Content Warning: Verde’s Doohickey 2.0: Sensational Summer Romp contains content that some readers might find disturbing, triggering or uncomfortable. This includes sexually explicit activities, strong language, and hateful language and slurs. Reader discretion is advised.
Verde’s Doohickey 2.0: Sensational Summer Romp
May 30th: Let’s Get Swappin’
Date: Saturday, May 30, 2015
Time: 10:52
Location: The Flare Residence
As their next meeting with Verde Dusk was mere minutes away, Jade, Maxxie, Zoe, Shiaka, Terra, Caroline, Babs, Ken, and Elly returned to the sitting room of the Flare Residence yet again. The room was abuzz with conversation as the swapped pairs went over a final few details before they would say goodbye to their bodies for a week. It was pleasant, yet that came to an end when the sound of a fist slamming on the door echoed throughout the room. Babs sprang from her seat to open the door, where she was greeted by Verde… and someone else.
A fair-skinned Asian woman with long black hair that flowed past her shoulders, dressed in a casual navy blue dress with white accents that fit snugly around her lean frame. She looked at Babs with her bright blue eyes and offered her a cool smile.
Babs: “Hey Verde, and…”
Woman in Navy: “We’ll explain in front of everyone.”
Babs then stepped aside to let the two come in, kick off their shoes, and greet everyone gathered in the sitting room. All of whom looked at Verde with a mix of relief and uneasiness, and looked at the unnamed woman with varying levels of befuddlement.
Verde: “Heya, everyone. We’ll get swapping soon enough, but first, I want to introduce you all to my second wife, Urabe!”
Urabe: “It’s a pleasure to meet you all.”
Maxxie: “Are you going to pull another wife outta nowhere every time we see you?”
Urabe: “Thankfully no. It’s just Verde, Abigale, and me. If she did try to bring in a fourth, we would need to have a dearly serious conversation.”
Verde: “By conversation, she means I’d get another 2,222 bullets right to my face!”
Zoe: “I cannot tell if you are being literal or not.”
Verde: “I’m as literal as they get, Zoe! That’s exactly what happened a year ago after Abigale— and Urabe of course—saved me from a lifetime of drifting through space, slowly growing less sane with every passing hour. Then, a couple hours later, I was back in the groove and saving Jade from getting non-existed. Good times!”
Caroline: “I— I’m sorry, but did you say a year ago? It’s only been two since we last met and—”
Verde: “Time works differently in different worlds, my sweet Caroline. It’s why I’m 33 even though I was born in 1998. Why Abigale’s 64 despite looking 25 at most. And why Urabe here’s 3,281-years-old despite only having, like, 25 years of actual memories and looking young enough to blend in at any college campus. …Or high school for that matter, ‘cos she’s Asian, yo.”
Jade: “Verde, I swear, every time I meet you I’m always left with more questions…”
Ken: “Jade, sometimes you just need to go with the flow and nod your head when people like Verde ramble.”
Verde: “What do you mean ‘people like me?'”
Ken: “People with power mostly. You’d be surprised how many executives I’ve met that operate just like you.”
Elly: “Ken, you might want to word that a bit more gently.”
Verde: “Listen to your wife, K-bud. I’m the most laid back Divine Master you’ll ever meet, but neither my malice nor my body count are comparable to a CEO.”
Shiaka: “A-Are CEOs known for killing people?”
Verde: “They’re capitalists, so yes. Indirectly, but still yes.”
Terra: “Oh geez, now she’s talking about politics. …Um, could we please get started with the body swapping?”
Urabe: “Yeah, she’s been getting like that ever since we saved her. I swear, Verde’s such a handful sometimes that I wonder how we even manage.”
Verde: “Come on, you know it’s a helluva lot more fun than lazing about in the Omnibahn all day with Abigale.”
Urabe: “Truly, I can’t argue with you on that front. You might make me crazy, but without you, things would be a bit too quiet.’
Maxxie: “WHIP OUT THAT THANG AND LEMME COP MY GIRLFRIEND’S TITTIES!!!“
Urabe: “Aright, alright. You don’t need to shout at me. What swap arrangements did you decide on?”
Maxxie: “Uh… Jade and Me, Zoe and Shiaka, Ken and Elly, and a three-way between Terra, Caroline, and Babs.”
With a nod, Urabe dug into one of her dress’s pockets, where she quickly produced a device of unimaginable power, all wrapped up in the form factor of a bootleg GameBoy. She swiftly sent her thumbs to work, moving them with a machine-like proficiency. The nine in attendance stared at her fingers as she absentmindedly walked around the room, barely gazing at them. She then paused for a brief moment, her eyes still glued on the screen, and firmly pressed the ‘start’ button.
Immediately, the nine were hit with a sense of weightlessness and lifelessness as their senses faded into nothingness. For the five with experience with the VD, it was a familiar, almost welcoming, sensation. But for the rest, their minds were filled with a flash of fear before being emptied. Transferred from one vessel to another within the span of a sixtieth of a second.
Their senses returned just as quickly as they left, but for each and every one of them, they were hit with an immediate sense of things being… different. They were in the same room, but the positioning of everything was ever so slightly off. Higher, lower, or perhaps at a different angle entirely. The hair resting on their face, or lack thereof, immediately informed them that there was something different beyond just what they were seeing, and as they drifted their vision downward, their suspicions were confirmed.
Maxxie in Jade’s body, or to use the formatting for the remainder of this story, Maxxie(Jade), immediately jumped out of her seat and looked down at her lithe frame. One clad in little more than a light green sundress. Her borrowed face beamed with delight as her eyes darted across her frame and her hands ruffled against the skirt of the dress. She flapped it about before doing a prolonged twirl, laughter pouring out her mouth.
Jade(Maxxie)’s reaction was far more subdued, remaining seated as she looked down at her thicker form and brought her arms together, wrapping her body into a hug. The warmth she found so enticing when she wore this body previously was just as welcoming as she remembered, and the smile on her face only grew as she rubbed her hands across her thicker arms.
Babs(Terra) experienced one of the more severe shrinkings of the group, and looked up at this familiar room she had known for 20 years in awe. Having lost nearly a foot, she felt positively teensy, and as she brought her small hands to her eyes, gripping a nearby coaster for scale, she realized just how much smaller she was. A revelation that brought her horror for a fragmentary moment, before being replaced with a look of both awe and excitement.
Terra(Caroline) looked down at her hands, both far paler and more slender than the ones she had known all her life, before looking down at her form, where she couldn’t help but balk at how… tiny it was. Her surprise continued over to the rest of the room, to how much lower the high ceilings looked, before she lifted her form upwards and felt her breasts bob along with her body. While she was not unfamiliar with the sensation, after her previous adventures in body swapping, she could not help herself from looking down at the cleavage poking out from the light blue V-neck she now wore.
Caroline(Babs) looked away from the girl enjoying her new womanly form and focused more on herself. Though she changed little in regards to age, just sitting around in Babs’s body left her feeling overwhelmed with differences to inspect. The slight degree of muscle that she could feel by simply raising her arms. The uncanny sense of looking down at one’s hands and seeing a color darker than she could ever aspire to possess. Just from sitting, she could feel more cushion lining her butt, and as she lightly patted her stomach, she felt a… comfort she could not articulate.
Zoe(Shiaka) began by bringing his hands through his silky blonde hair, smiling softly as he gently shook his head and felt the strands bat across his face. He then looked down at his new body, its slender legs crossed while a skirt rested across his thighs, and his lap obscured by a set of breasts. His time in Shiaka’s body was brief, but he remembered the sensations well, that of being in a body so much smaller, softer, and more… fragile than his own. Needless to say, he could already tell how different this week would be for him, and the same was true for the person sitting beside him.
Shiaka(Zoe) had steeled herself for this for quite some time, but still felt an unease grip her as she looked down. Down at the flat chest below, the long pants covering her legs, and the floor that looked so much further away. Just as she sat there idly, breathing and moving her massive hands to the glasses covering her face, she could feel the strength she now possessed. Her heart began to race as she realized that, after six months and a light dose of trauma, she was back in this form. But before this sensation could escalate further, she felt something tender grasp one of her massive hands, and turned to see her original body, offering her a reassuring smile.
As for Ken(Elly) and Elly(Ken), their reactions were far more… expected, and played out in near synchronicity. Ken(Elly)’s slender hands immediately went for his average-sized breasts, offering them a tender squeeze. While Elly(Ken) slammed her hardened hands against her flat chest, sending a tuft of air out of her lungs. Ken(Elly) drifted his hands through the hair that billowed past his shoulders with awe. Only for Elly(Ken) to go straight for the beard on her face, brushing against the freshly trimmed, almost bristly, strands surrounding her mouth. Ken(Elly) thrust his hands down to his dress and reached for the ‘friend’ that’s been with him all his life, only to be met with something flat and supple. And at the exact same time, Elly(Ken) rammed a hand down her pants, where she found a girthy penis that swiftly hardened within her hand.
After coming to terms with the most crucial of these changes, Ken(Elly) and Elly(Ken) looked at each other, let out a brief gasp, and stared at each other in a moment of silence. …Before throwing themselves at each other. Arms wrapped around each other’s back, while their faces collided as a kiss ballooned into a full-on make out session. Despite their age, the two were like a pair of stereotypical ‘sex-crazed teens,’ and everybody could tell that they wouldn’t stop unless somebody stopped them.
Maxxie(Jade): “Save it for the bedroom, ya two pervs! You know what they say, ‘absence makes the heart go yonder!'”
As Maxxie(Jade) spoke, there was something eerie about how she talked, as the cadence was right, yet it sounded almost like an impression given Jade’s softer voice.
Zoe(Shiaka): “Maxxie, we’ve been over this at least three times. It’s ‘abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.’ You’re thinking of the fifth King’s Quest game.”
Zoe(Shiaka) sounded about the same, but without the softness that was so emblematic to Shiaka’s voice, sounding ever so slightly colder.
Ken(Elly): “Oh, Jade! Does it really bother you that much to see two people embrace each other as they’re reminded of how much they adore each other?”
Elly(Ken): “You can say that again, Elly. It’s like I’m seeing you from a whole new perspective.”
As everybody in attendance caught on to what these two were doing, a silent sigh permeated throughout the room before Verde stepped forward, casually grabbing the VD 2.0 from Urabe’s hand.
Verde: “Well, I’m glad at least some of you are loving your new bodies, and you better get used to them. This little doohickey’s not going to change you back for 168 hours, and the other VD 2.0s in that box won’t be updated until then.”
Jade(Maxxie): “S-So, that’s it? You’re just going to leave us like this and watch what happens from your Domain?”
Jade(Maxxie)’s lack of confidence mixed with Maxxie’s voice in an odd way that gave her words a slight desperation, but Verde was quick to brush that aside.
Verde: “Not quite, my dearest Jade. I’ve got a bit more expositing for ya, and seeing as how it’s about lunchtime, I say we grab some grub.”
Babs(Terra): “Ah crap. I might need some help if I’m going to be cooking for this many—”
Verde: “Not what I meant, Babs! Geez! Just because you became a grade schooler again doesn’t mean you gotta act dumb.”
Terra(Caroline): “I-I feel like I should be offended by that…”
Verde: “I have my own place too, and we are all proficient cooks, so what do you say about a trip to the next dimension?”
Caroline(Babs): “That sounds… ominous to say the least.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Are you sure this isn’t the set-up for some sort of… death game?”
Urabe: “My partner simply means teleporting you all to our house. Or, as she likes to put it, our ‘Domain.'”
Ken(Elly): “Heh. Offering to bend the rules of space and time just for a meal. Those with great power always have a habit of wielding it in the most curious of ways.”
Jade(Maxxie): “You’re awfully accepting of Verde’s powers, you know.”
Ken(Elly): “It’s just common sense, Maxxie. If the impossible happens, and there is zero scientific reason why something could have happened, then magic must exist.”
Babs(Terra): “Hahahaha. Never grow up Ken.”
Elly(Ken): “From anyone else, Terra, I would consider that an insult. But from you, it’s a compliment.”
Verde: “Cripes, it’s like dealing with 15 other party members all over again… Do you guys want to have lunch at my house, yes or no?!”
As Verde spoke, a flurry of affirmations came in from all nine swappees in attendance.
With her luster restored, Verde snapped her fingers, and caused a black wooden door to appear right behind her and Urabe, one with a familiar mulberry-colored doorknob. The nine slowly drew closer to it, most of them taking a few steps to get their bearings as they adapted to their new proportions. Then, once all were near, Verde opened up this door, revealing a seamless portal into another home.
With only a slight sense of unease, the nine went through the door one-by-one, and began filling up the living room of a surprisingly modest one-story suburban ranch-style home. A home that did not appear to have any sort of dining room, and the kitchen was arranged to sit four people at most.
Right as they were silently asking… several questions about this home. Such as why someone like Verde would live in such a quaint abode, or how they would be seated, Verde and Urabe passed through the door and shut it with a click.
Maxxie(Jade): “Huh. I dunno if I’m impressed or disappointed you have such a tiny home. I mean, sure, we barely use the third floor at my house, but still.”
Verde: “Maxxie, did you forget? I can do anything! So keep your pretty green eyes open and get a load of this!”
Verde snapped her fingers as she had many times before, and the small home the eleven were crammed in began to rumble. Floors hopped, ceilings bobbed, the furnishings began to shake and vibrate as they slid in random directions. For a brief moment, some of the people in attendance thought back to Shiaka’s comment that they had entered a death game.
Dread billowed before being abruptly nipped by a cartoonish noise as the area connecting the living room and kitchen stretched like a wad of goo. The floorboards and walls whistled as they expanded outward, farther and further, before snapping back, and leaving behind an extra twelve square meters of space. Space that was immediately filled by a giant circular wooden table, twelve cushioned chairs, and a dining room rug. All of which fell from the ceiling, phasing through the drywall before plopping into their ideal locations.
As this set was settled, it was given a final bit of decoration, as plates, napkins, and silverware all spawned in. Exactly where they ought to be and in perfectly symmetrical arrangements.
Verde: “And that’s less than one millionth of my true power!”
Abigale: “Verde, please. Our guests have enough to be overwhelmed by, without you instilling a fear of God within them.”
As the familiar voice of Abigale echoed throughout the house, Abigale emerged from the kitchen, oven mitts still covering her hands. Verde took in her words, sighed, and looked at her nine guests with a slightly saddened expression.
Verde: “Alright, alright, I’ll start behaving. Sorry for overwhelming all of you.”
Maxxie(Jade): “If you’re really sorry, you’ll teach us how to do something like that.”
Urabe: “I see your moxie is as potent as it was in the Logs, but we’ve had enough problems with people abusing our powers for the next few eons, thank you very much.”
Rather than try again, Maxxie(Jade) instead crossed her arms and let out a quiet ‘hmph’ as she puffed her cheeks.
Abigale: “If you’ll all take a seat, I’ll bring the food out, and I encourage all of you to try a bit of everything, make the most of your new mouths.”
With that prompt, the nine settled around the large round table, big enough that everybody could see everyone else, while leaving a cluster of three seats for Verde, Abigale, and Urabe. There was a palpable air of awkwardness for the group as they sat around, all still a bit perturbed by how aggressively reality was being beaten with a metal bat these past five minutes. While still being in awe of their own bodies, poking and prying them as much as they could without risking being seen as the pervert of the group. …Except for Ken(Elly) and Elly(Ken), who were feeling their new bodies up with neither shame nor regret.
Before much conversation could break out, Verde, Abigale, and Urabe came in, each carrying two large platters of food with each hand that they gingerly placed at the center of the table before taking a seat themselves. The dishes included paella, nasi goreng, schnitzel, yukgaejang, borscht, and tom kha gai. An odd assortment of dishes, each served in large enough portions to feed two people, but as the group stared at it intently, trying to infer some theme of purpose, Caroline(Babs)’s eyes shot open.
Caroline(Babs): “Wait a second, I made all these dishes back in November when I was in a ‘cooking mood.'”
Verde: “Yeah, that’s just a quirky recurring element of this universe. Oh, the things you can pick up from let’s plays…”
Zoe(Shiaka): “Verde, could you please actually explain things and not speak in riddles that only you and your wives understand?”
Abigale: “It is a memetic element of the VDVerse, something that recurs endlessly and has persisted in over a million variations, all because Verde thought a list of objects was funny.”
Verde: “Lady, I ate basically twenty food items as a child, and never knew what any of these things tasted like!”
Urabe: “This was their first meal together, and Verde has been obsessed with her ‘meme meal’ ever since.”
Caroline(Babs): “S-So, does that mean I didn’t make that food out of my own free will, or—”
Verde: “You did. You all have free will, and your lives are your own. I may have done some dumb stuff in the past, but any programming you’ve got dictating your brains is from your own experience and society at large. Not me!”
Maxxie(Jade): “Yeah, C. That wouldn’t make sense if she was controlling us, and just to prove it—”
Maxxie(Jade) then leaned forward to the table and stabbed a fork through a hand-sized cutlet of schnitzel and brought it to her mouth, where her face became enraptured in delight.
Maxxie(Jade): “KYA! Holy shit, this is some good schnitz! And I can really tell that Jade’s taste buds got unborked. I don’t wanna be rude, Darling, but your taste buds were the worst part about your body. It’s no wonder why you used to be such a twig!”
Jade(Maxxie): “I… don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.”
Verde: “It’s a compliment for me. I did a teensy bit of genetic tweaking and set the taste buds to good. It wasn’t a specific request, but I just figured I should.”
Jade(Maxxie): “O-Oh. I just sorta thought that stuff tasted better as a girl and that they had better taste buds or—”
Maxxie(Jade): “Jade, for saying something so silly, I’m going to have to punish you. And fortunately for you, I know all of your weak points!”
As Jade(Maxxie) was left squirming in her chair, her original body leering at her seductively, Abigale cleared her throat and directed the group’s attention to her.
Abigale: “As much as I enjoy this erotic tension, I would hate for my food to go to waste. If half of you could grab a platter and start passing it around— and make sure you try everything. You might not have liked it before, but when you change around the mind and the body, you can produce some unexpected results.”
As Abigale and Verde shared a knowing glance, every other person at the table started passing around the food. With each filling their plates bit by bit as food from an eclectic assortment of cultures mingled together, mixing and matching on their plates, before producing fairly homogenous results among all in attendance. With the platters mostly emptied, they were cast back in the center of the table, before everybody began to dig in. Immediately, their borrowed faces shifted and twisted as their new palettes were stimulated for the first time. Most were filled with surprise, as if they had discovered a subtly new flavor, while others were less impressed.
This sense of surprise continued to fill their faces as they chewed, coming to terms with just how different their mouths and teeth were in these new forms, whether they be larger, smaller, rougher, or more sensitive. It really set in the magnitude of these changes, how even things they think are universal among people are laced with subtle changes that still manage to feel intimate in an unexpected way. Well, some people thought of that, the rest were just busy treating themselves to some of the best food they had in a hot minute.
It was enough to shut them up for a while, but as the sounds of chewing and the clattering of silverware began to grow stagnant, someone spoke up.
Terra(Caroline): “Um, after we’re done with this… what do we do next? Just… live as the person we look like?”
Verde: “Yeah, of course.”
Abigale: “That’s half the appeal of a body swap, Terra. The greatest thing about a body swap is that it is not merely changing how one looks. It is changing everything except for one’s mind. How people perceive you, the life you live, the home you live in, your daily responsibilities, your age, your race. It’s exchanging everything that constitutes your life and identity.”
Urabe: “In fact, you all should probably try to follow Ken and Elly’s example, and start referring to each other by your body’s names, and act like who you appear to be. So Jade and Caroline, you should start acting more like mother and daughter. While Maxxie, Terra, and Babs should all be acting more like a bunch of sisters.”
Caroline(Babs): “H-Hey now, we’re not sisters.”
Babs(Terra): “I mean, Maxxie and I are, you’re basically our aunt. I want to say ‘cool aunt,’ because you let us get away with a lot, but not quite everything.”
Jade(Maxxie): “Yeah, once we move out though, then you’ll become a cool aunt. I can feel it. I can feel this sensation, burning within my soul!”
Verde: “Heh. Keep at it Babs, you’ll learn the lingo of impersonation, eventually. I actually thought about giving you a little boost with a slight mental adjustment, so you can drift into your body’s usual persona. …But that’d be too easy. The fact that impersonation’s a skill is half the fun!”
Maxxie(Jade): “Are you sure about that, Verde? Because I’m worried if my mother will be able to cook after we’re done with this delicious meal.”
Terra(Caroline): “O-Oh, Jade, I-I know this food is good, but I can s-still cook pretty well. B-Besides, I do write down all my usual recipes for a reason… r-right?”
Caroline(Babs): “You do, but you lent me your recipe book, and you have mentioned that you’ve been feeling a bit… foggy because of the change in seasons. Tell you what, how about you come over to my place tomorrow? We can get all our cooking done for the week and put the kids to work?”
Terra(Caroline): “T-That’s a good idea, Thanks Ca— Babs.”
Maxxie(Jade) struggled to contain her laughter as she saw these two fumble before her, but before they could continue, someone from the other side of the table piped up.
Shiaka(Zoe): “Hmm… considering everything that’s going on, are we sure we want to attend graduation? After all, it’s not like it is required, and everything I have heard about—”
Zoe(Shiaka): “No! I did not go through three and a half years of high school just to skip my graduation. Crowds like that have never been my thing, and I never attended assemblies, but this time, I’m going to attend!”
Ken(Elly): “Gotta say, I love the enthusiasm, Shi-Shi. But aren’t either of you making a speech? After all Zoe, you have been getting a 4.0 GPA since the start of your semester, right?”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Eh, w-well— Ahem— Just because I get good grades isn’t enough to make me a valedictorian. I could have put in a request, but I have never been the most outgoing, and most students are not aware of my existence. I did well in school for my own sake and the sake of my GPA, not to make connections. With an academic history like mine, I should have no problem getting a scholarship at even a private university.”
Elly(Ken): “The man’s telling the truth.”
Ken(Elly): “Says the man who got in from his family name alone.”
Elly(Ken): “Look, smart people aren’t always the best students. Besides, why would I waste my time with homework when I already know the whole damn book by heart?”
Zoe(Shiaka): “Speaking of family, Zoe, we’re going to need to… discuss some things about your mother.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Right, your family largely speaks English at all times, but my mother…”
Ken(Elly): “Oh, DAMN it all! How could I forget about that? My husband now knows more Korean than I do, and we have a trip to Seoul booked next week! I know maybe 200 words and can get follow along, but—”
Verde: “Oh my sweet little Eleanore. [I think you may misunderstand your abilities. You may only be a quarter Korean, but you know the language inside and out. Perhaps not well enough to be a poet, but enough to do more than get by in business.]”
As Verde spoke fluent Korean in an American accent, Ken(Elly)’s eyes went wide, and she dropped her fork onto her plate.
Ken(Elly): “H-How did I understand that— [Hold on, if I can understand Korean, then can I speak it just as well as… and I am! How on Earth is this possible? I know there is a language center of the brain, but I assumed that the mind was—]”
Verde: “Now Urabe, if you would help Ken here brush up on his Mandarin. It’s been a while since he visited Taiwan after all.”
Urabe then raised her hand to her forehead… where her skin receded into itself, causing a thin rectangular slot to appear. She stuck her thin fingers into this cranial hole, where she produced a book with a plain red cover with bright yellow Chinese characters reading ‘The Saga of Vincent Dawn.’
Urabe silently handed this book to Elly(Ken), who opened up a random page, and began to read aloud a random excerpt, speaking in fluent Mandarin.
Elly(Ken): “[The path of self-introspection is a daunting one. It requires one to reevaluate their very sense of identity, their past actions, their current situation, and their aspirations for the future. Despite having forged a new name, body, and persona, this was something that Vincent Dawn had never truly pursued.]”
Ken(Elly): “W-Wait, you understood that? But I know that… I shouldn’t be able to.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “I also understood every word of that and—”
Zoe(Shiaka): “Verde! Is there something you didn’t tell us about the VD 2.0?”
Verde: “My, I see Shiaka’s teeth just keep growing. Careful now, little missy, you wouldn’t want to mess up your jawline.”
Zoe(Shiaka): “…Please just answer my question. Why can the four of us all understand Mandarin?”
Abigale: “We deemed this a necessary feature for the VD 2.0. To allow users to gain language knowledge by switching bodies. This is limited to written and spoken language, but is very broad in what it covers, copying knowledge of everything from slang to obscure terminology to even programming language knowledge.
Zoe(Shiaka): “So you mean to say that… Zoe and I have the same programming skills now?”
Verde: “Pretty much, yeah. It’s like 98.6% of the way there, so it’s good enough.”
Jade(Maxxie): “You’ve gotta be freaking kidding me! Do you know how much you could revolutionize the world if you could give everybody the ability to speak and read a language within a matter of minutes?
Verde: “Who said that wasn’t my plan, and I was just testing things on you all? Heh. But seriously, all of you go through the languages you know so you can figure out if you’ll be octolingual or decalingual by the end of things.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “Well, I speak Ukra—”
Verde: “—For the next minute, just put a pin in the impersonation thing, it’ll be too confusing otherwise.”
Shiaka(Zoe): “O-Oh… My mother taught me Spanish, while my father taught me Japanese and helped me learn… Java, C++, C Sharp, and Python. But after my swap with Zoe—”
Zoe(Shiaka): “You now know Chinese and Ukrainian as well.”
Caroline(Babs): “Um, I’m far from fluent, but my father taught me German as a kid, and I freshened up on it earlier this year.”
Jade(Maxxie): “I took German in Freshman and Sophomore year, but to say I ‘know the language’ would be a stretch.”
Babs(Terra): “Spanish, and if what you say is true, I don’t regret not learning a third language anymore!”
Terra(Caroline): “And you taught me a little bit of Spanish, Babs. Not much, but that should change once I start middle school… Assuming I can last that long.”
Ken(Elly): “Chinese and Hindi, because they seemed like the most useful.”
Elly(Ken): “I speak Korean and Indonesian fluently, and know enough Japanese to get by.”
Maxxie(Jade): “…Well, now I feel like a dummy for being the only person here who doesn’t know another language. …Or maybe the smartest, because you’re all gonna give me your languages instead! The procrastinator prospers yet again… Or, hold up, is ‘art’ technically a language? Because if I could have Jade tag team my art with me, that’d be pretty dope.”
Urabe: “No. For the purposes of the VD 2.0, illustration and drawing are skills, and skills are not transferred. Also, I would advise against trying to fill your heads with too many languages at once. Otherwise, you’ll just be in agony.”
Abigale: “In all fairness, that is a small price to pay to be nonalingual.”
Ken(Elly): “Holy shit… Can one person’s mind even hold that much information without losing something?”
Abigale: “More or less. We are dealing with magic after all, and Verde or I could easily change the parameters for these things if a memory capacity error is ever uncovered.”
Verde: “In other words, I am the ruler of everything! And I can change the world however I want! In fact, I already did well before you all existed. Stopping nine eleven, the second Gulf War, HIV, menstruation, the list goes on and on.”
Elly(Ken): “…What is H.I.V. supposed to be an acronym for? It almost sounds like a U.S. government organization.”
Maxxie(Jade): “Wait, did you just say menstruation? Isn’t that when bats bleed out of their pussies? —Shit, I’m supposed to act like Jade— Isn’t menstruation that thing where female bats bleed out of their vaginas every month?”
Caroline(Babs): “Jade, we’re still eating, please don’t describe something so… unsettling. And if Verde got rid of these things, then I doubt we will understand what they are.”
Urabe: “Trust me, you really don’t want to hear about the things Verde erased from history. We haven’t always gotten along, but once I knew what she changed to improve the world, I knew she couldn’t be all that bad. And trust me when I say that every woman— no— every human on Earth would thank Verde for eliminating PMS…”
Jade(Maxxie): “Hold on one stinking minute then! Verde, if you can do everything, then why the FLIP do you allow people to suffer and die every day? Couldn’t you just stop human bodies from getting cancer, stop hurricanes and tropical storms from as destructive as they are, or prevent people from senselessly ending the lives of—”
Verde: “Bahahahaha! Oh, you sweet summer’s child. You don’t even know the kind of shit I’ve saved you from. Your country has not known war in over a decade. The only semi-sensible party has been incumbent for nearly 30 years, and just finished a decade of fixing things that other countries fixed long, long ago. The Nazis are still in the shadows, sucking each other’s cocks, crying out ‘no homo’ instead of plotting takeovers. Your world is far better than the one I came from, and if I were to count all the ways, it would make your heads spin and your stomachs turn.”
Abigale: “What Verde is alluding to here is that she has done much to better the state of your world. And while she could theoretically transform your world, and every world, into a utopia, she has a policy to not interfere too significantly with worlds. To not strip the control and power away from its people. She may nudge history in the right direction, but to replace everything everyone in every world knows with something bereft of suffering, pain, or anything but pleasure would be, simply, wrong. It would be denying them what it means to be in control of their own worlds and, in a sense, what it means to be human.”
Urabe: “Also, there are 256 million different universes here, so there are definitely more than a few utopias to be had. …Though, there are also a lot of other worlds that are full-on dystopias, where people suffer and die as the population gradually dwindles on a doomed rock. In fact, Verde had a hand in creating more than a few of those.”
Verde: “Urabe. I said we don’t talk about that. I was a different person the first time, and the other couple times, I had to do it, or else I would be trapped in that world, replaying those events, forever. I didn’t have my powers and there was nothing I could do!”
As the lukewarm tension in the room suddenly ramped up to regular old hot, the nine guests in attendance darted their eyes across the table. Their meals had been reduced to little more than scraps at this point, and everybody realized they should probably leave before things started boiling over.
Shiaka(Zoe): “…I believe now might be a good time to depart. From the looks of it, everybody’s finished their meals, and I think we all have more than enough… matters to keep us, and our thoughts, occupied for the next week.”
Abigale: “That would be for the best. If you don’t mind, please help yourselves to the door.”
With little more than quiet murmurs and the harsh sound of chairs rubbing against the floor, the nine rose from theri seats, standing up and swiftly making their way toward the front door of this home. As they expected— or perhaps hoped would be a more accurate term— the door led them back to the sitting room of the Flare residence.
Once the nine were back in their own world, the door shut with a thud, and the scene between Verde, Abigale, and Urabe resumed right where it left off. With Abigale grabbing Urabe by the arm, and flung her toward the furthest wall, where her body shattered. Her head sprang off her neck, arms snapped off at the joints, and her legs burst from her hips, before shattering into three distinct pieces.
Urabe’s head bounced and rolled, before being stopped by Verde’s bare foot. Urabe had little choice but to look up at Verde in this position, and when she did, she saw a violet-eyed woman wielding a comically oversized anime mallet.
Verde: “There are some things we don’t discuss during our ‘fun times’ in this home of ours, and some things that we are to NEVER discuss when we have guests. As an android, I would have hoped that you would understand this, but it appears you have gotten a bug in your system. But don’t worry, with this little tool of mine, I’ll take you apart, smash out that nasty bug, and put you back together, good as new!”
Verde then moved her foot, looked down at Urabe’s head, and smashed her hammer into it, shattering the floorboards and causing Urabe’s skin, hair, and intricate circuitry to spray in every direction. As the head squished like a rotten Christmas pumpkin, the rest of her robotic limbs sprang to life, and began to run and hide to the best of their ability. Though, for most it was more like ‘roll and hide.’
Verde laughed at this sight of futile resistance, before getting to work. Like a kid with a new toy, she hunted down every last bit of Urabe’s disassembled body and gave it a thorough smashing. The house shook with each hit as Verde swung, leaving every limb shattered beyond recognition, and the floor beneath her in shambles. After a dozen or so smacks and with the fragments of a robotic hand before her, Verde was in hysterics, laughing like the most transparently cartoonish supervillain imaginable. …For about five seconds. After which, the rush had left her system, and she poofed the mallet away, before snapping her fingers, fixing the tattered floor and reassembling Urabe.
Urabe looked at Verde with a confused expression for a fraction of a second… before bursting into laughter.
Urabe: “You got that out of your system, Cutie?
Verde: “Yeah, thanks for being a good sport, Bae.”
Urabe: “You make it sound like I don’t like this sort of thing… Cripes, you two have just ruined me, you know?”
Abigale: “That was fun, but you two probably should keep this sort of thing to the playroom— or bedroom— because we’re not dealing with people quite as warped as us. We’re dealing with humans.”
Verde: “Yeah, I’m starting to see your point about the whole self-improvement thing. God powers are fun, but it’s been a helluva long time since I really had to live as a ‘human’ in the traditional sense. Is everything good with that mini-mansion?
Abigale: “Our prepayment has already been processed, so all should be well. Speaking of which, you two still need to pack your bags. Remember, we’re not getting ‘rid’ of our God Admin capabilities, but we want to try to use them as little as possible.”
Urabe: “Never would I have imagined I would be going on a vacation to ‘learn how to become more human.’ But I suppose no part of my life has ever gone according to plan.”
Verde: “The same is true for everybody in this room, sister. So are you girls gonna help me with dishes or what?”
As Verde said that, she was filling her arms with platers, platters, and silverware with the proficiency of a waitress three weeks into the job.
Urabe: “Yeah, sure. I guess we should get used to the mundanity of being mortal sooner than later.”
From there, Abigale and Urabe each filled their arms with plates, and returned to the kitchen, ready to acclimate themselves to the mundanity of an ordinary life. As they did so, the nine participants in their latest experiment were in the midst of settling into their new lives for the next week. With a roster of this size, a whopping nine people, and so many moving parts going about, every day was primed to be… an adventure.
Verde’s Doohickey 2.0 Main Page
Act 1: SwitchY Swap
May 16th: Prom Pomf Pomf Preview
May 29th: Enter Verde’s Doohickey 2.0
May 30th: Let’s Get Swappin’
May 31st: Flare Family Fiasco
June 1st: Graduation Day
June 2nd: The Kurokawa ‘Sisters’
June 3rd: My Day As Zoe Xing
June 4th: Love in Seoul
June 5th: Sister Mother and Sister Daughter
June 6th: Back 2.0 Basics
June 7th: Assembling the Posse
June 8th: Anita Neukar in… Vivi Gaimz
June 9th: Mother Daughter Heart-2.0-Heart
June 10th: Daisuke and Paz in… Wacked Up Wednesday
June 11th: VAG Swap
June 12th: Terra’s Tomorrow
June 13th: Haruki’s Birthday Bash
Act 2: CHAOTIC CHANGES
June 14th: Jade and the Kuro Abigale Quinlans
June 15th: Aku_Mako’s E3 2015 Rundown – Day Zero
June 16th: Transform Sex Power
June 17th: Erotic Blitz
June 18th: An Evening At The Local Water Park
June 19th: Date Night Cubed
June 20th: Chicago Diamond Symphonia
June 21st: The Father’s Day Resurrection Special
June 22nd: Nazz and Liang Do Flare Industries
June 23rd: The Kurokawa Family Visits the Museum of Science and Industry
June 24th: Whatever Happened to… Yuccot Kikansky?
June 25th: A World Where The Gamers Won
June 26th: Bond Xing
June 27th: SSS – Sizzling Sexual Summer
June 28th: Lesbians 2.0 Gay Boys
June 29th: Caroline and Raiyne’s Cabin Logs
ACT 3: WORLDLY WONDERS
July 1st: We Lost the Remote in Tokyo!
July 2nd: Maid Café Mishaps
July 3rd: Pier Parties and Peaceful Palavers
July 4th: The Freedom To Get High At Burger Queen!
July 5th: From Nippon With Love
July 6th: Let’s Go Mexico with Haruya ‘n’ Da Boyz! Episode 1
July 7th: Jade & Caroline’s Austrian Adventure Episode 1
July 8th: Max’s Buff Quest Episode 1
July 9th: Let’s Go Mexico with Haruya ‘n’ Da Boyz! Episode 2
July 10th: Jade & Caroline’s Austrian Adventure Episode 2
July 11th: Max’s Buff Quest Episode 2
July 12th: Let’s Go Mexico with Haruya ‘n’ Da Boyz! Episode 3
July 13th: Jade & Caroline’s Austrian Adventure Episode 3
July 14th: Max’s Buff Quest Episode 3
July 15th: Utage Three-Point-Oh!