasy of 2D becoming 3D across the internet. And if you want easy money, that’s the way to do it.]”
Otaku Guy A: “[Get gussied up, work at our buddy’s ‘cosplay’ café, take some photos, and we’ll help you sell them. Whaddaya say?]”
Taeko: “[I says you should get outta here if you’re trying to poach my buddy. Or am I gonna need to get bosslady involved? She could shut you fellas up… forever.]”
Upon facing the slightest bit of pushback from Taeko, the otaku guys crumbled like a pair of plastic bags. They had no callback, nothing more to say, and one of them sheepishly pulled cash out of his pocket. More than enough to pay their bill.
Otaku Guy B: “[Th-Thank you for the meal.]”
The pair scampered out of the café like a fire alarm went off. Taeko laughed at how easy it was to intimidate them, only for Chidori to grab his shoulder.
Chidori: “[Just because you’re older than me doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to my directions. I said I would deal with any troublemakers, didn’t I?]”
Taeko: “[Sorry! I forgot! Ma’am!]”
Chidori: “[…You know you don’t need to pull that act around me, right?]”
Taeko: “[I know, but it’s fun!]”
Chidori: “[Work this job for four years and tell me that…]”
As they bantered, the door to the café opened once again, this time revealing a man who did not match the typical clientele one would imagine from a maid café. A tall, strong Japanese man with blonde hair and tanned skin, wearing sunglasses, a tight T-shirt that showed off his muscles, designer khakis, and sneakers that looked like they cost 20,000 yen at a minimum. He looked around, keeping his sunglasses on despite the lack of natural light, and stopped when he landed on the three maids, giving them a thumbs up.
Blonde Man: “[Looks like THIS is the place! I’ll take the tall maid and the twintail maid for an hour!]”
Masayo: “[Eh? M-Me?]”
Taeko: “[Uh, can he even do that?]”
Chidori: “[You’re awfully gung ho about this, ‘Master.’ Unfortunately, we require you pay for these services in advance. It’s 12,000 yen for each hour of exclusive maid access, with two complimentary orders each.]”
Masayo and Taeko looked at Chidori like she just said this man could take them home with him. They didn’t know anything about any sort of exclusive service.
Blonde Man: “[Woah! So cheap? And for such cuties? Charge it on my JBC card!]”
The blonde man then pulled a credit card out of his wallet and threw it at Chidori who, miraculously, managed to grab it with two fingers, impressing the dozen patrons still at the café. Chidori looked at the card, reading the numbers and the name Junpei Jindou before stepping back to the register to process the transaction.
Chidori: “[Taeko, Masayo, ensure that Master Jindou here has a wonderful evening.]”
The two newly hired men-turned-maids looked at their superior with their own flavor of confusion, hoping that they would get some of that 24,000 yen when this was over.
A couple minutes later, Masayo and Taeko were sitting side by side with Junpei, less than a foot between them, as his order was spread across his table. Omurice with the phrase “I love you” written on it with ketchup. A plate of fluffy pancakes, drizzled in syrup with a heart design on the top pancake. And three slices of strawberry shortcake.
Chidori: “[As a reminder, Master Jindou, while you can eat with the maids, know that you must pay an extra yen per calorie.]”
Junpei: “[Hey, no worry, that’s my daddy’s card, and I’ve got a 300k credit limit! You know I’m good for it, babe.]”
Masayo: “[Uh, are we though?]”
Taeko: “[Girl, you seriously gonna say no to free cake? I know you’re obsessive about your waistline, but you gotta live a little, y’know!]”
Junpei: “[Hey, and is there a charge if I have them feed each other?]”
Masayo immediately turned away and blushed, only slowly returning his head to look at Taeko, smiling like he wanted Junpei to request that.
Chidori: “[That will be an additional 400 yen per dish.]”
Junpei: “[You gotta talk to your manager, because these prices are cuh-razy cheap! Tae-chan, Masa-chan, how about you share my pancakes.]”
Before either could say anything, Chidori took a knife to the pancakes, cutting them before handing a fork to each of Junpei’s maids. Masayo looked at the pancakes cautiously, bringing a freshly sliced piece to Taeko’s mouth, where he lunged forward, gobbling it in a single bite. Seeing as how he was “on,” he attempted to do the same. The pancake softer than he had expected, and was far more sweet. Like many Japanese men, he was told that exceedingly sugary things were for girls, and had refrained from such delicacies after he branched out of adolescence. Yet as he let this pancake dance across his tongue, he felt like he was experiencing a lost sensation. A sensation he had not experienced for nearly half his life. The fork left his mouth without him even noticing, and he was only brought back to reality by a girlish squeal.
Taeko: “[Kyaa! That’s so sweet! Rumi-san really is a great cook. Who would think a lady like her could make something so good~! Aha! Behind that rough exterior, she really does have the heart of a maiden, don’tcha thing, Masa-chan?]”
Masayo: “[Y-Yeah, I guess so… That… that was really good and, so s-sweet. I can’t remember the last time I had something that—]”
As Masayo tried to play his role, Taeko shoved another forkful of pancake into his mouth. He nearly fell out of his chair from this sudden invasion, but as the sweet syrupy goodness touched his tongue again, he restrained himself.
Junpei: “[I never knew pancakes were this hard for some girls to eat!]”
Junpei laughed as he dug into his omurice, treating Masayo and Taeko’s antics as a joke, and he wasn’t wrong. Acting silly like this, having low stakes spats, that sort of thing was part of the fantasy that maids like these two were meant to sell. So, sell he did. Junpei grabbed two pieces of pancake on a fork and shoved them into Taeko’s mouth as he giggled. With his mouth full and hands free, he shoved another piece of pancake in Masayo’s mouth, who muttered something unintelligible as he chewed.
Antics like this made quick work of the remaining pancakes, leaving behind the shortcakes. Being so small, and such delicacies, especially in a country like Japan, the two adopted greater care when cutting away a piece of this cake, and per a knowing wink from Taeko, the two adopted a more sultry approach to the feeding experience, with both slowly bringing the forks to one another’s mouth, fully opening them, before closing and removing the fork, leaving the cake on one another’s tongue as they spread it across their palate, savoring a sweetness that left Masayo paralyzed, downright angry at himself for denying himself the taste, before pausing and thinking “do I like this or does my body like this?”
Suddenly, he became aware of his situation anew, how technically everything about his form was truly different, that he was in a dress, that he was doing all of this. All to appease a man who appeared to have more yen than sense. Dread and shame billowed across his mind, only for a cheery puttering of giggles to bring him back to reality.
Taeko: “[So good! To think, we had such deliciousness at this café and nobody told me. If I were skinnier, I’d be willing to be paid in nothing but shortcakes, yes I would! Thank you sooo much for these treats, Jumpy-kun.]”
Junpei: “[You’re most welcome, Tae-chan! Now, I couldn’t help but notice that you have a little stage tucked away there.]”
As he spoke, Junpei pointed to what he described. A tiny stage, fit for maybe three people tops, with a karaoke machine, several mics, and an audio system that fed into a pair of speakers embedded on the restaurant’s walls. It was something Masayo and Taeko had noticed… but hadn’t done anything with since this was their first day, and karaoke training wasn’t on the schedule.
Masayo: “[I, uh, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I’m not much of a singer or anything and—]”
Taeko: “[Masa-chan, remember, you’re a maid. And what does a maid say when her master tells her to do something? I think it’s spelled…] Y-E-S!”
Masayo wanted to give some witty retort to Taeko’s comment, but before he could think of anything to say, he found another forkful of strawberry shortcake approaching his lips. Taking the path of least resistance, Masayo nodded and ate the cake, sending himself into a brief stint of euphoria as Taeko heckled to Chidori, asking her to use the karaoke machine.
Following some logistics, and the two finishing their strawberry shortcakes, Masayo and Taeko found themselves standing on the stage, Chidori handing both of them a microphone and presenting them with a selection of songs. Mostly a couple classics of assorted quality and a deluge of anime songs because… maid café. Masayo stepped back as Taeko looked up a good duet for the two, sighing softly as he realized just how little control he had over his life at the moment. And none of this would be happening… if Takeshi hadn’t brought him that damn magic Game Boy.
As Taeko searched for the right song, the two whispered to each other, taking a precious moment to discuss their day so far.
Masayo: “[I’m starting to wonder if you’re getting some sort of kick out of this.]”
Taeko: “[Well, unlike somebody, I know to take opportunities by the gangly bits and make the most out of them.]”
Masayo: “[Yeah, but you’re a man, and never seemed unhappy about that.]”
Taeko: “[Well, maybe I’m just experimenting. Or maybe I’m just doing this to rub your face into it!]”
Masayo: “[What? This isn’t like when we played Virtua Fighter 4 after school every day, dude.]”
Taeko: “[I know. This requires greater strategy, and is a helluva lot more immersive!]”
Masayo: “[…Okay, you are just doing this to mess with me, aren’t you?]”
Taeko: “[I have a documented history of doing that, you know… and I think I found the perfect song!]”
Leaning forward, Masayo saw that Taeko had selected Taiyou Iwaku Moeyo Chaos by Hidekazu Tanaka and Aki Hata, a song created as the opening theme for Haiyore! Nyaruko-san (2013).
Masayo: “[Fair enough, I do know that one, but neither of us have sung before and—]”
Taeko: “[Whine whine whine! Just live a little and let the music flow through you!]”
With the system set up, and the audience at the café captivated for some maidly karaoke, the two men-turned-maids stood tall on the stage with mics in hand, ready to begin their debut performance on the count of three…
Part 3: Musical Maid Mishaps
Date: Thursday, July 2, 2015
Time: 19:58 JST (Japan Standard Time)
Location: Vava Café, Akihabara, Tokyo, Japan
Author’s Notes: Due to a glitch with the translation software implemented in recounting the events of this section so far, the song lyrics could not be transcribed as a literal translation or an approximation, as seen in the dubs produced by Erika Haralacher and LeafyDubs. Instead, the translation transcription service had a snag and mingled this transformative dub translation with the inner feelings of the two singers. This is not reflective of the diegetic reality of this scene, where the two merely sung the song as originally written, in its native Japanese. These are not the words they said, but the words they felt while singing.
As the music played from the speakers, a small overhead light turned on, and the duo of Masayo and Taeko became the centers of attention as they began their song. There was not really enough room to dance, but considering these two were still new to wearing heels, that was probably a good thing. They looked on at the screen below them, telling them to begin. There was no going back… but it would all be over in three minutes or so.
Masayo: “[Wa-hoo ooh!]”
Taeko: “[Nya-nya aah!]”
Masayo & Taeko: “[Oh the future’s bright! Sugoi!]”
Masayo: “[Ooh!]”
Taeko: “[Aah!]”
Masayo: “[Ooh!]”
Taeko: “[Aah!]”
Masayo: “[Ooh!]”
Taeko: “[Aah!]”
Masayo & Taeko: “[Let’s go!]”
Masayo: “[I kinda like this, even if these guys are sometimes crude and stinky~!]”
Taeko: “[Me and you, we’ve got the chance so let’s go and get that dochy!]”
Masayo: “[We have seen men in all their slimy forms, bleh it’s so icky~!]”
Taeko: “[Compensated dating pays, and I’m game so how about you?]”
Masayo: “[Is this fun to you? It’s like I’m melting to my bones!]”
Taeko: “[I’m not gonna let you die~!]”
Masayo: “[So long as his wallet’s full, I guess I’ll pretend I love him!]”
Taeko: “[If he asks about our secrets, just pretend that you’re flighty and dim.]”
Masayo: “[And even if he’s primo ugly, If the pay is right, I’ll still hug him.]”
Taeko: *”[If he’s really crazy, and signs a contract, I might kill him. (For real!)]”
Masayo: “[I look into the mirror.]”
Taeko: “[Who, who, who are you?]”
Masayo: “[I don’t know myself.]”
Taeko: “[Oh come on, don’tcha, don’tcha?]”
Masayo: “[I need to be honest, and tell you what I really want! Ooh!]”
Taeko: “[Right now? Aah!]”
Masayo: “[Or else I’ll disappear!]”
Taeko: “[You sure? Temptation’s so bright.]”
Masayo: “[Just shield your damn eyes!]”
Taeko: “[Don’t worry, opportunities are limitless.]”
Masayo: “[Why are you like this? Gah, so bright!]”
Taeko: “[Follow me, I’ll show you how lovely maidenhood can be!]”
Masayo: “[Really?]”
Taeko: “[Lady! Lady! Let’s try to lady! The temptation just can’t be beat!]”
Masayo: “[So hyperbolic!]”
Taeko: “[Lady! Lady! A month a lady! They say it’s good for your soul!]”
Masayo: “[Who?]”
Taeko: “[Nya-nya aah!]”
Masayo: “[Wa-hoo ooh!]”
Masayo & Taeko: “[Oh the future’s bright! Sugoi!]”
As Masayo and Taeko finished the first verse, they took a moment to look at the audience. Everybody seemed to be enjoying their, likely bad, attempt at singing, but Chidori gave them a thumbs up for encouragement as their eyes wandered, and as they looked over at Junpei… they did not see him. Instead, there was a gyaru sitting in his seat.
A heavily tanned Japanese woman with voluminous wavy blonde hair dressed in revealing clothing. Her chest was covered by a low cut tee, colored hot pink with the phrase “Desperate Angel” written on it along with a graphic that resembled a Christian cross with angelic wings. Her midriff was plainly visible even as she sat down, and though her cleavage was covered, it did not take an observant person to tell that she had huge boobs. Beneath her thin waistline, she wore a ruffled miniskirt, colored sky blue, accented with frills on the bottom layer, a thick black belt with a silver buckle tying it to her waist. Her feet were covered in what appeared to be the same expensive sneakers worn by Junpei, but in a female size.
The woman looked bemused by her very body, staring at her long pink nails, bringing a hand to her face, adorned with excessive makeup and shiny lip gloss, before bringing her other hand to her boobs. Both Masayo and Taeko had their suspicions as to what happened, but the how or why had to wait until after the second verse.
Masayo: “[Ooh!]”
Taeko: “[Aah!]”
Masayo: “[Ooh!]”
Taeko: “[Aah!]”
Masayo: “[Ooh!]”
Taeko: “[Aah!]”
Masayo & Taeko: “[Let’s go!]”
Masayo: “[I know guys like him, and they’re rough even with their fluffy pillows.]”
Taeko: “[Me and you, our goals are different, but I’ve always got your back.]”
Masayo: “[My soul is aching, yet I keep letting you push me forward.]”
Taeko: “[Me and you, we both want joy, maybe we’re not so different.]”
Masayo: “[No, this is just too much, I’m getting outta here…]”
Taeko: “[Wait till your shift is done!]”
Masayo: “[I guess you’re right, I think I can maybe do this.]”
Taeko: “[You can do it, it’s about attitude and perseverance!]”
Masayo: “[Easier said than done, with all these feelings to unpack ASAP…]”
Taeko: “[Oh just keep on working and pay attention to me-oh-me!]”
Masayo: “[Why do you want this?]”
Taeko: “[That dochy-dochy!]”
Masayo: “[There are better ways…]”
Taeko: “[Yeah, but they’re such a bummer!]”
Masayo: “[If that’s what you wish… but please do leave me be!]”
Masayo: “[Ooh!]”
Taeko: “[Let’s dance!]”
Taeko: “[Aah!]”
Masayo: “[You don’t need me anyway, right?]”
Taeko: “[I do!]”
Taeko: “[Financials? Huh? What does that mean?]”
Masayo: “[You just want to be pampered now?]”
Taeko: “[Ya know it, know it! If they’re a millionaire, they can beat me and fill me with babies.]”
Masayo: “[Did you just say that? Madness! Madness! You’re talking madness! You’re too radical, no, this isn’t right!]”
Taeko: “[Or is it, is it?]”
Masayo: “[Psycho! Psycho! You’re acting psycho! Stop that, don’t dodge, or beat your ass!]”
Taeko: “[What, for free?]”
Masayo: “[You’re too close—]”
Taeko: “[Aah!]”
Masayo: “[To the—]”
Taeko: “[Nya!]”
Masayo: “[Why do I even try?]”
Taeko: “[Love chu!!]”
Applause followed as Masayo and Taeko completed their song, the remaining patrons enjoying the bit of live theater, even if the singing was mediocre at best. However, the gyaru sitting in Junpei’s chair seemed particularly enthused.
Gyaru: “[Yeah! Woo-hoo! Now this is what a guy like me comes to a maid café for! Encore! Encore!]”
The phrasing and Japanese pronouns used by the gyaru only supported Masayo and Taeko’s unspoken suspicions that this gyaru was somehow Junpei.
Chidori: “[Thank you for your kind words, Mistress… ‘Junpoyo’ was it? You have been a fabulous patron.]”
Gyaru?: “[Eh? Junpoyo? You gave me a cute name along with all this smoke and mirrors! You really did think of everything!]”
Chidori: “[We… live to serve, Mistress. Masa-chan, Tae-chan, could you please return to Junpoyo here? Her hour’s not quite over yet.]”
The pair quickly returned to “Junpoyo’s” table and sat beside them. They just as quickly began asking them about what happened.
Masayo: “[Y-You’re Junpei, right?]”
Junpoyo: “[That’s what the glasses chick said my name was. Honestly, never heard of anything like this. I mean, I heard of forced feminization stuff, but one second, I was just a regular dude and now, bam, I look down, and I see tits! I SOUND like a girl! Shit’s awesome and I don’t know how you do it!]”
Rather than ask any questions, Taeko took a finger to Junpoyo’s breasts and poked them. Junpoyo squirmed in response.
Masayo: “[Is this all some augmented reality experience or anything like that?]”
Taeko: “[Nah! I know boobs when I feel them, and those are boobs. Whip out your ID, because I think reality thinks you’re a girl now.]”
Junpoyo snickered as if he thought this was all some game, but as he grabbed his clutch purse from the table and fished for an ID, he pulled out one for a woman, born in on January 9, 1991, named Junko Jidou. Complete with a photo of a woman who looked like Junpoyo here, but without the gyaru get-up. Curious, Junpoyo put his ID away and checked his other cards… all of which now displayed his new name. Junko, Junko, Junko everywhere, and the realization caused Junpoyo’s chipper expression to deflate into something almost somber.
Junpoyo: “[Is this all some hallucination? You slipped something legally dubious into my omurice, right?]”
Masayo: “[We… need to turn him back ASAP. I don’t even know how he transformed in the first place. Taeko—]”
Before Masayo could say anything else, Taeko zoomed out of the café and ran to the staff room, leaving Masayo alone with the latest man-turned-woman.
Junpoyo: “[Turn me back… hold on a second, are you saying this is all real?]”
Masayo: “[Uh, yeah. You’re actually a girl now and everybody thinks you’ve always been one.]”
Junpoyo: “[E-Even Daddy? Oh no, he must be devastated to not have an heir to the family name anymore!]”
Masayo: “[You, uh, seem to be taking this pretty well. Better than Taeko and I did…]”
Junpoyo: “[…Pardon? Are you saying that you two… used to be guys?]”
Masayo: “[Still am, in my mind, in my heart, but Taeko… I’m not quite sure about that. He’s the one who wanted us to be maids for a while, make some money, but… you saw how he was acting.]”
Junpoyo: “[She was acting like a girl with promise, I’ll tell you that much. And you too! And… how do ‘I’ look?]”
Struck by vanity, Junpoyo looked around for his phone before Masayo pointed out that it was on his desk. A top-of-the-line model in a glitzy case with three keychain characters on it. Junpoyo immediately pressed his feminine finger on the screen to unlock it, and was greeted with a girlypop deluge of a wallpaper, but he managed to quickly find the camera app, launching it to get a look at himself, squealing as he saw his face.
Junpoyo: “[Omigush, I’m so kyute~! I was a hot stud before, but now I’m a total babe~! I knew I had good genes, but Kami-sama has really blessed me, yes they did~! With a face this cute, I’m sure I have some killer online following, and… I could just make a career out of being ‘like totes hawt.’ No more going to work at Daddy’s company! I could become a live streamer, ‘cos I know oodles of men would just love to spend hours looking at this! In fact, you might wanna look into that career too.]”
Masayo: “[H-Hold on, we don’t want to be hasty about anything. Th-This whole thing is a mistake and we want to turn you back—]”
Junpoyo: “[Oh, word! Is that a Junpoyo Productions business card in my wallet? I have my own business? So cool. It seems that female me still had an entrepreneurial spirit! And as thanks for helping me find my new self, I’ll give you a job. Not sure what you’re best at, but based on the schtick you and Tae-chan got going, I’m sure that we can—]”
Masayo: “[You are taking this the completely wrong way, we are gonna turn you back to normal once Taeko finds the—]”
Taeko: “[MOTHER FUCKER!! IT’S GONE?!?]”
Back in the staff room, a closet of a room that contained little more than a mirror, some cabinets that functioned as lockers, and a bench, Taeko witnessed an uncomfortable reality. His purse, where he had clearly expected to find the VD 2.0, was empty. His wallet was still there, ID, cash, and his makeup kit, but the one thing he needed, the magical Game Boy he found in his cab the other day… it was just gone.
As Taeko continued to dig through the drawers, muttering obscenities, Rumi barged in. It would be wrong to say her presence defused the tension wracking Taeko’s brain, but with her around, he tried to act all casual.
Taeko: “[H-Hey there Rumi-san.]”
Rumi Ryuujin: “[As a maid, I expect you to act maidenly at all times, meaning you need to watch what you say. …Now, what’s the problem? Did you lose something?]”
Taeko: “[Yeah, I had something in my purse, and it’s not there anymore and without it I—]”
Rumi Ryuujin: “[I find that hard to believe, Tae-chan. I keep a tight lock on all my businesses and—]”
Rumi paused as she looked at this room, namely at the curtain-clad window at the other end. It might not have been an ideal design, but that’s how the space was laid out. However, there was something wrong about the curtains. They were moving, ever so subtly. She stopped talking and walked over to the window, pulling back the curtains to find that the window was open.
Rumi Ryuujin: “[I take it you didn’t open up the window, did you Tae-chan?]”
Taeko: “[No, why the hell would I open up a damn window in the dead of summer?]”
Rather than chide Taeko for language, Rumi instead stuck her head out the window, hoping that she could see something amiss outside, but as to be expected, there was nothing below her, to her right, or even above her. It was just an alley.
Rumi Ryuujin: “[What kind of freak breaks in through the window on the third floor of an office building?]”
Taeko: “[Eh? Wait, so you think someone broke in and—]”
Rumi Ryuujin: “[Simplest solution works 90% of the time, Tae-chan. As an employer, things like this are my fault. Tell me what you lost, and I’ll see what I can do about replacing it. …Just don’t tell me it was a 24-karat gold necklace or a diamond ring.]”
As the two spoke, Masayo barged into the staff room, with Junpoyo behind him, both looking more than a little frazzled.
Masayo: “[Taeko, where’s the game system? Junpei, he, well, Junpoyo, I mean—]”
Rumi Ryuujin: “[Game? Did they steal your Vita or something?]”
Taeko: “[N-No, it was WAY more important. It can’t be replaced! We don’t even know what it’s called and… I think we might be stuck like this.]”
Both Masayo and Junpoyo stared at Taeko as he delivered this bad news, and their reactions were… not alike at all.
Masayo: “[…OH SHIT!]”
Junpoyo: “[Hooray~!]”
As bickering filled the staff room, someone, or something, was lurking through the streets of Tokyo with this VD 2.0 in hand. Who stole this device? How did they even know about it? And what were they going to do about it. All pertinent questions… But for now, it’s time to return our focus to America.
Gaiden July 2nd: A Dinner With Lou Underwood
Date: Thursday, July 2, 2015
Time: 18:17 CDT (Central Daylight Time)
Location: Lakeshore Drive, Chicago, IL, United States
Lakeshore Drive, the artery connecting north and south Chicago, was buzzing along as people departed from work, rushed into the city, and drove wherever in anticipation of the upcoming holiday. Through effective traffic engineering, it ran smoothly for the most part, and tonight was no exception. At least on the northern end of the route, when Edgewater gave way to a lovely view of the lake, its surface glistening in the sun, still two hours away from setting. It was a gorgeous sight, and captured the eyes of two people zooming along with the rest of traffic. Caroline Steticks and Reyn Underwood.
Caroline sat in the driver’s seat, sunglasses obscuring her hazy blue eyes, her shoulder-length blonde hair tucked in a ponytail, her light complexion slightly illuminated by the light poking in from the sunroof. She was wearing a sleeveless green V-neck, white chinos, and casual shoes, all wrapped around a figure that neatly conformed to conventional standards. A substantial bust, thin waist, and a firm rear, not that one could tell while she was sitting. She hardly looked to be a 35-year-old, let alone the mother to an 18-year-old, but she wasn’t trying to attract anyone, as she had her partner right beside her.
Reyn sat in the passenger’s seat, his gripping sapphire eyes bouncing between Lake Michigan and Caroline, an arm resting on the car door as he invited the wind to brush against his face. His black hair had been freshly cut to a shorter, more unambiguously masculine, style. A bit plain, but that was hardly remarkable. While his face sported a well maintained beard that complicated his face, making him look more mature than one would expect of a 34-year-old in some respects, and more youthful in others. He was dressed plainly, in a blue buttoned shirt, the sleeves rolled up to reveal his hairy forearms, and a pair of khakis, as jeans were a bit much for July in Chicago. Even sitting in the car seat, it was clear he was a man of stature, at 189 centimeters tall. For an English teacher, he kept himself in pretty good shape, his muscles still developed from the seven months he spent at that cabin with Caroline.
As they enjoyed the sights and the wind brushing against their faces, Reyn’s eyes drifted to the car’s clock and back at Caroline.
Reyn: “Why are we driving into the city during rush hour again?”
Caroline: “Because after several months of not being able to drive a car, I wanted to drive.”
Reyn: “Do you also want to pay $20 for parking?”
Caroline: “We are given a per diem to go out and do things, Reyn, and I have more money than I could ever need.”
Reyn: “…Despite growing up in the same small town, we are of completely different minds when it comes to finances.”
Caroline: “We could have taken the train but… something about taking the train into the city just to have dinner with someone doesn’t sound right to me.”
Reyn: “I’d pry you on that, Caroline, but… you’re doing me a favor coming out to dinner like this.”
Caroline: “Reyn, please, it’s just dinner with Lou. I haven’t seen him in years at this point, and I know it might be a bit… awkward trying to meet with him after your transformation.”
While speaking, Caroline looked over Reyn, his form unambiguously male, a far cry from the woman the world knew him as less than a week ago. A far cry from the woman he insisted he was before their little cabin excursion changed his perspective.
Reyn: “I know, and I’m not proud that I feel this way. He’s my uncle, but over the past 16 years… I’ve been closer to him than my own father. Hell, I’ve definitely spent more time with him than dear old dad. He’s who brought me to Chicago, I went to Loyola alongside with him, we lived in the same neighborhood, and I felt bad about leaving him alone in the city, but… that’s where he wanted to be. I didn’t even realize how much I missed him until I got back, and now I need to sit with the fact that he does not even remember the same history as me.”
Caroline: “I… I brought a VD with me in case you want to try switching back to Raiyne or—”
Reyn: “No, no. I don’t have any aversion to being a woman again, you know this, but I want to live the majority of my life as Reyn, as a man. That is… This is who I am, and who I promised myself to be. I’m not going to deny myself my identity just because the alternative is easier or more convenient. I need to stand loud and proud, and tell the world that I am a man, and that includes my family. I already tried calling my mom and dad, and they were pretty much the same. But Lou? We had such history together, I have to wonder what he has in store for me. Maybe we’re like Tony and his parents, and he could have a completely different rapport with me.”
Caroline: “You didn’t have text messages or diary entries or something to check for that?”
Reyn: “Lou doesn’t text. I just have photos, and it’s so surreal to see something I remember vividly, but reality says something different. I’ve heard of the Mandela effect, but this time I actually have slid into an alternate universe. An alternate universe created by Verde, of course.”
Caroline: “Jade and I spoke to Verde about your concerns, and she said that she didn’t change your history, that this is all automated. I believe she said that as little as reasonably possible was changed in rewriting your history…”
Reyn: “Reasonable is one of the most loaded words in the English language. It simultaneously can mean anything and nothing depending on the speaker. Reasonable is not objective, yet it remains the basis of so much of the legal system, and human society as a whole.”
Caroline: “…Hey, if you’re in a bit of a mood, we could always call Lou and ask to reschedule.”
Reyn: “No, no, I’m just… coping with the fact that this is my life. That I have so much to do, that I… why am I explaining this to you? We’ve spent too many nights on that bed together, just listing our worries and insecurities.”
Caroline: “I know, but it helps to verbalize your concerns. You know I’m always going to be there for you, Reyn. I ran away from you once, but I’m not leaving you ever again.”
Reyn: “She says right before going on a weeklong vacation with her daughter…”
Caroline: “Oh shut up, you know what I mean!”
Reyn: “I do, I do, and some time alone will do me good anyway.”
Date: Thursday, July 2, 2015
Time: 18:33 CDT (Central Daylight Time)
Location: Lake View, Chicago, IL, United States
After finding a place to park, Caroline and Reyn walked through the streets of downtown Chicago, still plenty lively. The late afternoon lingered, young people were out and about, and there was a vibrancy around them that was both a far cry from the tranquility of their isolated reprieve and the mellowness of Oransen. It was not particularly crowded, but the vibrancy took them some time to adjust to as they navigated the sidewalk, looking for their destination. A fairly innocuous Indian restaurant without any flashy signage or the like. But anybody who frequented random restaurants knew that good food could come from anywhere, though the same applied to mediocre food.
The interior was substantial, could fit about 60 people, with seating spread across tables and booths, the walls adorned with artwork and even a few statues erected to add to the decorum. A bit much, but far from gaudy. About half the seats were taken, and before either Caroline or Reyn could finish scanning this new location, their attention was directed back to the entrance, as the door swung open, revealing the man they were looking for. Lou Underwood.
While technically Reyn’s uncle, Lou could just as easily pass as his father. He was a tall imposing man with a mid brown complexion. His head was bald with only some graying tufts of hair around the side, while his face was bare, allowing one to see the wrinkles and imperfections of age across his face. For a man aged 64 years, he wasn’t looking remotely bad. He stood about as tall as Reyn, though he had a larger frame, and was dressed in black slacks and a gray dress shirt, looking like he just got off of work. Men of his age and stature generally came in two flavors. Grumps and the jovial sort. From his smile alone, he was clearly part of the latter group.
Lou: “Reyn! Good to see you, lad. It’s been too long!”
As he made his greeting, Lou wrapped his arms around Reyn, trapping him in a mighty hug. Reyn returned the favor, fiercely hugging his uncle, though with a bit too much strength.
Lou: “Oh! I can see you’ve been hitting the gym. Good for you! You’re a bit too young to get a gut like mine!”
Breaking away from his hug with Reyn, Lou turned his eyes to Caroline. She looked at him with a smile and wave before he similarly wrapped her into a hug.
Lou: “Caroline! Oh, how long has it been? Four years? And you’re still as dashing as ever. You don’t look a day over 30— wait, no, I should say 27.”
Caroline: “P-Please, you f-flatter me.”
Lou: “I wouldn’t complement you if it weren’t true, you know.”
Reyn: “We probably should take a seat before we catch up. I’d rather not make a scene.”
Taking Reyn’s lead, the trio sat at a table for four, freshly prepared and still bearing a faint scent of cleaning supplies. Menus were placed in their expected spots, but before Reyn or Caroline could so much as open them, Lou resumed the conversation.
Lou: “So, Caroline, how has life been treating you since you got rid of that bastard of a husband of yours?”
Caroline: “It… it’s never easy recovering from a relationship like that—”
Lou: “Only a fool would say otherwise.”
Caroline: “But I’m making due. The divorced was finalized in January 2013, and I have not spoken to Bryce since then. It’s just been Jade and me in our home, and Jade just graduated last month.”
Lou: “Jade, who… Ah, right, right. Now the old noodle’s working again! You kept the house, but did you get screwed over in the legal settlement? I know Bryce was a big shot at Zeta Realty, and I’d hate for him to get all that money and run.”
Caroline: “I… I’d say that I have more than enough. More than I really need. And since then, I’ve been… not entirely sure what to do with my life. I wanted to be there for my s— daughter, to look after her and now that she’s all grown up, I’m still mulling over what’s next in my life.”
Lou: “Well, if you’re looking for direction, might I suggest going back to school? Family and money are the main things that keep people from pursuing higher education, and you’re never too old to get educated, no matter what you think. Every class I teach at Loyola, it runs from 18 to 58. …Or at least something in that range. And sometimes all it takes is that spark, learning about the world, for someone to completely rethink their perspective on everything.”
Reyn: “Typical Lou, trying to recruit everyone to the cult of academia.”
Lou: “Fat load of shit that is coming from a high school teacher.”
Hearing Lou swear so casually made Reyn flinch, as if this was an unusual behavior for him.
Reyn: “I love education… but once you get out of your private college bubble and see how high school kids act when you tell them to write an essay… you understand why only 70% head off to college. Besides, Caroline has been seeing a lot of different perspectives as of late. Same with me…“
Lou: “Really? You’ve finally been stretching out of the suburbs and exploring the city again? Or have you just found a couple more good books?”
Reyn: “Uh… let’s just say that I’ve been doing some gender studies work and spent a week in a cabin with Caroline. No phones, nothing, just us and the elements.”
Caroline: “Should we really be—”
Lou: “Ha! So, you two finally got hitched, didja? Don’t tell me you already tied the knot without inviting me along. I know things with your parents aren’t great, but know that I’ve got your—”
Caroline: “W-What are you talking about? We are not engaged or anything. He’s not— I’m not— We’re not—”
As the conversation played out, Reyn tapped the table, silencing Caroline and attracting Lou’s attention.
Reyn: “I should have expected this. Caroline and I are dating. She’s my girlfriend, I’m her boyfriend, and that’s where we are at right now. We’re not engaged, and we’re not going to even think about that until we start living together…”
Lou: “…So, when are you starting then?”
Caroline: “L-Lou, that’s a very private matter. We’re not sure when we are going to move in together. We just got back and…”
Lou: “Hahaha! God, I’ve never felt more like a parent than I do now. You two can do as you like, you’re your own people, but don’t let youth pass you by. Back in my day, you were crazy if you waited until you were 25 to get married, and while things are a lot different nowadays, you two have known each other since you were in grammar school. After a point, it’s just right to be honest about yourselves!”
Reyn: “…He, uh, he does have a point, Caroline. We should—”
Before Reyn could finish that sentence, he was interrupted by a waiter, wearing a polo shirt with the restaurant’s logo and slacks, carrying a notepad in hand, and a pleasant look on his face. He was a Black man, looked to be in his mid-20s, had a modest beard, not unlike Reyn’s, and spoke with a mature gruff voice that made him seem older than what his face implied.
Bearded Black Man: “Evening folks. My name’s Gregg, and I’ll be your waiter. Have you decided what you want?”
Upon hearing that name, Reyn blinked, as if he recognized him from somewhere, but wasn’t quite sure where. He shook his head as he discarded this thought and returned his eyes to the menu, double-checking his order, while the rest of the table did the same. They placed their orders promptly, sending Gregg off, and through this break in conversation, they were able to negate this emotionally loaded topic.
Time passed as the conversation drifted, leading Gregg to return to their table bearing their orders, all balanced expertly in his hands. For Reyn, he provided some kadhai chicken, a dish of cubed chicken paired with onions, tomatoes, and spices. Distinctly Indian, but still a chicken dish. For Lou, he served some lamb dahiwala, succulent lamb coated in a yogurt gravy, enhanced with fenugreek seeds. While Caroline played it safe with palak dal, a lentil curry with spinach, tomatoes, and mustard seeds.
Greg placed all of these down like a pro, taking away the empty appetizer plate of samosa chaat before leaving the three to enjoy their meal and resume their conversation.
Lou: “God, every time I think about that bastard, I’m just reminded that… men are such pieces of shit. I don’t know how all the women of the world haven’t just rounded all of us up and thrown us off a cliff. Though, I’d like to think that Reyn and I would get a pass as the good ones.”
Reyn: “What do you mean you don’t know? You’re a history professor!”
Lou: “Oh, it’s an expression! Though… I’m not sure if I would warrant an exception. Ask my ex-wife, and she’ll say that I never loved her half as much as I loved my old government job.”
Before putting another piece of chicken in his mouth, Reyn paused, thinking back to the memories of another world that Abigale had forced upon him, where Lou was part of a secret government agency of some manner. He knew Lou ad a government job in this reality, but wasn’t sure what. Curiously, he tried asking.
Reyn: “Say, what did you do at that job again?”
Lou: “Classified for 20 years. Ask me again on April 1, 2016. I promise it won’t be an April Fools answer.”
Reyn groaned. Same answer as always.
Caroline: “I… I don’t think you should be so quick to write off men like that. Just because there are some terrible men, that does not mean all of them are bad.”
Lou: “Heh. Two years ago, I ran half a class about debunking that statement. Men might be neutral on their own, but they are part of a society, a society that shapers them into who they are, instills values and norms into their heads. And no matter the culture, there is nothing more manly than misogyny. …But I should switch to a lighter topic for dinner.”
Reyn: “Actually, I wanted to ask you about the modern American history class that you’re starting up in August. I read the description on Loyola’s website, but I wasn’t sure what exactly you were going for.”
Lou: “Oh, that. Well, that class isn’t really for people my age, or even your age. One of the great, or terrible, things about getting old is seeing events in your life chronicled into textbooks. I used to teach under the assumption my students understood the full context for the end of American Imperialism, but increasingly few of them do. They did not watch the cracks in the machine form under Nixon. How Carter’s efforts were shattered by international disputes and his attempts at explaining complex economic factors failed to resonate with the masses. How Ratters attempted to bring back the control and domination the nation enjoyed in the aftermath of World War II… before August 14th happened.”
Despite just being kids back then, the utterance of “August 14th” was enough to make Reyn and Caroline shift around uncomfortably.
Lou: “They don’t know about the fallout that led to the final war of the 20th Century, and the final time America would truly meddle in another nation’s governance. For most of their lives, they have known peace, known violence to be a thing caused by isolated domestic terrorists and twisted bastards. They do not remember the plague that was the Military Industrial Complex, so they need to be taught about it. They need to understand how America transformed from the liberal cops of the world to something that is still finding its identity, its form shifting and moving left. The wheels of progress have been half the speed I would have preferred, but… the important thing is that they are moving. I think that it is a captivating story. But then again, isn’t most history? Hahaha!”
Caroline and Reyn looked at each other as Lou finished his speech, wondering briefly why he went into such flourishes over a history that both of them had lived through and experienced firsthand. …Maybe that was the point. To highlight how any 18-year-old would not know what they saw happen in real time.
Caroline: “That, uh, that certainly sounds like a necessary class considering all that’s happened over the past 30 years.”
After making an obligatory comment, Caroline slurped up her lentils and veggies only to be met with a vibration in her purse. She knew it was bad dining etiquette to check one’s phone, but per a nudge from Reyn, she subtly brought it out of her purse and stared at it under the table, seeing a text from Reyn. “Do you think we should invite Lou to our group?”
It was a loaded question, and Caroline knew they should not disrupt things by bringing in someone new like this, but even then, the very idea did not sit well with her. “Why? Is he acting strangely?” Caroline wrote. Seconds later, Reyn returned with “Yes. It’s subtle, but I know how he talks to men and women. And he talks to me like I’m a man. It’s what I wanted, but it feels wrong.” After taking a minute to look natural, Caroline replied again. “Also, do you really want your uncle to lose 30 years of age and become your ‘cousin’ Lou Underwood Jr. or something?”
Reyn stumbled in his chair as he read Caroline’s latest text, and Lou laughed at how frazzled his nephew looked.
Lou: “You seriously don’t think I knew you two were texting each other? Please! I know all the tricks, all the signs, not that I really mind. It’s their fault if they don’t pay attention.”
Reyn: “S-Sorry Lou, it’s just a personal matter and I needed to ask Caroline sooner than later.”
Lou: “Childhood friends, going steady for years, finally admitting to being lovers, and texting each other during dinner? You two sure you aren’t ready to move in together? Just think about how much you’d save on rent, lad! And with your muscles, you could probably handle the move yourself.”
Caroline: “If… if you want to move in with me, I have room. We have an entire empty room upstairs that could be your study or office, and my bed’s a queen, so…”
Reyn: “Seriously Caroline? Right before you’re going on that Austria trip?”
Lou: “Oh, Austria. Such an underrated country for travelers. They always want to go to France or Italy, but the mountains, those are where the true beauty of Europe lie. A perfect place for lovers—”
Reyn: “It’s a family trip for her and her daughter.”
Lou: “…Well, then nobody’s going to be around at home, so you may as well make yourself comfortable, Reyn!”
Groaning at his insistence, Caroline and Reyn stared at each other. First it was in fatigue over Lou’s insistence they progress their relationship. …But as they continued to stare at each other, they started separately entertaining the idea Lou was positing.
Caroline: “I’ll… need to think about it. “
Lou: “Well, keep thinking about it. You don’t wanna regret inaction, do ya? Because let me tell you this: choosing to do nothing, to wait, hurts a helluva lot more than making a decision and doing something.”
Reyn: “…You’re implying something, aren’t you—”
Lou: “Caroline had a kid in her teens, but nothing says she can’t have another. Course, it’s always the woman’s decision.”
As Lou made his comment, Caroline dropped her spoon, where it clattered against the tiled floor. It was a harsh comment to make in general, teetering on insensitive, but… at least Lou said it casually enough to reduce its sting.
Caroline: “Lou, some things should not be discussed in public like this.”
Lou: “Hahaha! You’re right. I’m too used to engaging in the time honored tradition of guy talk when I get together with Reyn. I was just reminding you to weigh your options. If I really wanted to be a gruncle, I’d just offer to officiate your wedding.”
Reyn: “Absolutely not. Even if we got married, you are not officiating it.”
After their dinner was reduced to scraps and Lou paid the bill, per his insistence, Caroline and Reyn returned to the roads connecting Chicago to Oransen and began their trek home. Only then, once finally given a facsimile of privacy, could they truly reflect on what they just experienced.
Reyn: “I’m sorry about Lou. I think he was just a bit too excited to see you, and didn’t want to filter himself.”
Caroline: “No, it’s fine, really. I met him a few times and know what genre of person he is. It’s just that… he did raise a few points that I think we should consider. About us. About our relationship. I know it’s only been two days, but… I missed you. I want to live with you, and if you could just move in while I’m away then—”
Reyn: “What if I break something, or lay out something in a way you don’t—”
Caroline: “I’m not the type of woman to care about what her husband’s study looks like.”
Reyn: “The fuck are… oh, that was a joke, wasn’t it?”
Caroline: “There’s no need to get married right now, but I think it’s inevitable at this point.”
Reyn: “…I know. I just feel like, this entire summer, I have been fighting to figure out who I am. I know that, come next spring, I am going to be living with you and Jade, and telling my students that I have a wife. I look back at that and at who I was this spring and ask… how? How am I the same person?”
Caroline: “Reyn, you know that people change over time. You see it every day as a teacher. You just fooled yourself into thinking you were done changing.”
Reyn: “…Sometimes, it’s like you know me better than I do.”
Caroline: “Living in isolation will do that to two people. So, what do you say? You want to room together again?”
Reyn snickered at Caroline’s phrasing, but at this point there was only one answer he could give.
Reyn: “Sure. After all, I love you.”
Caroline: “And I love you.”
Verde’s Doohickey 2.0 Main Page
Act 1: SwitchY Swap
May 16th: Prom Pomf Pomf Preview
May 29th: Enter Verde’s Doohickey 2.0
May 30th: Let’s Get Swappin’
May 31st: Flare Family Fiasco
June 1st: Graduation Day
June 2nd: The Kurokawa ‘Sisters’
June 3rd: My Day As Zoe Xing
June 4th: Love in Seoul
June 5th: Sister Mother and Sister Daughter
June 6th: Back 2.0 Basics
June 7th: Assembling the Posse
June 8th: Anita Neukar in… Vivi Gaimz
June 9th: Mother Daughter Heart-2.0-Heart
June 10th: Daisuke and Paz in… Wacked Up Wednesday
June 11th: VAG Swap
June 12th: Terra’s Tomorrow
June 13th: Haruki’s Birthday Bash
Act 2: CHAOTIC CHANGES
June 14th: Jade and the Kuro Abigale Quinlans
June 15th: Aku_Mako’s E3 2015 Rundown – Day Zero
June 16th: Transform Sex Power
June 17th: Erotic Blitz
June 18th: An Evening At The Local Water Park
June 19th: Date Night Cubed
June 20th: Chicago Diamond Symphonia
June 21st: The Father’s Day Resurrection Special
June 22nd: Nazz and Liang Do Flare Industries
June 23rd: The Kurokawa Family Visits the Museum of Science and Industry
June 24th: Whatever Happened to… Yuccot Kikansky?
June 25th: A World Where The Gamers Won
June 26th: Bond Xing
June 27th: SSS – Sizzling Sexual Summer
June 28th: Lesbians 2.0 Gay Boys
June 29th: Caroline and Raiyne’s Cabin Logs
ACT 3: WORLDLY WONDERS
July 1st: We Lost the Remote in Tokyo!
July 2nd: Maid Café Mishaps
July 3rd: Pier Parties and Peaceful Palavers
July 4th: The Freedom To Get High At Burger Queen!
July 5th: From Nippon With Love
July 6th: Let’s Go Mexico with Haruya ‘n’ Da Boyz! Episode 1
July 7th: Jade & Caroline’s Austrian Adventure Episode 1
July 8th: Max’s Buff Quest Episode 1
July 9th: Let’s Go Mexico with Haruya ‘n’ Da Boyz! Episode 2
July 10th: Jade & Caroline’s Austrian Adventure Episode 2
July 11th: Max’s Buff Quest Episode 2
July 12th: Let’s Go Mexico with Haruya ‘n’ Da Boyz! Episode 3
July 13th: Jade & Caroline’s Austrian Adventure Episode 3
July 14th: Max’s Buff Quest Episode 3
July 15th: Utage Three-Point-Oh!