Content Warning: Verde’s Doohickey 2.0: Sensational Summer Romp contains content that some readers might find disturbing, triggering or uncomfortable. This includes sexually explicit activities, strong language, and hateful language and slurs. Reader discretion is advised.
Verde’s Doohickey 2.0: Sensational Summer Romp
June 15th: Aku_Mako’s E3 2015 Rundown – Day Zero
Author’s Note: This chapter is not important to the greater story or characters of Verde’s Doohickey 2.0: Sensational Summer Romp, and can be skipped accordingly. It is effectively a podcast transcript of Jade, Maxxie, Zoe, and Shiaka talking about the announcements from gaming convention E3 2015. So for those who feel that VD2.0 has been lacking in video game centric content… here you go!
Date: Monday, June 15, 2015
Time: 21:55
Location: The Flare Residence
Nestled in the basement of the Flare residence, the JMZS crew (Jade, Maxxie, Zoe, and Shiaka) all gathered around the sofa and assorted chairs. Each sat down with headphones on their heads, microphones in front of their faces, and wires running across the floor. They absentmindedly chattered with each other as the tripod-mounted camera captured their image, while Zoe’s body typed away at a laptop, smiling before looking over their friends.
???(Zoe): “Okay, is everybody cool with their current body?”
???(Jade): “Tee-bee-aych, I wanted something a bit more wild than Jade’s body, but acting like you Shi-Shi or Zoe would just be a ripe pain in the arse.”
Jade(Shiaka): “I’m not British, Maxxie. Though… did we actually test how the VD 2.0 works with accents? It copies language, so I guess it would let you assume someone’s dialect, but an accent is—”
???(Maxxie): “I already asked Verde about that. Accents and dialect are part of language, and are shared amongst both parties during a swap. However, they are not automatic. If an American were to switch bodies with a British person, they would speak in American English within their British body, but could switch to British English if they exerted the will.”
???(Zoe): “I guess that makes sense, Zoe. We can easily adopt the typical manner of speech of our respective bodies by offering a modicum of focus, and why should vernacular be treated differently than an accent or dialect?”
Maxxie(Jade): “Cool shit, Shi-Shi. But how’s the whole vodcast thing going?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “I should be done in just a moment, but are you sure this is the—”
Maxxie(Jade): “Yes, damn it! I’ve waited too long to start up a vodcast, we finally recorded one episode in May, and I’m not gonna let this equipment rot away during the biggest week in gaming during the year. Especially not after all the SHIT we saw today!”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Well, I guess I better rev my Maxxie on, because the hype ish kept on pouring this year!”
Jade(Shiaka): “Let’s just keep it to 90 minutes tops. Anything more is a bit much to ask from anyone, and I promised Caroline I’d call her when I was heading home.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Heading home? Nu-uh, Darling. My house is your house tonight. Same with all of y’all. Besides, if you try struttin’ down these streets, you might get freak-nabbed! …You got the topic list all ret-2-go?”
Jade(Shiaka): “Yep, though I’m going to skim over the boring stuff. Nobody wants a cumulative summary of E3 anyway.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “True, but do people even want a summary of E3 from yet another group of four people?”
Maxxie(Jade): “Who cares what the people want! This is our chance to make our body swappingness public without breaking the code! So stop dilly dallying like a shilly-shally, you silly Sally! Let’s do a live!”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Alright, Aku_Mako’s Arts and Other Assorted Treats is going live on five, four, three, two one—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “HELLO everyone! I am the infallible Aku_Mako, and joining me are my greatest and closest friends! At least as far as the flesh world is concerned. We’ve got my waifu für laifu, Jade!”
Maxxie(Jade): “Hey girl! I’m glad to join you again… in flesh world.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “The quiet storm, and the techy one, Shiaka Kurokawa!”
Jade(Shiaka): “H-Hey everyone. All… five of you . I’ll try to be a bit more talkative this time.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “And last, but not least, we have… some dude named Zoey.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “That joke is already dead and buried… but I guess I should expect as much from Maxxisaurus.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “So, we just got done with the Sony thing a while ago, but since we got sorta sidetracked with day negative uno, we gotta— bring it back, bring it back— and talk about the shit Nintendo did beforehand. Or am I missing something?”
Jade(Shiaka): “That’s the first thing on the list. Nintendo revealed DLC fighters for Smash 4— Or at least tried to.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Yes, they somehow made the amateurish mistake of uploading an update to the game before an announcement was made. Dataminers quickly found sound and video files indicating that Roy from Fire Emblem: The Binding Blade and Ryu from Street Fighter were coming alongside Lucas from Mother 3.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Two whole games Nintendo refuses to localize, even though fan translators did the work five years ago…”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Yeah, tell me about it… though we do have those English ROMs on our new game thingies.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Uh, maybe ixnay on the emu-yay at-lay ion-tay.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Pig Latin only makes it more suspicious, Shiaka.”
Maxxie(Jade): “So, how far do you think this is gonna go? Are they going to bring back every cut character? Pichu, Wolf, Young Link? If they add everyone, then it really would be the ultimate Smash Bros.“
Zoe(Maxxie): “Those three? They make sense. But there ain’t no way, no Hell, that they’re getting Snake back in Smash. Not with all the bull hockey going on with Kojima and Konami.”
Jade(Shiaka): “True, and Snake was only added to Brawl due to how much Kojima liked Nintendo…”
Maxxie(Jade): “Plus, of all the characters to bring back, Snake’s good for the memes of choking out cuddly characters, but he was kinda shit to play.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “He was a rather heavy character, but he offered a unique moveset and a large degree of versatility through his—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Have you played as him in DreamMix TV World Fighters?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Uh… no?”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Seriously? Guh. Shi-Shi, do you know how to region unlock a PS2? We’ve gotta play that game! You can have Bomberman fight Megatron and TwinBee and a Moai head! …From Gradius! It’s like PlayStation ASS-BAR but better!”
Maxxie(Jade): “That’s… really not that hard of a bar to clear.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Ahem. I was hoping to segue from Lucas from Mother 3 to talk about the next thing, but let’s just shift right into it. After… honestly kind of botching the Wii U Virtual Console by starting from scratch, Nintendo announced they were bringing back a game in a series that people have wanted to see translated for years. A title that helped reshape what an RPG could be and went on to spawn something grand and influential on a level—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “They gave us Earthbound Zero instead of Mother 3, but gave it a shit title, and it looks worse because the Wii U’s NES emulation is ASS!”
Shiaka(Zoe): “I would normally disagree… but in some respects, it was better in Animal Crossing for the GameCube.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Now, Earthbound Zero— Earthbound Beginnings coming to Wii U is a cool thing. It’s neat that Nintendo is re-releasing this title after they let it sit in a box for… 25 years. But nobody likes that game compared to its sequels. We all played Earthbound and Mother 3 after Shiaka and m— Maxxie recommended them. But do any of us care about the first game?”
Jade(Shiaka) & Zoe(Maxxie) & Shiaka(Zoe): “No.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Yeah, because it sucks compared to what came before. The music, the NES jank— Shiaka, just move onto the next topic.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Right, we have… no more Nintendo news. We’ll need to wait for the Nintendo Digital Event tomorrow morning. But after those pre-announcements, Bethesda had their own E3 conference.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Which is super weird. They’re the Skyrim and Hunted: The Demon’s Forge guys, why are they hosting their own freaking conference? What’ve they got?”
Maxxie(Jade): “…Hunted the what?”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Exactly my point!“
Shiaka(Zoe): “Their entire showcase was largely dedicated to their Doom reboot and the next Fallout game. I highly doubt they will be able to perform a showing like this again. Or, at the very most, it will once every few years, a la Square Enix.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Those were the only games they got proper showings. Beyond some CG trailers and mobile games—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Who needs mobile games when you’ve got basically every good 2D game from spanning two decades in your pocket?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “They’re new, so they have a more innate appeal.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Sad, but true. People want to be in with the new and out with the old, instead of respecting the old and enjoying the fact they can now play it anywhere… with some concessions.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “It has been the way of handheld gaming ever since it first originated. Portability at the cost of performance and or controls…”
Jade(Shiaka): “S-So, Doom 4 was announced as just… Doom.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Imma just say it, straight up, the game looks pretty lame. And that’s not surprising. Be real with me, y’all, when was the last good game id Software even made?”
Five seconds of silence settled across the room as the three sought to answer that question.
Shiaka(Zoe): “Hmm… Doom 3 reviewed well at launch, but many found its gameplay fundamentally flawed by the need to switch between a weapon and flashlight. While the horror ethos of the game went against the more established action of the initial two games. Quake III Arena was very good, but it came out during a renaissance of online FPS on the PC.
Maxxie(Jade): “Also, can we talk about how Rage, their big return was… just blasé and generic?”
Jade(Shiaka): “It might be rude to say it was just a less fun Borderlands with a worse art direction, better graphics, and no addictive loot system… but it is not necessarily wrong.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Yeah, but then you had freaking GameTrailers sucking it off, hyping it up to be a huge leap forward for games in so many ways. In the end… shit was aight, but you’d forget about it a week later, so what’s even the point?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “It is evident that id Software as a developer has lost many of the game designers who made their most well-known titles. It is possible that, not unlike Epic, they could become better known as an engine developer than a game developer.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Yeah, and after Doom 4— the original Call of Duty looking one— got canned after years of development, they really need to impress with this game and… it just looks slow and kinda ugly. A lot of yellow, a lot of brown, the chainsaw animation is cool, gorey, and everything, but it’s also so darn slow.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Oh my gosh, don’t even get me started on that. Doom was the game that invented speedrunning as it is today. It was sad when Doom 3 went against those ethos. And this… just lacks the grace of the first-person shooters that inspired it.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “I’m hearing nothing but the truth in this room! And they’ve got big shoes to live up to after Machine Games killed it with Wolfenstein: The New Order. That was how you bring back a classic FPS to the modern era. Not… whatever this was.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “It appears that they are putting more resources into the multiplayer mode, which… makes some sense. Doom deathmatch laid much of the foundation for multiplayer FPS in general. And if Doom’s easy-to-use map editor is any indicator, the ability to craft multiplayer maps could lead to unique experiences.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Oh goodness… I just realized that this game will probably lack a single-player map editor. That was one of the most prolific and endearing parts of the first Doom. To the point where people are still making WADs to this day…”
Shiaka(Zoe): “You actually made one, if I recall, right? About five years ago?”
Jade(Shiaka): “R-Right… I heard good things about the map editor, and for 1993, it was very advanced. Though, I never made anything special, or uploaded my WADs.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Should we talk about how the FPS campaign has kind of become a ‘lost art’ as FPS players kept being funneled into multiplayer?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “I think you said everything you needed to say right there. Most major first-person single-player titles of the past few years have been some mixture of FPS and RPG, often to the detriment of one or the other. Speaking of which…”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Fallout 4! The big game they devoted half a damn hour to showing off! And I know you have some big thoughts about that, don’tcha J— Shi-Shi!”
Jade(Shiaka): “That’s right. I never actually played Fallout 3, but remember it being the first Bethesda game to really connect with a wider audience, and it was widely praised, largely by people who did not play the original entries. Those who did though… were far from pleased with it. Namely with its story, tone, and general feel. It was not a serious RPG with a realized world as much as it was… thoughtless, perhaps even juvenile. And as someone who played those games… a few years ago, I was surprised by how mature and complex they were.”
Maxxie(Jade): “And then you played New Vegas and loved it, right?”
Jade(Shiaka): “Absolutely. New Vegas is one of the best open-ended RPGs ever made. It features some truly excellent characters, depicts a world rich with intrigue and backstory, and encourages player experimentation, rather than giving them binary choices.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “I believe you said that it was everything Fallout 3 should have been.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Exactly! As such, seeing what Bethesda decided to do as a follow-up to Obsidian’s work is… concerning, as the whole thing just seems like a step in the wrong direction.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Is it time to bust out your shit-list? ‘Cos I made it an actual list!”
Zoe(Maxxie) proceeded to pull a piece of notebook paper from an end table, fanning it out before handing it to Jade(Shiaka).
Jade(Shiaka): “Oh, thanks Maxxie, let me see… Right. The choice of a fully voiced protagonist is limiting in regards to both how the player characterizes their created character and how quests are designed. The choice to make the vault dweller someone with an established past, life, and relationships further limit who their created character can be in-game, and appears to repeat the poorly conceived ‘chosen one’ narrative of Fallout 3. The fixation on building and accumulating scrap seemingly goes against the ideas of Fallout as a series, as it is giving players simply too many materials. This is a post-apocalyptic world. If rebuilding is so easy, then why is so much of it still in disrepair? I could go on… but I think we’ve given this topic enough attention.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “No kidding. I’m surprised your little voice has lasted this long.”
Maxxie(Jade): “And even though you can point out these significant problems… the game’s still gonna sell like nuts. Or hotcakes…”
Shiaka(Zoe): “So, I take it none of us have particularly positive thoughts on this conference?”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Nah. It was fine at best, but if you didn’t care about either of the two big games they showed, it was a grade-C snoozefest. But you know what wasn’t a snoozefest?”
Maxxie(Jade): “Sony’s show! At least the first hour—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “No, bad waifu! We need to do this chronologically, because it’s the most logical! So logical it’s got logical in its freaking name!”
Jade(Shiaka): “Next, we have Microsoft’s showing and—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Xbox 360 backwards compatibility, bay-bee!”
Jade(Shiaka): “W-Well, I guess we can start there.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Hell yeah, we’re gonna start there, because what the fuck are Microsoft doing now? Giving up on DRM was the Xbox One-Eighty. Getting rid of Kinect after five months on the market was a double one-eighty! And now, after the ‘relevancy period’ for backwards compatibility is over, after people started getting reasons to move to new consoles, after old consoles got cheap as hell, they’re bringing back backwards compatibility?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Blame Don Mattrick. He reinvented Xbox, and now they need to un-reinvent it.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Also, Maxxie, you do realize that we’ll be lucky to get half of the Xbox 360 library on—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Girl, half the Xbox 360 library is still a damn good library! The only thing that’s got it beat is my modded chubby PS3. Thanks again for helping me with that Shi-Shi. Now I have something that can play almost 10,000 games!”
Jade(Shiaka): “W-Well, it was tricky, but I’m glad I could help you with that. Though, we’re getting distracted—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “With me in charge, our course is always distracted. Especially when doing something as freeform as a vodcast!”
Jade(Shiaka): “S-So, I don’t think we have anything much to say about their big first-party offerings, right?”
Maxxie(Jade): “Yeah. Halo’s Halo. Forza’s an annualized car game. Fable Legends is still some weird MOBA thing. And Gears of War 4 looks way less interesting than Shangheist ever did. “
Zoe(Maxxie): “Yeah, and they also announced a remaster of the first Gears of War, when… why not do the first three and make it an HD trilogy?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “A better question is why even bother, if the entire trilogy will be made backwards compatible?”
Jade(Shiaka): “Heh. I like how everyone forgot about Gears of War: Judgment.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Yeah, ‘cos March 2013 was stacked like a house of pancakes, and there was zero buzz about the game. Same with God of War 4. What was it called? Ascended or something.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Hey, can we talk about how they want to charge $150 for a damn controller? Like, I don’t know how good it feels in the hands, but that’s half the price of a Wii U. That’s basically the price of a 3DS!”
Shiaka(Zoe): “It was meant to target an enthusiast market. They can no longer sell as many due to local multiplayer entering a decline, so they are making them more expensive to make back the R&D costs.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Even with that in mind, this is not like paying for a $150 keyboard over a $25 keyboard. A game controller has limited application and a limited life cycle. An Xbox 360 controller may only last a few years if one is an extensive gamer. But by the time someone goes through two of them, the new console will probably be available and come with a newer controller.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Also, Imma just say it, but this won’t be worth it because, no matter how good the materials are, Microsoft just can’t make a good D-pad. They tried with the Xbox One, but… nah, it still doesn’t work.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Wait, how long has it been since we talked about an actual video game?”
Jade(Shiaka): “Well, the next one on my list is… Recore, but that was just a CG trailer—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Still, just knowing some ex-Retro devs and Inafune’s company are making a game with Microsoft money behind it is freaking dope!”
Shiaka(Zoe): “They might have experience with Metroid Prime, but they did also make Batman: Arkham Origins Blackgate—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Which was better than Arkham Origins, despite being basically made from the ground up, given a handheld game budget, and… 18 months in the oven.”
Jade(Shiaka): “I also have Dark Souls III on the list—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “I dunno how they are pushing these games out so damn fast, but if it’s more Bloodborne and less Dark Souls II, then sign me right the hell up!”
Maxxie(Jade): “Yeah! And if they can make it look as good as Dark Souls II did before it got downgraded, then even better!”
Shiaka(Zoe): “I suppose their pace makes sense. From Software has always been a large developer, and with seemingly no Armor Core title in active development, then it is feasible they could put out these games this frequently… though, there is cause for concern.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “I just hope they bring back the damn estus flasks! That’s like the only thing that sucks about Bloodborne.”
Jade(Shiaka): “And then there was Cuphead—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “It makes the artisté within me danken with delight! …But it’s still in development, because animation that smooth takes a lifetime. It’s why I never fucked with anything beyond Flash. Even though I’d love to make a KO Beast short… that’d take me a solid year of constant work.”
Jade(Shiaka): “…But Cuphead was shown last year, so there is not much to talk about. …Though, Microsoft did pay for Rise of the Tomb Raider as an exclusive. Because they want their own Uncharted.”
Maxxie(Jade): “And it sure as shit looked like the Uncharted at home. Just like 2013’s. Lady Uncharted: Erotic Murderlust.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “For all that game’s finer qualities… its mature content is a stark reminder as to why the original Tomb Raider series was always rated T for Teen.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Tomb Raider is supposed to be a campy adventure game, filled with magic, dinosaurs, and scoundrels! But noooo! They kept pumping out annual releases, decided to reboot everything, made it grim and gritty as hell, and still thought 3 million units wasn’t enough! …We really need to get a Brit on the show to tear these games a new one. They freaking love Tomb Raider in their little sinkhole!”
Jade(Shiaka): “I think we would need to be attracting more than… ten viewers to justify making this an international vodcast. But speaking about games that British people are particularly partial to… we have the Rare Replay collection.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “It is by no means a complete collection— the choice to limit it to merely 30 games is nothing if not arbitrary, but it is bound to be a fascinating collection nonetheless.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “You say that, but let’s be real. 98% of people who pick up this collection will wind up looking at whatever European PC stuff they put in this collection and nope the hell out!”
Jade(Shiaka): “That… Does raise a topic worth discussing. While NES games had more direct lineage and influence on modern console games, the ZX Spectrum and Commodore had far more… eclectic libraries, and there were less established conventions. You seldom hear a non-European developer cite the Commodore or ZX Spectrum libraries as a creative influence.”
Maxxie(Jade): “…Would it be too much of a hot take to say that Rare was only good during the 90s? Well, throw in the 2000s for Conker and Perfect Dark. But ever since they joined up with Microsoft, everything they’ve done has been… okay-ish.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “That is… not an uncommon sentiment. Grabbed by the Ghoulies had a more mixed reception, and reappraisals of their Xbox 360 launch line-up have been… less than kind.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Fuck it, I know I said I wasn’t gonna go on this rant again, but I’ve gotta let the passion in me BURN! Like a Flare! Because Rare spent an entire generation doing Avatar and Kinect crap! Before then, they fucked up Banjo Kazooie and Perfect Dark, completely forgetting why people liked either of them. And before that, they released Kameo, which should have been awesome, but just sucked! It just sucked!”
Maxxie(Jade): “Oh my gush, yes! You have all of these cool transformations and a fantasy world, but for all the next gen tech in that game… the art direction was just bad. Take it from… Maxxie, you’re an artist, and would you agree with me?”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Yep! I could see what they were trying but… it just did not work. It looked weird on release, and every year, it looks worse.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Then there was the beat ’em up combat, with those stupid shoulder button controls, it always felt like nothing. Like they forgot to make sure the combat they built the damn game around was fun.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Okay, okay, you two are just going to keep going at it at this rate—”
Maxxie(Jade): “Viva Piñata though? That was great! It was the best looking game on the market when it came out, and—”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Remember your position, Jade.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Huh? Oh, right. Shit. Sorry about that.”
Jade(Shiaka): “I almost don’t want to bring up Sea of Thieves now—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Of all the IP they have, why are they making a damn pirate MMO?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “I think that summarizes things nicely…”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Overall, they get major props just for backwards compatibility… even if Rare makes my brain hurt nowadays.”
Maxxie(Jade): “For those not quite up to date on the lore, Maxxie played Star Fox Adventures when she was little, and thought it was amazing.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “I won’t say it made me a furry… but it sure helped!”
Jade(Shiaka): “…Any final thoughts on Microsoft’s showing?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Based on the current trajectory, I am dubious about their ability to course correct this console generation. It is possible they will imitate the success of the PS3 during the latter half of its life, but they simply lack the first-party studios and general developer support to do that.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Would you say the third console curse is in effect?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “It is not a logical occurrence… but it is a trend that I firmly believe will keep the Xbox One in a distant second place.”
Maxxie(Jade): “So, still above the Wii U?”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Yeah, but that’s not a hard bar to pass. It’s got good games, but that thing couldn’t even sell 10 million with Mario Kart and Smash Bros.”
Jade(Shiaka): “It is close though. They reached 9.5 million last quarter.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Whoa! We really are a bunch of natural vodcasters. We can’t stay on the same topic for more than a minute! But yeah, my Xbox One ain’t gonna get no love anytime soon. And I’m sure that’s true for a lotta people!”
Jade(Shiaka): “So, do we want to talk about EA—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Mass Effect 3 Discourse: Real Battle on Film time, bay-bee!”
Jade(Shiaka): “…You know Maxxie, you’re really indulging yourself tonight.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Yeah, I might’ve asked Babs to give me some CHarM coffee after dinner, and I might’ve had a Sprite with dinner. So I’m just giving it 110% without even trying!”
Maxxie(Jade): “[Yes, all according to plan… all according to plan.]”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Uh, Jade, since when can you speak Mandarin?”
Maxxie(Jade): “Uh… you are the one who taught me that expression, Zoe.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “So, Mass Effect! It’s back, and with jetpacks! That’s all the CG trailer gave us, so let’s talk about ME3‘s ending. I think we’re all in agreement on it, right?”
Jade(Shiaka): “It’s… been a good year since we talked about it, but we agreed that the game does have some storytelling issues, and minimizes player choices in many respects. However, it offers a sufficiently epic and intense conclusion. True, the endings seem… overly similar when presented together, yet the entire game is a finale, not just the final cutscene.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Furthermore, asking more out of the games is rather absurd, considering the labor and intense deadlines these games were operated under. More endings would have been appreciated, certainly. And the extended cut dramatically improved the game’s conclusion. Yet the outrage over it was just absurd and from people who lacked sense in many ways.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Also, I just wanna say that, in art, feelings and emotions triumph over all. The game is about saving the damn universe, and you do! Players’ emotional reactions are more important than logic. And art is more about feelings than substance.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Took the words right outta my mouth… like a fistful of meatloaf.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Going back to the actual thing we are supposed to talk about, the two other games I have notes for are Unravel and Mirror’s Edge: Catalyst.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Unravel was adoracute. The awkward guy presenting it was even cuter. And that… was one weird game to see up on the same stage as EA Sports. It really made me wanna try futzing around with some yarn…”
Maxxie(Jade): “Oooh! Now there’s a date night idea! I know we planned on doing some sculpting or freeform painting… I have never been the most crafty girl. But yarn though? That I can handle!.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Choices like that always leave me curious as to who they want their intended audience for these showings to be. Entertainment writers, games press, people at home, it’s all bizarre, and I wish there were some way to glance into the logic of how these things are scripted.”
Jade(Shiaka): “I believe their target demographic is everyone… which is a pretty terrible demographic in all honesty. It means nobody is left fully satisfied, and the more core audience needs to wait a long time to get something like a new Mirror’s Edge. Which… I still find a bit hard to believe. Even after its third E3 showing.”
Maxxie(Jade): “I’ll take it from here! Mirror’s Edge was met with a pretty tepid reception upon release, being a first-person runner set in a minimalistic yet super detailed world. It was a single-player only title that only took… three hours to beat. So it didn’t sell all too well, didn’t meet EA’s expectations, and wasn’t given a second chance or big media push… even though EA gave the same love to Dead Space. So now they’ve been dangling this cult classic over people’s heads for some good will, and… it looks more like Mirror’s Edge, which is exactly what the people want! The open world stuff though…”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Could be GREAT or could be SHIT! I love exploring a big open world… but Mirror’s Edge was tightly constructed, deliberately designed, and really freaking smooth. Open world games… aren’t! I mean, I would love a Mirror’s Edge where you just do platforming challenges in a beautiful world, but that would be through a randomizer or something. Not by ditching linearity.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “I guess we’ll need to wait and see?”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Yeah, yeah, yeah. …So, we’re onto Urbi Softich next?”
Jade(Shiaka): “Yes, and with a bit of controversy right out of the gate, as the first topic is the new South Park game.”
Maxxie(Jade): “First thought was that it wasn’t too surprising, as the game survived THQ’s collapse, and was pretty good. Dare I say the best South Park has been in years.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Was South Park good because you watched it when you were 13, or…”
Maxxie(Jade): “No, no, they hold up pretty well. …Except for when it really doesn’t.”
Jade(Shiaka): “But we immediately run into a problem, as this is not being developed by Obsidian, which is… strange. I can only imagine the amount of tech that would be required to make something that resembles the show so strongly, and they are throwing it away to start all over with a new internal developer.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Especially when Ubisoft really didn’t do much with Stick of Truth, and this is a direct sequel. …Yeah, there’s nothing whole about this, shit’s just fractured and weird.”
Jade(Shiaka): “I guess Obsidian could have just been busy, but they’ve mostly been getting by on contractor support work last I checked. Choosing not to go with them just seems petty… and rude.”
Maxxie(Jade): “So, what else do we have lined up? I remember For Honor looking like it had some potential, even if it is yet another multiplayer-focused game meant to consume your life.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Not gonna lie, I remember that cool beard man with a cane more than the actual game, which just looks like some weird Assassin’s Creed spin-off with non-shit combat.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Beyond that… it was mostly a bunch of Tom Clancy games. The Division, Rainbow Six Siege, Ghost Recon Wildlands.”
Jade(Shiaka): “That’s what I have written down, almost word for word. And… I don’t understand why the games industry keeps on going in this slightly futuristic modern warfare aesthetic, other than Call of Duty tried it and became a smash hit.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “I know, and even then… that whole title was just weird. ‘Modern Warfare.’ Even though most of the western world has been war free since G-MEW ended in 2002. Sure, Africa is its own can of worms, but this whole prolonged expansion of the Great Middle Eastern War for the sake of entertainment, and hunkering down on an evolved aesthetic from the 1990s… shit’s pretty gross. It’s like they never wanted the war to end…”
Maxxie(Jade): “Can we lay off the politics and shift over to PlayStation next?”
Jade(Shiaka): “I was just about to transition us, so let me begin with… Can… Can I go on my little spiel?”
Maxxie(Jade): “You sure you don’t want me to do it, girl?”
Jade(Shiaka): “Yes!”
Maxxie(Jade): “Then be my guest!”
Jade(Shiaka): “Shadow of the Colossus is one of the best video games ever made, no exaggeration, no hyperbole! Its world design is eerie and daunting, creating a place with a true sense of scale and grandiose to it, while being largely grounded in a rendition of reality. Its bosses are some of the most grand and imposing encounters to ever grace the medium, being these lumbering titans who require wit and persistence to overcome using a few finely tuned systems. The score and soundscape are wonderful, using music to enhance encounters at the right time, while accenting the experience with ambiance during the lulls between them. For a PS2 title, the game is a technical marvel, and still features the best implementation of horseback riding in any game. It is simple yet ambitious. Immense yet precise.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Which is why you are so glad that its successor, The Last Guardian was re-unveiled here.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “And it looked damn good! I mean, you can sorta tell it was a PS3 game, but just watching that hawk dog bounce around and wreck the environment… looks like it would have melted a PS3. I love ya baby, but you weren’t made for stuff like that!”
For dramatic effect, Zoe(Maxxie) made sure to wave at the slim PS3 hooked up to the basement TV. Not the modded fat one. That was the bedroom PS3.
Maxxie(Jade): “Honestly, there was no better way they could’ve re-announced the game, and seeing it now, after six years of nothing, is surreal. If there was a theme of Sony’s show, it was making dreams come true!”
Jade(Shiaka): “Let’s try to keep things in chronological order. Otherwise, we’ll miss things and not want to talk about other stuff. And next up on our list, from the Killzone folks, we have the robot dinosaur hunting game.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “YES! And that is what video games should be about! Screw your modern warfares, screw your realism, this is fantasy, and we should be doing stuff like that! You want nature, cool, but make it pretty, and don’t just have dinosaur hunting, make them robots too, because you can do anything in video games!”
Shiaka(Zoe): “While I might not use such hyperbolic wording… I agree, it is far more visually, and mechanically, interesting than what the developer was previously working on.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Though, the title is a bit… nonsensical. What’s a Horizon: Zero Dawn? I get that it’s about exploring, but Horizon doesn’t seem like an appropriately game-y title compared to what you actually do in it.”
Jade(Shiaka): “You’ll get used to it eventually. People always get used to awkward titles eventually. Or even if they don’t really represent what the game is like, people will just come to accept it. Not everything can be No Man’s Sky, and—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “I hereby declare myself owner of the gushing rights for this game. …And now the gushing will commence! So, you know one of the biggest problems with a generation shift is finding the game that makes people realize that something could not be done on older hardware. This generation, it has taken a while to actually see a game that seems like a generational leap and not just a prettier fancier version. But then No Man’s Sky, dropped straight outta nowhere, at the Spike-whatever-the-fucks with a trailer that promised to be something insane!”
Shiaka(Zoe): “I initially thought it was fake like the Killzone 2 reveal trailer. What it was showing was simply beyond anything else seen, promising seamless space travel and to scale exploration of planets. Though here, we saw it played on stage, and everything looked just as robust as its initial reveal trailer.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Now, the one thing I really wanna ask is… how the hell are the Joe Danger people making this and not… Bethesda. Because if Bethesda went from Skyrim to this… then I think we’d still be amazed.”
Jade(Shiaka): “I would have to agree. Video games are capable of some amazing feats, yet… I can barely comprehend what the developers are doing here, or how they are able to do it.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “…Okay, now can we talk about the really heavy hitters?”
Jade(Shiaka): “Heh. Well, I think you remember what’s next. None other than… World of Final Fantasy—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Ugliest chibis I have seen in years. Like, I know 14-year-olds on Tumblr who make chibis with better proportions than those… whatever they are supposed to be. When they are regular human sized, they look fine, but They mostly have those Funko Pop heads. I love the idea of a chibi crossover with a bunch of Final Fantasy characters, and something more childlike and jovial— that shit is my jam, yo— but this? No. They got 90% of the way there, and just fucked it, straight up, and down to the ground.”
Maxxie(Jade): “H-Hey now, don’t you think you’re exaggerati—”
Zoe(Maxxie): “I said what I said when it came on screen, and I’m not changing my thoughts tonight! …But I did get over it super quickly after… they finally did it. Someone else, do the honors.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Tokyo, March 26, 2006. Square Enix president Yoichi Wada handed the first public copy of Final Fantasy XII to an unassuming man, the first one in line. After he purchased the game, he was given the opportunity to speak to the crowd, and he said one thing.”
Jade(Shiaka): “[Please remake Final Fantasy VII for the PlayStation 3, thank you.]”
Maxxie(Jade): “Then, two months later, as the highlight of Sony’s E3 2006 show, they announced it… and then said it was just a tech demo.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “But now, it’s real! It’s fucking REAL! And I didn’t even see the rumors that it was coming until after the announcement! And that is why you never go on GAF during E3 season! The promise has been made, and if they don’t deliver… Then Square Enix may as well just close up shop.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Admittedly, it was all just a CG trailer, so it’s a bit hard to tell what the final product would look like… but it looks like Final Fantasy VII, just modernized. Which is the first thing people want to see. Though there is one teensy problem. How are they going to remake that entire game?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “That is indeed the big question, as it is easy to forget just how long and varied Final Fantasy VII was. It was cutting edge in 1997, the literal most expensive game ever made due to its CG cutscenes and vivid environments. Both of those were impressive, but have aged considerably. And now, they need to remake them at a dramatically higher fidelity.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “But, we need to ask which is the bigger reveal. The Final Fantasy VII remake, or Shenmue III.”
Silence followed through the room, before one bold voice spoke up.
Maxxie(Jade): “Hold up, have… have any of us actually played Shenmue? Maxxie, I think you told me you passively watched some Let’s Plays by SKArmedageddon while drawing.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Oh… Right! But I never actually played them, and I don’t have a Dreamcast.”
Jade(Shiaka): “We were all a bit too young for Carboni’s Toys ‘R’ Us giveaway, and Haruki was always a PlayStation girl.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “That is a significant problem with a return like this, as while people have wanted to conclude the story of Shenmue for over a decade at this point, many have lacked the means to play it. Shenmue II is less restrictive though, receiving an Xbox port that was playable on Xbox 360.”
Jade(Shiaka): “It also originally came with Shenmue: The Movie, which summarized the first game.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Yeah, but the game sold like shit because the Dreamcast was dead and how many people who liked Shenmue bought a damn Xbox? Not many!”
Maxxie(Jade): “I’m sure they’ve got a remaster in the works, and if not… people are gonna get confused, because Shenmue II goes to some weird places in the end.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Considering how successful the Kickstarter has been, already reaching its funding goal and then some, I’m sure Sega is working on re-releases of the first two games for modern systems.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Hmm… thinking about this more, there is reason to be skeptical of the whole thing. We’re not even fully sure who’s making the game. However, this is something people have wanted for over a decade, and it would be rude to dismiss it in this early state. Especially after we gushed about the FF7 remake and The Last Guardian.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Oh, and after that, they followed up by showing the first VR system for consoles!”
Jade(Shiaka): “R-Right, they showed off Morpheus too, but not for very long…”
Shiaka(Zoe): “You don’t seem to be… particularly enthused about that.”
Jade(Shiaka): “The hardware and concept are really cool, and this will be a great step in making VR more mainstream and viable, as Sony will have more devs make games for their system. But… I’m worried about how they’ll treat it. Especially after the Vita was… pretty much abandoned by them. We’re getting Freedom Wars in October, but after that… I think it’s over for first-party support. Like the Vita, VR will be niche, as there are too many limitations, from space to ease of use to motion sickness.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Yeah, I feel ya, Shi-Shi. It seems like it will be a repeat of the Kinect or PlayStation Move. A cool idea, maybe home to some neat games, but it will probably be forgotten by the time the PS5 comes along.”
Maxxie(Jade): “I have to agree. Haruki let us try an Oculus Rift her friend got a while back, and it was cool… like a theme park ride. The amount of effort and isolation compared to just… playing a game on a console or whipping out a phone, it’s just too much. And it’s not social like using a motion controller. Maybe Facebook could make it work, launching some sort of VR social media service or something, but… I dunno. That just doesn’t sound right to me.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “And with that, I think we’re about done with everything we have to say. Unless any of you were paying attention when they started talking about PlayStation Vue?”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Nah. If I learned anything from the Xbox One reveal disaster two years back, it’s that it ain’t worth listening when some dude in a suit starts yapping about TV. Instead, it’s an excuse to look at phone.”
Jade(Shiaka): “And it’s a shame, as it was shaping up to be one of the best E3 conferences of all time. Though, regardless… this was still a monumental day for video games in several ways. And I’m glad that we made the time to experience it together.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “D’aw! Shi-Shi, you’re gonna make me all sappy dishing out sweetness like that.”
Maxxie(Jade): “I know, I love it when she gets like this! …But we’re over an hour at this point, so we should call it a night.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “Righto! Thanks for tuning in all… eight of you. We’ll catch you tomorrow to see if Nintendo delivers the goods, or if the Wii U era is gonna end with a nasty old thud. Until then, I’ve been Maxxie, the one and only Aku-Mako!”
Maxxie(Jade): “I’m Jade!”
Jade(Shiaka): “I’ve been Shiaka.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “And as usual, I’m Zoe.”
Zoe(Maxxie): “And until next time, see ya!”
As the camera and mics stopped recording and the stream was shut off, the four hosts let out a collective sigh of relief, their bodies sinking into their cushy seats.
Zoe(Maxxie): “Staying on as you, on camera, for over an hour is… intense.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Thanks! I consider myself a high-class girl.”
Jade(Shiaka): “Okay, so are we going to swap back before going to bed, or are we spending the night in each other’s bodies?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Uh… I know Zoe has his own weird schedule with renting out his body, so let me check my phone for—”
As they started bantering about their plans for the remainder of the night, they heard a knock on the basement door, and could tell who it was just from the sound alone.
Maxxie(Jade): “Stream’s over Babs! Come on down!”
Babs then walked downstairs, her eyes half open as she walked down in her pajamas, trying to figure out who is who just from the way they sat and looked at her.
Babs: “What are you four shouting about down here?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “S-Sorry Babs. We tried to be quick, but it’s E3 and—”
Babs: “Right, the big summer gaming event. I guess it is that time of year… Just be sure you go to bed at a reasonable hour. Not only for yourself, but whoever’s borrowing your body tomorrow.”
Babs did a stretch and a yawn as she said that, only for Maxxie(Jade) to pull out her VD 2.0 from the couch cushion and target Babs.
Maxxie(Jade): “Ohohohoho! Don’t worry Babs. We’ll go to bed, but not to sleep! I’ll make my merry way… after one final shuffle!”
With rapid pointing and precision, Maxxie(Jade) flickered through a series of swaps, switching around everyone in this room, hopping from body to body, before landing on their form for the remainder of the night.
Maxxie was now in Zoe, looking down at her tall, muscular form with the vigor of a self-described pervert. Jade was left nearly stumbling as she found herself in Babs’s taller, curvy, and sleepy body. Zoe merely left out a slight smile and sigh as he looked down to see Jade’s body. Shiaka was left frazzled as she wound up in Maxxie’s skin, the caffeine pumping through her body exaggerating her movements. While Babs looked down at Shiaka’s body and shrugged, as she was already in this body two days ago.
Babs(Shiaka): “Maxxie, could you please ask before you throw us in random bodies and—”
Maxxie(Zoe): “I can’t hear you over my raging boner! C’mon girlfriend, let’s go to your room and fuck!”
Jade(Babs): “W-What, but Maxxie, Babs is your—”
Maxxie(Zoe): “Rules are made to be broken, now haul your fine ass up the stairs! …Actually, with this body, I can probably carry you!”
Before Jade(Babs) could say anything, she found herself lifted up by Maxxie(Zoe), princess carrying her 66 kilogram body up the stairs. Jade(Babs) objected, prodding her captor to let her go, but it only took a few seconds before Maxxie(Zoe) shut the door behind her.
Zoe(Jade): “Somehow I knew this would happen. …So, do you want to follow their example or just head home?”
Shiaka(Maxxie): “Uh… is it wrong that I want to say—”
Zoe(Jade): “We’re in bodies that are attracted to each other… and Maxxie’s body is very… ‘prone to horniness.'”
Babs(Shiaka): “Oh, god, this is my life now, isn’t it?“
Shiaka(Maxxie): “O-Oh. I guess it would be pretty awkward doing anything sexual with me and—”
Babs(Shiaka): “I’ve already seen every part of her, and at this point, there’s no sense in trying to avoid pseudo-incest.”
Zoe(Jade): “Pseudo-incest?”
Babs(Shiaka): “You know, like son and step-mom stuff. It’s like incest, but not direct blood relationship. So the birth defect argument doesn’t apply. At this point, we are family— I’ve been changing her diapers since she was born— just not legally or genetically. Besides, I know she doesn’t care, and it’s only a matter of time before she takes Ken’s body out for a spin.”
Shiaka(Maxxie): “…So, um, how would this work? I’ve never actually done it with another girl before— I’ve only had sex with Zoe—”
Babs(Shiaka): “Don’t worry, you’ve got a veteran on your side with me. Now, come on. Let’s head to the third floor guest room before I start second guessing myself…”
Babs(Shiaka) confidently strutted her tiny top-heavy body out of the basement, while Shiaka(Maxxie) and Zoe(Jade) were left staring at each other.
Zoe(Jade): “You can always say no if you’re not comfortable with something.”
Shiaka(Maxxie): “I… no. It’s part of the experience of being another person. Just, um, make sure you stop me from going too far. I’m still not sure what this body is capable of when hopped up on caffeine.”
Zoe(Jade): “Don’t worry. No matter the body, I’ve got your back, Shiaka.”
The two held hands as they walked out of the basement, leaving the podcast equipment where it was as they turned off the light. Both ready for some ‘after dark’ activities.
The Posse Logs: My Sensational Summer Vacation Diary
Jade(Babs): “Watching E3 is a tradition for my friends and I. So we spent most of the day watching the press conferences, chatting about them, and doing some sporadic body swapping before Maxxie decided to do this on a whim. …Same thing with the ‘afterparty.’ I should have expected that my first biological penetration would be with Maxxie in Zoe’s body… but I didn’t expect to be in Babs’s body while it happened. Doing it in Maxxie’s body was one thing, but having sex in this body was… really freaking good. I knew that Babs’s body felt good from hearing… my mother masturbate inside it, and I can’t say I blame her. I was even jilling off after Maxxie fell asleep. …I can barely believe I was asexual a few months ago.”
Maxxie(Zoe): “Hell to the yeah! Killer games! Sick friends! Mad snacks! Digital deception to, technically, hundreds of people while keeping the secret of swappin’ on the DL! And finally getting to score in Zoe’s body. Now, was it sorta wack putting Jade in Babs’s body like that? Nah. With all the shit I’m into, incest ain’t even close to the naughty list. You just gotta make sure the consent mechanism is right and nip abuse right in its fat warty ass. Anyway, this day was sick, and my theory proved right. Acting like Zoe makes you feel like you’ve got a stick rammed right up your ass. Being in his body owns. And bangin’ with his fat cock double-owns. Seriously, I thought cranking it was the joint, but this was on a whole ‘nother level.”
Zoe(Jade): “Considering how much time I’ve spent as a woman this past week, I’m surprised I hadn’t had a lesbian experience up until this point. …And that I started with a three-some. …Where I was the ‘bottom’ of the three. I suppose it was an experience few men could ever say he had. ‘Eating out’ a girl while being eaten out myself, or eating out one while getting penetrated with a strap on. When combined with the fact that, from a physical perspective, I was being dominated by the bodies of Maxxie and Shiaka, I was left truly unsure what to feel, even as I fumbled to sleep. On one hand, I felt like I had been sexually dominated when I led the role in the past. And on the other… I felt like I had just lived out a remixed version of a fairly common sexual fantasy.”
Shiaka(Maxxie): “The ritual of watching E3 with friends is something that’s still new to me, but… wait, I’m sorry, I’m supposed to comment on the most interesting part of my day. Impersonating Zoe is no longer a challenge to me… everything we did on the third floor was. I went in blind, not understanding the true mechanics of lesbian sex beyond a lot of toys, licking, and tender touching. But with Babs’s guiding hand… I felt like a whole new world opened up to me. The mechanics of sex are far more nuanced than I initially assumed, and my ability to roleplay Maxxie… surpassed even my highest expectations. I guess her body is just… adept at behaving like that. Though, I think I went a bit too hard on Zoe.”
Terra: “It’s normally hard to sleep during E3, they call it ‘Gamer Christmas’ for a reason, and it’s not helped by how hyped Maxxie usually gets. This year was no exception, and with Nintendo’s showing tomorrow, I couldn’t help but get a little reckless before bed… but then I started hearing the sounds of sex again. Mark’s sound-proofing helped, but Zoe’s voice kept echoing throughout the wall along with Babs’s. And when I blocked that out, I kept hearing… a lot of moaning and some pounding from the third floor. Meaning I had to break out my white noise machine for another night. At this point, I may as well just turn it on before I go to bed.”
Vivi: “Today, Gem, Anita, and I decided to do a livestream of E3 2015. We were invited to Maxxie’s house to join her E3 extravaganza, but a stream with seven people is just a lot of noise. Besides, I didn’t want to move all of my audio shit and try to get it to work with Maxxie’s setup, and I just know she would try to play musical bodies when… that wouldn’t work. Unlike those four, we can’t act like each other. Anita’s too passionate, I’m too deadpan, and Gem’s too… Gem. The VD 2.0 felt wasted on us today, because it was, but maybe we can do something later… after Nintendo disappoints. At this point, why would they be putting money into the Wii U? It has some good games, more than the PS4 and Xbox One, but… it’s still a failure. I just hope the Nintendo Fusion rumors are onto something, as that would solve most of Nintendo’s problems.”
Anita: “Woof. I like video games, but E3 always makes me feel like I don’t know squat. Still,it was a good excuse to be around Vivi and see her geek out, so I had to be a part of it. It was probably one of the most ‘normal’ days for me all week, as I was a bit too confused by… lots of things to worry about anything deep or existential. It was actually pretty nice to have my head all quiet for once. …Gosh, I just know Verde’s going to hear this and make tomorrow too existential for its own good.”
Gem: “The Electronic Entertainment Expo is a delightful deluge of information that I merrily soak up like a sponge every year. It shapes much of the framework and foundation for the future of the industry and is home to many an iconic moment. Though, for as right and righteous as the festivities were, particularly with PlayStation’s placations, my mind rigorously indulged in misbehavior. The erotic elation of another body may have rewired my mind’s idea of what is and is not ‘fun.’ Video games are enticing… yet I just wanted to partake in a Rez playthrough in Anita’s body. To complete the trilogy as it were.”
Caroline(Raiyne): “Jade and most of the kids were busy watching a video game conference. I never quite understood the appeal, though they always seem to make her so happy. She was away from home, so I wound up switching bodies with Rayne and we headed to the Chicago Botanical Gardens. It was something nice to do outdoors, a way for us to get out of Oransen for a little bit, and we quickly realized how… appropriate a place like this is for swapping bodies. With all the major changes that come from being in another body, I failed to notice how smells and colors change when in a different body. Every flow carried with it a slightly different smell, and when looking at them, it was as if there was a slight filter over everything. Some colors were emphasized, while others were more muted. The sensations were neither better nor worse to what I was used to, though I couldn’t stop myself from experimenting, going across every attraction at least once to figure out what ‘my’ preferences were.”
Raiyne(Caroline): “I’m not sure why I let Caroline talk me into going to the Botanical Gardens. I like nature, but something about being surrounded by all those flowers, all of these unnaturally arranged plants, presented to be gawked at, I just always found things like that to be overwhelming. I’d much rather just visit a museum or a typical nature preserve. See some art, focus on what I want to see, or just lose myself in the woods like we used to as kids. Instead, I had to keep on smelling flowers and comparing my preferences. I wanted to tell her to stop, but when Caroline is passionate about something, I’ve always struggled to tell her no.”
Babs(Shiaka): “Deep down, I knew I would become a true pervert the moment I was given one of these body swappers. I always was more loose with this sort of thing. Always liked to have fun with my friends. But now my little polycule has been replaced with a new one, and everything I learned from them, I get to share here. It felt wrong doing everything I did to Maxxie and Jade’s bodies. But as I spoke with Shiaka’s voice, using her whispery tone to bark out harsh commands, something about it felt right, if only because it was so wrong. There is something deeply exciting about roleplay, and with body swapping, you can achieve a new dimension of RP kink. The ability to play into a role, defy a role defined by one’s body, or just have a completely different form during something as physical as sex. It’s all so much, so rich with options… that I wonder if I’ll be satisfied with the vanilla option come winter.”
Ken: “Ah, Japan! One of the most beautiful countries in the world! Tokyo alone is a true marvel of civilization, a city so vast, so grand, and so clean despite its enormous size. Every time I go there for work, I find something new to love about it… except this time, where I found thousands! I had only known dribs and drabs of Japanese before. But now? Every sign was legible, every idle conversation was as understandable as it was in any language, and every ad made some sense. I was able to spark up conversation with locals over lunch, and while we planned on having the meeting in English, as was the standard, I couldn’t help myself and started spouting everything in Japanese. These guys knew me, so they were surprised, but I could tell it helped with negotiations. It’s true. People are always more trusting when someone’s speaking to them in their native tongue.”
Elly: “Ken was like a little kid after we landed, gawking at every little sign now that he could finally read everything, starting random conversations, and flaunting his Japanese skills. It was cute, seeing how spry and youthful he can still be even as he’s well into middle age, but that’s part of what I love about him. I thought about holding him back, but his exaggerated conviction, now with the words to back up his expression, made negotiations a lot easier than they normally would be. For as much as the suits of hundred million dollar companies like this claim to be all business, they’re all just overgrown boys at the end of the day, and respond to character more than logic.”
Natasha: “Every day at work feels more laborious than the last. With every other body I occupy, I am reminded of how much this body lacks. Every action feels harder than it should be. Every time I need to walk, I am reminded of how easy it was as Zoe. When typing, I cannot help but think about how easy it was with Haruki’s fingers. And when people look at me with pity, I think about the respect I commanded as Ken. I need to find a solution to these woes, but… the only person willing to take my body is someone with a worse body, and the very thought of that sickens me.”
Daisuke: “Today marked the first day I was working for Flare Industries. Ken wasn’t available to brief me, but Besnik gave me a thorough rundown over Skype. Flare Industries settled for a dated yet established accounting system when they upgraded in 2007, though I can’t blame them for that. They did the upgrade before the iPhone was released, before the establishment of the modern app market, and a system like this quickly became archaic. Archaic, but not incompatible with the new system they selected, not even close. Today, we just went over things conceptually, transferring small packages of data to the new system to figure out any conversion that needs to be done. Fortunately, it seems pretty simple. So simple it shouldn’t even take me two weeks to get through, let alone three. I would have gotten started now, but we aren’t planning on doing the actual transition until early July, just so they can close out the second quarter. So, it was just prep work all day, getting access to the existing system, that sort of thing .”
Paz: “After taking the weekend off, I planned on making today a big teaching day, but during it… I kept wondering if this was all unnecessary. In my purse, at all times, I held a device capable of imparting years of knowledge onto someone in just a moment. There was no cooldown time between swapping bodies, and after just a few seconds, they would have my decades of linguistic knowledge. I was against it at first, and I always enjoy the act of teaching, but… I’m also a believer in the idea that one should not always strive to work smarter, not harder. Perhaps I’ll need to talk to Verde about a solution. Maybe one that helps my students learn languages faster, or more naturally. It sounds reasonable enough, but that woman… scares me.”
Haruki: “As an artisté, E3 is one of my biggest seasons, because you know how to get followers galore as some fool who’s sick at Photoshop and drawing? Being the first to market with hot fan art and hotter memes! I’ve had friends who netted over five thousand followers from just one tweet and the more followers you have, the more cash you can bring in. With two cans of Monster and after a full day of high intense art-making, I netted 3.7k followers and way more likes and retweets. It’ll probably take a while before it translates into cash, but let’s just say momma slept well tonight! At least, as well as any red blooded human can after drinking two Monsters…”
Verde’s Doohickey 2.0 Main Page
Act 1: SwitchY Swap
May 16th: Prom Pomf Pomf Preview
May 29th: Enter Verde’s Doohickey 2.0
May 30th: Let’s Get Swappin’
May 31st: Flare Family Fiasco
June 1st: Graduation Day
June 2nd: The Kurokawa ‘Sisters’
June 3rd: My Day As Zoe Xing
June 4th: Love in Seoul
June 5th: Sister Mother and Sister Daughter
June 6th: Back 2.0 Basics
June 7th: Assembling the Posse
June 8th: Anita Neukar in… Vivi Gaimz
June 9th: Mother Daughter Heart-2.0-Heart
June 10th: Daisuke and Paz in… Wacked Up Wednesday
June 11th: VAG Swap
June 12th: Terra’s Tomorrow
June 13th: Haruki’s Birthday Bash
Act 2: CHAOTIC CHANGES
June 14th: Jade and the Kuro Abigale Quinlans
June 15th: Aku_Mako’s E3 2015 Rundown – Day Zero
June 16th: Transform Sex Power
June 17th: Erotic Blitz
June 18th: An Evening At The Local Water Park
June 19th: Date Night Cubed
June 20th: Chicago Diamond Symphonia
June 21st: The Father’s Day Resurrection Special
June 22nd: Nazz and Liang Do Flare Industries
June 23rd: The Kurokawa Family Visits the Museum of Science and Industry
June 24th: Whatever Happened to… Yuccot Kikansky?
June 25th: A World Where The Gamers Won
June 26th: Bond Xing
June 27th: SSS – Sizzling Sexual Summer
June 28th: Lesbians 2.0 Gay Boys
June 29th: Caroline and Raiyne’s Cabin Logs