Content Warning: Verde’s Doohickey 2.0: Sensational Summer Romp contains content that some readers might find disturbing, triggering or uncomfortable. This includes sexually explicit activities, strong language, and hateful language and slurs. Reader discretion is advised.
Verde’s Doohickey 2.0: Sensational Summer Romp
June 22nd: Nazz and Liang Do Flare Industries
Part 1: Morning Commute
Date: Monday, June 22, 2015
Time: 07:40
Location: The Far North Side of Chicago
Chicago is a big city, but that also means there are parts of it that don’t really look like cities. Some were more industrial, some were more residential and on the northern end of things, there was barely any difference between that and the suburbs.
Yet no matter where you were in the city, around this time of day, the streets were filled with cars, morning commuters on their way across the city, in and out of the suburbs, or heading out of Cook County. Because some people just sorta accepted a two hour commute.
That was not the case for Nazz, who was driving through the traffic in his boring yet practical sedan with Liang in the passenger’s seat. Nazz’s eyes were on the road, bobbing his head as he divided his attention between his familiar commute and the top 40 hits blaring from the car radio. All while Liang’s eyes scanned every street and building they passed.
Liang: “The roads are the same, so are… maybe 85% of the buildings. Yet the cars and businesses are all different.”
Nazz: “Yeah. 80s cars looked different than 90s cars, so why wouldn’t late 2000s and modern cars look different? And how long does the typical business last? Probably not any longer than 10 years. So it’s no wonder that everything’s changed. The world keeps on moving, people’s tastes shift, and what was a solid business a decade ago… probably isn’t today.”
Liang: “I know, it’s just… a lot to take in. I’m a man out of time, you know.”
Nazz: “Exactly. 13 whole years. It’s a wonder your primitive little head hasn’t gone ker-splat as you’ve tried to make sense of this foreign sci-fi world you’ve fallen into.”
Liang: “I know. Starting work at 8:00 instead of 9:00? What new spore of madness is this?”
Nazz: “A madness that gives you a better chance of catching the sun when you leave work and avoiding most traffic.”
Liang: “Hmm… I think I’m beginning to understand you future folks.”
Nazz: “It’s a policy Ken and Elly implemented before I started. Some people are straight up zombies when they walk in. Though, you don’t really see that 14:30 fatigue either, ‘cos work ends in 90 minutes.”
Liang: “…If traffic is better, why aren’t we taking Edens? It would be faster if—”
Nazz: “Because after you died on that highway, I refused to ever drive on it.”
Liang: “Even now that I’m alive and kicking?”
Nazz: “Look, Lee. My sense of self is pretty open to changes as I figure out who this new me is. But trauma runs deep, and I sure as shit won’t let you die again. Let alone on the same fucking highway.”
Liang laughed at Nazz’s enthusiasm before giving him a firm slap on the back. They were at a red light, so it was fine getting a bit handsy.
Liang: “I like how you have a sentimental side. It helps remind me that, through all your bravado and boyish good looks, your core’s the same.”
Nazz: “…Thanks. I’d hate for you to just see me as a stranger like this.”
Liang: “Hey now, don’t get sappy on me again. …Wait, did you brief your boss about me coming in or—”
Nazz: “Nah. I was too busy with you. Urabe took care of that, letting them know that you are a member of the Swap Posse and everything. Telegram was popping off when people learned that resurrections were on the table. It got so bad that Verde had to dish up some rules. The gist is that she’ll only revive somebody if they didn’t die of natural causes and died young.”
Liang: “Heh. So she considers 40 to be young. I think I’ll like this ‘Verde’ person.”
Nazz: “Doubt it. She’s a Psycho Bitch. Capital P, capital B.”
Liang: “So, this Telegram thing… is not an actual telegram, it’s an… instant messenger on our phones?”
Nazz: “You say that like you ever used telegrams.”
Liang: “No, but I worked for a guy who kept calling phone calls ‘talky telegrams.’ Let me just figure out how to…”
Liang then began fumbling through his phone, struggling with the tactile feedback of the multi-touch screen in his large hands. He was a man from a time of keys and buttons, who still considered cellular phones to be a ‘new’ thing. Sadly, despite a decade of advancement, this phone keypad has the same problem as his old Motorola.
Liang: “Did they need to make every key so damn small?”
Nazz: “Just use both hands and trust in auto-correct. It gets better the more you use it. You could try learning how to swipe type, but that shit’s beyond even me.”
Liang: “…So, what exactly am I going to do at Flare Industries?”
Nazz: “First, I gotta train you up to 2015 standards. Then we’ll figure that out.”
Part 2: Back 2.0 Da Office
Date: Monday, June 22, 2015
Time: 07:57
Location: Flare Industries Chicago
Liang and Nazz stepped out of the car and looked up at the Chicago offices for Flare Industries. A standard office building, built during the late 80s, located in a fairly ideal location within Albany Park. It was close to Kennedy Expressway, easily accessible by bus, located near lush greenery that some workers could see from their windows, and only a 20 to 30 minute drive to O’Hare. The building itself stood tall at six stories and, given the time of day, there was a steady stream of people shuffling through the front doors.
Liang: “So, does Flare Industries use this entire building?”
Nazz: “That was the plan originally, but that didn’t work out, so only the top two floors are actually used by Flare.”
Liang: “Hmm… are we doing the stairs or elevator?”
Nazz: “Stairs, of course. You gotta stretch your legs before sitting on your ass all day!”
After trekking up the concrete stairwell, the two arrived at the top floor of Flare Industries Chicago, and there was not much to say about it. Despite knowing the amount of wealth the Flare family held, the office was plain, basic, and generally unimpressive. White walls, dark carpeting, gray cubicles with fabric partitions, wooden furniture, and fluorescent lights. Sure, the entire thing was brightened up by daylight coming in from the glass walls, yet most of the windows were contained in offices bound with shut doors, leaving ‘common area’ looking a bit dim. At least there wasn’t much echo and a few plants scattered about for decorum.
Liang: “Huh. Somehow I expected this place to look a bit more… affluent? Advanced?”
Nazz: “Like you said while in the car. The world hasn’t changed much, except for the technology!”
Nazz then pointed at a random cubicle with a mini-tower PC on the floor, two flat 1080p 16:9 monitors, and a four button mouse.
Liang: “Well, it’s all smaller at the very least.”
Nazz: “It’s smaller and, like, ten times more powerful. More in some cases.”
Liang: “Well, that isn’t much of a surprise. Back at Zeta Realty, we were going through computers every three years because every three years, they’d get three times better.”
Nazz: “Thankfully, things slowed way down during the Windows XP era, so we’re lucky to justify an upgrade every five years. Anyway, we can do a full tour after we grab some coffee.”
Liang: “Really? You’re 22 and still need coffee to get you going? What happened to your ‘youthful vigor?'”
Nazz: “I’ve got vigor for days. It’s a psychological need at this point.”
The two continued walking throughout the office, passing by people coming in and making their way to their desks. Some looked over the new guy in the office, others didn’t, and none of them said anything as the two made their way into the office kitchen. It was as tacky and blasé as everything else in this office, though it had a great coffee machine to keep people from taking a ‘quick trip’ to Starschmucks or Dunkarooz.
This machine was normally a sight for sore tired eyes first thing in the morning… just not at this moment. Filling up his mug at the coffee machine was a Hispanic man, about 185 centimeters tall, age 38. His jet black hair was freshly cut, and while the beard adorning his face was home to a few gray strands, they made him look more sophisticated than anything else. He smiled as he smelled the coffee pouring before him and after filling it up to his liking, he turned around, coming face to face with Nazz.
Hispanic Man: “Oh. Good morning, Nazar.”
Though his words were friendly, there was a not-so-subtle layer of contempt lathered onto every syllable. Rather than be bothered by this, Nazz just walked into the kitchen and spoke to his co-worker with his usual casual disposition.
Nazz: “Hey Felix, how you doin’.”
The Hispanic man, Felix, rolled his eyes at Nazz’s greeting, a small groan croaking from the back of his throat.
Felix: “I believe you mean ‘how are you doing.’ For the record, I’m doing about as well as I can, considering it’s—”
Felix paused as he noticed Liang enter the room, joining Nazz as he grabbed a poly-paper cup.
Felix: “…And who are you? I don’t believe we’ve ever met, Mister…”
Liang: “Xing. Liang Xing. Felix, was it?”
Felix: “Felix Herrera …So, what is your relationship to Nazz… or Natasha?”
Liang: “I’m Natasha’s husband.”
Felix: “Huh. Natasha never mentioned you as far as I recall… So, what brings you here?”
Even from this ten second conversation, Liang could spot what kind of man Felix was, and he let out a chuckle as the final block fell into place.
Liang: “I’m here to work, of course!”
Felix: “Really? What’s your position?”
Liang: “We’re still working on that. But I’m sure we’ll find something. I used to be an investment manager, and I have a great teacher here with Nazz!”
Felix then narrowed his eyes as he stared at the two men before him. Both remarkably tall, with nearly two decades of age between them, and the older one was saying the younger one would teach him. Something here… wasn’t adding up.
Felix: “So, were you living with Natasha before she left?”
Liang: “About that… I’ve been out of the country for a long time, and had to switch up my job, so my skills are a little out of date, I’m sure.”
Felix’s face had fallen into pure suspicion. Liang’s story smelled like bullshit, and to make matters worse, he was related to Nazz. Some 22-year-old kid who became a project manager because his mom left. Someone fresh out of university with no real recorded experience, barely even a resume.
Felix: “Say, Liang, would you mind sharing your LinkedIn with me. I’m… curious what your background is.
Liang: “Uh… my what?”
Nazz: “Buzz off Felix! Just because you’re an accountant, that doesn’t mean you need to investigate everything that seems weird to you! C’mon Lee— ang. Let’s see if Penny’s in yet.”
Nazz dragged away Liang a moment later, both sipping their coffee as they left Felix alone in the kitchen, where he fidgeted his ceramic mug, tapping his fingernails against it as they left the room.
Felix: “Nothing about that Nazz kid makes sense. He comes out of nowhere, acts like he knows everything, and… just does. No college kid should have that kind of experience. Not even if he learned everything from that bitch Natasha. He must be up to something, must be—”
Felix was interrupted by the sound of a nearby door opening and a familiar set of footsteps that could only belong to one person.
Ken: “Felix! Good to see ya!”
Ken moseyed in through the doorless kitchen as he greeted Felix, wasting no time before grabbing a mug and filling it up. Specifically a mug with the words ‘BOSSMAN KILO-FLARE’ written on it. You didn’t even need to look at the bottom to see it was made by Maxxie. It was a juxtaposing mug next to the rest of Ken. A tall man with a dark complexion, lotion-lathered bald head, wearing a jovial smile and a $500 suit. However, juxtapositions like this were part of Ken’s charm— his brand, if you will.
Felix: “Good morning Ken. How did your trip go?”
Ken: “Good, good. Elly and I have been on a roll this past month, and I think we nailed every meeting. We have become… very good at getting into each other’s heads as of late. Sometimes I forget where one of us ends and the other begins!”
While it was clear that Ken was referring to body swapping to anybody in the know, Felix just assumed Ken was talking about some new kink he and his wife got into.
Felix: “C-Congratulations. Not everybody can keep a relationship like yours fresh for over 20 years.”
Ken: “Let me tell you, having a woman in your life is one of the best things that can happen to a man. Every time I think I have Elly figured out, the rabbit hole forks in two, or doubles in size! Some might find that maddening, but you need to keep up the chase, because the deeper you dig, the greater the treasures you’ll find!”
Felix: “…I’ll take your word for it, Ken.”
Ken: “Why just settle for my word, Felix? Are you still single?”
Felix: “Uh, I’m not seeing anyone at the moment—”
Ken: “Felix! At this rate you’re gonna end up an old man! Come on, you’re a great catch. All you need to do is keep looking and I’m sure you’ll find the chocolate to your peanut butter!”
Ken gave Felix a firm slap on the back, nearly causing him to drop his mug, before walking away, sipping his coffee. With a sigh, Felix did the same, discarding his witch hunt for the moment and getting to work.
Part 3: You Got Employment!
Date: Monday, June 22, 2015
Time: 08:12
Location: Flare Industries Chicago
Nazz and Flare sat in one of the many offices lining this… office, and were placed in chairs far too small for men of their stature, in a room filled with stacks upon stacks of paper. While it was becoming increasingly possible to maintain a paperless office, there were some who adamantly resisted that and still worked like this. Normally, you would expect it to be an older person too stuck in their ways to change, yet the person behind the desk was a 29-year-old Desi woman.
A woman with dark wavy hair that flowed onto one shoulder, dressed in jeans, a light summer top, navy cardigan, with a scarf around her neck, as it was pretty chilly in this office. She typed away on her computer, pulling up and filling out various bits of paperwork before sending it to the printer at the other end of her desk. She grabbed it, ready to hand it to Liang… only to pause.
Desi Woman: “…Are you sure you have Ken and Elly’s approval to hire someone like this.”
Nazz: “C’mon, Penny. It’s Natasha’s husband. Do we really need to go through this crap?”
Penny: “Rules are rules for a reason! And when I took on this position, I promised that I would do everything by the book. No skipping any important steps!”
Penny exaggeratedly folded her arms as she made her declaration and gave Nazz a firm ‘hmph.’
Liang: “Couldn’t we just call Ken or Elly then?”
Penny: “I guess, but it’s Monday morning, they just got back and—”
As Penny began to list off the reasons to delay this onboarding procedure, a familiar face stuck her head through the open door frame. It was Elly, dressed in one of her usual skirt suits, her eyes narrowing in on Liang.
Elly: “Oh, you must be Liang! What are you doing here?”
Her voice was friendly, happy, albeit a bit perplexed, and for good reason. You don’t expect people you never met to just appear at your workplace a day after they were resurrected.
Liang: “Trying to get a job, but Miss… I’m sorry, I didn’t get your last name.”
Penny: “Malla, Penny Malla. At least that’s what I go by in America…”
Elly: “Well, if you want a job, of course we’ll hire you. I’m just surprised you’re so eager to get back to work after you… came back.
Nazz: “See. I told you that she’d hire him, no questions asked.”
Penny: “You… You’ve made your point, Nazz.”
With executive approval, Penny plopped the standard employment package before Liang.
Penny: “Though, for payroll purposes, I need to know what department Nazz is going to be under. Elly, do you know what Liang is going to be doing?”
Elly: “Hmm… Sorry. I’ve been in and out of the office so much that I don’t remember what needs to be done and what has been done. I’ll need to think about that… [though, I know his language skills will be a massive boon.]”
As Elly switched over to speaking Hindi, Penny’s eyes went wide, as while she knew Ken was fairly fluent in Hindi, she didn’t think Elly was, and certainly didn’t expect the Chinese man in her office to be.
Liang: “[Ah, yes, I believe, I know. …Yes, I can definitely help out with that! I am rather fluent in Hindi, along with… several other languages.]”
Just as Penny adapted to this new language, Nazz began speaking in a language she couldn’t understand, yet recognized as French.
Nazz: “[English, Chinese, Hindi, Korean, Japanese, Indonesian, dude could be a professional translator and then some.]”
Before Penny could try to make out what Nazz just said, Elly tapped him on the shoulders and spoke… in Spanish. A language Penny was confident that Elly did not know.
Elly: “[When did you learn French? Actually, nevermind, I need to go over something with you. I’m pretty sure Liang can fill out this paperwork on his own.]”
Nazz and Elly walked out of the room a moment later, leaving Penny dazed and confused by the flurry of languages her co-workers just flipped between.
Penny: “And here I thought it was impressive that I knew three languages…”
Part 4: Chatting with the Bosses
Date: Monday, June 22, 2015
Time: 08:40
Location: Flare Industries Chicago
Nazz typed away at his boss’s computer as he sat in the shared corner office of Ken and Elly. It was a beautiful room with better carpeting, furniture, and view than any other place in the building, looking over lush greenery. Though, rather than bask in this, Nazz was working his spontaneous knowledge of Excel to update a few reports to Elly’s specifications.
Elly: “You know, it’s amazing how much faster you are than you used to be.”
Nazz: “No kidding. Before I was struggling to keep up with 30 words per minute, and now I’m blazing well past 70. My reflexes have no buffer. I just take aim and bam, I’m there!”
Ken: “Heh. You know Elly, we could always ask Verde to bring us down a decade. Just think about how much more productive we would—”
Elly: “Ken, if I make myself any younger, it will be weird for Maxxie. And you know people respect you more now that you’re over 50.”
Ken: “Oh, I know. I was just fooling around!”
Nazz: “Seeing as how you two clearly recognize my considerably increased abilities, have you considered giving me a raise? I mean, Natasha would never be able to connect an API to Excel, and I just did it in four minutes, without looking anything up!”
Elly: “Sure. We’ll give you a 10% raise starting July 1st. That sound good to you?”
Nazz: “…I was hoping for more, but that can wait until January. So, this report looks good?”
Ken: “Looks beautiful to me!”
Nazz: “Good. So, you have any more shit projects lying around?”
Elly: “I just checked with a few people, and not really. We have that huge scanning project—”
Nazz: “And the summer intern— what’s his name— Ivan is handling that. That kid’s always hogging the copiers.”
Ken: “I’ll do a bit of digging around for something. For now, just focus on training Liang.”
Nazz: “Got it. And just so you know, I’m almost done with my current project. I’m mostly waiting on emails at this point. So the sooner you can give me something, the better.”
Elly: “We should be able to get something to you soon, but you know what to do if you ever run out of things to do.”
Nazz: “Yeah, yeah. Update old docs. Streamline procedures. Ask around. Idle hands are a waste. I get it.”
Having brought this conversation to an end, Nazz stood up and left Ken and Elly’s office, where he spied Liang getting settled in a vacant cubicle located just outside of his office.
Part 5: Teach Me Nazar!
Date: Monday, June 22, 2015
Time: 11:11
Location: Flare Industries Chicago
As the day came into its own, Nazz and Liang sat at Liang’s new cubicle. With Liang’s hands on the keyboard and mouse of his ‘refurbished’ PC provided by the Flare Industries IT department while Nazz sat in a chair right next to him. The two were going through a spreadsheet, with Nazz carefully monitoring Liang’s actions and barking something every few seconds.
Nazz: “No, you need to go to page layout to insert a line break, not insert.”
Liang: “You serious? Why not just put it under both?”
Nazz: “Because it goes against Microsoft’s design ethos, and whatever that is, it’s a mystery to all who bleed red.”
Liang: “I understand making software more powerful and trying to make it understandable to so many people. There are over a billion— probably billions by now— of people who use computers. From all different cultures, who use it for different purposes.”
Nazz: “And when you design something for everyone, you make something that’s perfect for no one and mediocre for most.”
Liang: “Ah, I see you remember my words even 13 years later.”
Nazz: “Pretty sure you’re not the first person who said that, Lee. Anyway, you can customize it, but then you’re making something that only works for you. It’s like those freaks who use those ergonomic keyboards or mice. Sure, it might be better for your hands, it might stave off all sorts of cramps or whatever. Though, if you aren’t used to it, it’s terrible to use, and if you do get used to it, everything else sucks!”
Liang: “Funny story, actually. There was one guy at Zeta Realty who insisted on using his ergonomic keyboard, and he was one of the most… error prone people at the company. The IT team hated using it so much that they refused to help him unless he swapped out his keyboard for a ‘real one.'”
Nazz: “And he never took the hint?”
Liang: “Never! …By the way, why does it say the changes were saved. I didn’t click the floppy disc.”
Nazz: “Oh right. They just introduced this auto-save functionality, so everything gets backed up every few minutes, or seconds, straight to the cloud.”
Liang: “The cloud?”
Nazz: “It gets backed up to a bunch of servers, basically. So that way the data is secure and preserved.”
Liang: “…Then why call it ‘the cloud?’ Clouds are one of the most impermanent things on the planet. They drift around wildly, merge together, and after they let out all their rain, they’re gone! If you put your things inside a cloud, they’re gone whenever it rains!”
Nazz: “Technology is great, the names we assign to it are dumb.”
Liang: “I’ll say. I’m amazed at how much more I can fit on a wider screen. It was always such a pain trying to juggle two open windows on my old setup, and here… it’s like it’s designed for it. And the taskbar? Such an obvious yet brilliant little addition. Now I’ll never get lost, no matter how many things I have open!”
Nazz: “Yeah, I made sure that Besnik gave you one of the good monitors. The resolution’s more than double what your old CRT monitor was.”
Liang: “Really? Well, it sure isn’t twice as big as my old one was.”
Nazz: “Yeah, seeing old icons get tinier was hard on my old eyes, but now? Everything’s looking crispy. …Keep working for a second, I’ve got a call to make.”
Leaving Liang with a project to keep him busy, Nazz headed into his office. It was nowhere as nice as what Ken and Elly had, though it had a good hard wood desk with plenty of space, only about 40% of which was dedicated to papers. He pulled out his massive phone from his man-sized pockets and began to call Verde, pacing around the room as he waited for her to pick up.
Verde: “What’s the word, fellow? You still mellow like yellow?”
Nazz: “Hey Verde, I’ve got a question for you. Why does Zoe still need glasses?”
Verde: “‘Cos astigmatisms don’t go away just because you get older! And if anyone is to blame for Zoe, it’s you. You wanted him to read Chinese children’s books as a kid instead of playing outside. Children gotta be outside or else it’s glasses for life!”
Nazz: “Shut the fuck up! There was no way I could’ve known that back then! I’m asking why you haven’t poofed and made his eyesight better. It’s already better as Zoey, so—”
Verde: “Shit, does he still need those glasses?”
Nazz: “He was wearing them when we left the house—”
Verde: “Yo BAE! Load up the VD 2.0 code, I think we fucked up with the eyesight thing. …No, I know that I told you— Bae, do you really need to play back my words like that? I know we can change our voices to whatever but… Alright, alright, I guess this is shit on my nose. Let’s just roll out 20/20 vision as part of an upgrade. …No hotfix option? GREAT! Just throw it into the 2.0.2 patch. …No, we’re not going to make them immortal. It’s not like they’re living it up in Crime Life: Gang Wars! If they take a bullet to the dome, we can just cast rez.”
Nazz: “So, Zoe won’t need to use his glasses in a few days?”
Verde: “Yeah, none of you ever will! …No, Bae, I’m not going to release a 20/20 vision patch to all humans at once, that is stupid! I would be destroying an industry overnight! …Bitch, you be eating too much bread! Nazz, I gotta take this, Urabe is on some wack shit again. Laters.”
Part 6: A Sophisticated Workplace With A Catered Luncheon
Date: Monday, June 22, 2015
Time: 12:08
Location: Flare Industries Chicago
The best thing about starting work at 8:00 is that lunch happens at the halfway mark. Not too early, not too late, at the ideal time, and neatly breaking the day into two. However, that was a mere minor perk next to how lunches worked at Flare Industries. Rather than letting workers go off to the relative food desert they were established within, Flare Industries offered all employees— and contractors— a catered lunch every day.
The cafeteria itself was easily the most drab looking room in the building, with its tiled floors, numerous support pillars, and rows upon rows of tables and metal legged chairs. It looked like a public school cafeteria more than anything else, and the lack of daylight gave the place a less than pristine look. It was fine, though definitely more than a bit tacky.
However, once you looked past the room itself, it was home to a wall lined with food, spanning all genres and preferences, all presented buffet style across a series of tables. Drinks were stored in a series of complementary fridges, placed right next to shelves of snacks. Chips, candy, little packs of cookies, the works. It was like going to a buffet and a rich kid’s pantry all at once!
Liang: “Ha! And you say they do this every day?”
Nazz: “You bet they do. Easily the best perk of working here. Not only do they give you a full lunch hour, they give you free lunch. You’d be amazed how much that saves on groceries.”
With the vast majority of the hundred-some-odd employees of Flare Industries Chicago present, Liang and Nazz grabbed their plates, trays, and utensils and began perusing the cornucopious options before him. The safe comfort options were always the first to go in times like this, but rather than get one of the hotly desired chicken trays, Liang filled his plate up with a bit of everything.
Nazz: “Uh, pretty sure you’re not supposed to have ten things on… any plate, under any circumstance.”
Liang: “Oh, let me be! How will I know I like it until I try it?”
After uttering the most ‘dad’ line he said since his resurrection, Liang plopped half a sandwich onto his tray without looking at it. Nazz looked at the hodgepodge Liang assembled before looking down at his own. A chunk of chicken, potatoes, and roasted vegetables. The only way it could be more boring was if he had just hit up the sandwich station. Liang, clearly noticing this disparity, whispered into Nazz’s ear.
Liang: “Your taste buds changed with your body, right?”
Nazz: “Yeah… and I haven’t really screwed around to see if any of this tastes better.”
Even though their plates were mostly full, Liang and Nazz continued to go down the tables, searching for something more daring and unusual to try. But right as they entered the more ‘Asian’ end of the offerings, Liang accidentally bumped into a familiar face. Felix. His plate home to a shrimp spring roll, chow mein, and a chunk of chicken. He turned to Liang, concerned, yet as he realized who bumped into him, his expression soured.
Felix: “Oh. I see you’re still here.”
Liang: “Of course I’m still here! I do work here after all.”
Liang then turned to show the ID badge he had clipped to his pants, pulling it from out of his pocket. Felix leered at the plastic, looking for any imperfections, yet it matched the badge design for Flare Industries perfectly, and the photo on it sure looked like it was taken today.
Felix: “…So, what are you doing for us? I did some digging around, and I couldn’t find a trace of you after the early 2000s, when you were at Zeta Realty.”
He said Zeta Realty the same way a posh aristocrat would mutter the name of a fast-food restaurant.
Liang: “H-How on Earth did you figure that out?”
Felix: “Have you ever googled your own name? I didn’t have to look past the first page.”
Nazz: “Felix, buddy, why do you care? You’re not a shareholder, he’s not working in the accounting department, I’ll tell you that much.”
Felix: “A shame, because if there is any department in need of extra staff, it’s accounting.”
Liang: “I might not be a CPA or anything, but I know enough about accounting to do it in a pinch. Though, GAAP probably changed a lot the past decade, same with taxes.”
Felix: “About that… you just came back all of a sudden, after your wife left?”
Liang: “Pretty much! I was in a sleepy village in western China for most of that time, and they didn’t have a lot of office jobs, or contact with the outside world! So I might seem a bit out of touch from time to time.”
Felix stared deeply into Liang’s face. At first, it was just to find any signs of lying, yet as he continued to stare at his somewhat youthful Eastern Asian face… he was faced with another question.
Felix: “…How old are you?”
Liang: “Ha! They say you aren’t supposed to ask a woman that, and I always assumed it was the same for men too. I’m… 53-years-old.”
Felix: “What? No way! You look like you’re in your thirties!”
Liang: “My, thank you. But compliments will only earn you so many favors from this old man! It must be because of the country air, all the locally grown vegetables, and a lifestyle where I didn’t have to worry about much. Just wait three years and I’m sure I’ll start looking like I put on a decade! Ha!”
After staring daggers at Felix throughout this entire conversation, Nazz nudged Liang, giving him the subtle hint to stop talking.
Nazz: “I think that you’ve gotten more information than you would ever need, Felix. If you’d excuse us, we have a busy day of training ahead of us.”
Nazz gestured at Liang to follow him into the cluttering sprawl of employees amongst the tables, leaving Felix behind.
Felix: “…It’s not just Nazz. This entire family doesn’t make any damn sense!”
Neither Nazz nor Liang could hear Felix as he stewed in frustration, and after a moment of looking, they found a pair of open seats at the end of one table. They made idle chatter about the work they just left a few minutes ago, Nazz regaling Liang with information about the way things worked here, all before being interrupted by someone who took the chair in front of them.
Penny: “Oh, hey guys! Everything going well on your first day, Liang?”
Liang: “It’s been a good while since I had a first day anywhere, but so far, so good! …You don’t need anything else from me, do you?”
Penny: “No, no. Everything’s been taken care of, and this is pretty routine stuff for me at this point. Process this, submit this, update things A, B, and C in X, Y, and Z. My job’s pretty procedural… except for when it’s not.”
Liang: “Procedure or not, you seem to have a firm grip on everything you’re doing. Considering how young you are, and how many people work here, that’s pretty impressive to me!”
Penny: “Well, I’ve been doing this for five years now, so I’d hope that I seem competent. And I’m not that young. Especially next to people like Nazz.”
Liang: “Oh, please! Some of the hardest jobs at a company like this are HR and payroll! Nobody wants to do HR, because it makes everything political, and payroll… is payroll!”
Penny: “In theory, this should be a really simple job… except when things go bad with HR, you need to side with your co-workers, get the full story, and things can get really messy really fast. While Payroll… would be so much easier if not for all the exceptions. Unions, different taxes for different people, needing to explain withholdings as best I can understand them, and trying to deal with a disorderly date system with arbitrarily placed holidays. It would all be so much easier if we just did a biweekly or monthly schedule, but Ken and Elly insist on a semi-monthly approach.”
Penny paused after her tangent, looking at Nazz staring back at her with a dull expression, as if he heard this spiel before… because he had. Anyone who would listen had.
Penny: “S-Sorry, I have a habit of going off into tangents like this. I try to be a problem solver, though I can’t really solve anything beyond my control…”
Liang: “No need to apologize. You’re actually pretty cute when you get all riled up like that!”
Penny: “W-Well, that’s definitely not the worst response I’ve ever gotten… So, what was the deal with all that language switching?”
Internally, Nazz was clenching his teeth in frustration while, in reality, he merely wore a mildly annoyed expression.
Nazz: “My dad was all about shoveling languages down my throat when I was a kid. While Liang here was out in the Chinese boonies and brought a few translation books to help him learn some new languages, because he wanted to learn some skills.”
Penny nodded her head along to this explanation, agreeing with it before smiling, closing her eyes, and speaking to the two men before her in Hindi.
Penny: “[So, Liang, did you spend some time in India?]”
Liang began to explain, only for Nazz to butt in.
Nazz: “[No, he’s never been to India. Liang has only been to China, Canada, and the United States.]”
Penny’s composition nearly shattered as she heard Nazz switch over to Hindi, speaking it both fluently and casually.
Penny: “…How many languages do you know, Nazz?”
Nazz: “Just think of me as a… language junkie, alright?”
Part 7: Afternoon Doldrums
Date: Monday, June 22, 2015
Time: 14:04
Location: Flare Industries Chicago
As the afternoon came into its own, Liang and Nazz found themselves sharing a cubicle as they worked in parallel. Except instead of looking over Liang’s shoulder, Nazz was on a laptop. The two were editing a spreadsheet together in Excel, manipulating datasets and reformatting information within the same workbook.
Liang: “I still can’t believe something like this is real. No more tracking someone down to close out of a document on the same network. No more trying to call someone, only for them to be in a meeting, or be out sick, and need to get keys to their office for these files. None of that! That era is gone!”
Nazz: “Yeah, but they stupidly only made this work in the web version of Excel, which is just worse in every way. I’m pretty sure they’re rolling out an update for real Excel eventually, but that’s like three months away.”
Liang: “Say, compared to old Office, how much does this Microsoft subscription cost?”
Nazz: “Less than you’d think and more than you’d hope. And you know what? It’s worth it. Especially when it comes to teaching you things. Being tall has its perks, but the ergonomics of looking over someone’s shoulder sure ain’t one of ’em. I’m gonna have to stretch when I get home…”
Nazz then rubbed his hand against his back as he craned it back, trying to correct the hour of leaning forward he did earlier today
Nazz: “Anything’s better so long as I don’t need to hunch over you like that. I’m too damn tall to hunch.”
Liang: “Well, you could solve that problem by becoming a little lady aga—”
Nazz: “Haha— No. Not even as a joke, Lee.”
Before the two could return to work, they were interrupted by the sound of papers falling one foot onto a desk. File folders, a pocket folder, a binder, all containing what had to be a couple hundred pages of documents. Looking up, they were met with Ken’s smiling face.
Ken: “Good news! I found a new project for you guys! Normally, this would take at least two Natashas to do… but I think a Nazz and Liang can more than cover it. “
Liang: “So, what exactly is this ‘project?'”
Ken: “Investment analysis. I was waiting for things to come in after my trip to Seoul two weeks ago, and guess what came in the mail today!”
Nazz: “Great. …Did they send it digitally?”
Ken: “Of course they did! I just had Ivan assemble everything because you prefer paper.”
Nazz: “Natasha was a paper person, I’m not… Or at least I don’t want to.”
Liang: “I dunno about that whole ‘paper person’ thing. We deal with a lot of information and it can be hard to fit it all on one screen. I know I can keep alt-tabbing between windows—”
Nazz: “Who said you can only have one screen? Lemme see if Besnik has any spare monitors. I don’t know why he didn’t give you two.”
With a new objective, Nazz wandered off from the cubical over to the IT department, leaving Ken and Liang by themselves. Liang had things to do, but when the boss is leaning over your cubicle, you give them your full attention, damn it!
Ken: “So, tell me about what you did over at Zeta Realty.”
Liang: “My official title was investment manager, though really, it was doing whatever the partners wanted me to do. Do an analysis between these three properties, identify the most advantageous properties to sell for a quick cash injection, create reports and financials for this and that— typical real estate crap. …You know, I was actually supposed to be promoted to CFO come July 1st, 2002. But, well… shit happened, and now I’m here. I thought about going to Zeta for shits and giggles, seeing how much they’d offer me to come back. Except… that sounds like it’d be a mess and a half, and some of those people I’d rather not see. Especially Bryce…“
Ken: “Hey, a $75,000 salary right out the gate, with no resume, isn’t too bad. And you get to work with your… buddy, Nazz. Seriously, what are you two now?”
Liang: “I’ll tell you when I figure that out. So, how has Zeta been doing?”
Ken: “They were the third worst realty company in Chicago back in 2002. Now they’re the second worst.”
Liang: “I’m guessing that Shark Realty’s dead and… Empire Realty’s still at the bottom?”
Ken: “You got it! Shark closed down in 2008 after a lot of embezzlement. Zeta takes a week to do anything. But Empire won’t do shit unless you break something, the roof collapses, or the place gets flooded.”
Liang: “The future marches on, but some things just stay the same…”
Ken: “Other things are wildly different… So, did you and Nazz play around with the VD 2.0 last night?”
Liang: “Oh, right, the magic GameBoy thing. You would think that’d be the most interesting thing, except it wasn’t. Magic is just magic, while this… this is science that looks like magic.”
Liang then pulled his phone out of his pocket, showing it to Ken as his stock lock screen came to life.
Liang: “Before I get head over heels in fantasy, I should get a better grip on reality, if you get what I’m saying. Though, I did try it once. And the only thing weirder than being in my son’s body… is being in a female version of it.”
Ken: “You interested in being a ‘female version’ of yourself?”
Liang: “I mean, hasn’t everybody at least given that a passing though? Not forever. Just for maybe a day, a week?”
Ken: “Wanna try it now?”
Ken then pulled out one of those ‘magic GameBoys’ and showed it to Liang. He stared at it for a second, conflicted. …Yet as he remembered that this man was his boss, his concerns evaporated.
Liang: “Sure. Why not?”
With a few inputs on the little doohickey, Liang’s body rapidly shifted, too quickly to trace with the eye, and his form settled into one familiar… yet inarguably female. Liang’s impressive stature was kicked down from 194 to 188 centimeters. His short black hair grew at least five times as long. Yet, instead of billowing over his shoulders, it was nestled upward into a bun that rested on the upper back of his head, netting him 3 centimeters of height.
His face went from handsome to beautiful as his features shrank and grew softer. Skin went from slightly coarse to being coated in a light layer of foundation and makeup. His lips grew subtly larger and gained a slight fruity aroma. And even though he could already feel the differences coating his body from the way the tight clothing covered it, he was still surprised when he looked down. His chest was adorned with C-cup breasts that blocked the view to his stomach, and were tightly layered between a cushiony bra, a camisole, and a suit. Yet rather than just be a refitted version of the dark gray suit he was wearing before, its color changed to a saturated blue. Instead of ending with pants, it ended with a skirt, leaving his legs plainly visible… if not for a set of pantyhose he wore.
Liang shuffled in his chair as he came to grips with this form, and he immediately realized just how much… fuller his rear was, having wider hips and a more cushion-like ass than he ever did before. He brushed his hands over what he was seeing, his straight and board-like form replaced with something that had curves for days, and, to his surprise, did not really feel like an older version of Zoey’s body. He no longer felt the level of strength he casually carried a moment ago, and while his weight actually decreased by a few kilograms, he strangely felt bigger, more plentiful.
Before Liang could stand up to try walking with the two inch heels that sprung onto his feet, Ken presented his phone, showing a picture of Liang. One of him in his TransSex form, looking down at himself, his hands on his boobs.
Ken: “So, what do you think of your appearance, Miss Lilian Xing?”
Lilian: “L-Lilian? Liang is a gender neutral name. Why would my female self be called something like Lilian?”
Lilian paused as he heard his female voice for the first time. It was definitely deeper than the average female voice, yet it carried with it a certain assertive quality.
Ken: “Maybe your parents thought a White-sounding name would help you in life. That’s why my name’s Kenneth!”
Ken laughed at his own joke, and Lilian sheepishly joined in, still a bit frazzled by how new everything felt even as he spoke, even as he breathed. Yet before he could do much of anything to make himself more comfortable, or try traipsing around the office in heels, he was interrupted by someone looking for Ken. A familiar someone.
Felix: “Ken, there you are! The package for Kawakami is ready for your review. I know you just got back, but we’d like to send it out before the end of the day.”
Felix wore a big smile as he talked to Ken, as if he was expecting a cookie or compliment for his job well done. Yet his expression shifted as he realized whose cubicle he was standing next to. Lilian had grown to expect hostility from Felix based on their last two encounters, yet this time he looked at him with… desire.
Felix: “Ah, we meet again, Lily. Have you been acclimating to everything? I know how hard it can be to get back into the swing of things after a little… hiatus, but rest assured, if you need help with anything, I’m your man.”
From the way Felix’s voice shifted and how he was leaning against the cubicle, it was painfully obvious that he was flirting with Lilian. It was a surprising shift in character, one that made Lilian suspicious… until he looked down at himself. He has two options. Assert himself and reject Felix’s advances. …Or play into the bit.
Lilian chose the latter.
Lilian: “Oh Felix, you’re such a helpful guy. I actually could use your help with something. Newer versions of Excel have this ‘INDEX’ function, and I’m having issues figuring out how it works. I used to do VLOOKUPs all the time, and I’m not quite getting what I need to do.”
Felix grinned at the basic, yet understandable, question Lilian proposed and swiftly snatched Nazz’s chair as he moved next to Lilian’s seat.
Felix: “The trick to using an INDEX function is that you want to pair it with another function, called MATCH. There, you are telling Excel what value to look for within a range, and it gives you the relative position. You just need to do that, and Excel will return the value you’re looking for. It’s that easy!”
As Felix explained, he only got closer to Lilian’s seat, stretching some of himself onto him as he pointed at the screen and spoke with his hands. Lilian knew exactly what kind of crap Felix was playing, but the novelty of being the girl in a situation like this was enough to plaster a smile on his face.
Lilian: “I think I get it now! …Except this one doesn’t use a MATCH function, it just uses a number.”
Felix: “Those act the same way as they do in a VLOOKUP, they are just the row or column number of the array.”
Lilian let out an excited ‘aaah’ as he realized just what he misunderstood and finished entering the formula, where it produced the desired result.
Felix: “Now, you just need to anchor the formula properly. I don’t remember if this was in older versions of Excel, but if you press F4, you can cycle between the three types of anchor for—”
As Felix continued to dole out Excel tech tips, he was interrupted by a louder, younger, voice barging in.
Nazz: “Besnik was stripped for monitors, and all he had left were old 4:3 monitors. Not as nice, though at lea—”
Nazz paused as he saw that his former husband was now a woman, and his brow furrowed as he saw another man was rubbing shoulders with him.
Felix: “Oh, Nazz. Don’t mind me, I’m just helping Lilian get to grips with modern Excel. You left her all alone while —”
Nazz: “I was in the middle of training… her and you barged in when I stepped away for five minutes to get her an extra monitor. Don’t you have other, better, things to do, Mister ‘I can’t be bothered to train the summer intern?'”
Felix looked like he was ready to tear one into Nazz… until he felt the gaze of Ken leering at him.
Felix: “…I’ll let you two get back to your training then.”
With the grace of a cat, Felix slunk away from Lilian’s desk and back to his side of the office.
Lilian: “Aw, did you really need to do that? Felix might not be crazy about me as Liang, but I could tell he loves me as Lilian.”
Nazz: “No surprise. Dude’s always thinking with his dick. It’s why he’s single. …Still, he’s still a man with good tastes.”
Grabbing his chair and plopping his flat ass onto it, Nazz scooched over to Lilian, wrapping his arm around his shoulders.
Nazz: “While I love Liang, I could get used to seeing Lilian.”
Locked in this simple gesture, being seen so purely as an object of desire, and looking into Nazz’s beautiful blue eyes… caused something to click in Lilian’s head, though she wasn’t even sure what.
Lilian: “…Actually, this is all a bit much for my first day. Ken, could you be a pal and switch me ba—”
Before Lilian could finish that sentence, the transformation triggered, and he swiftly morphed back into Liang. Despite his entire shape changing, Nazz kept his arm wrapped around his former husband.
Ken: “God, this thing really is too much fun!”
As Ken readied to let out a hearty laugh over the absurdity he just witnessed, he was met with the sound of his wife’s voice.
Elly: “Ken, I thought we had a talk about this.”
Turning around, Ken saw that Elly’s eyes were focused squarely on the conspicuous purple object in his hand.
Elly: “No using that at work. Just before and after.”
Smiling, Elly plucked the VD 2.0 from Ken’s hands.
Ken: “Sorry, Jaanu. I just saw an opportunity and I couldn’t help myself.”
Elly: “I know, I know. Just come with me. The team just rescheduled, and we’re starting in two minutes.”
Part 8: Take Me Home!
Date: Monday, June 22, 2015
Time: 16:37
Location: Flare Industries Chicago
Well before the typical end of the workday, Nazz and Liang opened the door back to their quaint little home, already in the middle of a conversation.
Liang: “Sure, people spent their free time on forums, IRC, and AOL, chatting about whatever, whenever, they fancied. Though the idea of combining all of that, all these disparate groups, and merging them into one… sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.”
Nazz: “Yeah, and social media is a damn disaster. Sure, it lets people communicate with each other, but we had direct messages in the 90s. We called them emails.”
Liang: “You know, you’re sounding old again.”
Nazz: “Honestly, I’d rather sound old than figure out how the hell Instagram actually works. …Even though I have an account on it with three years of pictures.”
Liang: “It sure sounds like the internet lost its edge though. It was going to happen. So much money was being thrown around during the dot-com bubble that the wild west era was already dying back in my day!”
Nazz: “Trust me, I omitted a lot of crap with that summary, and a lot of websites just died out. An entire generation… that I just wasn’t paying attention to.”
Liang: “I remember. You were so paranoid about using it that I’m surprised you ever let Zoe have his own computer!”
Nazz: “I only did it because Zoe needed one for school. And now that he’s an adult, I don’t give a fuck what he does with it! Anyway, I’m getting changed.”
Liang: “Why?”
Nazz: “…Because offices are dirty and some people are slobs who don’t clean up after themselves!”
Liang: “When’d you start changing after going to work?”
Nazz: “I dunno, like 2006 or something? You might not like this rule, but it’s non-negotiable.”
After taking off their shoes and keys, the two split away, each heading to their respective rooms. Nazz was quick to open his door and shut it with an, unintended, amount of force. While Liang took a moment to just look over the house. The home had been well maintained in the past 13 years, yet signs of age still crept through its luster. There were imperfections that were not present before, the creaking floorboards were louder and surrounded with new ones, and the sofa had become more mushy after being used for an extra decade. Yet… it was still home.
Liang took a deep breath, content with what he was seeing, and left to head downstairs… before hearing a yelp from behind a door. From behind Zoe’s door. Curious, and with his mind still adjusting from Zoe not being a 5-year-old, Liang knocked on his door. He received no response, so he opened up the door… when he definitely shouldn’t have.
Opening the door, Liang was greeted with the sight of Zoey, in the throes of sex— getting absolutely railed— getting straight fucked— by some short redhead boy. Liang should have fled, yet the shock kept him paralyzed. And before he could say anything, Zoey shouted.
Zoey: “Ah shit! Gem, stop it, stop fucking me!”
Gem(Vidkun): “Why would I ever stop loving you, you ever mighty vixen?”
Zoey: “Because Zoe’s dad just came home!”
The two then scurried underneath the sheets, separating and covering themselves as Liang looked on in awe.
Liang: “…Well, I can’t say I ever expected to see this, but Nazz did say you kids were the kinky lot.”
Gem(Vidkun): “My multitudinous apologies Mister Xing, allow me to enlighten your mood with some not-so-obvious facts. This woman before me is not your son, but merely the woman who was born within the body I am currently taking residence with, Vivi. Zoe was kind enough to lend her his body, and after doing some tests, we deviated in a deliberately deviant direction. Though, in our group, this behavior is most un-deviant by definition!”
Vivi(Zoey): “Yeah, and we didn’t expect you to come home before 17:00! More like 17:30, since you work in the city and—”
Liang: “Bahahahaha!!! My, is this what you kids get up to everyday? Playing body and sex swapping games?”
Vivi(Zoey): “…About half the time, yeah.”
Liang: “In that case, it was merely a matter of time before I saw my son— or daughter— like this. I won’t intrude on your fun. …Just be sure to give me my son back in time for dinner.”
Gem(Vidkun): “But of course, Mister Xing!”
Liang: “Mister Xing was my father, just call me Liang.”
With that, Liang shut the door, leading Gem(Vidkun) and Vivi(Zoey) to deliberate if they wanted to get back to it after such an awkward introduction. …Only to start going at it again five seconds later.
Liang then carried himself down into the basement, into his new bedroom. He wasted little time stripping off his clothes, getting down to his underwear before laying on the bed, looking up at the black and white mineral fiber ceiling. So much of his world has changed, and while he was facing it with a go-getter attitude, he could not help but feel… conflicted.
Liang: “I thought I had it all. A good job, a loving wife, and a kid brimming with potential and ambition. Then I lost it, and wound up here. Yesterday, I wondered if this was all some bizarre dream when I went to bed, and today… I’m confident it isn’t, as my dreams are never half as wild as this! This is reality, and… I think I’m gonna love livin’ in this wacky bizarre world!”
The Posse Logs: My Sensational Summer Vacation Diary
At 6:00, Urabe sent out a message via Telegram informing the Swap Posse that Zoe’s father, Liang Xing, had been resurrected yesterday. This was met with considerable shock and awe from those who knew Zoe intimately enough to be aware of how much he admired his father— name Jade, Maxxie, and Shiaka. However, before any of them could even speak to Liang, they were met with another message from Verde at 7:00.
This message offered 12 members of the Swap Posse— Jade, Maxxie, Zoe, Shiaka, Terra, Vivi, Anita, Gem, Caroline, Raiyne, Babs, and Haruki to accept a random body swap. Said swap would start at 9:00, last until midnight, but could be undone at any time, as there was no way to prevent anyone with a VD 2.0 from swapping bodies. That would completely defeat the purpose of a body swapper! The twelve ultimately agreed for reasons deliberately undocumented.
Jade(Haruki): “At this point, I feel like we should have some sort of chart to see how many times we’ve been in other people’s bodies. It’s a bit strange to say that I would forget something as impactful as what it feels like to be another person, to embody another’s skin, yet… that’s just how things work. After Verde spun her ‘magic wheel’ I landed in Haruki’s body, fresh from breakfast, and it didn’t take me too long to run into Maxxie in Shiaka’s. Seeing as how we were ‘sisters’ for the day, she insisted that we make the most of it.”
“Which really just meant driving around Oransen while Maxxie came up with things for us to do. Going shopping for stuff at the mall, because we had per diems to burn. Heading to the pool to try swimming in these bodies. All before getting bored and playing video games come the afternoon. It was fun. At least, for the most part. While Haruki is a cute lady, I couldn’t help but compare her body to Maxxie’s and… yeah, there’s no contest. Haruki does not feel older, yet she lacks the same natural energy that Maxxie’s body carries, and… I don’t think I need to list the reasons why I think my girlfriend is hot.”
Maxxie(Shiaka): “Hell yeah! I’ve been waiting to get some quality time as Shi-Shi! She’s such a cute little thing, but all it takes is a little twisting and a pinch of lime to make her straight up sexy! With Jade moonlighting as my sister, a sexy little number I finagled, and a purse full of cash. I had all the tools needed to take to the city, hit up some place, and become a story for a couple dozen people. …Except I was still grounded, so I had to just settle for struttin’ my stuff in the burbs, looking fine in front of others, hitting a few places, taking a dip, and then… I just got bored. Yeah, for as great Shiaka’s body can look, for as fine as her tits look in a low-cut top, she just isn’t built for going out for a full day, and I ran out of steam. So I just decided to play games with Jade(Haruki). I’d do it on stream, except impersonating Shiaka sounded like too much of a damn chore.”
Zoe: When the day began, I found myself in Terra’s body. While I had previously acknowledged what it was like to be in an older body, repeatedly, I neglected to include Terra as part of my research over the past three weeks. Despite her being given a VD 2.0 of her own and being part of the group, I suppose I never considered her a true member, as she is not allowed to participate in certain activities. Regardless, I found being in her body to be surprisingly pleasant. I had spent as much time as Shiaka and other shorter than average people these past weeks, so the height increase was not overly notable. Yet, the way things felt did. Compared to all other bodies I’d occupied, my body felt the lightest, objects felt the heaviest, my energy levels rivaled that of Maxxie’s. Interacting with others, namely Shiaka(Bern) felt particularly bizarre, as I felt myself falling into the role of a child, viewing nearly everyone as being, in some way, above me. I was curious as to what the longer form repercussions of such a swap could be. Yet, before I could do much more than scratch the surface, I was returned to my own body, and… allowed to spend the night with my… parents.”
Shiaka(Bern): “I had been in Babs’s body before, and found her body to be very… comfortable, and from what I have heard, people generally agree with that impression. I was hoping that being inside her TS form would be similar and… I would say it is. Bern’s body is tall, dark, and handsome to a tee, toned from years of housework, and is not too different from what I’d imagine Zoe’s body will feel like as he grows older. Babs was in Maxxie’s body, so she was more than happy to take care of all her usual work. So I had freedom to do whatever I wanted as Bern, and decided to try to work on my confidence again. Just go out, do things around town, all while wearing a new face, feeling a little rush whenever people couldn’t tell who I was. I thought about doing something with other people, except my hook up options were a bit limited by noon, and despite being a polycule, we aren’t especially into threesomes for whatever reasons. Maxxie in my body probably would have been down for something, but… I just don’t feel right having sex with her in this body. It feels like pseudo-incest, which is too much incest for my liking…”
Terra: “I’m surprised it took me this long to get inside Jade’s body like this… and there is something deeply reassuring about it. When I was imagining what I would look like as a girl all those months ago, I always imagined looking like this. Thin, just enough of a chest for it to be noticeable, soft hair that had a faint fruity smell to it. I could see why Jade made this her true body and, of all the bodies I’ve been in… this one might be the most comfortable for me. …I mean, besides my own, of course! Just being in it, being able to go to the shop and just be seen like this, I could almost convince myself that this is all a preview of what I would be like. I would, obviously, not mind looking like Maxxie or my mom when I get older, but something about Jade’s shape and form… feels right. Maybe it’s a subconscious thing, or maybe she had more influence on me than I thought. …Sadly, I had to go back to being me when Mom and Dad came home. I get it. They just wanted to be around me, and after switching with Raiyne, Mom’s worried that she’ll somehow lose me.”
Vivi(Jade): “Well, that was embarrassing. I was lucky enough to get Zoey’s body, which is like Anita’s usual body but… better. I hate to say this about my girlfriend, but Zoey is taller, stronger, and just… feels better to be in. If you made a tier list of all our bodies, she would be S-rank. So, with myself in that body and Gem in my boy body— complete with the footlong cock, I came up with a game plan in five seconds. Get out the house, try out our bodies, and then see how good our sex was. And it was the shit! …Until Liang came in. We finished and wanted to go for round two, but the spirit was lost, so I had to bail, and I know Gem didn’t try to fuck Zoey on the rebound. He lacks such malice in his gentle heart. …And Gem didn’t want to get out of my body, so I was stuck as Jade tonight, again. If I’m going to be a skinny White girl with no boobs, I’d rather just be myself, thanks.”
Anita(Reyn): “Fuck yes! Not gonna lie, I’ve thought Reyn was hot since I first laid eyes on him. I’m used to seeing men lose themselves in their thirties when they start getting families and stuff, but Reyn was aspirational. His body was toned, sexy, and sorta like an older version of my boy form! So, naturally, I was pretty jazzed about getting to take it for a ride today, especially because of this body’s perks. I’m not talking about disposable income or anything, I’ve got that thanks to the per diems, I’m talking about having my own car! I got to drive into Chicago, do whatever I wanted, on my own terms, with nobody to bother me or tell me what to do! I was free, independent, and… it felt good. Just being able to hop into a random place for lunch without checking with anyone. Hitting up whatever random shop seemed cool. Splurging some cash when I felt like it. And while I wanted to spend the night at the bar… it turns out that my English teacher is into selfcest. I’d say I was surprised, but after our night at the pool, I’m not surprised. I knew she was up to something freaky in those bushes.”
Gem(Vidkun): “I do say, today was utterly and delightfully splendiferous! I heard from Vivi about the girth and splendor of her penis, yet seeing it in person was still simply startling! There is a most poignant beauty to a form like this, that of a short and unassuming male, housing a throbbing kielbasa! I was ever curious if it would live up to the hype, and I do verily declare, it most certainly does! Ejaculating with this is akin to ejaculating with one’s whole body, and I made it a point to make use of it as much as I could… Meaning I must have used it before passing out. Oh my. I will have to offer a significantly sized sorry to Vivi when she wakes up in such a compromised position, and for any soreness she experiences .”
Caroline(Tony): “After I spent June 11th in Zoe’s body, I was worried that I might like being a teenage boy a bit too much. Back before Jade was… Jade, I was always curious what it would be like to get inside a teenage boy’s mind, see what they see, feel what they feel. And from my biased samples… I really like it. There is such strength, such stature, that comes with a body like this. The fact that the body is so young means it is free of any fatigue or soreness from the day before, and is seen as young by others. I had the freedom to get lost in that experience, to pretend to be Tony from the start of his day to having dinner with his parents, no one ever being the wiser. I planned on ending the day there… yet after Haruki(Caroline) showed me that photo of her body for the night… I couldn’t help myself. And after doing her, and lying in bed, my strong arms wrapped around what is usually my body… I had no regrets.”
Raiyne(Gemma): “Random body my ass! I just know Abigale did this to get revenge on me. I tried to avoid switching bodies with my students, and while there was enough dissonance to not see ‘Gemma’ as one of my students, this body made me feel like I was going insane. It was one thing to be Caroline, it was one thing to be Daisuke. Yet, being in a body like this, being a teenager, in such a… sexy form, the form that I lost my ‘male virginity’ to it… it filled me with lust. When I found myself in this body, when I saw this face, felt these… wonderful curves, I felt everything go cloudy, and it didn’t stop until after I spent an hour getting intimate with it. It was like this body was boobytrapped with an aphrodisiac, and it didn’t go away.”
“Going out only made it worse. The idea of being seen like this, by so many people, and theorizing about what happened was… so exciting for reasons I could not understand. I even wound up masturbating inside of a public bathroom. And at the height of it all… I could only imagine fucking myself. Being the same bunny who I laid with beside the pool. I wanted that… and I did that, calling up Anita(Reyn) and begging her for sex. She wanted to do student teacher roleplay, and while I had always found that to be deeply disgusting… that didn’t stop me from getting soaked while putting on Gemma’s school uniform.”
Babs(Maxxie): “I was wondering when this would happen, as I wanted to test a theory. If I could clean the entire house with Maxxie’s body faster than my personal record. …And I did it! Maxxie’s body might not have the strength mine does, but it has pep and energy for days. I even got to see what she sees in CHarM tea, and that… that’s like taking a 5-Hour Energy! No wonder she’s able to do those 24 hour art streams… I wish I had something more interesting to say than that. Still, my job’s a job, and someone had to take care of things for Ken and Elly, get their hot dinner ready, and offer them some ‘entertainment’ that night as they talked about how responsible ‘I’ have become. From there though, things fizzled out. Just another day given extra spice with a body swap, and it… it sure ended like one of those too. I didn’t plan on masturbating until Maxxie(Shiaka) demanded that I do it, and, well, I already went off the deep end during my week as Terra. Compared to that, nothing is off limits.”
Ken: “If Verde keeps giving us such wonderful toys to play with, I don’t know if I will be able to work by the end of the year! I kid, though I couldn’t stop thinking about using the VD throughout the day. Just something to spice up some meetings. To help out a few coworkers who were, naturally, lagging behind on a Monday. Or help Felix fall into a body swap romance! Instead, I just used it once, and got chewed out for it. And I get it. We have serious careers, over 100 people here depend on us, and our families still, sorta, count on us to get things done. I just feel like a kid with a new toy, I want to play with it all the time! Sure, I could just swap around after work and park whoever in our bodies, but I’m tired after work. And if I’m going to put someone in my body, I want them to feel great!”
Elly: “Ken was definitely having one of his unfocused days. It happens a lot in the office. When he’s home, he thinks that everything will go his way, and is confident that he has people around him to take care of most things. He can be such a kid like that. When he has friends around, he always wants to play, and while we don’t really know Nazz, let alone Liang, enough to call them friends… that doesn’t stop Ken from acting like it. I just know it’s going to be bad for his productivity, though maybe he will be more focused when he’s Elly tomorrow. He’s an avid roleplayer like that.”
Nazz: “I always wished that I could work with Liang and, in this fucked up wild way, I finally got that wish! Just seeing him, being around him, hearing him make the jokes and comments that I know he would make… it just warms my heart. This shouldn’t be possible, but with him by my side, I think I’m going to look forward to work from now on! That’s not to say I’m going to ghost him at home— we’re sticking together! Though… that does raise a question, as I did snag myself a girlfriend with Ruby, and she’ll probably ask me to meet up next week… Actually, hold up, I’ve got one great idea!”
Lilian: “What do you even want me to say after today? I really like being around Nazz. He feels like who Natasha would be if she wasn’t so afraid, wasn’t consumed with regret, and given the confidence that comes with age and living a hard life. He doesn’t feel like a young man, yet has too much vigor to be an old man either! As for Zoe, I do wish he were a bit looser like his old man, though considering all the shit he had to go through… he turned out fantastic! Just having dinner, watching TV, or lounging about in the same room, it’s still crazy with a box of poutine, but… I like it. Also, yes, I did turn into a girl and masturbate before bed. Someone on the Telegram chat recommended it to me, it seemed like it would be fun, and it was. Who would have imagined that being a… what do the kids call them nowadays? Milves? Would feel so good!”
Daisuke(Paz): “After… the events of June 20th, I decided to spend most of today doing prep work for July. I wanted nothing to do with Verde’s random body swap game, and just wanted to do my job, in my office, in my own body. Just because I have access to something like this does not mean I need to use it. …Except Paz was not happy with me. She wanted to do something with me today, and I said no. I know it is different when I get to be someone else, yet… I just did not want to risk it. After some convincing, she accepted… under the condition we go out to the city tomorrow, and I ‘bring Dia out to play’ again. I love Paz, but when she wants something, she makes sure she gets it. Just like tonight. She asked me for a body swap before bed at the last minute. And, even after doing it a couple times, it keeps getting better.”
Paz(Daisuke): “For as much as I wanted to play around with everybody, it was a Monday, so I did have Spanish lessons to give. I really wish Verde and her girls would get back to me on the tool she’s working on so I can plan the rest of my summer. Because while I love teaching people, a body swapper is a body swapper. I did my usual work, thinking about reducing my schedule, yet when I see how many people are struggling, how many people want to learn, I cannot justify letting them down. Regardless, I’ll finally get to bring Dia out of her shell again, and this time, I’ll make sure she won’t ever hide away. That she will shine like the precious diamond that she was made to be! …Gosh, that’s corny.”
Haruki(Caroline): “Aw hell yeah! After being in Nazz’s body on Saturday, I was fixing to try my hand at being a blonde girl. Well, a blonde White girl, that is. And ever since I met her, I thought Caroline was pretty fuckin’ hot, so I’d say I hit the big score today! Just getting to strut my stuff with a sexy body, right on the precipice of the MILF zone. I thought about hitting up the city with someone, but… nobody bit. So I just did my best to LARP as a rich suburban proto-cougar. Do a bit of shopping to fill out Caroline’s wardrobe with some daring booby-clothes. Hit up a yoga class to see just how much this 34-year-old could stretch— it was pretty damn far. And finish my day by asking a strapping young lad to come visit me for dinner, dessert, and my pussy! …Or her pussy, I guess, since I went with Caroline(Tony). Partially ‘cos I think everybody in our crew should fuck themselves— incest be damned— and partially ‘cos been too long since I fucked a Black dude.”
Verde’s Doohickey 2.0 Main Page
Act 1: SwitchY Swap
May 16th: Prom Pomf Pomf Preview
May 29th: Enter Verde’s Doohickey 2.0
May 30th: Let’s Get Swappin’
May 31st: Flare Family Fiasco
June 1st: Graduation Day
June 2nd: The Kurokawa ‘Sisters’
June 3rd: My Day As Zoe Xing
June 4th: Love in Seoul
June 5th: Sister Mother and Sister Daughter
June 6th: Back 2.0 Basics
June 7th: Assembling the Posse
June 8th: Anita Neukar in… Vivi Gaimz
June 9th: Mother Daughter Heart-2.0-Heart
June 10th: Daisuke and Paz in… Wacked Up Wednesday
June 11th: VAG Swap
June 12th: Terra’s Tomorrow
June 13th: Haruki’s Birthday Bash
Act 2: CHAOTIC CHANGES
June 14th: Jade and the Kuro Abigale Quinlans
June 15th: Aku_Mako’s E3 2015 Rundown – Day Zero
June 16th: Transform Sex Power
June 17th: Erotic Blitz
June 18th: An Evening At The Local Water Park
June 19th: Date Night Cubed
June 20th: Chicago Diamond Symphonia
June 21st: The Father’s Day Resurrection Special
June 22nd: Nazz and Liang Do Flare Industries
June 23rd: The Kurokawa Family Visits the Museum of Science and Industry
June 24th: Whatever Happened to… Yuccot Kikansky?
June 25th: A World Where The Gamers Won
June 26th: Bond Xing
June 27th: SSS – Sizzling Sexual Summer
June 28th: Lesbians 2.0 Gay Boys
June 29th: Caroline and Raiyne’s Cabin Logs
ACT 3: WORLDLY WONDERS
July 1st: We Lost the Remote in Tokyo!
July 2nd: Maid Café Mishaps
July 3rd: Pier Parties and Peaceful Palavers
July 4th: The Freedom To Get High At Burger Queen!
July 5th: From Nippon With Love
July 6th: Let’s Go Mexico with Haruya ‘n’ Da Boyz! Episode 1
July 7th: Jade & Caroline’s Austrian Adventure Episode 1
July 8th: Max’s Buff Quest Episode 1
July 9th: Let’s Go Mexico with Haruya ‘n’ Da Boyz! Episode 2
July 10th: Jade & Caroline’s Austrian Adventure Episode 2
July 11th: Max’s Buff Quest Episode 2
July 12th: Let’s Go Mexico with Haruya ‘n’ Da Boyz! Episode 3
July 13th: Jade & Caroline’s Austrian Adventure Episode 3
July 14th: Max’s Buff Quest Episode 3
July 15th: Utage Three-Point-Oh!