Natalie Rambles About 2025

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The Trial of Natalie Neumann!

Natalie: “Oh joy, oh rapture. Yes, after 365 long, long days, 2025 has come to an end, concluding as the worst year I have had the displeasure of living through… thus far. People knew it was going to be bad going into the year, yet it never disappointed, constantly proving to all of us that, when evil people have profound power, things can always get worse.”

Natalie: “It feels a bit redundant highlighting what happened this year, but I have a certain duty to remain cognizant of the world around me, and voice my displeasure. Because silence is complacency according to… some people who may or may not be worth listening to.”

Natalie: “Oh, but what shape, form, and structure will the Ramble take this time? Am I going to interview my characters again, in this year where I haven’t put out any long-form stories of note, and only ONE fan fic? No, that seems too self-indulgent. But I need some hook, some gimmick, something… that forces me to be responsible for my actions. Because I feel that this year has not been a good year for Natalie.TF, nor me personally, and I should be held accountable for that.”

???: “Well, I’m glad to hear that we’re in agreement on something.”

Natalie: “Wuzzat—”

Before Natalie could respond, she was abruptly silenced by this unknown figure, striking her down in a single blow.

Part 0: The Pre-Trial

Natalie: “Oh shaz that smarts. Who the fu—”

As Natalie woke up, she found that she had been relocated elsewhere. Her eyes faded in slowly on her new surroundings, and the first thing she saw was a series of vertical metal bars. Beyond the bars, she saw a room with white tiled floors, wood panel walls, and a giant wooden desk before her. She craned her neck up to see the top of this desk, her eyes landing on a familiar face. A woman with jet black hair, a meticulously brown complexion, and crimson eyes that could pierce one’s very soul. There was no mistaking who this Edgy Rule 63 Shadow the Hedgehog Gijinka was. It was the notorious, renowned, malicious, and dominant Abigale Quinlan.

Natalie: “Huh? Oh, hey Abigale. I guess I fell into one of my novels. Again. Would you be a dear and please tell me where I am?”

Abigale: “You’re in my courtroom.”

Natalie: “Courtroom? Uh, didn’t you see my accommodation letter. I don’t have to serve jury duty, and I’m guessing we’re still in Cook County so—”

Abigale: “And YOU are the defendant.”

Natalie: “…I’m sorry? Defendant? Why am I in court, I’ve committed no crime and—”

As Natalie said that, she attempted to stand up off of the cold metal floor beneath her, only to smack the back of her head against an 8 centimeter-thick chunk of metal overhead.

Natalie: “GYA! Damn, what is this? The Physically Abuse Natalie Power Hour?”

???: “Pretty much, yeah!”

Natalie instantly recognized that shrill voice. One that sounded like an adult woman doing a subpar imitation of a young boy. High-pitched, nasally, and not particularly pleasant to the ears. She had used such a description far too many times to not know when she heard it for herself.

Turning her aching head, she saw a short young man with pink plasticy skin, bright blue eyes, unnaturally yellow and floppy hair, dressed in a banana-yellow suit. Change the colors around, and he would look like a cute aspiring business lad, but Natalie knew this was merely a visage, for she had forged this image herself nearly four years ago in Psycho Bullet Festival 2222 (2022). It was none other than the notorious terrorist— killer of children— school shooting masturbator— and 23rd century political provocateur— Peatrice. …Peatrice Nosurname if you must.

Natalie: “What’re you doing here, ya dick-in-a-can?”

Peatrice: “Must you even ask? I’m here to do one thing: to fuck you. And I’ll be certain to do so with ample vigor. Your asshole isn’t going to be the same by the time I’m through fucking you into the dirt. In fact, have you seen how I’ve already fucked you?”

Natalie: “You put me into a damn cage for one…”

Peatrice: “And for two, look up, down, and all around.”

Groaning like she just got done with another five-minute-long poop sesh, Natalie did as instructed, grabbing her sore head and finding that it was affixed with… ears. Long, slender, and fluffy ears that she could… feel. As if they were part of her own body. She pulled them closer to her eyes, seeing that they were white with a purple interior. She muttered obscenities as she gawked at and fondled these new appendages, baffled as to where these came from and why.

With a scowl on her mediocre visage, she followed the second instruction and looked down, finding herself in a predictable garment. The core of her being was encased in what was effectively a strapless purple leotard, the central element of any bunny girl outfit. Except instead of amplifying assets, it merely amplified Natalie’s lack of them. Her mosquito bite tits, barely perceptible without a Jockey bralette, only gave a hint of curvature to the chest. She stared at the outfit, unamused, but seemed more self-conscious about her exposed limbs. Her arms had unshaven vellus hair coating everywhere above the elbow and reaching her shoulders. While her legs, five days since her last shave, were both dry and covered in thick prickling hair.

Natalie positioned herself into a fetal position, clearly annoyed by how little prep she did for such a public event, but more than anything, she was just cold. At least she had a pair of turquoise slippers to shield her feet from the metal. She then sat herself down on the metal floor provided to her, placing her mostly covered butt onto the metal, only for her to pause, feeling that something was amiss. Taking her hands to investigate, she felt something warm, fuzzy, and vaguely ball-shaped, before concluding that it had to be a bunny’s tail.

Natalie: “Great, so you’ve made me a furry. That’s swell. Now I have two sets of ears and a functional tail to account for whenever I sit down.”

Peatrice: “Pfft! The tail’s not functional. That’d be stupid! It’s a butt plug that lets me do… this!”

Peatrice promptly plucked a pink remote control from his suit pocket and pressed a button. A moment later, Natalie jolted in her cage, feeling an intense, vibrating, and positively electric sensation crawling inside her anus. She spasmed and grunted, speaking half-syllables as she felt a carrot-shaped object tenderize her rectum, feeling as if it were going deeper and deeper with each passing second. Instinctively, she tried to yank it away, taking both hands to the fluffy ball positioned around her tailbone, but no matter the fervor she tugged at it, the tail and butt plug refused to do more than wiggle. Gracefully, the vibrations stopped after an agonizing 20 seconds. Though, Natalie would be lying if she said she didn’t feel a little aroused by what just happened.

Natalie: “Uuuuhhhhh. Abigale! The prosecutor’s in contempt of court! He’s sexually abusing me.”

Abigale: “Hmm… I’ll allow it… once… every fifteen minutes.”

Natalie: “HUH? Whaddya mean every fifteen minutes? This is a Kangaroo Court!”

???: “Yeah, tell me about it!”

A familiar voice spoke out from behind Natalie, their comment punctuated by the slamming of a thick wooden door. Natalie could tell from the shrill, demonic, and cartoonish voice who this was. Well, actually, it just sounded like Lisa Ortiz, so it could have been Amy Rose with a cold for all she knew. But she was 90% certain that this was none other than Akumako. Her confidant, sister, partner, wife, alternate self, and primary conversation partner of the past few years. A young demon woman with green hair, stylishly disheveled and bushy, with little yellow horns poking out of it. Her pink eyes looked at the court with fierce determination, and on her mid-brown visage, graced by elongated elf-like ears, she bore a confident smile.

Looking down, Natalie saw that Akumako was wearing a purple suit paired with yellow-orange cuffs and shoes. Her off-white shirt was opened, flashing a hint of her moderate cleavage. And from the way she walked in the court, acting like she owned the place, Natalie’s nerves were placed at ease… Until Natalie realized something very relevant to her predicament.

Natalie: “Akumako… You— you’re my lawyer? SHIT! You can’t be my lawyer! You didn’t pass The Bar! If you did, I would know how a courtroom actually functions.”

Peatrice: “I passed The Bar. In fact, I received a Doctorate in Law from Sky Trigger University! Henceforth, you ought to refer to me as Doctor Peatrice.”

Natalie: “The only thing I’ll refer to you as is a little bitch, ya little bitch.”

Abigale: “You’re really making yourself seem like an upstanding citizen, Miss Neumann.”

Natalie: “Bite my dildo-filled ass!“

Akumako: “You know, I could just walk out the door if you’re gonna be so antagonistic, Sis.”

Natalie: “What do you expect from me? I got abducted, caged, dressed up like a bunny girl, and now everything sounds thrice as loud as it should be! AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!”

As Natalie screamed, Akumako reached into her jacket pocket and produced a freshly peeled carrot, which she promptly shoved into Natalie’s mouth. She quieted herself immediately and began munching on the carrot. Like a good little bun-bun.

Akumako: “Your Honor, if I may make a suggestion, let’s take it from the top.”

Abigale: “Very well. You, Natalie Neumann have been accused by the people of the VDVerse, and the governing bodies of The Saga of Dawn and Dusk of criminal sloth, immoral lethargy, and willful social contract violation. In 2024, you provided routine assurance that you would deliver various work products in 2025, specifically Verde’s Doohickey 2.0: Sensational Summer Romp Act 3: Worldly Wonders and Psycho Shatter 2000: Black Vice Mania. Not only did you fail to deliver these, but you failed to produce a single word of either projects. You have spent the last ten months doing little to nothing to continue what you have described as ‘your highest and greatest passion.’ How do you plead?”

Natalie: “…I mean, nothing you said there is wrong—”

Akumako: “Natalie! You’re supposed to say not guilty!”

Peatrice: “Let your client speak, you cosplayer of a lawyer. If she wants to be sent to the firing squad, let her.”

Natalie: “Firing squad? What am I, a president?”

Akumako: “Your Honor, there is no precedent for killing someone over sloth, lethargy, or social contract violations. In fact, I think you just made up at least one of those!”

Abigale: “I am merely reciting the fact as they have been presented to me… So, I take it you plead as not guilty, Miss Neumann?”

Natalie: “Correct. I might have messed up, but it’s nothing to kill me over.”

Peatrice: “Heh. She’ll be the judge of that.”

Natalie: “So, what’s the structure of this sort of thing? I only ever went to court for a name change and my sister’s attempt at a marriage.”

Abigale: “The plaintiffs have decided on an unconventional approach.”

Peatrice: “That’s a funny way to say a stupid approach…“

Abigale: “Would you like to repeat that, Doctor Peatrice?”

Peatrice: “No thanks, I’m good. Just bitter.”

Abigale: “The plaintiffs have reviewed your writings over the past year and assembled eight arguments you have made to defend your lackadaisical progress. If you can refute the half of them before me, prove that these delays were beyond your control, then I shall allow you to live. If not, then you shall be legally sentenced to death via cruel, unusual, and fantastical means.”

Natalie: “So, I’m going to go over the things I fixated on this year, expand upon them, and analyze what I’ve achieved? …Doesn’t that mean this is just another year-end Ramble but with a quirky framing device to make things fun and interesting?”

Peatrice: “Pretty much, yeah. Are you even surprised at this point?”

Natalie: “No, but I need to note how fair you two are being. There’s absolutely zero conflict of interest with you two working together as judge and prosecutor! And I don’t see anyone in the jury stands. We don’t even have an audience, do we? …Heh. You know what, bring it on. With Akumako backing me up, I’m sure we can be plenty persuasive. My reasons are sound, logical, and with—”

Akumako: “Natalie, shut up for a minute. I’m the one outside of the cage and without a dildo in my ass. Let me handle things. I have a strategy, a list of witnesses, and so long as you keep your cool, we have a shot.”

Natalie: “How much? 50/50?”

Akumako: “…More like 40/60, not in your favor.”

Natalie: “Eh, I’ve taken worse gambles in my day… Let’s cut the dog and pony nonsense and get our law on! Because the sooner I get out of this mess, the sooner I can get back to writing fiction.”

Akumako: “…What? Do you think this is real?”

Part 1: The America Problem

I was going to just remove America, but I had to get rid of some other bad countries as well and give some geography buffs.

Abigale: “Argument One: Natalie Neumann has failed to creatively capitalize upon her politically extreme, joyfully queer, and generally perverse brand of writing in an era where such things are needed more than ever. America has been rapidly eroding its democracy and morphing into a de facto fascist dictatorship, and as a queer creative, she has an ethical duty to create queer art in the face of fascism.”

Abigale: “She intended to do this by creating a work that sent the unambiguously queer cast of Verde’s Doohickey 2.0 across the globe, all pursuing new experiences as their sense of self expands and they celebrate the diversity of humankind. And by creating a work that sought to critically analyze the cultural malaise of 2000s America with Psycho Shatter 2000: Black Vice Mania. A novel that would have forced a straight White male and his eclectic friends to reassess everything about themselves through the power of body swapping, morally dubious sex, and perverse dream sequences. …Also, it would have contained something called ‘Y2K Nerdcore Erotica.’ You have even failed to produce your so-called ‘poignant hyper political novella,’ Suicide to Salvation, despite having teased it for several months.”

Peatrice: “Yeah, so why are you like this, ya silly little rabbit? You just too lazy, too angry, and too defeated to actually do shit?”

Natalie: “I mean, kind of? Look, it is tempting to argue that bad times create for good art, that the pain and anguish of seeing one’s nation veer into fascism is meant to inspire them. But that’s not how people often work. Seeing the decline of one’s country, of society at large, is not something inspiring or empowering. It’s depressing as all hell, and this year has been about as bad as I could realistically imagine.”

Natalie: “I do not even know where to begin with recounting everything Donald Trump, his cronies, the Roberts’s Supreme Court, and the ultra wealthy billionaire’s club— the aspiring techno feudalists— have done to worsen America and the world at large. Elon Musk demolished USAID and directly led to the deaths of over 600,000 people, including over 400,000 children. That is a genocide. Musk and his squad of 22-year-old DOGE bros actively tried to dismantle a tiny part of the US government, and they succeeded in their goal. And if nothing is done about this, they will succeed even harder by killing millions of people.”

Natalie: “ICE has become Trump’s personal military force, was given the insane goal of deporting a million people a year, and has been abducting US citizens. They are subject to no oversight, are seen as above the law, and have been given carte blanche to dismiss the rights of American citizens. They can just abduct people, ship them away to some compound somewhere, maybe not even in America, and can leave them starving or dehydrated, just for fun! It does not matter if they were born, raised, and come from a family that existed in America for generations. They are the king’s troops and are above the law. And if you dress up in a mask, get a vest that says ICE, you can probably get away with murder, or at least petty assault.”

Natalie: “The fucking tariffs have been a pain in the ass of billions of people. The US president is not supposed to be able to declare tariffs, let alone ones that have yo-yoed so much, been so stupid in their design, and failed to actually affect anything positively. If anything, they just strengthened the Chinese export market. At most, they function as a way for the US government to impose a de facto Federal sales tax on the American people as prices for everything have just exploded over the past year.”

Natalie: “Food is crazy expensive, consumer products and electronics like game consoles have gone up instead of remaining stagnant or depreciating over time, and there is a burgeoning cost of living crisis. Electricity is going up because of data center construction, siphoning power from people, raising their bills, while contaminating their neighborhoods with horrible noise or toxic runoff that’s polluting their water. Gambling is seen as one of the only ways for people to get ahead. From sports betting on slim fractional chances of X happening at Y time, because your phone recommended you bet on that, to a rise in prediction markets that exist for people to gamble on the news. Because otherwise, how are people supposed to pay off their Klarna burrito debt?”

Natalie: “The Democratic party has been a directionless, spineless, feckless ineffectual bunch of geriatric corporate shills who have chosen to sit back and say a few mean words. All while the MAGA, née Republican, party has faced few obstacles outside of the lower courts and judges who still believed in the rule of law. The Democrats have had such an easy job, they just need to stand up to fascism and listen to what people actually want, running on that as a platform. Yet over the last 45 years, they have slowly lost any conviction they once had, anddrifted further right than Reagan. They are now largely obedient to their wealthy corporate donors, who only want to empower the rich. My only hope is that a wave of new, young, outspoken politicians can kick these crusty old farts out. Or they get murked by Time Herself.”

Natalie: “Trump’s NSPM-7 has made ‘anti-Christian,’ ‘anti-American,’ and ‘anti-capitalism’ all matters of national security. Effectively establishing America as a Christian Capitalist Nation where dissent of opinion is considered criminal or worthy of getting you on a watchlist. A reactionary move meant to give America carte blanche to go after anybody who they don’t like, and the mainstream media has been like crickets about it. Fucking Palantir and whoever else are trying to assemble a unified database of all information on American citizens, with the implied goal of going after, punishing, or otherwise dealing with somebody the US government. Hell, Musk tried doing that with an attempted takeover of the Social Security Administration, and I don’t even know where that is right now.”

Natalie: “MAGA is a death cult whose end goal is the genocide. Genocide of people in developing countries that lack food, water, medicine, and necessities of life. Genocide of the American people via poverty, demolished healthcare, attempts to end food stamps, and attempts to slash all welfare programs, branding them as Unamerican. Because the America these people want is the America of the 1880s or some shit, not the 1950s. And the people with brains know that this will result in death.”

Natalie: “They know that poor conditions will lead more WHITE MEN to seek violence as a way to find meaning in a violent world, becoming school shooters, political shooters, or taking a gun to the White women in their lives and/or their White children. Because violence towards White people means White people are in danger, and it justifies a stronger military state to ‘clean up crime.’ But how can the police clean up the crime when the crime comes from poverty and a lack of social service? Trick question, they can’t! Like in most police states, the goal is keep people scared, keep them obedient, and make them grateful that they get to live, all while being systematically killed by the government that is supposed to represent them!”

Natalie: “The Epstein Files have remained one of the last hopes of documentation that could put Trump in hot water by exposing him, his friends, and some other politicians are pedophiles. There has been so much fervor over them, amplified by the incompetent handling of this matter by the Trump administration. They have repeatedly lied, tried to undermine the story, and refused to swear in an elected official to sign the deciding vote to release the documents. They have been, and are, working like crazy to redact these files of Dear Leader’s name to free him from association. Which is a laugh, as Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein were great friends.”

Natalie: “And I really do put a lot of weight into The Epstein Files because I view them as a final moral test for the American people. It would be amazeballs if Trump got a heart attack. I will be overjoyed when he dies. I will be so happy that I could BUST! But that would allow people to sanitize him, mythologize him, and make him out to be something he was not. He and his MAGA Death Cult got a good crack of that after Charlie Kirk got killed (lol), but I do not want that to happen. I want him to die dishonored, shunned, and exposed as a monster, and I view him being outed as a pedophile to be the best way.”

Natalie: “While Americans can brush aside HUNDREDS of illegal actions committed in a year, they still have enough decency and understanding to unanimously object to pedophilia. Or I hope so. God damn and dog mad if that ever changes, because once it’s okay for the king to fuck a 14-year-old, there is no saving that culture. You may as well just hijack the nukes and save humanity with the first, and hopefully only, justified genocide in history. I just wish that we could only genocide the Whites. All Whites who are not some flavor of Nazi are just s hint of abuse away from being one. That’s literally a core plot device and theme in Psycho Shatter 1988.”

Natalie: “You expect me to be able to live through all of this, seeing a new horror on my feed, assaulting my eyes, every fucking day and expect me to be able to be productive, to have the drive and passion needed to make a story about 16 people visiting Burger Queen, getting high, and getting busy in the bathroom? …Or some rich White dude body-swapped-fucking his barely legal sister up in Aspen? Even a story about people stealing the bodies of the most powerful men in the country, and committing suicide thousands of times, on stream, somehow does not feel political or violent ENOUGH for a country as FUCKED UP as this!”

Natalie: “And I dread what is going to happen after this. I hoped that Biden would be a stopgap, that Democrats would shift left as MAGA fell apart as Trump was either jailed or exposed for his many objective crimes. But no, 77 million did not care that he was a felon, that he did immense damage to this country, and were willing to support him. And now, America has lost its place as a reliable country, a stable country, or even a good country to do business in. It is rapidly declining in basically every noteworthy metric. Its currency is going to shit, despite being the global currency, and at this rate, I doubt English will be the de facto international language in 30 years.”

Natalie: “I hate politics, I hate the fact that I feel this need to be aware and educate myself about all of these immense horrors that plague my daily life. I have so deeply ingrained political discourage into my life that there is no separation between video game industry news and political news. It is all connected, because politics are everything, and the only thing I can drown it out with is PokéTuber shit.”

Natalie: “However, I will not give up hope. Because giving up hope is tantamount to fucking killing yourself. I will never stop believing in a better tomorrow, and refuse to give into the despair. That is my enemies want, and I will never give them the pleasure, down to my last fucking breath. I do not believe the narrative that America is doomed forever, that it is over, cooked, done, and no longer a country— that everybody inside America is already dead in terms of the broader world. That’s fucking moronic, and I want to brain anybody who says something so shortsighted and baseless.”

Natalie: “America is probably fucked for the next few decades, as getting rid of fascism is like getting rid of 200 roaches. You can get rid of most of them, but they will not fully leave until the tenth round. However, I have hope because I recognize what America is. The most unique and diverse country in the world.”

Natalie: “I love America because of the Black population, because of the Asian population, because of the Hispanic population. I despise the idea of a monoracial society, view it as sick, perverse, inhumane, and unethical. We are one species, joined in one world, and need to band together, share in our differences, celebrate them, let cultures blend in a bold melting pot in order to create something multifaceted and unique in and of itself.”

Natalie: “This was the America I saw growing up in Skokie, this is what I was promised through my youth, and this is the ONLY correct course for humanity. To open borders, and to make every country as ethnically, culturally, and racially diverse as America. Not to give the superpower status to a country with a 91% racial homogony. I want to like China, but I know the general population there has at least as many fucking idiots as we have here in America. …Though, China’s population is three times bigger than America’s, so things balance out better. Ugh.”

As Natalie concluded her 2,000 word political scree, she realized that nobody had said a word since she began. She looked over to Akumako, who was busy flipping through a pillar of documents placed on her desk. Peatrice was playing a game on a PlayStation Portable, his feet kicked up, headphones in his ears, even though he was in a robot body and could just use a male-to-male cable. While Abigale was sitting high in her desk, reading through a book about American Imperialism. At least she was doing something on topic while ignoring the defendant.

Akumako: “You done?”

Natalie: “Did you guys hear a single word I said? I was expecting some dialogue, but you just left me rant about a teensy fragment of all the bad shit going on in America today? Did you not want an argument, because I gave plenty of reasons why I would be distracted! And I have a lot more defenses I could give too! This is a never-ending topic, and I hate it! I hate that I need to be so invested in this, but these people want to kill me, want to destroy everything I love about this country, and make it into The Fourth Reich! They must be stopped, and until they are, humanity as a whole is in great danger as they seek to taint and corrupt other governments of the world and engage in further genocide— not that that’s anything new for America, which has a long—”

As Natalie went on more of her unhinged Nebulous rants she was gracefully silenced as another burst of vibration struck her anus. The vibrating carrot in her asshole revved up a storm, pounding her as she moved her narrow hips in an attempt to ease the pressure. She screamed, moaned, groaned, and made a variety of noises. All as the carrot butt plug moved harder, louder, its direction shifting toward Natalie’s prostate. As it reached this sensation, striking a hidden trans woman exclusive pleasure center, she fell to the floor of her cage, whimpering as she felt her lower body grow sloppy and moist, before reaching a breaking point.

From an audible pop, the vibration stopped and Natalie’s limbs spread, falling outside of her teensy cage. The valiant pummeling of her asshole was enough to make her orgasm, but in the process the carrot vibrator had irritated her asshole. A first, it was just a small dot on the backside of her backless bunny girl outfit. Yet this dot grew as the seconds ticked by, developing into a small pool of blood that flowed off her flat ass and onto the metal below.

Peatrice: “Did that make her cum?”

Akumako: “Not unless you made her cum blood… out of her asshole!”

Natalie: “Uuuuggghhhh. I just had a prostate orgasm thanks to you. …Please tell me that wasn’t even remotely erotic. I don’t wanna be erotic…”

Peatrice: “Trust me, Carrots. It was as arousing as… a dead fish… fucking another dead fish. It’s amazing just how unsexy you can be.”

Natalie: “You punctured my hemorrhoids…”

Abigale: “Are you just saying that for a bit?”

Natalie: “Nah, they come and go. But I have a bad pooper. It’s no good.”

Peatrice: “Well how was I supposed to know that?”

Akumako: “I don’t know! Maybe you could have checked her asshole before you shoved a carrot-shaped vibrating butt plug inside it!”

Abigale: “…This is going to take all day, isn’t it? Akumako, call up Doctor Bitz. Let’s see if they can repair her asshole without removing the carrot.”

Natalie: “Did I get the point?”

Abigale: “Sure. I suppose that was a convincing enough argument. At the very least, it explains why you’ve been so distracted.”

Part 2: The Wack-Ass Work Problem

Abigale: “Argument Two: Natalie Neumann has been unable to produce her previous standard of content for Natalie.TF due to an increase workload at her day job as an American income tax accountant, specializing in cryptocurrency. Per the records obtained by the court, her annual work hours are roughly as follows: 1,500 hours in 2025, 1,200 in 2024, 1,100 in 2023, counting 150 hours of Enrolled Agent ‘studying and test-taking,’ and 1,000 in 2022. She has routinely claimed that she was unable to produce writings due to her job’s demands, uneven schedule, and the additional 300 hours of work introduced in 2025 have clearly negatively impacted her ability to write.”

Natalie: “Yeah! Exactly! I did nothing wrong! Simple as that! Simple as beans!”

Peatrice: “Nu-uh honey, it ain’t that simple. Yes, yes, you had more work, but we’re not even talking about a real man’s full-time job. 1,500 hours ain’t shit, and you know this! Real laborers are supposed to work 2K at a bare minimum, and more if they are working overtime, as they should per that new tax law you’ve had to study. To claim that you are unable to get things done while working a part-time schedule is not a flex, it’s a sign that you lack the rigor and fortitude to make it in the real world. That you’re a lazy little bitch!”

Akumako: “Peatrice, where the hell are you getting those old-ass values from? Everything Natalie does here, she does in her free time. The Rundowns, the Reviews, the TSF Showcases, the novels, and short stories— all of this crap is something Natalie does during her downtime. And you know what 9-5ers typically don’t have? Time to do that shit! How many fucking people get off work, head home, have dinner, and then rush into working on a new project? Energy is not an unlimited resource and if people are out and working, that’s going to limit the amount of time they can watch shit, play shit, or write shit. It’s basic time management.”

Peatrice: “Ah, trying to fight back with grade school logic. How shrewd. But I think you are forgetting something. Something very important. Natalie’s very reason to LIVE is to create creative works, to make things. Even if nobody cares, and nobody reads them, she has committed her life, her very soul, to the path of the creator. Isn’t that right, Carrot?”

Natalie: “Why you gotta keep calling me Carrot? It’s not a good nickname. Michael Makenzi Minogue used to call me carrothead in first grade. Are you really lowering yourself to a first-grader? Well, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, ya damn pedophile.”

Peatrice: “You know for a damn fact that I never fucked any kids.”

Natalie: “Yeah. You brainwashed one, killed her guardian and friend, and had her shoot her classmates while you watched from afar and jerked off to a school shooting. According to the American Moral Code, you are better than a pedophile. Some may even say a hero! Because most of those kids were not White!”

Abigale: “Focus on the topic at hand, criminal.”

Natalie: “Ugh. For those who do not quite get it at this point, my work schedule is a thing of chaos. Despite being a co-owner of a company, I am ultimately my boss’s employee, and I am subject to whatever schedule he imposes upon me. I don’t know when I will start work. I don’t know when my work day will end. Things come into my inbox at all times of the day. And as a tax accountant, we need to deal with a lot of deadlines. While I could always be more proactive, more deliberate in how I approach my work, I try to adopt the mindset of an employee, and avoid getting too invested. Because I have tried taking charge in the past, and it mostly just pissed me off. Because no matter what system I create, my boss will inevitably shrug it off and pursue a path of chaos. He’s just that sort of guy.”

Natalie: “I like my job. I am using math to help people navigate through opaque structures and help them minimize their tax liability— through tested, reasonable, and legal means. While it can be repetitive and boring at times— I’m going to have to edit at least 200 Koinly reports this next year— I ultimately like doing what I do. I work from home, in the comfort of my room— on the same computer I have copious amounts of hentai comics stored— and think this is ultimately the right job for me. However, I really do detest my schedule. Lull periods with 10 hour work weeks spread across four days are countered by back-to-back 50+ hour weeks during busy seasons, and this past year I had a 72 hour work week. I do not like working from 10:00 to 2:00 with only about 90 minutes of break time to eat, shower, exercise, and use the toilet.”

Peatrice: “I think you’re losing the point here, bunny.”

Natalie: “The point? Isn’t that obvious?”

Akumako: “The point is that when someone has a schedule like that, they are not really in a good state to sit down and start writing something that requires long hours, for her to engross herself into a world, or do a lot of character writing. She’s at home, but she does not want to be interrupted 15 minutes into a writing session. Some writers can get right back in, and can write things bit by bit. But Natalie, and likely most writers, needs to get into the zone, get into the groove, before she can start work on a creative venture. Shit, that applies for any type of serious, half-decent writing.”

Abigale: “So, not only are you saying that Miss Neumann lacked 300 hours she had in prior years directly because of work, but that the erratic nature of her work left her unable to get into the mindset needed to focus on mid-scale or large-scale projects?”

Natalie: “Yeah! You get me, lady! But, uh, I am also not always in the mood to begin writing after a 10 hour work shift. Sometimes I just want to screw off, mess around, and relax with something less mentally taxing. Watch a video, talk to friends, read something that was thrown into my general direction, bloody anything! I might love writing, but that does not mean I always want to do it. And as a general rule, I just don’t like starting a writing project if it’s after midnight.”

Peatrice: “Pfft. If you’re not willing to work towards something in whatever wee hours you are given, are you truly passionate?”

Akumako: “Not everybody dreams of labor, dick. And unlike your silicone-ass, some people need to rest, recover, and recuperate before they can do good work.”

Peatrice: “Well, I—”

Akumako: “You wrote a novel called Peatrice and the Genocide Manifesto. You finished it while you were fucking some 19-year-old non-binary Chem major in the ass. You read at a rate of 100 words per second. Your opinion on this matter is invalid!”

Abigale: “I agree. You cannot expect a pitiful Homo sapiens to be capable of the same feats as a magical dildo.”

Peatrice: “I think you mean a robot.”

Akumako: “Oh, cut the crap, we know you’re just a dildo piloting a robot. In fact, Abigale, why is he allowed to—”

Abigale: “What judge would allow a talking phallus to be floating around in their courtroom?”

Peatrice: “Lots! Especially during after-hours.”

Natalie: “Cripes— Have I made a convincing argument? I am doing a lot of real work that I am paid for and that leaves me with less time and energy to produce stuff. Is that not a VERY COMMON reason why people stop making things. It’s one of the main reasons The Wotch underwent routine delays in 2009 before beginning a lengthy hiatus! I don’t want to be like The Wotch and slowly fade away into obscurity, I want to be like Osamu Tezuka and be writing on my damn deathbed, but I only can do so much, and… something always needs to give. I hate the fact that this is the case, but it is.”

Akumako: “Also, uh, Natalie needs to prioritize making money above most things.”

Natalie: “Hell yeah I do! Now, I am making damn good money. I’m probably in the top 20% of people my age in terms of income and general life stability. And while that is all really fucking dope, that does not mean I can just kick up my feet and do nothing forever. I gotta work, gotta keep my skills sharp, and react to an ever-changing system where people put a lot of responsibility on my shoulders.”

Peatrice: “Hmm… We’ll give you this one, Lepus, but your ass is grass on the next few points.”

Abigale: “I agree with the former, and I abstain my comment from the latter.”

Natalie: “Dope! …So do I get to go onto the next stage without being physically abused?”

Abigale: “No. Peatrice, if you would kindly assist me in enacting the people’s desire to cause Miss Neumann bodily pain.”

Peatrice: “You don’t even need to ask, Your Honor.”

Adopting a positively devilish grin, Peatrice reached into his banana-yellow suit and pulled out a remote control. One that was distinctly different from the vibrator remote currently lodged in Natalie’s damaged anus. It looked more like a TV remote body swapping alien device multipurpose remote control, coated with two dozen or more buttons. He confidently pressed one, and a moment later, a trap door opened in Natalie’s cage. She paused, looking hole beneath her before gravity yanked her down. The bottom of the cage sealed itself second later, leaving the courtroom Natalie-less and quiet.

Natalie found herself on a conveyor belt, surrounded by heat, exhaust, and the clattering of machinery. Light only shined through small cracks between an intricate arrangement of mechanical components, their purpose opaque, and before she was able to determine what this purpose could possibly be, she felt something brush against her rabbit ears. It was hot, metallic, and before Natalie could so much as turn her head, she felt this metal object thrust down onto her, smashing her into the belt below with the force of an industrial crusher. She did not feel much pain, fortunately. Her spine was shattered in a fraction of a second, while her brains smashed against her skull as they mingled into a pile of viscera.

She was definitively dead from a single impact, but this was merely the first of many crushers that smacked, wrecked, and tenderized Natalie’s remains. The pounding continued again and again, reshaping and squishing Natalie until all, or most, of her body was left in the shape of a cube where meat, bone, and skin mingled into a positively nasty pinkish hue. A metal arm abruptly grabbed this freshly-made fresh meat cube from the conveyor, and placed it onto another, with many similar cubes of meat, all presumably the remnants of other people.

None of these cubes could speak, think, or even feel, for they were nothing but meat. Meat that was slowly making its way to a radiant orange glow. Towards a furnace designed to do little more but incinerate all that entered its metal maw. One by one, these cubes of meat were reduced to nothing but dust, siphoned and collected into a tube that led elsewhere. The machinations proceeded without bombast or a hint of resistance, and once exposed to such extreme heat, the Natalie meat cube became naught but ash. Ash that, like all the rest, went into a tube, seemingly never to be seen again.

…At least until 20 seconds later, when a positively bored Abigale, her face buried in a book, was distracted by a distinct thud. She put the book away, looked under her desk and reached for a pneumatic tube of all things, bearing a reusable container. Abigale opened the container to reveal a bag of ashes, still hot to the touch. Shrugging, she threw the bag at Akumako, who grabbed it with a single hand, looking at this as if she knew “exactly” what to do. She tossed the ash bag into the empty cage in the center of the courtroom and began to utter a perplexing phrase.

Akumako: “Zxkuqyb Iverev!“

With a mighty bamf of smoke, Natalie was revived, still in her cage, still in her bunny girl outfit, still with her bunny ears, and still with that sex toy sealed inside her butt. She looked around, confused, annoyed, and generally uncomfortable, as if her body was sore down to the bones. Yet, that did not stop her from sighing and making a snide remark.

Natalie: “Really, that’s the best you could come up with on how to ‘work this sucker to death?’ Really?”

Peatrice: “Twas the fastest thing we could come up with on such short notice.”

Akumako: “I’m not even going to ask how a people cuber was something you made on ‘short notice.’ Let’s just get on with this…”

Part 3: The Rundown Problem

Abigale: “Argument Three: Natalie Neumann has been neglecting her creative writing duties by drastically increasing the scale, complexity, and length of her Natalie.TF Rundowns. Rundowns have been a staple of Natalie.TF since February 2013, where they served as a way for her to talk briefly about gaming news and chronicle the general happenings across the industry. However, they have since evolved into a weekly collection of essays delving into the history, context, and broader ramification of gaming and other media news. Often going into such detail that the actual story is often presented as a perfunctory afterthought.”

Abigale: “Throughout 2025 alone, Miss Neumann has written over 400,000 words for Natalie.TF Rundowns, equivalent to roughly eight novels. While comparisons to prior years are difficult to calculate due to the inclusion of TSF Showcase segments, which were a staple from July 23, 2023 to June 30, 2024, a cursory glance at the data tells us that these Rundowns only grown in length, consuming time and energy that Miss Neumann could have been directing towards her creative ventures. Miss Neumann has previously stated that these Rundowns are not meant to be a significant part of her output, nor are they meant to be pieces of evergreen writing. She has compared them to a Friday afternoon podcast, a place of her to talk about ‘dog and pony nonsense’ about video games. Treating them as an escape and opportunity to keep abreast of an industry she is passionate about.”

Abigale: “However, the effort that goes into them is far greater than what a weekly gaming podcast would warrant, given the time it takes to fact-check, analyze, and just write the segments in general. All of which is before getting into the Rundown Preamble Rambles, which themselves have evolved into weekly excuses to discuss… whatever the hell she wants. Miss Neumann, do you object to anything that has been said?”

Natalie: “I cannot object to a fact, ma’am. I fully know, more than anyone, that my Rundowns have gotten out of hand. I am far from the best, most insightful, or smartest person when it comes to any subject you could name, but if there is one thing that is true about me is that I love the act of writing. It is a tool for me to organize my thoughts, develop them, and work through things that are a bit too nebulous to pin down through mental musing alone. I view the act of these Rundowns as pleasurable, therapeutic even. They are an opportunity for me to share and develop my thoughts on literally anything. And a way for me to talk about the industry in ways I might not see discussed elsewhere. Or a way for me to, in a tiny sense, brings certain ideas to the attention of others.”

Natalie: “I love making Rundowns… But I will be the first to admit that their scope has gotten out of hand. So much is happening in the games industry, I want to say everything I can think of about it, and I have so many tangents I go into as I observed the world around me. As I observe The Culture. I love being able to put something out every week, and do not want to ever give up these Rundowns. After almost 13 years, doing them is a part of my life, my u. I just need to learn to set limits for myself!”

Akumako: “Didn’t you do that by imposing a soft cap of 7,500 words on each Rundown?”

Peatrice: “With a hard cap of 10,000 words UNLESS there was a big gaming event going on? So, for the three Keighley’s, three Nintendo Directs, and another three weeks where Sony or Microsoft do some shit? Let’s just say 10. So these rules only apply to 80% of Rundowns, and even then, you are letting yourself write 10k words in each of them. Makes a lot of sense!”

Natalie: “Shaddup you! I know that these caps don’t fix the problem, but they limit it! After writing Rundown (9/28/2025) The Natalie Who Leapt Through Time, I decided to take preventative measures to fix a problem. I had too many Rundowns that were over 9,000 words long, I had just written an 18,000 word Rundown, so I took preventative measures, and I have been following them.”

Natalie: “I broke the soft limit with the following: Rundown (10/26/2025) Open City Over Open World (7,913 words, attributable to the Friday Halo announcement). Rundown (12/07/2025) Natalie’s Gotta Get Her Game On! (9,789 words, the preamble wound up being 4,000 words, and a bunch of news happened at the last minute). Rundown (12/14/2025) Natalie Tried Needy Streamer Overdose (11,989 words, The Game Awards happened). And Rundown (12/21/2025) Slop Unto Divinity (8,983 words, because I added a guest segment at the last minute). I set reasonable goals for myself, have been following them, but for 2026, I want to rarely break past the 7,500 word cap, following it whenever possible. Because I know that any more takes away too much time that could be invested in other projects.”

Akumako: “Uh, okay, but doesn’t that mean that you—”

Natalie: “YES I FUCKED UP! I devoted too much time and energy to Rundowns this past year, identified the problem, and am fixing it. I know that I still screwed up though, so mark me with a demerit!”

Abigale: “I love it when a defendant just admits they did something wrong. It makes my job so much easier. Peatrice, you pick the punishment—”

Peatrice: “Hey Natalie! Has anybody ever told you how grating you are?”

Natalie: “If they haven’t they absolutely should—”

Before Natalie could say anything more, the bars of her cell abruptly shifted. Their firm cylindrical shape condensed into something thin and sharp. She observed this change, gulped in anticipation, yet with her body locked in a cage, there was little she could do as the newly formed blades of the cage began to move. They rushed toward her in rapid succession, slicing through her body, leaving behind only thin remnants that drooped onto the floor of the cage in an evenly distributed pile. Instead of revealing more blood and viscera, the sliced innards of Natalie were… orange. In fact, beyond the skin and remnants of clothing, they looked like shredded cheese.

Once the shredding— specifically not grating— was completed, the bars returned to their former shape, and Peatrice brought his hand into the cage, grabbing a handful of fresh shredded Natalie and placing it onto a taco in his other hand. Where he got the taco is inconsequential. He then took a hearty bite out of the taco, chewing it with his two plastic teeth pieces, similar in form to a dental retainer, letting the flavors dance across his synthetic tongue. He gave a thumbs up as he chewed, gesturing at Abigale and Akumako to partake in making their own Natalie tacos, which they happily did, because why not?

Part 4: The Video Game Problem

Abigale: “Argument Four: Natalie Neumann has neglected her duties to deliver content for Natalie.TF by spending hundreds of hours playing video games this past year. While Natalie.TF has always been a video game blog, she has openly fallen out of playing video games, repeatedly claiming she wanted to prioritize writing going forward. Despite this, she has spent many days doing nothing productive other than playing video games for reviews, all for a paltry 85,000 word of content after over 600 hours of play.”

Abigale then pressed a button on her desk, causing the front of the desk to sink down into the floor, revealing a screen that laid out a number of statistics in a table, listing each game review released, its word count, and an approximate total playtime.

Peatrice: “This also isn’t counting how you’ve spent over 30 hours on that stupid Yu-Gi-Oh game bender, you wasteful fuckwit.”

Abigale: “Or the time you spent playing Mario Kart World on your new Switch 2.”

Akumako: “Or the Pokémon Y Review that she called a Ramble for some reason… That took her 45 hours, after Missy Scrumptious said it would take 16.”

Abigale: “This represents several hundred hours of labor that could have been invested in creating original works. You have shirked your responsibilities and engaged in a mixture of unrelated live service explorations like Tribe Nine and Persona 5X for little reason other than to satiate your fickle curiosity. You spent more than twice the expected time playing Doukyuusei because you were compelled to make a guide. And you willfully committed yourself to playing one of the longest games released this year. Your TSF adjacent reviews may be warranted given your commitment to this genre, and your Pokémon reviews can be attributed to Clinical Pokémania. However, that still leaves the majority of your playtime unaccounted for.”

Natalie: “…I fucked up, alright? I would not have played Hundred Line if I knew it was so impossibly large. And while I am always curious what a gacha live service will be like, as these games are fickle and temporary. However, I do not regret spending time with these games, the various demos I’ve played, or any smaller ventures I did not review. You want to know why? Because in order to create art, one needs to engage with other art, see what other creators are doing, and absorb more influences. While I cannot feel the influences quite yet, you bet your butt that I am going to be carrying influences from Hundred Line and Doukyuusei for years. All in Abyss was an almost banger that I was deeply curious about, and I’m glad that I saw everything the game had to offer, Generative AI and all.”

Natalie: “However, I did fail in terms of time management. Hundred Line was more than twice as long as I anticipated, and it took me nearly six months to finish it as a result. And as punishment, I am going to be far more selective in what games I play going forward. …I hate that I need to be more selective, because I really truly do love video games, and have spent the past decade feeling like I was falling behind on playing formative or impactful experiences. Because video games are art, and art you engage with, art you are invested in, helps build a person, gives them a framework, and feeds into successive experiences. Who someone is can be wildly shaped by the types of things they engage with, and if you want to be a well-rounded person, you should engage with a wide variety of things.”

Peatrice: “You can gather inspiration all you like, but creating work product is your primary goal in life. So shouldn’t you devote most of your time to that? To making product above all else?”

Natalie: “Be careful with your usage of the word most, ya funky fuckboi. But you do have a point. For every one hour of inspiration seeking and engaging with media I enjoy, I realistically want to spend at least one hour making something. If I watch a two hour movie, I should spend two hours writing about something, or making something. I will not count things I engage with while eating, or working, or exercising, or my morning or before bed check-ins. Because that is all baked into my daily life. That is not time where I am choosing to engage with media over being productive. But when I feed hyperfixations by playing my dumb Yu-Gi-Oh game or hang out with friends, I have a responsibility to counter that leisure time with productive time.”

Akumako: “I don’t think we’re getting a good defense out of her with this one…”

Abigale: “I don’t believe so either. Miss Neumann, you have been found guilty of spending too much time playing video games. As a result, it is only fitting that you become your indulgence.”

Natalie: “…The hell does that mean?”

Peatrice: “OBJECTION! We cannot just punish her outright. Per the articles of… who gives a shit— Natalie needs to reflect on every game she reviewed. Then I can kill her for fun and personal gratification. You cannot fuck with precedent!”

Abigale: “…Fair enough. Miss Neumann, please fulfill your legal obligation and reflect on each of the 11 titles you’ve reviewed this year.”

Akumako: “Huh. I’m starting to think that this format has certain limitations. …Ah well, we’re almost 10,000 words in. Ain’t nothin’ we can do about it now!”

Natalie: “Pokémon Trading Card Game Pocket was just another gacha card game. One that feeds off of FOMO, the desire to achieve a complete collection, and the now multi-generational love of Pokémon as a cultural institution. As a card game, it is full of nonsense, but in the fun way. I would like it if it were just content with being a game. Instead, it is a service that wants your constant engagement, constant interaction, and for you to check it every hour of every day during certain parts of the month. I hate how it handles the distribution of certain resources, hate how it perpetuates the gacha system of trading card packs without giving players the ability to resell bad cards, and hate how it is constantly lumped together with Pokémon news.”

Natalie: “All in Abyss: Judge The Fake was an almost brilliant game. I loved its protagonist, loved its character designs, loved its writing, and greatly enjoyed its Texas Hold ‘Em but with hacks gameplay. However, its presentation was in need of some additional money. The game’s bombastic characters would have infinitely benefitted from voice acting to make their personalities resonate more during key moments. The game’s UX was generally clunky and not really built around save rotations in a game that encourages such a thing. Oh, and it used AI generated background, so it can fuck right the fuck off for that.”

Natalie: “Body Swap Story – Aunty Yui & Yuto was hot as fuck, man! It’s a body swap visual novel that openly knew what it was, works within its budget, and focused on what it needed to be. The good smut! For as much as I love stories that take the medium of TF more seriously, sometimes I just want an incestuous body swap story. One where two people come to terms with their new lives, embrace them, and decide to stay like this, while doing a lot of fucking! That’s what Aunty Yui & Yuto is, and I am so happy that, by chance, I found this game, and got to share it with people.”

Natalie: “Press-Switch Version 0.6c Beta was elating but also depressing. I have loved Press-Switch for over a decade and was thrilled to see that the game got such a rich, substantial, and even insane update. However, as readers will know, this marked the end of Press-Switch, as the build was released early, as a beta, and in response to a stalker who pursued the game’s creator. Per their request, I have since delisted my review and put out a statement explaining the situation. Press-Switch is now effectively dead, it’s no longer officially hosted anywhere, and the fandom only exists in a small pocket that I am privy to. I am immensely grateful that it lasted so long, that it ended on such a high note, but this whole sorted affair was a reminder of how fickle any creative venture can be.”

Natalie: “Tribe Nine was a pretty good action RPG that would have been better if it were just a regular game without the perfunctory gacha garbage. Its story was interesting, characters were nifty, and world looked immaculate, capturing a look that takes the foundation of the HD-2D style and pushes it into a vibrant cyberpunk lite aesthetic. Gameplay was fun, but occasionally a pain in the ass, there were simply too many battles for its own good, and there was definitely enough content here to warrant a standalone release. Instead, the game suffered a premature death, dying after merely nine months on the market, with several mostly complete characters remaining unreleased. It is now just a story of a game that was, that could have been, and is no more.”

Natalie: “Persona 5: The Phantom X was a game I had been curious about since it was revealed, as it seemed like basically another Persona game. I played it, and ultimately found it to be another pretty good game that was hampered by the machinations and rules of the gacha live service genre. A game directly worsened by its chosen business model and structure, and the primary reason to play it is that it’s free, available on your phone, and is going to die. All for a worse and more derivative version of a game that has been on every major gaming device for a solid three years.”

Natalie: “Hello Girl was a gift game I was sent from a friend and… really don’t have anything more to say about. It was a cute visual novel with an esthetic that was very them. I think it succeeded with both its characters and general world design, blending together cute gay furries with a gray dismal WWII-flavored setting, and as a short 3 hour romp, I can’t really front it for much other than its hipster-esque choice to use a 4:3 aspect ratio.”

Natalie: “Doukyuusei: Bangin’ Summer was a goldarn experience. And a huge pain in the ass to get through. Doukyuusei is a famous, foundational, and occasionally phenomenal game that clearly did a lot to bring character-driven game narratives forward, and offers a level of versatility that, 30 years after its initial release, still leaves me impressed. It is a romance adventure sandbox about a guy spending his summer vacation making connections with various women around his hometown, all with their own struggles, story, and background that you can gradually learn, giving them some actual character. The problem is that navigation is a ripe pain in the ass. The online guides I found were insufficient. And I had to spend like 20 hours noting, experimenting, and developing my own guide to see, almost, everything this game had to offer. I loved what I saw, but hated the route in getting there. But because of my labor, now other people don’t need to. They can just follow my guide!”

Natalie: “The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy is one of the most significant triumphs in this generation of gaming, and a triumph in the nebulously broad artform of storytelling. I could go on about the delectable characters who often make the cast of Danganronpa look shallow by comparison. I could go on about the pathos, themes, and sheer variety of the game’s narrative, delving so deep and brushing upon so many topics. But the greatest accomplishment across this game is, firstly, its scale. This is quite possibly the longest visual novel type game ever, featuring over 3 million words of text, all based around one story and one group of characters. All produced by a series of writers who, somehow, managed to keep this enormous project consistent throughout. It is a game of such a dizzying scale that I think there will never be another like it, especially in the modern AI era. And while I hate how long it took me, I am damn happy that I experienced it for myself. …Though, you can skip like seven of the routes and not miss much.

Natalie: “Pokémon Legends: Z-A was probably the boldest and most different Pokémon game yet. One that boasted the best characters in the series, a dense unified world, and a new gameplay system that answered a 25-year-old dream with only the expected levels of jank. It’s a game with more than a few problems, but after Scarlet and Violet, it felt like a statement that Game Freak actively wants to experiment and build on what Pokémon can be. …While still being hamstrung by 3DS-era tech and a lack of voice acting. Still a great game though! And before anybody asks, I ultimately prefer Arceus. Its world was more fun to explore, its catching mechanics were better, it had the charm of a new, bold innovation, and it just did various things in a way I liked more. Like paying me for catching Pokémon.”

Natalie: “FlipWitch: The Forbidden Sex Hex was a game I wanted to review for two years. As a TSF driven Metroidvania with wonderful sprite art, it seemed like a dream game for me, but I had plenty to criticize. From how it barely used its TSF premise to some sloppier and more careless choices made in its general level design. For a small studio trying to make a game though, I was still satisfied with what they delivered, but I’d be lying if I said that it did not get my brain buzzing about what could be with a game that had different, broader, priorities.”

Peatrice: “Thank you for complying. Now welcome to die, bitch!”

Yet again, Peatrice promptly plucked a remote from his pocket and proceeded to point it at the purple bunny girl before him. In this Kangaroo Court of anything goes, anything could have happened, and Natalie was not in the slighted bit scared of what would happen. After all, she still had to talk about so many other things! She had taken to sitting in a fetal position, as it was the most comfortable position for her normally, and as Peatrice pressed a button she felt her body constrict further, tightening into a singular space, smooshing her innards together. First it was merely uncomfortable, but then bones began snapping, organs squished from the pressure, and Natalie’s neck was snapped swiftly as her head was pressed into her knees, becoming a singular object. None of this pain was reflected in her form, with all her innards remaining shielded in a sheathe of skin.

Then, as Natalie’s body grew smaller and more compact, her skin began to become a striking shade of red. Nintendo red! She was silent as the transformation played out, all of her pain locked into her mind, and her mind alone, but the three in attendance stared with awe as she became a positively puny cartridge. Something half the size of an adult thumb, with electronic connectors on its back, and bearing a series of engravings in its plastic casing. It was a form familiar to any Gamer™ worth their salt, a Nintendo Switch 2 Game Card.

Peatrice bent down to grab this card, holding it in his little lavender hands, feeling it with artificial touch receptors, before plopping it into his mouth. His expression instantly twisted as the world-famous bitter coating of Nintendo Switch 2 Game Cards filled his senses. Any human would reflexively spit the thing out, but Peatrice was doing a bit for courtroom drama, so his lack humanity was without question. He swallowed it like a champion, belching as it struck his artificial stomach, and then proceeded to yank off his yellow pants, revealing his doll-like anatomy underneath. No phallus, no slit, no anus, not even a urethra, but a single robotic cloaca that they spread wide before Akumako and Abigale, who looked with bemused expressions, waiting for Peatrice to finish his shtick.

And finish he did, grunting and groaning as his cloaca spread to release not poop, urine, or anything of the sort, but rather a single stick of DDR5 32 GB RAM. Peatrice looked at this, groaned, before smashing the RAM into bits.

Peatrice: “So antiquated, to think there was a time when we measured RAM in terms of gigabytes instead of terabytes.”

Akumako: “You have been playing crap on your PSP since court began. That thing has 64 MEGABYTES of RAM!”

Peatrice: “Your point? It’s an antique, it’s supposed to suck. That’s the charm and aesthetic. At least that’s what those 2025 Zoomies I ravaged the other night said.”

Akumako: “Wait, what, you… that doesn’t make any sense, Peatrice! Culture in your worlds pivoted drastically following Verde’s death on September 30, 2012! We don’t have anything close to a shared sense of what 2025 was. Fascism won in Verde’s world! A BILLION people fucking died in The Genocide War! There is no more culture in that timeline! Zoomer isnt a word in that timeline! You cannot access Natalie’s world, her world cannot be reflected here! That line does not make any sense! What the hell are you—”

Abigale: “Akumako. As your judge, I order you to shut the hell up. Now revive Miss Neumann and let’s get on with this.”

Part 5: The Content Dissilusion Problem

Abigale: “Argument Five: Natalie Neumann is a purveyor of niche interests and enjoys exploring them, often exposing them to her admittedly paltry audience. She is a creative who requires inspiration from oddball ephemera to keep up her ‘weird streak.’ She has a duty as a ‘TSF enthusiast’ to stay on top of trends and happenings with the genre, in addition to staying abreast of general culture and cultural sentiments. Miss Neumann has largely failed in this venture. While she does routinely check her Bluesky feed, trending ResetEra threads, gaming RSS feeds, and various art sites, she has routinely insulated herself, avoided exploring to discover ephemera, and is currently sitting on a library of over 100 unread TSF comics.”

Natalie: “Yes, yes, you are right. You keep being right! And I bloody hate it! I used to love just mucking around and looking for whatever weird TSF stuff I could scrounge up as a teenager. Reading random Fictionmania stories. And searching through the latest DeviantArt uploads for ‘TG’ every single day. But it has been nearly a decade since I had the drive to really do that, as taking in inspiration, looking at a work critically, and getting engrossed in it, is not a seamless process. That was before I had a job, before I really started taking my duty as a creator seriously, and as I started working more, writing more, and wanted to review more games, well, the exploration kind of died down. I was satisfied with what came into my feed, with just following artists and picking up whatever new faces they retweeted or collabed with.”

Natalie: “I have been bad about this for years. I am not creating as much, my TSF thoughts and desires have no real medium to go to, so I just have not been reading, exploring, or sitting with a work as much as I used to. When I see a new art I like, I look at it for a few seconds, download it, and move on. Because I have been collecting and viewing art for so many years, have horded a dragon’s nest worth of the stuff, that finding new works, or quality works, does not hit me as well as it did. Especially when creators keep releasing works piecemeal. I have been subscribed to Kawaii Tsun’aho’s Patreon for a while now, have all of his crap downloaded, but have I read more than 10% of it? No.”

Akumako: “Also, it’s worth noting that last year you had an incentive to seek out new and creative works, with TSF Showcases.”

Natalie: “Yes, exactly! Those things were a great incentive for me to explore, but they took up too much damn time! With my time limited, with me always trying to rush through things, to do as much as I can in a given day, I just lost the same drive. I don’t stop to smell the roses or let something really sit with me. Because I always have something else to do, something else tempting me or staring in my face. Right now, I have four tabs of shit I need to do in Obsidian, I have a dumb Pokémon Excel project open and ready to organize. I have places where I am CONSTANTLY getting information that I need to check.

Natalie: “Especially Discord, I have fucking hated using Discord this past year. Not because of my friends. But because of the stupid secret server, full of crap I don’t fucking care about, but somebody needs to monitor that shit! Lachlan Snell’s server has been active as his next game is prepping for release, and somebody needs to monitor that! And the re:Dreamer Discord, which I have mostly muted, but I need to follow that to see how my four digit investment in CaptainCaption is doing. I just want a fucking IRC with media features for me and my friends, and a super RSS feed that gives me a big bushel of stuff to view every hour, on the hour. I want to simplify my life, get rid of all of these fucking platforms with their updating feeds, so that I can then have the clarity and reason needed to go start exploring. Does that even make any damn sense?”

Peatrice: “No, you stupid fucking rabbit who’s too stupid to like fucking! Your actual problem is that you are accustomed to bite-sized seconds-long pieces of crap that you can view for a quick dopamine hit, then get on with your day, cycling this practice every 20 minutes or some crap. What you actually want is substance, context, and works, not fucking Tweets or messages or thread posts.”

Natalie: “You’re not even wrong. I get so tired of monitoring discourse, I hate what it is doing to my attention span, and wish that I could keep my computer fucking quiet, and let things accumulate. But I am too scared of missing something that I habitually check things. So paranoid that I will miss things that I do not let myself just let things pile up for a day and check it once. And while I could install extensions that limit how long I spend on these sites, that just encourages me to get what I need done and get the fuck out of there. Not to explore. And… actually, wait, this only got as bad as it did when I started working from home.”

Akumako: “Oh, absolutely. Because over 50% of Natalie’s work involves being in meetings with clients or your boss, who, as we established, is a fuck-up. No introvert can stand 700 hours of meetings in a year, so she gets bored and wants to focus on something. Especially when she is expected to just watch him write an email, or listen to him make a phone call for 15 minutes straight. She cannot read, do anything intensive, or write during these micro-breaks. So what does she do? Scroll and scroll for more news, more dopamine, like a fucking hamster. If she were at work, in a real office, and actually had a reliable stream of work, she would hold off this shit until she was on her lunch break. But she does not have the stability needed to not act like a dumbfuck.”

Natalie: “This emphasis on scrolling to the next thing, in clearing out little nuggets of information, really makes me think the format of social media is just terrible for people in general. I would love to quit, to change things up, but what the fuck am I supposed to do? Close myself off from news, new information, and the thoughts of like 100 people who I trust enough to fill my eyeballs? Hell, without ResetEra, I don’t know how I would keep abreast of core gaming culture. Famiboards and NeoGaf are just lesser versions of it in my mind, with similar genres of people, less activity, and different politics.”

Peatrice: “Do you seriously expect us to be able to offer any feedback to practically help you? You already identified the problem, analyzed the situation, and have determined the challenges that would be involved in overcoming it. So, did you find a solution? ‘Cos it sure doesn’t look like it!”

Akumako: “Maybe she could just impose harsher restrictions on herself. Find something else to do while bored and busy working?”

Abigale: “That’s just trading one type of stimming for another. Miss Neumann wants substance in meaning in a world where it is far easier to get quick hits that are meant to distract you and siphon your attention. Because, in her modern culture, attention is a currency in and of itself. As Miss Neumann said, she wants an hourly aggregator and to use that, rather than feeling this constant push-pull on if she should check regular sites to see if there were any substantial updates. She is fatigued by the chaos of the world and the modern internet. She aspires towards organization, towards keeping things scheduled and routine, yet feels she is unable to this regularity. Changing this would require changing her life, using non-existent tools, and structuring her life in a way it hasn’t been since… When would you say, Miss Neumann?”

Natalie: “Since 2014. Things were so much simpler then! I just had school, work, chores, and then I went home. Things were uniform, my schedule varied by day, but was predictable, and I still felt the drive to explore, rather than habitually check the same stream to make sure that it hadn’t overflowed since I last checked. I feel like I am constantly unable to harness structure, and as I see my life solidify with age, I start worrying that… fuck, maybe this is just it. Maybe the idea of stability, structure, and a regular humdrum life is just impossible no matter what I try to do. Just writing the past four paragraphs, I took a break to check my feeds, my RSSes, my personal email, and my work email, even though it’s 18:00. Because I need to know, need to ensure, that I’m not missing something.”

Abigale: “Hmm… Peatrice, digitize her. Miss Neumann has not convinced me, and her score is now trailing into the negatives after three duds. She has to take some responsibility!”

Natalie: “Huh? Wasn’t I already digitized last time when you—”

Before Natalie could highlight the growing repetition of this impromptu gimmick, if not excuse to write bizarre TF-based self-harm, a USB-C plug penetrated the back of her neck. She groaned, grabbed at the cable, but the cable had already embedded itself into Natalie’s flesh, metal merging with meat in order to create something immovable by human hands, or at least weak little bitch hands. As Natalie tried in vain to unplug herself, she was met with a powerful shock that reverberated up her spine, flowing through her blood, and causing her body to convulse erratically.

To any onlooker, and there were three present, it appeared as if Natalie was having a seizure, her arms flailing against the metal as her legs bopped between the metal bars. Rabbit ears practically spun as her head jittered about. And though her mouth moved, she did not say any words, just a series of nonsense syllables that did not even remotely resemble a language. It would be painful for most to watch, but these three were simply used to such sights at this point and only half-watching her as she was punished. After maybe 30 seconds of this, the “digitization” process began.

The tips of her fingers and feet began to glow in unison, each emitting a series of flashing lights that sputtered between dozens of colors, cycling between them several times each second. It was a painful sight that would hurt the eyes of most people, possibly even cause a seizure. Fortunately for the onlookers, one was made of silicone, the other was a demon (demons biologically cannot have seizures) and the other was made in the shape of a God. They peeked over their books and devices as the lights shined, watching Natalie’s fingers and feet slowly recede, become nothing more than data, all as she continued to flail around. Her brain too stimulated to even recognize the world around her.

Soon enough, Natalie’s body has been reduced to a small wad of flesh glowing flesh connected to the cable, and just seconds after that, every last remnant of her had been converted. But… where did the data go? The cable looped around the courtroom, going on and on for 30 meters, before finally connecting to Peatrice’s PSP. He smirked at the screen before presenting it to the other two, revealing a digital Natalie, rendered with all the fidelity a PSP could muster, in front of Natalie.TF, loaded on the PSP’s web browser. The device lacked a microphone or camera, so there was no conceivable way for her to interact with those before her. However, she looked as if she knew what was going on, stared back at the web page behind her, and ran towards it, carrying an oversized mallet in her hands.

The digitized version of Natalie then smashed away the HTML of her WordPress site, forging a path to the greater internet. She thought this was her route freedom, but in reality, all she did was invite her doom. She was greeted with a mass that was simply unknowable, inconceivable, and most of all, horrific. The cumulative force of every creation, every achievement, and every evil committed by humanity, all merged together into a contextless entity, a singular thing, with a singular desire. Consumption. Natalie panicked, having not expected to be met with such a terrifying entity, but merely seeing it meant certain death. She ran, she was caught, and like everything else that could ever be, she was consumed.

Part 6: Blame The Fox!

Abigale: “Argument Six: While Natalie Neumann has historically been a loner, the past few years she has taken on a number of new friendships. The most notable of which was with a young English ‘fox’ by the name of Cassandra Catherine Wright. Miss Neumann befriended Miss Wright in August 2022, and she promptly became her best friend. The two regularly chat via Discord, watch movies and anime for several hours every Sunday, and indulge in ‘many manners of merriment.’ This should seemingly not represent a significant change for 2025, but Miss Neumann has spent significantly more time with her Miss Wright. Watching more media with her, and generally being active in their Discord server, The Shrine of [REDACTED].”

Natalie: “Oh my gosh, just get on with the guilt trip! Yes, I took a two week trip to Portsmouth so that I could take care of my friend after she had surgery! And shouldn’t I get a pass on this? I write about the power of bonds and friendship all the damn time, being around others helps keeps my instincts sharp, as I need to be reminded what friendship could be!”

Peatrice: “I want to turn you into a horse for that line.”

Akumako: “Ponies aren’t horses! You know enough to know the Friendship is Magic opening, but you don’t know that basic factoid?”

Abigale: “Sigh. For this argument, I think it would be best if you brought in your witness, Akumako. Miss Wright.”

Akumako: “Huh? What’re you talking about? I didn’t have any time to scrounge up any witnesses. Unless… Peatrice, did you—”

Before Akumako could finish that thought, the doors of the courtroom sprang open. All eyes turned to the door in response, where they saw… a faceless security guard holding open the door, letting in a… a fox. A fox with a faint, almost blonde, coat of fur, smaller than average, yet it ran forward with great speed, practically hopping with every step as it rushed towards its destination. Natalie. The fox leapt through the bars of the cage, narrowly sliding through, and proceeded to headbutt Natalie in the chest.

Natalie: “Oof!”

Natalie looked at the animal above her and scowled before grabbing its sides with both hands, staring at its face as it… laughed?

Natalie: “Oi! Cassie, no laughing! At least say hello before you attack me like that.”

In response to Natalie’s words, the fox merely said the word ‘kon’ in perfect English. In fact, it sounded less like an animal was saying tit and more like the fox was speaking with a human voice. Peatrice shrugged at Abigale as he watched this scene play out, while Abigale turned to Akumako for answers.

Abigale: “Akumako, would you care to explain why there’s a wild animal in my courtroom?”

Akumako: “Uh… this isn’t a wild animal, this is just Cassie.”

Abigale: “…Natalie befriended a fox? She left the United States, for the first time in her life… to take care of a fox?”

Cassie the Fox: “Kon kon kon! [I am fox!]“

Abigale: “…And we can understand this fox?”

Peatrice: “That’s all me, Your Honor! I’m just running a little translation program and feeding the output through the courtroom speakers. It’s an automated translation, so the phrasing may be off, but it’s better than guessing.”

Abigale: “Peatrice, as a prosecutor, you have the right to use the AV systems of my courtroom, but only with my expressed permission.”

Peatrice: “Well excuse me, princess! I’m just trying to keep the ball rolling. Now Cassie, get your fluffy ass into the witness box.”

Cassie the Fox: “Kooonnn! Kon kon konkon kon Konkonkon! [Haaaiii! I must defend the Natalie!]“

With a couple hops, Cassie the fox leapt up the stairs leading to the witness stand, crawling up the chair only to hop onto the desk, where she curled herself into a ball. Once sat, she rubbed her long snout into her fluffy tails, looking like she was about to sleep.

Abigale: “Miss Wright, could you please tell us if you have been taking up more of Miss Neumann’s time this past year.

Cassie the Fox: “Kon… Kon kon kon. Kon kon kon kon kon konkon konkonkon, kon kon kon konkonkonkonkon kon kon konkon kon kon kon. Kon kon kon kon kon kon kon kon kon Konkonkon kon. Kon kon kon kon kon kon konkon, konkon kon kon Konkon kon konkon konkon, kon konkon kon kon Konkon kon. Kon, kon kon kon kon, konkon kon Konkonkon kon kon! [Uh… I don’t know. I have a bit of a rubbish memory, and I’m not particularly good at keeping track of time. I would have liked to spend more time with Natalie though. But she had to keep on working, writing stuff that Cassie’s not really into, and hanging out with that Missy girl. Oh, how I hate her, stealing my Natalie from me!]“

Cassie the Fox: “Kon konkon kon kon kon kon kon kon kon kon konkon kon. Kon kon konkon kon Konkonkon kon kon konkon kon. Kon kon kon kon kon Konti, kon kon kon, kon konkonkon, kon kon kon konkonkon. Konkon konkonkon kon kon kon kon kon, kon kon kon kon kon kon konkon kon kon konkonkon kon kon-konkon. Kon kon Konkonkon kon konkon kon konkon kon. [I also wish she could have stayed with me for another week. I loved having a Natalie to look after me. She helped me with the Conti, made me food, got groceries, and kept me company. Cassie’s normally all alone in her room, so it was nice to have someone to watch anime with in-person. Even though Natalie kept falling asleep during it.]“

Natalie: “Hey! I was in a different time zone, had a very low sugar diet, and while Yu-Gi-Oh GX is fun, it’s not the most riveting show. It’s a Saturday morning cartoon!”

Cassie the Fox: “Kon konkonkon. Konkonkon kon kon kon konkon kon kon kon. Kon kon kon konkon konkon, kon kon kon konkon kon Konkonkon kon kon kon kon. [Cassie understands. Natalie is just getting old and sleepy. If I was feeling better, I would have snugged the Natalie to keep her awake.]“

Peatrice: “So, what exactly did you two do during those two weeks in England?”

Cassie the Fox: “Kon kon kon kon kon kon konkon, kon kon kon. Kon kon kon, kon kon bote kon, kon Konkon Kon, kon kon stoofs kon Konkonkon. Kon kon kon konkon konkon kon kon kon konkon kon kon kon-kon kon kon, kon kon kon kon kon Konkonkon-konkon kon. [I was told to take it easy, so I did. I just laid, played my bote game, played Advance Wars, and watched stoofs with Natalie. I felt bad about leaving my dad’s place after all the set-up he did, but it was not a Natalie-friendly place.]“

Natalie: “It wasn’t a Cassie friendly place either! I… I went to take care of Cassie because she is my friend. I lost dozens of productive hours as a result. Just caring for her, cooking for her, taking care of things around the place we stayed at, getting groceries, doing the dishes, all while working on the laptop. Oh, and we spent over 50 hours watching all 155 episodes of Yu-Gi-Oh GX. It was a fun show, and I liked being able to get invested in something with Cassie, but don’t even want to think about what I could have accomplished in that time.”

Abigale: “Miss Neumann, it’s good that you are so caring for your friend, but think about all the time and money she has cost you. Can you really say creating stories is your greater passion when you shower so much attention and time onto just one person? And what does she do for you in return?”

Cassie the Fox: “Kon kon kon Konkonkon kon kon konkonkon. Kon kon kon konkon kon kon kon konkon kon. [I give the Natalie warmth and affection. Her life just wouldn’t be the same without me.]“

Abigale: “Miss Neumann, is this warmth and affection worth the thousands of dollars you spent to be with Cassie for those two weeks?”

Natalie: “Well, Cassie is also trans, she was going through trans surgery, did not have anyone to help her, and as a trans woman, it is my responsibility to look out for my fellow trans people. Because… nobody else will. It was the right thing for me to do, and so is spending time with Cassie. I like her, she’s sweet, adorable, makes me laugh, and while she’s not good at a lot of things, I would never want to cut her out of my life. We are very different people but, through the power of bonds, bonds that transcend thousands of kilometers, we found each other, and I want to keep spending time with her.”

Peatrice: “Uh, you don’t need to dedicate four hours of your fucking Sunday to her though.”

Cassie the Fox: “Kon kon kon. Kon kon kon kon konkon konkon kon Konkonkon kon kon kon kon kon kon konkon kon konkon! [Yes she does. This girl needs her weekly intake of Cassium or else who knows what is going to happen!]“

Natalie: “I miss having super productive Sundays, but I just cannot justify saying no to a friend when she wants to do something as low-effort as watch anime or movies. I like anime, I like movies, and while I might not always be jazzed about what we wind up watching, I think it is important for any media creator or media critic to keep taking things in. In fact, I said as much earlier! Even if something might not be for you, it can help you understand what could be. Teaches you to analyze more things, and fills your head with succulent idea juice!”

Cassie the Fox: “Kon? Konkon konkon Konkon kon Konkonkon konkon kon konkon kon stoofs. Kon kon konkonkonkon. Kon kon kon kon kon! [See? Being around Cassie makes Natalie better at writing and stoofs. I am inspiring. I can be her muse!]“

Abigale: “Miss Wright, could you please reduce the amount of time you spend with Natalie so that she can focus on producing works, rather than seeking inspiration for works?”

Cassie the Fox: “Kon! Kon kon konkon kon kon konkon kon kon Konkonkon kon konkon kon kon kon. Kon kon konkon kon kon kon! [No! I’m not going to stop spending time with Natalie just because you say so. You’re not even a real judge!]“

Akumako: “Cassie, maybe don’t piss off the judge when she determines if Natalie lives or dies.”

Abigale: “I’ve already made my decision. Miss Neumann is responsible for how she spends her time, and she ultimately chose to spend it with Miss Wright. And by the power vested in me, I have deemed her choice objectively incorrect.”

Cassie the Fox: “Kon kon kon, kon! Konkonkon kon kon kon kon konkon kon konkon kon kon konkon konkon kon kon kon konkon kon kon kon kon. Kon kon Konkon! [Well screw you, lady! Natalie is mine and I’m not going to accept any court order telling her that she can’t spend time with me. She’s my Nattie!]“

Natalie: “Cassie! You cannot claim ownership of me! I am my own person, I wear the crown in our relationship, and you are—”

Abigale: “The argument is correct and this is a problem of Natalie’s own creation. Ergo, she ought to be punished. Peatrice, end this charade.”

Peatrice: “With pleasure, Your Honor! If Cassie wants you, then let me put you in a more suitable form for a fox!”

Cassie the Fox: “Kon kon konkon kon kon kon konkon kon konkonkon konkon? [Are you going to turn her into an actual rabbit?]“

Peatrice: “No! Something far more… relatable to you two dumbasses.”

Flipping out his remote once more, Peatrice pressed a button with the intention of transforming Natalie. Except instead of a detailed transformation, or even a sequence of excruciating pain, the remote caused a deluge of smoke to come bursting from inside the cage. It dissipated a few seconds later, revealing… Natalie’s clothes. Her carrot dildo tail, her bunny girl outfit, and shoes. It looked as if Peatrice had just poofed Natalie away, but Cassie was quick to hop off the stand to investigate, sniffing through Natalie’s clothes before finding something hidden between the folds. It was… an egg. A simple brown chicken egg that Cassie plucked into her fox fangs, securing it, before scampering off and out of the court room.

Cassie the Fox: “Kon! Kon! Kon! Kon! Kon! [Egg! Egg! Egg! Egg! Egg!]“

Cassie, somehow, opened up the door out of this courtroom, leaving the three to once again look over the mess they had gotten themselves mixed up in and sigh.

Peatrice: “I figured this would be weird. And stupid. …This is living up to both of my expectations.”

Akumako: “Yeah, I’m starting to think we were just boned from minute one. I’m batting at 2 to 4, and I only have two more tries. …I’m about ready to throw in the towel.”

Abigale: “No, you cannot leave court early. We must hear all arguments before we make our decision.”

Akumako: “Who actually wrote these arguments?”

Abigale: “Mostly Black Vice. They really want to have sex with their father.”

Peatrice: “Damn straight. Motherfuckers can have the world literally revolve around them, but that won’t satiate their lust for identity death incest.”

Part 7: Blame The Audino!

As a disclaimer, the real life Missy Scrumptious claims to be a non-violent person and is not particularly fond of her characterization throughout this segment. She does not talk like a valley girl, nor is she a violent person in general. However, the real life Missy Scrumptious has accepted this portrayal, claiming “The entire thing is so ridiculous that it seems futile to try and change it piece by piece!” Which is good for Natalie, as she wrote this entire Ramble with only the loosest of outlines, pursuing ridiculous above all else, as she is a deranged woman who dearly needs an editor to smack her around.

Abigale: “Argument Seven: While it is debatable how much additional time Cassandra Catherine Wright stole from Natalie Neumann this past year, there is a new character who has adopted the role of a time vampire. A refugee from the defunct TSF visual novel Press-Switch by the name of Sk— sorry, her name was hastily crossed out. Ahem. By the name of Missy Scrumptious. A young trans woman from the South who has become a routine conversation partner of Miss Neumann’s over the past six months, becoming her new friend, and eating up dozens of hours that could have been spent doing productive work. Wasting entire evenings that could have been devoted to anything else.”

Natalie: “Yeah, yeah, I was being social, learning from others, talking about life, about lived experiences, and that is so inefficient. No writer has ever had their mind expanded by talking to people from a different culture than them, and rest assured, the South is a different culture. Self-described Zoomies are members of a different culture. And she shows me different perspectives, as we have vastly different ways of viewing things. She’s far less literal than I am, is even more stubborn, and has a bit of that smart kid confidence, thinking she is cool enough to play with the big leagues. …While also being a self-described puppygirl who wants to be infantilized. It makes no damn sense.”

Natalie: “Missy Scrumptious is fucking weird, and when I find fucking weird, I don’t ignore it, I fuck with it! Natalie.TF was founded by fucking the weird, and it will DIE fucking the weird! YOU were all BORN by me fucking the weird, and if I will it, you will all DIE in a most glorious Hellfire!”

Peatrice: “Good, she finally got some backbone. But it’s been a while and the audience has probably already forgot about this bit, so…”

Peatrice pulled out and pressed the pink remote to pucker Natalie’s pooper with the power of phallic penetration. She yelled, wiggled, and convulsed on the floor, wrapped in pain as her butthole was still chock-full of scabs, and not primed for erotic stimulation. Blood sputtered out her anus, seeping onto the bunny girl costume. Natalie should have verbally reacted to this this point. But after being turned into a damn egg, and getting consumed by the living embodiment of the internet, this weren’t no thang.

Akumako: “Natalie, I’m glad that you have such gusto, but please let me do some of the talking, sometime, because as your defense attorney, I’m—”

Peatrice: “About to get thrown in the rubbish bin of irrelevance YET AGAIN because I have another surprise witness. The woman of the hour, Missy Scrumptious! Will the lighting crew please whip out the spotlights and turn on the stereo, because this intro deserves all the pomp you’ve got!”

The windowless courtroom dimmed as two spotlights in the ceiling sprung to live, aimed at the only visible door into this courtroom. The speakers sprang to life as they blared out the instrumentation for some late 2000s Recession Pop banger. And with a powerful slam, the dual doors opened in twain, revealing the next witness, and… it was a Pokémon. An Audino. A tiny pink and cream-colored humanoid creature with stubby limbs, big blue eyes, and large floppy ears with elongated lobes that looked more like antennae than anything else.

Rather than walking about in the buff, like most Pokémon, this Audino was dressed up like some facsimile of a model. She sported a pair of sunglasses over their eyes, shielding them from the intense lights above. A plush Scolipede rested around her shoulders, wearing it as a boa, capturing a distinct classic diva look. And within her hand was a 300 ml cup of espresso, half empty. Based on the warning labels on the drink, this beverage contained 5 grams of caffine, right next to the lethal amount, meaning this Audino was jetjacked like nobody’s business. Her body was dressed in a white dress that glistened in the spotlight, while her stubby little feet were pushed up by a pair of three inch pumps.

The Audino, soaking in the lights and sound around her, gestured to her audience of four as she walked forward, striking a pose every few steps like a hot babe a runway. Spreading her legs forward, wiggling her body from side to side, twisting her pudgy form in a way that looked more silly than anything, even blowing a kiss out into the audience for good measure. As the three minute song came to an end, she reached her destination, scooting past the caged Natalie and standing before Judge Abigale, taking in one last gulp of her drink, straight killing it, before flicking away the trash.

Audino: “Hehehehe. Missy Scrumptious here and ready to spill the tea about Natalie. Lemme tell you this upfront, this girl is a biiiittttcccchhhh~!”

Natalie: “They know I’m a bitch. I birthed them outta my brain. Now what are you cooking, you… whatever you are. Cassie was a fox, but she was pretty much herself. Why are you like this? You’re supposed to be some poor trans girl in the body of a Pokémon and—”

Missy Scrumptious: “That’s exactly why I’m like this. Who knows when I’ll get to be in a place like this again! I’m actually IN a Natalie.TF Ramble, as a character, so I want to make a splash, have some glamour, sipping your dumb sugary coffee, and enjoy myself. Especially when I don’t need to deal with any of the embarrassment of writing myself into a situation like this~!”

Peatrice: “I made a good choice picking this one. Now be a doll and take a seat at the witness stand. I made sure to include some extra cushion.”

Missy Scrumptious: “Oh, you. I’ve already got enough cushion with this tush of mine~!”

Missy Scrumptious then twerked her tailed buttocks before the crowd, moving her rear the grace and elegance of a trained booty dancer, while being in a perfectly bottom-heavy body. She caught Natalie glaring at her as she indulged in this little snippet of joy, and switched her attention to her, practically rubbing her ass in Natalie’s face. Natalie extended her arm near the bars, just inches away from grabbing Missy’s fluffy tail, but she returned it after double-thinking her actions. After all, it’s not a good idea to assault the witnesses in the court of law, even if they were asking for it.

Missy Scrumptious: “Soooo, where do I even begin with Natalie? Like omigod, this girl is soooo dense with sooooo many things. I tell her something that anybody else would get just like that, and she needs to break it down, laboring the point, just to get a basic saying. Like, girl, your head is for thinking, but not that much. Just go with the flow and how it feels, don’t you have feelings? It’s not my fault you silo yourself away and don’t follow culture. Just get yourself a TikTok, browse around on Twitter, and you’ll learn everything you need to know. C’mon now, it’s not that hard. Even a wannabe bimbo like me figured it out!”

Natalie: “Oh, shut the fuck up! You are here, doing this stupid valley girl act, just to screw with me! That’s not what you sound like and you goldarn know it! Freaking role player, treating this like some game!”

Missy Scrumptious: “Wow, so aggressive. And I thought we were friends! You gave me those plushies, I gave you my art, and this is how you treat me? Are you seeing this, Judge?”

Abigale: “Unfortunately, Miss Scrumptious.”

Natalie: “Missy, I like you, I really do. You are a fun, funny, and often insightful person. I am often out of touch, and you see a side of popular culture I never could, and are in touch with a youthful generation that I barely see, as I don’t use their platforms. I love it when you bring me little factoids, anecdotes, or entertain me as I go on whatever dumb bender I wanna gab on about. You’re my friend, I value our friendship, and I hope we can keep this up for years and years. However… you also drive me insane with certain things, and I don’t know when you are doing this brat schtick just to mess with me.”

Natalie: “For example, something we have been discussing for MONTHS is that you like fat girls. That is what you have said, repeatedly, and I keep asking you to be more specific. Because fat can mean anything from 200 pounds to 600 pounds.”

Akumako: “That’s like 90 kilograms to 275 kilograms for everybody from a cultured country.”

Natalie: “But you just REFUSE to give me the language, the numbers, the fucking terminology needed to describe the type of fat girls you like! You just point at images and expect me to divine the right numbers and words needed to describe these things. You are a fucking English major, and you don’t have the fucking words to describe the body type you lust after and the on you wish to embody, despite being such a horny little minx! It’s just FAT FAT FAT! But not 400 pounds, despite that being what weight gain artists, some of the most powerful posters of fat girls on the internet, prefer to explore.”

Missy Scrumptious: “Not everything needs a word, you can just look at the picture and think, yeah, that. And I don’t want to commit myself to just one word or one phrase. I like girls in a lot of different shapes, most of them bigger than average.”

Natalie: “And she only said that because I wanted her to. I’ll never get a real answer from the real her will I?“

Peatrice: “So, Missy, do you like Natalie?”

Missy Scrumptious: “Natalie’s so weird that I feel I can’t just ignore her. I was reading her blog for a while before I started talking to her, have been chatting with her about stuff in the comments, and like hearing what she has to say. But now that I’ve got Natalie Uncut on my phone… she’s not as measured as I hoped, and shows her bimbo side a lot more in Chat.”

Natalie: “I’m not a bimbo, I’m a dumbass. A dipshit. Or fucking idiot if you prefer. I don’t have a bimbo fixation— like you— nor do I want to be fat, dumb, and infantilized while given some light degree of freedom— like you. I just want to be on my computer, writing my stories, working on various projects, alone, while chatting with some friends. We are very different people, I find your bottomless desires to be fascinating in how wild, contradictory, and impossible they all are. And your lack of cohesiveness pisses me off, because I cannot put you in a convenient bucket!”

Natalie: “Cassie is a genre character. My boss is a genre character. Rain is a genre character. Janet is a genre character. Shiba is dog! You? You’re just trying to coast through life and enjoy the ride, building up a dream list that you like to fantasize about without really making progress in doing anything. Not even fully devoting yourself to school, because I guess they do things differently down South. I need to know your goals, your REAL goals, and where you are heading in life! DO SOMETHING! WRITE A SHITTY NOVEL! EXPAND! EXPAND INTO YOUR NEW SELF! AAARRRGGGHHH!”

As Natalie rattled her cage like a complete psychopath, even foaming at the mouth, Akumako looked up at Abigale with a shrug, for she was too tired from the proceedings to bother retraining her client. Abigale sighed, banged her gavel to silence Natalie, and spoke to her directly.

Abigale: “Miss Neumann, you can talk to your friend after your execution. All I am hearing from your bickering is that you are viewing Miss Scrumptious as a puzzle that you want to solve so that you can gain some greater understanding. However, you can find similar understanding if you engage with a serious, long-form work. Why befriend her when you could just read a book, which is faster, more concise, and generally easier to understand than she appears to be. A book would use more definite terms and be easier for you to understand, same with an article, so why—”

Missy Scrumptious: “HELLO! Are you seriously saying that Natalie should ditch her friend, while she’s in the same room? Doesn’t she get a say in—”

Knowing where this was going, Abigale took her gavel and lightly struck Missy Scrumptious on the head, silencing her. She stared down at Missy, looking so small, so plump, and weak next to her. Her red eyes glowed with a sense of confidence and fearlessness that seemed completely foreign to the pink puffball. As they crossed her bright, innocent blue eyes, she felt… fear. A fear that spread across her every muscle, paralyzing her, as if she could see the countless ways this woman could hurt her. The countless ways she could end her.

Abigale: “Do not interrupt a judge while she is speaking. Understood?”

Missy Scrumptious: “Y-Yes ma’am.”

Akumako: “Natalie, do you have any good excuse for taking on a new friend?”

Natalie: “No, not really. She’s a commenter who became a friend, and now I’m stuck with her.”

Missy Scrumptious: “H-Hey, don’t… don’t say it like that. I like you too, you know…”

Peatrice: “Damn, Abigale. You really scared the creampuff, didn’t ya?”

Abigale: “She may talk a big game, but her spirit is weak.”

Missy Scrumptious: “I’m not weak! I’m an Audino and—”

Akumako: “Audinos are the Gen V version of Chansey. They might have bulk, but they are slow and can’t hit things for any damage.”

Missy Scrumptious: “No! Don’t you dare besmirch the proud lineage of Audino! We make every game we are in better—”

Peatrice: “By being a bunch of punching bags, right?”

Missy Scrumptious: “NO! What is with this Audino slander and—”

Abigale: “I think we can safely end it here. We will file a restraining order to prevent Miss Scrumptious from contacting Miss Neumann and—”

Missy Scrumptious: “WHAT? Peatrice, you didn’t tell me about this!”

Peatrice: “Damn straight. I didn’t have to tell you shit! When I said you could be an Audino, play dress up, drink a $40 espresso, and testify against Natalie, you didn’t ask any questions!”

Natalie: “It’s been swell Missy, but if the court says I gotta—”

Missy Scrumptious: “NO! Stop it! Stop the court! I cannot be blocked, because I… I’m gonna be Natalie’s artist! Oh, and her editor too! And I’m going to write guest spots for Rundowns and—”

Abigale: “Are you going to, or have you been doing so? From what Miss Neumann said, you might have commitment and scheduling issues.”

Peatrice: “Yeah, and Natalie has gotten by for so long without an artist, does she really need you?”

Natalie: “You did help with the Malamar fanfic—”

Missy Scrumptious: “Right, I was the inspiration for that too, it would not exist if not for me! Natalie needs me! I am her muse, I drive her creativity and—”

Akumako: “Just put a cork in it, pinkie. They’ve made their decision.”

Missy Scrumptious: “Like hell I’ll just sit down and accept this injustice! I have a right to talk to my friend! Natalie has rights! We deserve trans rights!”

Abigale: “Throwing a hissy fit will not—”

Missy Scrumptious: “Well, then how about this? Get a taste of MEGA AUDINO!”

With fire in her voice and pep in her step, Missy Scrumptious hopped out of the witness box and soared through the air. A small gem embedded into her dress began emitting a radiant light, one that grew around her person and encased her in a sphere of pink energy. The sphere grew and shook before shattering, revealing a different form, a Mega Evolution. This Mega Audino’s ears stood tall, her ear “feelers” were curled into little circles, and all the pink of her body became white. A tuft of fluff appeared over her neck, while her shoes fell to the ground, replaced with winged white shoes that appeared to be part of her body. At the very least, they did not look like they could be removed.

Missy Scrumptious the Mega Audino landed atop of Natalie’s cell and opened her eyes. The calm blue was replaced with an impassioned pink. She did not look threatening, at all, especially with her plush Scolipede boa, the sunglasses still affixed to the top of her head, and the white dress that glittered even in the normal light overhead. But when it comes to Pokémon, even cuties can pack a wicked wallop.

Abigale: “Miss Scrumptious, you are in contempt of court. What are you even thinking, threatening a judge like this? I was going to blacklist you from Natalie.TF and demand that you block Miss Neumann on all digital platforms. But now, you are giving me no choice but to impose a punishment upon you for your uncivil behavior—”

Missy Scrumptious: “You cannot stop me! You are just a human. I have Fairy Power!”

With her brain clouded by the overwhelming power of Mega Evolution, Missy Scrumptious barely thought before she unleashed a Dazzling Gleam upon Abigale, firing a burst of lunar pink energy at the judge. She saw the attack fly towards her, but she did not budge. She merely held up a finger and pointed it at the Dazzling Gleam. A futile gesture in almost all contexts, but with this mere movement of a finger, Abigale was able to dissolve the Dazzling Gleam entirely, canceling out the attack.

Abigale: “You do realize that this classifies as Assault of a Public Official, correct? That is a very serious crime, and considering your irrationality, I have every right to defend myself from you.”

Missy Scrumptious: “Grr… Bring it on! I’m not scared of—”

Before Missy Scrumptious could finish that sentence, she heard a loud bang. Her ears were incredibly adept at picking up noises even a kilometer away, but this was close, horrifically loud. Her hearing was gone as she attempted to piece together what happened, dazed as she stood there, looking around, where she saw… something cream-colored to her left, on top of this cage. It was… one of the feelers that came off of her ears… and there was blood, red blood, just like a human, coming out of it. She reached up to her left ear, moving her stubby hands towards her feeler, and all she felt was a frayed, blown off, remnant of what was once there. Her feeler had been severed, and from the blood that now stained her fingers. This had to be done violently.

Missy Scrumptious looked onwards at Abigale Quinlan, still sat high in her desk, with one hand held out, pointed at Audino, her thumb raised and index finger partially outstretched, as if she had just snapped and left her hand in that position. She smiled as she looked at Missy and brought her thumb back down, snapping once more. A fraction of a second later, Missy heard another horrific explosion in her right ear, and this time, she felt the pain as it happened. Her right feeler was severed, shot by something, and as she turned her head, she watched as it fell down to the cage, a few stray drops of blood splattering upon impact.

She had yet to read any novel with Abigale Quinlan, so she was not acquainted with her recurring Snap Burst ability, allowing her to snap her fingers to cause small controlled explosions anywhere within her range of sight. It was like having a pistol in one’s hand, only limited by how much they could snap her fingers. Across various permutations, across various Scenarios, she had used this power to kill countless people, and Missy’ she could not bear the thought that she was going to die here, die now. She had used Dazzling Gleam earlier, seemingly her strongest move, but with her hearing shot and the fear of death instilled within her, she learned another move. A move that would have made Audino the powerhouse it was always meant to be.

As desperation grew, her ability transformed from Healer to Pixelate, and what was once the mighty Hyper Voice reached a far greater, far more destructive form. Opening her mouth, Missy unleashed one of the most powerful moves available to any Pokémon, the destructive Boomburst. A sound-based move that damaged all who could hear it, but rather than be a Normal-type move, Pixelate both turned it into a Fairy-type move and increased its power by 20%. Even with a fairly pitiful Special Attack— especially for a Mega Evolution, this would represent a force of immense destruction, and… it was.

The wooden furnishings of her surroundings shattered from the immense power of Missy’s Boomburst, desks were torn apart, chairs became useless clusters of wood, and all who were within range were sent flying back from an omni-directional impact that was nearly impossible to evade. Akumako was struck by the full-frontal force of her desk. Abigale Quinlan was practically buried as her desk collapsed beneath her feet. While Natalie… well, Natalie just fucking died after five seconds of this, because she had four ears, two of which were pointed directly at the Boombursting Audino. Good job, Missy. You killed her!

However, there was one person who stood, unaffected by the might of Boomburst. The “terrorist-turned-silicone-sexy-toy,” Peatrice. As a synthetic being with a robot body, they were not vulnerable to such an attack. One might even say that he had the “Soundproof” ability. And with this ability, Boomburst did nothing to him. He smirked as he admired the carnage, how Missy continued to shout even after 20 seconds, before growing tired of her attack, deciding to put an end to it. Peatrice rushed in and, with his metal hand, struck her with a super-effective Bullet Punch, knocking her from atop the cage, where she fell onto the ground with the grace and weight of a pillow.

Missy attempted to get up, but before she could, Peatrice leapt on top of her, using Stomp with both feet. She released a guttural scream, flinching in pain, but no one heard her. Peatrice reached into his suit jacket pocket and produced the multipurpose remote from earlier, pressing two buttons. The first caused Missy’s entire body to become sluggish and stiff, as if she was Paralyzed, and the second caused her immense pain, as if she just barely had enough health points to keep going. As if she was only one HP away from fainting. She groaned in vain, but was helpless as Peatrice reached into his second pocket to produce a far more familiar object to a Pokémaniac like her. A Luxury Ball. A Poké Ball that was made to alter the mind of the occupying Pokémon, teach them to love their trainer at an unprecedented rate. Missy let out a gasp as she saw this ball, but it was too late.

Peatrice threw the ball at her, and with just two shakes, she was sealed away, no longer a free girl, but a piece of property for Peatrice. Property that, a second later, vanished into the ether, digitized and sent to a nearby data center.

Peatrice: “And with that, now you are my toy. And I like to break my toys!”

Part 8: Blame Gamindustri!

With the courtroom destroyed— don’t ask me why we’re suddenly respecting continuity, I’m just The Narrator— Natalie, Akumako, Peatrice, and Abigale were sitting in the halls of this courtroom, waiting for another room to become available for them to finish this trial. Unfortunately for them, this was New Year’s Eve, the place was booked with people trying to get legal matters settled before year-end. Cameos from the collective works of “The Saga of Dawn and Dusk” all scampered by, seeing their alleged creator dressed in an outfit that only emphasized how un-sexy she was, her arms and legs both chained by pairs of handcuffs.

Natalie: “If we’re going to be sitting out here for a while, could I at least treat this as a regular Ramble? The year’s over, and it’s high time I reflected on where Gamindustri is, not just where Natalie The Fuck is.”

Akumako: “Uh, do you mean the website or yourself?”

Natalie: “Both, obviously! And if I am going to talk about gaming in 2025… I think I need to start with Microsoft. Because at this point, in the year 2025, I seriously think we are seeing the end of Xbox. I went over this last year with Tony Neukar from Verde’s Doohickey 2.0 and—”

Peatrice: “Hold up, isn’t that Tony right there?”

Turning around, Natalie looked amidst a crowd of people, containing all manner of familiar faces in this pseudo-canonical nexus of worlds. But amidst this crowd stood a tall 18-year-old Black man with stylish silver hair, dressed in a respectable yet ill-fitting suit, likely borrowed from his father. He looked a bit lost, confused, and as his eyes darted around, they landed on the four oddballs sitting on a bench.

Natalie: “HEY TONY! You got a couple minutes to talk about Xbox again?”

Rather than verbally respond, Tony walked forward, looking awkward as he tried to piece together what he was even looking at.

Tony Neukar: “H-Hey, uh… god lady.”

Natalie: “The name’s Natalie. Natalie ‘The Fuck’ Neumann. This get-up is related to some ‘crimes’ I got charged with.”

Tony Neukar: “Huh? How can someone like you get charged with crimes?”

Natalie: “Because we live in a land of no kings, and even gods must be accountable to their people.”

Tony Neukar: “This all sounds a bit over my pay grade. I just came here to update some legal stuff and—”

Natalie: “Doesn’t matter! Now take a seat, I wanna talk to you about Xbox.”

Tony Neukar: “S-Sure thing… ma’am!”

Not wanting to garner the wrath of a god, Tony sat himself down on the wide bench. It was a bit cramped with four people though, cuing Abigale to stand up instead, casually watching over Natalie for the remainder of this segment, silently judging her.

Natalie: “So, I was kind of burying the lead last time. The whole Xbox problem is largely connected to a problem with Microsoft and the entire damn tech industry in my world’s 2025. You remember how big tech companies have gotten over the span of your life?”

Tony Neukar: “Well, yeah. Everybody has a computer and a smartphone nowadays, and everybody has some sort of app they use to talk to friends, see what other people are up to, what they’re making.”

Natalie: “Well, in my world, tech companies have gotten bigger and bigger, and are trying to push this thing called AI on everybody.”

Tony Neukar: “Whoa! You guys have AI in your timeline? That’s crazy! Do you have robots doing everything, full automation of crappy jobs, that sort of thing?”

Natalie: “Nope! Instead, our version of AI is a damn plagiarism machine that takes writing, movies, music, and everything you can think of, from millions of different sources, often without any permission, and trains a computer on it. Then the user can tell the computer, via a prompt, what they want. An answer to a question, an essay, a chapter in a novel, general advice, an image, audio, or even video. A lot of it is full of crap, obvious flaws, so called ‘hallucinations,’ and is often just wrong outright, confidently spitting back bullshit, while assuring the user that they are special, they are great, no matter how deranged or paranoid they’re being.”

Tony Neukar: “…That sounds like the plot of a sci-fi movie where people became too dependent on technology and stopped using their brain. In fact, I think I watched something just like that with Vid once… I might have fallen asleep during it.”

Natalie: “Microsoft has invested heavily into this technology and have thrown it into everything. Word, their browser, their search engine, Windows itself, and even started the year trying to push this insane idea of using AI to ‘preserve’ classic games, when they could just re-release the games, as that is plenty good preservation. And rather than looking into incorporating better in-game tutorials, they are creating an AI assistant to help you playing games. Because that’s what people really need. A damn pop-up that tells them how to get past a puzzle or obstacle in a game.”

Tony Neukar: “Huh? Why would they need that? The goal of most games is trying to understand how it’s meant to be played and what it wants from you. Why would I want to ask some unreliable thing about where I needed to go next? Isn’t that just what YouTube and GameFacks are for?”

Natalie: “He gets it! But don’t worry, it gets worse! After this year’s E3 (substitute), Microsoft laid off over 3,000 people in games and canceled several games that were announced 4 or more years ago. No new Perfect Dark, no new Rare game, Forza freaking Motorsport got killed, with only Forza Horizon remaining. A game from John ‘Master of Doom’ Romero was canceled. They canceled an MMO that had been in development for 7 years. And have just violated people’s trust. All so they can invest more money into AI!”

Tony Neukar: “What? That’s insane! Why would they ever do that? Aren’t people just not going to buy an Xbox anymore?”

Natalie: “You’d think so, and they sort of did, but it’s more complicated than that. Microsoft has seemingly given up on this idea of Xbox being a proper console, and insists that it is now an ecosystem, a service, that you can play anywhere. They even called a licensed gaming handheld computer that ran Windows 11 an Xbox. Emphasis on licensed, as they did not build it. They just optimized Windows a little bit. To modern Microsoft, Xbox is a gaming service, and… you remember what I said about Game Pass last year?”

Tony Neukar: “Last year? I saw you three weeks ago.”

Peatrice: “Sliding time-scales. They’s a bitch! Just like you!”

Natalie: “In 2024, Game Pass, or rather Game Pass Ultimate, was $20. This past year, they raised it to $30, bundling in a bunch of other stupid services that people did not want or ask for.”

Tony Neukar: “Huh? Is that even legal? And for what?”

Natalie: “A library of games that subscribers don’t own, though this year they had a pretty darn good first-part output. Avowed, Oblivion Remastered, Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3+4, South of Midnight, Doom: The Dark Ages, Gears of War: Reloaded, Grounded 2, The Outer Worlds 2, Ninja Gaiden 4, Keeper, Call of Duty: Black Ops 7. Well, not the last one. But after that slate of titles, what else is in the pipeline? Another remake of Halo: Combat Evolved? A new Fable game? A cool-looking RPG shooter from inXile? Gears of War Zero? I am not convinced that any of these are actually coming out at this point, as they have proven themselves willing to demo a game and then cancel it a year later.”

Tony Neukar: “Hold on, Gears of War: Reloaded? Was that what the Xbox One remake of Gears was called?”

Natalie: “No, that was a remaster, and then they remastered it again.”

Tony Neukar: “…Why would they do that?”

Natalie: “Because at this point, Microsoft mostly gets by through the power of nostalgia and IP. The early Xbox 360 era was sick, and because people had a good couple years with Xbox, because the original Xbox was trying a lot of cool things, they were able to coast on brand value and Microsoft’s money trough for a decade. But now, Microsoft has given up the goose, views games as a means of making money above all else. And if that’s not scummy enough, they are still aiding in the Palestinian genocide.”

Tony Neukar: “…Can I go now? This is getting very depressing. One moment we were talking about video games, and now you’re talking about genocide?”

Akumako: “The world has fucked her up, and now she’s just like this.”

Natalie: “And now I’m like this! Now give me a hug, Tony!”

Tony Neukar: “…I really have to get going. Vid’s probably waiting for me and we can’t be late to our—”

Natalie: “There’s always time for a HUG!”

With pep and vigor, Natalie sprung from her seat and wrapped her arms around Tony. There was something deeply uncomfortable about being hugged by a person who really did not want a hug, and the chains sure did not help. After ten seconds, barely long enough to count as a hug, Tony weaseled his way out of Natalie’s arms and skedaddled, showing off his track star skills as he got outta there in record time.

Natalie: “Shit, I didn’t even mention how Microsoft killed their TV and movie storefront, just to fuck with people! EVERYBODY! CANCEL YOUR GAME PASS! STOP GIVING MICROSOFT MONEY!”

Abigale: “Natalie, we are in a courthouse, you cannot just shout at passersby.”

Natalie: “I don’t give a shit! I’m on death row with you around. Now who else can I talk about games with—”

???: “HEY! You’re Natalie, right!”

Natalie turned her head around to see who else was volunteering to be a conversation partner as she went on this obligatory Gamindustri Rundown. She was met with the familiar face of Haruki Kurokawa, also from Verde’s Doohickey 2.0, but she looked a bit… fatter than before. The 23-year-old Japanese/Mexican woman was meant to be slightly overweight for her 165 cm body, but now she was packing significantly more fat, looking to be about 85 kilograms. At least, per what Natalie remembered. Still, it was nothing that could not be stuffed into a skirted suit, which looked positively uncanny on a proud basement dwelling socialite like Haruki.

Natalie: “Hey, Haruki. You put on, like, 15 kilograms. I guess I should update Acts 1 and 2 to reflect these new weights eventually. …Or I could have Missy do it for me.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “I just heard that the Switch 2 came out in your world. Tell me about it!”

Natalie: “Our timelines have diverged. It won’t reflect your reality and—”

Haruki then sat herself next to Natalie on the bench and wrapped a thick warm arm around her shoulder. Natalie shrugged, or at least attempted to, before placating this woman. If she wanted to talk, it was best to just talk.

Haruki Kurokawa: “Don’t care! Tell me about the Switch 2. How is it? I maybe stole a Switch 1 during the downtime over this past year— Verde leaves the damndest things all over the place, and I’m jonesing for some insider scoops!”

Natalie: “Well, first off, it is the most iterative Nintendo system ever—”

Haruki Kurokawa: “Thank Verde for that! I like how Nintendo was inclined to fuck around with the Wii and DS, but… when the 3DS dies, that’s over a decade of games that just won’t be the same again. Gimmicks are fun, but I just want the games, y’know!”

Natalie: “…Spoken like a true game designer. Anyway, the Nintendo Switch 2 was announced, unveiled, and released this year, and the reception to it has been… a bit fraught. The launch was good by all accounts, it sold incredibly well out of the gate, and is tracking very well as of year-end, but it was unfortunately marred by negativity. The price of the system was $450. Games went up from $60 as a rule to $70 or $80, depending on the game. Nintendo was terrible at conveying information, and everything associated with the system just feels more expensive than it should be. Third-party releases were delayed as Nintendo decided to be selective with dev kits, even after launch. And this price point, combined with a pervasive cost of living crisis, and democracy crisis, really made it hard for a lot of people to get excited about Nintendo.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “Motherfucker! So Nintendo’s entered their arrogant phase? Just like Sony after the PS2, just like Microsoft after the 360 hit ten million first, just like Nintendo after the Wii and DS did gangbusters.”

Natalie: “Lady, this is just how game companies work. They do well, get arrogant, and then fuck over the game-likers in one way or another. This has been a rule for so much of gaming history. Sure, Sony kept their heads on straight when jumping from the PlayStation to PlayStation 2, but that’s an exception.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “…Shit, you’re right. Ugh. I guess arrogance is just a natural part of this capitalist consumerist cycle we call life. …Were the games good at least?”

Natalie: “Meh. Gamers™ have found a way to hate pretty much all of them. They don’t like the new Mario Kart because it is not as easy to just jump into a race with friends. They don’t like the new Pokémon because ‘Pokémon is bad’ reactions have been lucrative for the past six years. They don’t like Metroid Prime 4 because they wanted it to be more open, less linear, and less story-driven. They didn’t like Hyrule Warriors 3, because Americans just cannot get over the Dynasty Warriors hatred of the mid-2000s. Kirby Air Rider 2 was beloved though, same with Donkey Kong Bananza.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “…People got a new Donkey Kong, Kirby Air Ride, Mario Kart, and Metroid Prime in the same year, and they still find some way to bitch?”

Natalie: “A lot of modern gamers are fucking miserable, and the industry has been damn miserable too. There have been so many layoffs that they feel as common as rain. Payment processors are going after Steam and Itch.io for hosting certain types of content they find objectionable, but their rules are completely arbitrary, giving them power to censor the internet. All while governments are trying to lock the broader internet behind by age verification systems. And even if something is as plain and safe as a dark R-rated film, then that can be enough for it to get banned from Steam.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “…Do you live in a damn police state or something? How are they verifying your age on the internet?”

Natalie: “They have you scan your face or your ID.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “…So random-ass websites can know what you look like, get your ID number, address, and sell that shit to the highest bidder?”

Natalie: “THANK YOU! Honestly, there is just so much crap going on here that I don’t even know where to begin in describing all of the messes and woes I’ve been seeing. I felt a layer of obfuscation fade away after Matthew Ball’s excellent analysis of the the state of vide games in 2025. And consider the process of reading and writing about it to be immensely foundational, shaping how I viewed so many stories this year. In short, gaming has stopped growing, has plateaued, and in the infinite growth demanded of the capitalist system of the world, that is unacceptable. More and more people are sticking to live services— always online games that expect you to come back to day after day. Smaller games are left by the wayside, and the industry is getting by through a series of small viral hits… and people who are irrational and buy games all the time. Everybody else is just giving up money because of callous systems designed to get them to overspend while filling their lives with grind after grind.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “Sorry, but what do you mean by live services? Are you saying that they put GranBlue Fantasy shit into Call of Duty?”

Natalie: “Yeah, basically. So many AAA publishers have looked at the profits of live services and tried making one that could keep their income statement looking handsome. And as all of this is happening, game consoles are becoming more expensive, experiencing price hikes due to tariffs meant to hurt American citizens while enriching businesses. They are becoming less popular among younger people. Games are still coming out for PS4! There is very little desire for a new console, despite the industry eyeing a 2028 release for the PlayStation 6. Staple IPs are waning in popularity as games keep taking longer and longer to make. The supposed savior of the games industry, Grand Theft Auto VI was delayed… twice, and will now be a holiday 2026 title. Amazon is giving up on gaming after a decade of attempted growth. NetEase invested heavily in American studios but is leaving them to die after they changed their mind. Saudi Arabia is buying EA, who is basically the biggest games publisher in the console space.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “Fucking hell! What is happening in this timeline? This was all in one year?”

Natalie: “It was! And at this point, I think we are just going to have an industry collapse of some sort, where things that people thought would work will just stop working and games need to be developed differently, without these insane budgets. Or, at the very least, without this live service crap. I have some hope in that, given how many live service failures have cropped up as of late. That some of the coolest looking live services may need to just become real video games.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “As a game dev, that’s all I want. I played Puzzle & Dragons and GranBlue, but I think they’re manipulative shit with a fancy facade. But, even in my world, which you made to be better than your crap, it’s still hard making it as a game dev, as an artist. I just hate seeing all of these fat cat executives suck up the money while sitting behind their desk, order people around via emails and messaging systems, not even looking at them in the eye. “

Natalie: “Oh, and I did not even get to the WORST PART! You know RAM, right?”

Haruki Kurokawa: “You know I do. I have modded consoles, you dorkus!”

Natalie: “Well, you know RAM is cheap, one of the cheapest things to upgrade.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “And easiest too. You just pop it open, swap out the slots, and bam. You may have some BIOS crap to deal with, but best case scenario, it’s a five minute upgrade and can make a big difference. …Lemme guess, RAM prices doubled? That sounds appropriately apocalyptic.”

Natalie: “Wrong, quadrupled.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “…Why? …How?”

Natalie: “Because companies are hoarding computer components for themselves so they can provide online services and leave customers unable to buy high power electronics. Come 2026, I expect all electronics to get more expensive. Pre-built PCs, game consoles, phones, everything that uses RAM, and many things that don’t! The tools needed for people to participate in modern life, to make phone calls, to authenticate their identity, to message their friends, get someplace, hell, people put their entire damn wallets in their phones. And now, they are going to get a helluva lot more expensive. All so tech companies can sell computers back to us as a service. A wasteful service that does not benefit anyone’s life, but makes corporate profits go up.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “…We gotta get you out of that timeline, Natalie. Hey, uh, Abigale—”

Abigale: “It is proper to address me as Your Honor or Judge Quinlan.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “Honorable Judge Abigale Quinlan Esquire The Third, may I please take custody of Natalie here? I hate to see people like her suffer in a bad situation and—”

Akumako: “It doesn’t work that way. Natalie can visit the courthouse, but she cannot enter your Scenario. She’s incompatible.”

Haruki Kurokawa: “Well then make her compatible! The world she’s talking about sounds like a load of wet dog ass!”

Natalie: “Trust me, I would LOVE to leave my world behind and get somewhere better, but that’s not an option for me. I have too many people who depend on me to just isekai myself to your world… And I think that would just destroy all of these worlds. Wouldn’t it?”

Peatrice: “Nah. We wouldn’t be destroyed. We’d just be locked in stasis, unable to move or think past a certain point, forever repeating the same stories forever more. It’s the fate of all fictional characters. A fate of eternal life and eternal death, all until your become forgotten, left unread as the final copy fades to dust.”

Natalie: “…Well, guess I’m stuck living in Hell World then! At least I can make trips to places like this from time to time.”

Part 9: Blame The Market (Feat. Aimee Xylophia Zümphie & ZeroX The Alpha)

After loitering around for an hour or two, the menagerie of Natalie, Akumako, Peatrice, and Abigale were finally instructed by a clerk to go to an open courtroom. They wandered the halls, going past dozens of familiar faces, even some whose stories had yet to be told, before reaching a room with the curious label of ZXA on the placard next to the door. With a shrug, Abigale opened up the courtroom, expecting another bog-standard room for them to complete their trail in. Instead, they found themselves in a small conference room, with a conference already in progress. One with a bunch of onlookers sitting on plastic chairs, all cameos from TSF Series installments, staring at a man in front of a whiteboard.

This man was quite the character. He was White, pretty average height, had a bit of a gut, a beard, and looked to be in his early 30s. His dark brown hair was oily and slicked back, styled in a manner that made him look untrustworthy to anybody with eyes, and his attire was… something nobody should wear in public. He was wearing a black varsity jacket with a green logo for the pedophile refuge and gambling streaming site, KiKK, the buttons undone to display a White graphic tee that resembled the legendary ahegao collage shirt. Except instead of featuring teenage girls making their orgasm face, the characters were clearly underaged— lolis.

Black Adidas track pants, their logo proudly displayed, hung off of his legs. A pair of $300 white sneakers covered his feet, the golden logo practically screaming that they were a premium product, not just footwear. His neck was accessorized with a golden chain and a shimmering Bitcoin medallion, a cheap $20 accessory made to emulate the concept of wealth while being a sign of insecurity. And to complete whatever look he had going for him, there was a transparent red six-die dangling from his left ear. A fashion statement of an earring that somehow matched his entire vibe.

Scumbag Dude: “And if you ever wanna make it in this world, you gotta be aggressive, you gotta take a chance. And you should only ever put in work if you fucked up! In this world, winners don’t work, they take the bag, they game, and they make out like fucking kings. All you gotta do is defy the odds and bam, you’re livin’ like a rockstar, fuckin’ like a pornstar, and got hundreds of thousands of people listening to every word coming out of your mouth, just sucking your cock with their ears. That is the dream, but to make it, you gotta get take a chance, play the fucking game, man!”

Abigale: “Excuse me, sir. You are not scheduled to be here. I politely request that you leave immediately.”

Scumbag Dude: “Huh? The fuck is you on about? Isn’t this public property? Aren’t you government fuckbags stealing from me to keep places like this open? Ha! Like I respect you and any of your ‘laws.’ None of my idols do and look at them, they’re running a train on the world!”

Akumako: “What’s your name, shitbird?”

Scumbag Dude: “You seriously don’t know me? Pfft. What should I expect from some camel fucker? Call me ZeroX The Alpha!“

Natalie: “Hold on a second… Are you ZXA Yungboi from the 2023 and 2024 Rambles? Oh fuck… did the government detransition you?”

ZeroX The Alpha: “Do I LOOK like I was some fuckin’ tranny? Hell no! I am the alpha, the apex of men, and a self-made millionaire by age 25! You’re just a bunch of faggots and Negroids!”

Peatrice: “…Is negroid a way to get around platform censorship rules in your world?”

Natalie: “Nah, you can say the N-word wherever you want, but you gotta bleep fuck, shit, genocide, or Holocaust. It makes no fucking sense. This dude’s just a dipshit trying to take us back to 1860.”

Akumako: “Really? With a name like that, I couldn’t tell.”

Peatrice: “How I loathe libertarians like this man. They are the epitome of the Dunning-Kruger effect. It’s not even fun to break them!”

Abigale: “Sir, please leave, or I will call—”

Natalie: “Nah, let him stay. This is good content.”

Abigale: “I don’t care about your content, Miss Neumann. I care about your execution.”

Akumako: “Just let her have this. Think of it like a last meal.”

Natalie: “So, ‘ZeroX The Alpha,’ would you kindly explain what you are doing here?”

ZeroX The Alpha: “I’m hosting a class for my FinanceFuckers. Teaching them how to grab reality by the balls and get ahead in life, just like me!”

Natalie: “Ooooh! So this you’re a conman giving people shitty financial advice. …And you’re doing this in person? You must be pretty successful then.”

ZeroX The Alpha: “You bet your ugly-ass I’m successful! I’ve got 3 million followers across eight platforms, have streams that garner tens of thousands of views. Ugh. Prolly should start from the top, ya mean? I made some fina fine skrill bitching about video games a couple years back, but I decided to stop letting the game companies fuck me, and start fucking the system with real gaming. Markets, gambling, and investments. Pumpin’ and dumpin’ shit, going for shorts and longs, and that’s how I got GOATED! And as I was saying, I ain’t a one in a million. Any motherfucker with the right mindset can be just like me!”

ZeroX The Alpha: “Ya see, the world is fag-fucked. Brandon and his retards— his DEI faggot Negroids— fucked up this country. And now our dude— the Based God Erinlingo Hucklebee— is running shit as the wealthiest man, and ruler of communication. We got a fucking KING elected and he’s deregulating everything because what the fuck has a government ever done for the big M-E or the Y-O-U? Jack-fucking-shit! And now, you gotta take this opportunity by the balls and just crush some fuckers. Crush ’em till they bleeds! You gotta be aggressive! Trust your dick! Be an ALPHA in the market, and leave the rest to rot in their own shit and blood, prop yourself up, and know that you’re a better person because you don’t care about others! You cannot be empathetic. Empathy is retarded!“

Akumako: “There are so many things wrong with what you are saying that it’s not even worth breaking it down. It’s prima facie anti-social grifter bullshit cranked up to 12 without even the shroud of euphemism. We can see you’re racist, bigoted, and clearly a fan of lowering age of consent laws—”

ZeroX The Alpha: “Hey man, back in King Arthur’s day bitches was poppin’ out babies at 13, and they came better too. Women think they need to make it in this world, but nah, they just need to get with a winner while their gettin’s still good. If you never fucked some minor pussy, you ain’t even worth being called a man in my book. You’re just some loser to be ground up for a real man!”

Natalie: “It’s like I’m writing the worst guy imaginable here… But what do you actually do. Mow did you make your millions, dude?”

ZeroX The Alpha: “Gaming, DUH! You can’t watch a sport these days without getting told to bet on that shit, so I did. I bet on sports, but got bored of that and wanted something realer, rawer, and more significant, without these fucking apps giving me shit for when I won. I saw everything going on with politics, with economics, and thought… why not bet on that?”

ZeroX The Alpha: “So I pivoted to betting on the prediction market— gaming reality— over at PolyMarket, Kalshi, Myriad, but those places have just blown up, gotten too safe for my liking. So I dug deeper, found a place called RealBoyAlley, and have just been killing it there. Betting on politics, who says what, who will die, where the next assassination will take place, even the fucking weather! I’ve been making big bets, trying to move the market in my favor, and been killing it— with the help of my little network. I juice things up, they give me a little something-something for my troubles. We profit. Anons lose.”

Peatrice: “lol. Dumbass just admitted to market manipulation?”

ZeroX The Alpha: “Yeah? It’s not illegal. At least not anymore. Nothing’s stopping you from betting on someone’s death and then stabbing them with some insulin at night. Or paying some assassin to do so. Nothing’s stopping you and your friends from manipulating the price of Bitcoin up to $100k just so you can split the bag at some prediction market. We’re in a post-law world. People like you, the Negroid in the black dress, don’t got no fucking purpose anymore. You’re just an obstacle in the world of people moving money and making value for themselves!”

Abigale: “People like you are always proven wrong in the annals of history… and what value are you really making? Prediction markets like the one you described do not bring any value in the world. They enable people to gamble on anything— financialize everything. You just admitted to gambling on the weather. You’re an addict, a conman, and want everybody to be like you, as you believe that, with your influence, you can profit off of people. For example, you could recommend your followers take a position on something you know won’t happen, bet against them, and reap incredible profits. Such things are a crime, and while the wheels of justice may be slow to adapt, I would be overjoyed to establish precedent and put men like you behind bars, where you cannot manipulate millions.”

ZeroX The Alpha: “Uh-huh, sure, whatever, my buddy in the White House will just pardon me then. If this is a crime, then whatever. Crime is legal now, and all I care about— all any Spiritual American should care about— is making money. Staring credit is free with credit cards. You can break everything up into four with BNPY (buy now, pay later). It’s supported everywhere. And with this, you don’t need money to bet on the market, to peer through the lattice of reality and cop yourself the truth. You just need a bit of debt, and to keep going back. You get $5,000 in debt, and you can 2x it every month, keep building it up again and again, and you can make a million bucks in the time it takes to make a baby. That’s fucking math, bitch! I count, ho!“

Natalie: “Uh, are you not forgetting about the risk? About how, if you screw up, you can ruin your life with $5,000 of debt at a 30% interest rate?”

ZeroX The Alpha: “Pfft. I ain’t never seen a hole that people couldn’t game their way out of before. I knew I guy who was 500k in debt, and now, he’s cruising at 5 mill, chillin’ like a boss copin’ a 10 inch dick.”

Akumako: “Just because you read a success story on X The Genocider’s App doesn’t mean you know a guy.”

ZeroX The Alpha: “Pfft! I’m not going to let some liberal green-haired lizard fucker tell me who the hell I know. But the answer to getting wealth is, and always was, gaming the system and putting your eggs into it. Bill Grapes: Gamer. Musk da Rat: Gamer. Dinny Trinkles: Gamer. Jim Bozos: Gamer. The Reptile: Gamer. Dark Muckleburg: Gamer. Harry Leckelstone: Gamer. Jeffrey Epstein: Gamer. These men— WHITE! CAUCASOID! MEN— are icons for a reason. They own this world for a reason. And none of them ever did shit but talk into a mic for their entire lives, just gaming the world every single day. “

ZeroX The Alpha: “I realized that I wasn’t gonna amount to shit with these vidya gaimz that I was wasting my life on, and I decided to play a better game, and look at me now! Look at my numbers! They are bigger than any of yours! I have enough to support a whole fucking family, spreading my seed! And in more ways than just one. Lotta half-White Filipinos ’bout to be born with my blessed genome. Well, half of it. I’m saving the full deal for me and me alone. Aimee, say hello to these faggots.”

As ZeroX The Alpha ranted with the self-important grandeur of a cult leader, or successful capital-I Influencer, he gestured at the crowd of a dozen people sitting in uncomfortable plastic chairs and one rose. A capital-racial-B Blonde woman who looked to be in her mid 20s, wearing a floral pink dress that showed off her figure. Plentiful breasts, slender arms and legs that were left exposed to the world, along with a protruding belly that, at a glance, indicated she was 5 months pregnant. She gracefully walked out of the audience box and to towards the raging man before the whiteboard, moving with the grace of someone who was smacked with whipped if her walk was insufficiently ladylike. The woman, presumably named Aimee, curtsied as she greeted the four oddballs standing before her.

Aimee: “Hello fags~! Like, I hope you’ve found my husband as insightful as his followers have.”

Natalie: “Hold on, Aimee? …Aimee Xylophia Zümphie?”

Aimee: “That’s, like, my maiden name. My Christian name is Amy ‘Property’ Alpha.”

Peatrice: “Property? I guess the euphemism really is dead. And oh course a dude like this is a Christian. Lemme guess, you’re a TradCath because you think it’ll help keep your TradWife on a tighter leash?”

ZeroX The Alpha: “Damn straight! For a man to be truly GOATed, he needs a woman at his beck and call. And there ain’t no leash tighter than the Traditional Catholic leash! Just these principles tell me that I’m destined for greatness. Because I’ve got Christ on my side, tipping all the scales, for me!”

Natalie: “Actually, before that, I have a question. How the hell did you two meet? You’re supposed to be the same person, but now you’re married? How does that work?”

Amy Property Alpha: “Well, that’s, like, a totally funny story. After this red girl sent me to Hell— she looked a lot like that tit-less slut— a bunch of demons took me into this, like, elevator thing, and they raped me! I think it, like, hurt and stuff, but I’m not sure. My head’s real fuzzy and stuffs, and has been for, like, a year. But that’s okies. If I’m happy, and I gots a hubby, that’s all that matters. I told some people that I got, like demon raped and stuff, and they said I was sposta go to a church for something. I dunno why. Their soup tasted like rats and I didn’t understand what the man in the dress was saying, using all of these weird words that in ways that made me all confuzzles. “

ZeroX The Alpha: “And that’s where I came in. My YouTube game was bringing in some money, talking about how modern video games have gone to shit in a bucket, getting a couple hundo thousand views, but I still felt empty. I needed meaning, so I turned to some Podcasters, and what they were saying… made a lot of sense. That I needed guidance, direction, and to listen to a higher power. I thought they meant Jesus Christ, y’know, the guy. So I went to some local church, trying to see if what the priest said made sense… but it didn’t, dude was some Polish Postmodern Marxist Leninist.”

ZeroX The Alpha: “I now recognize that this guy was just some faggot-humper— an insult to Catholicism. But while there, I met this little hottie, said her name was Aimee, and when I saw her, dressed in a hoodie, with blonde hair, pink eyes, pale-as-pearls skin, I realized that… She was for me. So I kept going back, looking up tips on how to snag females. They taught me to be aggressive, to be an Alpha, how to get up, get out there, and DEMAND a woman, not as a partner, but as property. And as you can see… mission suck-fuckin-cess-ful.”

Abigale: “Mhm… Amy, could you please verify his claims? It sounds like we are missing a few steps.”

Amy Property Alpha: “Like, why are you asking me? I’m just a silly widdle girl~!“

Abigale: “No, you’re a 25-year-old woman.”

Amy Property Alpha: “Y-Yeah, I was late to the party, but I promise that I’ll have three kids before I’m 30! Anything for my Zaddy.”

Peatrice: “The lolicon likes it when his wife calls him a variation of daddy. Big surprise there!”

Akumako: “Amy, please. You met ZXA at a church, and then what? He snagged you?”

Amy Property Alpha: “He did! He was all like… ‘hey babe.’ I was all like ‘whoa, you’re so aggressive.’ And he was all like, ‘you can stay at my place if you do some things for me.’ I was all like, ‘yeah! I barely know who I am, or where I am!’ He had me make food, clean his place, I slept with him in his bed, where it was all nice and warm, especially his… you-know-what. When he stuck it in me, it’s like all my thoughts got flushed. I was totes ‘no thoughts head empty!’ For realsies, for realsies! And then he said I was good enough to… be his wife! We didn’t have a wedding, he said it was a bad investment. The ring too. But all we had to do was sign some papers at the dimmvy and we got married. Now I’m living my bestest life! He does all the hard work and thinky thinking. I get to hang around, clean, make scrumptious meals, go shopping, and talk to these nice grandmas who keep telling me everything I need to know about raising a baby! Kyaaaaa! Sometimes I forget, but it’s true, it’s true, I’m really gonna be birthing a bee-ayy-bee-whyyyy~!“

Natalie: “…I’ll just ignore how it seems like you are taking advantage of someone with amnesia. And mental issues. And who blacks out during sex. Definitely nothing suspicious about that.”

ZeroX The Alpha: “Fuck off. I figured out that she’s just me from some alternate universe where someone… who sounded a lot like you transformed her into a hot piece of ass. And if she is me, then is there anything wrong with me making her my property? I don’t fucking think so! I’m Adam, and she’s my Eve, so she should be grateful that I’m keeping her out of trouble, keeping her nice, sexy, and dumb, like a real woman should be.”

Natalie: “I’m expecting some transphobic dig to be thrown my way…”

ZeroX The Alpha: “Ugh! You’re trans? I thought you were just ugly. I can’t believe I’m in the same room as a fucking tranny!”

Natalie: “Yeah, I was born with a dick, bought myself a pussy, and now these assholes put me in a bunny girl outfit for yucks. Welcome to my life. Let’s talk about important shit. Do you seriously expect us to believe that you just got lucky? I’ve seen people of your genre, and I know your deal. You found a method that worked for you, but the methods always change. No ‘get rich quick scheme’ lasts forever, and I doubt you just had the money to move out of your mother’s basement.”

ZeroX The Alpha: “I… I didn’t live in her basement. I’m an ALPHA! I left home the day after high school, started working, like a dumbass, before I started gambling my way to success! That’s my story, and I’m sticking too it!”

Akumako: “…Amy, is that true?”

Amy Property Alpha: “Hmm… I don’t think so. We have a pretty house, but he said he bought it using some bite coins he had on… his E-Hunty account? Yeah, he bought them when he was 13, and then he remembered he got them when he was ’rounding up his ducklings.’ He said he used them to bet on some association or something, and he doubled his money.”

ZeroX The Alpha: “Yeah! Exactly! I practice what I preach! The assassination market is crazy, and if you are not betting on the next headline assassination, you’re fucking up! Don’t try and preach morals around me. We don’t need any fucking morals!”

Abigale: “You literally called yourself a Traditional Catholic, and you are decrying the concept of morals?”

ZeroX The Alpha: “Damn right! There are no morals in the Bible. Only Biblical Law. Like stone faggots to death to earn favor with Christ! And all of you, if you need help starting up, head to your local church, as there are so many easy marks there. There are little old ladies are just giving away their social security checks to a handsome young men like me! With that nut, you can grow that shit into a whole-ass tree within a year. And if you don’t, you’re not gaming hard enough, not gaming smart enough, remember this fact. If you cannot make it here, cannot bet yourself to luxury, you may as well fucking kill yourself. Because all you have left for you is a life that ain’t worth living.”

Natalie: “…I think we’re gonna have to kill this guy, Abigale.”

Abigale: “Agreed. And since you’ve accepted your execution… Peatrice, would you kindly kill two birds with one stone?”

Peatrice: “Oh, it will be my pleasure!”

After having been killed seven times, and nearly killed once, Natalie did not even bother resisting as Peatrice moseyed over to her. She just rolled her eyes, crossed her arms, and sighed, not even bothering to add a ‘get it over with.’ Peatrice frowned at her lack of enthusiasm before grabbing her, holding her above his head, and throwing her at both ZeroX The Alpha and Amy Property Alpha. The two stood at this sight like deer in headlights, unable to process what as happening, and then… boom!

The carrot butt plug inside Natalie detonated upon impact. Shrapnel tore her body to bits, crushing bone, tearing skin, and transforming her guts into unidentifiable viscera that splattered forward, propelled by the intensity of the explosion, where it struck both targets. Natalie’s corpse served as an extension of the explosive’s power, not a hindrance, and the barrage of flesh ripped through its human targets, tattering their faces, puncturing their guts, and cracking their bones from the sheer force of impact. Though they both left behind identifiable corpses, the entire front of their bodies was left in a battered state. Neither looked to be alive as their bodies fell to the ground, and in a condition like this, there were few who would want to remain alive.

Akumako, Peatrice, Abigale, and the passive silent onlookers on the sidelines were all left unharmed, but they did not have much time to look at the sight of death. 5 seconds after the explosion went off, the ensuing smoke hit the smoke detector in the room and caused the sprinkle system to start showering all occupants.

Peatrice: “FUCK! I’m not supposed to get this suit wet! This shit cost me $500!”

Akumako: “Shut up, Peatrice. You won, didn’t you? Sigh. After all this, I don’t think I have a career in law.”

Abigale: “You can turn in your law permit next week. Before we finish for the day, we have a corpse to dispose of. …Or I suppose three.”

Part 10: Natalie.TF Unwrapped – 2025 Traffic Stats

As night took hold at 17:00 in the evening of this “eventful day,” the people of the courthouse began to filter out, ready to break in the New Year properly. With friends and drugs. However, there was a bit of unfinished business left for the current protagonists of Abigale, Peatrice, and Akumako. They had bodies to dispose of. Burying them in some suburban yard would be ideal, but with the frozen ground, that was untenable. They could just shuck them in a mausoleum, except that seemed too anticlimactic, even for this Ramble. So, with the sky cloudy, night as dark as the Ninth Circle of Hell, they decided to burn them. Wearing nothing but their suits and robes, the three sat themselves on a park bench, loaded the three corpses into a fire pit, lit a match, and watched as the flames spread, sipping hot drinks from thermoses.

Abigale: “Now that she has been executed, I suppose all we have to do is some statistical analysis. Peatrice, if you would?”

Peatrice: “Eh? Why do I gotta do this shit? I’m not actually a robot. I’m a dildo that can connect to Wi-Fi!”

Akumako: “Look, you won, she’s dead, I hauled the bodies around, I prepared your damn coco, so be a good little fuckstick and crunch the numbers.”

Peatrice: “You’re not gonna let me say no, are ya?”

Akumako: “But thou must~!“

Peatrice: “Fine, fine, I’ll give you your damn stats, but they’re not gonna be perfect. For one, I pulled the final numbers as of December 27, 2025, so they’re not real year-end numbers. For two, I’m building off of what Natalie and that Zoe kid did last year, updating the base, not reinventing the wheel, and they already said the dataset was not perfect, because different tools have different definitions of what a word was.”

Abigale: “Why not just use the more reliable source then? Wouldn’t Miss Neumann trust Jetpack more than that Admin Columns plug-in?”

Peatrice: “Because she would have needed to manually go through nearly 1,600 posts. The prior year data’s not my problem. Now gimme a minute to pull the 2025 data.”

With a pouty face, Peatrice shut his eyes and feverishly tapped his foot against the sidewalk before him, doing this for a solid thirty seconds before his eyes sprang open with gusto.

Peatrice: “Okay, turns out WordPress is just drunk and does not know how to count. There are three sets of word count numbers. Ones generated by the plug-in she used. Ones generated by WordPress’s default Gutenberg block editor by going into each post. And ones used by Jetpack to create Natalie’s ‘insight’ site stats. The Gutenberg word count is the highest at over 760,785 words, the plug-in is showing 751,947, while Jetpack’s annual stats are showing 635,518. This was a problem in prior years, and resulted in a swing of 500,000 words, which should not be happening! How could something as basic as counting words have a 20% variance in any context?”

Akumako: “Whatever! Were at least able to update the view counts just fine, right?”

Peatrice: “Uh, yeah, there is a problem. Because WordPress won’t let me download everything! Only the top 480 posts’ views can be downloaded! I don’t care. I did the math. Now… lemme just bust out my tablet.”

Peatrice then sank a hand past his shirt and into his torso, where he produced a tablet, its screen displaying all manner of graphs and chart and stats. He dismissively handed it to Akumako before leaning back, putting this responsibility in her demonic hands.

Akumako: “Okay, different year, same format… Except WordPress changed the colors from gray to green? Why do this? Argh! So let’s start with the annual posts and… Natalie.TF’s annual views are so consistent they look fake. She had a spike in 2021 with 327,941 views, had lower readership in 2022 and 2023, then did better than ever in 2024 with 343,458 views. And for 2025, she’s currently at 349,323 views, marking the site’s best year ever!”

Abigale: “That is very interesting, as Miss Neumann did not produce many high traffic posts in 2025. If anything, her viewership should have gone down, seeing as how she had to delist her Press-Switch page after that stalker incident. She did not even produce a new Student Transfer review this year. So, what changed?”

Peatrice: “Look at the views per page! Notice any differences?”

Akumako: “So, it turns out that WordPress— Jetpack— whomever the hell— started counting views differently this year by adding something called archive, which compiles the views on category pages, tag listings, date-based views, searching, whatever. Previously, this was all lumped under Home Page / Archive, but now it is split between Archives and Homepage.”

Abigale: “How did nobody notice that they changed the way ‘home page’ was written?”

Akumako: “No clue! But taking that into account, this all makes sense. More people were exploring Natalie.TF, and fewer people were going to the Student Transfer page, as there wasn’t an update until after December 27, 2025 and Natalie did not publish her review or final flowcharts.”

Peatrice: “Oh, so it’s what she wanted, isn’t it? To have people explore her site instead of just grabbing the Student Transfer flowcharts and bailing?”

Akumako: “Yep, pretty much. Press-Switch views were good, but ultimately hurt by how Trigger wanted her to delist everything, which she did. re:Dreamer views held up pretty well despite there being no 2025 review. Student Transfer views went up by over 79,000 views, somehow, even though Natalie didn’t write anything about it in 2025. TSF Showcase did pretty well, though some findings are strange.”

Akumako: “The Wotch showcases, which Natalie busted her ass to get out last December, had relatively low viewership considering how much work she put into them. In a classic case of ‘the thing you spend the least time on is the most successful,’ her 12/31/2024 TSF Showcase on Body Swap Story – Aunty Yui & Yuto was the most successful TSF Showcase ever at 5,166 views. When she quite literally whipped that together in an afternoon just so she could say she published 52 TSF Showcase in a year. Overall, TSF Showcase has been a great boon to attracting readers, amounting to over 13% of annual views.”

Peatrice: “Which is why Natalie decided to go on a hiatus, because she wants to write TSF novels that nobody will read.”

Abigale: “It’s also worth highlighting that most modern TSF Showcases use over 50 images that can be found via search engines. Due to the mapping system of Natalie.TF, views of these images count as views of the related post, not generic home page or archive views. So, people may not be reading the posts. They may, instead, just be looking at the snapshots or cropped images she edited.”

Akumako: “Well, that’s a bit upsetting to think about…”

Peatrice: “What’s next… Where and how are people reading Natalie.TF?”

Akumako: “Yep, that looks about comparable to 2024’s stats. China is rising, America remains supreme, and the other countries filling the line are all familiar flags at this point.”

Akumako: “And nothing too interesting there, as these stats are basically the same as last year, at least for as much as I care. Natalie.TF is split evenly between desktop and mobile viewing, the browser and OS breakdown looks pretty standard, and Linux viewership doubled.”

Peatrice: “The fact that people in her reality have not migrated to an open source OS like Linux is truly a sign that their spirits are vile and future is dead.”

Abigale: “Didn’t Miss Neumann say she wanted to look into switching to Linux?”

Akumako: “She did, but quickly realized that she could not do her job or do things as easily without Windows and software that’s Windows-only. Windows sucks, but it’s easy and everybody knows it!”

Abigale: “And did she not say that she wanted to improve the mobile experience of Natalie.TF?”

Akumako: “Yeah, and she also wanted to fix the Sticky Header. But did she? Noooooo!”

666! 666! 666! 666! 666! 666!

Akumako: “Next we have the all-time insights, and… there’s not much insightful about these. Weak February, spikes around new releases of Press-Switch or Student Transfer, and pretty consistent readership beyond that. “

Abigale: “I see that this all largely tracks, with two exceptions. There are fewer likes and vastly more comments. Why is that?”

Akumako: “With likes, I don’t know. I’m not even sure how people are liking posts at this point, as Natalie.TF has not had a like button for years. The comments can be attributed to more conversations with readers like Rain, Ouran Nakagawa, and Skillet, who have been regular commenters for a while. But the big spike came with [Rundown (3/02/2025) Natalie Has Over 500 Steam Keys to Give Away](Rundown (3/02/2025) Natalie Has Over 500 Steam Keys to Give Away), which had 291 comments, as Natalie used the comments section to publicly log which of her 500 Steam keys had been given away.”

Peatrice: “What a dumbass rabbit. Why would you choose to do a giveaway like that? Have people comment and then email them Steam keys from your new email address, in the middle of busy season at her job. How many hours did she waste doing that?”

Abigale: “It matters very little, as Miss Neumann is currently burning before us. She has been punished for her crimes of sloth and lethargy to the highest extent of the law by the power versed in me by the Court of Cook County.”

Peatrice: “Ah, old unreliable. Do you really think we should view these numbers as even remotely accurate?”

Akumako: “You want to make your own damn totals, bitch? The gist to glean from here is that it finally happened and the average Natalie.TF post surpassed 8,000 words, which is just insane. What other weekly blog has an average word count that high? And last year, she had an excuse, she was publishing a novel, but this year? It’s Reviews, Rundowns, Rambles, TSF Showcases, and one fanfic!”

Abigale: “We should also highlight that Miss Neumann wrote roughly everything published in 2025 within the year 2025, a few Rundown segments notwithstanding. The only exceptions are the two Rundown segments she did not write. Cassie’s Corner and Missy Scrumptious’s review of Pokémon Legends Z-A’s Mega Dimension DLC. Totaling 4,428 excludable words. Adding the reported totals with Rundown (12/28/2025), TSF Showcase 2025-15: Trans Venus, and this article, that is a total of 760,785 published words, 756,357 were written by Natalie.”

Peatrice: “Huh. Sounds like an addiction to me, Doc.”

Akumako: “It sounds more impressive to me. Natalie’s basically releasing a novel’s worth of writings every week, being a true wild writing warrior of the World Wide Web. But so much of it is devoted to and based around other works, around the news, and around her own personal observations. She has proven her ability to handily clear the 500,000 words a year threshold she imposes on herself. She could reasonably deliver a novel-length piece of fiction every month, yet she just didn’t. There is so much she could have done different, but in the end, considering everything going on around her and in her life… she did a lot this year.”

Peatrice: “Yeah, yeah, could’ve, should’ve, would’ve! But it don’t matter now. She’s dead. Her corpse is charring up, and it’s cold as balls out here. I don’t know about you bitches, but I’ve got places to fuck and people to be! Laters!”

Abigale: “And I have a mountain of paperwork to sift through after the chaos of today. Farewell, Akumako.”

Hopping off the bench and snatching away his table, Peatrice scampered off, heading to who-know-where to celebrate New Year’s. Abigale merely walked away, not looking back. While Akumako watched the last embers of the corpses before they flicked away, leaving her alone, cold, and surrounded by darkness. She stood up, darting her head around as she checked the surroundings, before letting out a powerful sigh.

Akumako: “And now there was one, now there was me, and now I can ditch this guise and get back to business.”

Fanning out her hair and loosing her suit, Akumako reached up to the back of her neck, feeling around for a subtle fold in her skin. She latched her fingers into this fold and slowly pulled it open, revealing “another.” A person whose identity was shrouded in darkness, yet their hair was longer, skin was lighter, and body was far flatter, lacking Akumako’s average curves for something positively pathetic in comparison. This figure gracefully emerged from Akumako’s person, slowly lifting their arms out of Akumako’s and lifting their legs through stockings of skin. Everything Akumako was crumpled and sagged as this figure discarded her, the skin falling to the ground as if it were a mere extension of the suit it wore. The figure, their feet on the shoveled sidewalk, turned and looked at the sheathe and suit before her, and rapidly grasped at them. They yanked off the socks, shoes, pants, and shirt from this skinsuit all while muttering under their breath.

???: “Fuck, fuck, fuck, why did I fucking do this? This was so fucking stupid! It’s negative five degrees out here!”

After a minute of struggles, the figure had dressed themself in Akumako’s purple suit and yellow shoes, which fit them— for the most part. With their body somewhat shielded from the elements, they grabbed the Akumako skin before them and shoved it into the metal fire pit. A search through the suit pockets revealed a matchbook, allowing this figure to burn away the evidence. They waited at the flames spread across the sheathe of skin, watching to confirm that the evidence would be destroyed. And as the flames grew in intensity, as light emerged in the darkness, this figure’s face became clear. It was the face of… Natalie Neumann.

Fortsetzung Folgt In…

Natalie Rambles About 2026

Coming December 29, 2026

Part Final: Natalie is in Hell (Figurative and Literally)

Header image sources: Westlake Nursery, intimate.io Pokemon Center

Deep below the Earth’s surface, in a hot, bright domain only accessible via death and sex-powered elevators, the denizens of Hell were in the midst of preparing for the new year. Music blared loudly, urging everybody who could hear it to get up, dance, and make merry. Drinks and food were handed out without any regard or care, for today was not a day of regiment, but of excess. The cities were brimming with lights, painting the ceiling of Hell with a dizzying array of colors. And just about everybody who wasn’t out and about was at home, getting one last good memory in before the year came to an end. A truism for both centennial citizens of this domain, and people who just arrived here.

A quaint love hotel was banging with bopping, the sounds of sex so prominent that it seemed like even the walls were fucking. And within one of these rooms lied two newcomers to Hell. ZeroX The Alpha and Amy Property Alpha, both in the middle of fucking like rabbits, with Amy on all fours, begging for ZeroX’s absolutely average dick as he ran his hands off of her curves, paying particular mind to her “baby bump”. For their sins, it was only natural that people like this went to Hell, and while a man like ZeroX would normally need to be punished, even a demon would not dream of enacting a punishment on New Year’s Eve. So, they partied on like everyone else. And much like everyone else in Hell, they were doing it before an audience.

In the corner of this hotel room sat an ornamental plant, classy, subtle, and useful in helping the vibe of a rentable fuckspot, but there was something amiss about this potted plant, as within its green leaves laid a familiar face. The eyes and mouth of Natalie herself! Or at least her avatar. She looked on at this sex before her, unable to easily move beyond tiny hops and turns, and groaned, speaking in a voice that only non-animals could hear.

Natalie: “[Booooorrrriiinnnggg! If I wanted to watch self-cest, I would have filmed myself masturbating when I still had a penis. Filmed myself masturbating after SRS. And watched them at the same time! Ugh. And here I thought I would end the year by fulfilling my sexual fantasy of being a potted plant in a hotel room, watching two body swapped people go at it like a bunch of horny teenagers. Instead, I get a gambling addicted grifter fucking his AU TradWife self! How disappointing.]“

???: “[Who the fuck TALKS like that?!]“

Natalie hopped and turned like the plant she was and saw a small plush laying in the corner of the couch, its eyes shielded from the nasty acts before it. Immediately, Natalie recognized this as an Audino plush, and she did not need to guess who was embodying it.

Natalie: “[Missy, is that you?]“

Missy Scrumptious: “[Unfortunately. I got too close to you, and now my eternal punishment is having to be in the room while those straight faggots go at it. Why do THEY get to have sex in Hell and I don’t?!]“

Natalie: “[Because you’re an Audino, and all Audinos have cloacas! All Pokémon do! I checked! I CHECKED ALL OF THEIR BUTTS! How else do you think they breed and poop? And do you want to lose your virginity with a cloaca?]“

Missy Scrumptious: “[I uh… nevermind that! I’m in Hell for all eternity, and it’s all your fault!]“

Natalie: “[So dramatic! We should be fine. We operate on cartoon logic in these pseudo-canonical holiday specials, and we’ll probably become humans again after midnight.]“

Missy Scrumptious: “[Praise Jesus.]“

Natalie: “[Typical Missy, Southern to the core. So, what are your plans for 2026? Just going to school and biding your time in this Hell country?]“

Missy Scrumptious: “[Getting as far away from you as possible!]“

Natalie: “[Fair enough. Not everybody is cut out to be an ornamental plant in a love hotel. As for me, I’m gonna aim for the stars… and go crashing down because reality is an even bigger bitch than me. But I do have a schedule I want to adhere to.]“

  • 2025-01-??: Student Transfer Version 9 Review
  • 2025-01-27: Natalie Rambles About Monkey Man
  • 2025-02-??: Suicide to Salvation (Novella)
  • 2026-03-06: Natalie Rambles About Pokémon Black (Skillet Request) (15th anniversary of North American release)
  • 2026-06-03: re:Dreamer Review #6
  • 2026-07-01: Verde’s Doohickey 2.0: Sensational Summer Romp Act 3: Worldly Wonders (Outlined)
  • 2026-??-??: Pokémon Legends: Z-A – Mega Dimension Review/Ramble (Waiting for Pokémon Home integration)
  • 2026-??-??: TSF Series #019: TBD
  • 2026-??-??: TSF Series #020: Chateau del Bitz
  • 2026-??-??: Fate/Stay Night Remastered Review (Shiba Request)
  • 2026-??-??: A Mirror’s Curse Review (TSF Game)
  • 2026-??-??: Coffee Buns Review (TSF Game)
  • 2026-??-??: Thread – A Tale of Identity, Monsters, and College Review (TSF Game)
  • 2026-12-??: Pokémon Wind Review
  • 2026-12-29: Natalie Rambles About 2026

Natalie: “[I am keeping this extra simple, not even expecting to release Psycho Shatter 2000: Black Vice Mania, as I would need to set my brain back to 2000 to help with that, and it might be best to focus on outlining Acts 4 and 5 of Verde’s Doohickey 2.0 instead.]“

Missy Scrumptious: “[So like, are you ever gonna write a VD that’s actually accessible to newcomers?]“

Natalie: “[That’s what Verde’s Doohickey is for, ya floof! And I don’t wanna remake my novels when they have a bajillion sequels! I could reformat it, but… I don’t wanna do that either! Also, I am not expecting any more Press-Switch or Student Transfer reviews in 2026. Because P-S is dead and Student Transfer just released Version 9 while I was working on this overly long Ramble. I guess this means 2026 will be light on TSF, but I just cannot justify dedicating more weeks to reading and writing about TSF comics and the like. I love doing TSF Showcases, but I love writing my own TSF stories even more.]“

Missy Scrumptious: “[P-S is over, and with it, my purpose in life. I suppose Hell’s as good a place as any now…]“

Natalie: “[Oi! You’re not staying in Hell! I’m gonna take you home! And you’re gonna like it! I’ll give you the room right next to Cassie’s!]“

Missy Scrumptious: “[… Maybe Hell’s in the heart of the beholder.]“

Natalie: “[And with that, I think we’re done here. Here’s hoping that 2026 is the year when the fascists start losing their grip on society and start killing one another! I’ve been Natalie, and I’ll still be Natalie next year!]“

Missy Scrumptious: “[Or so she hopes.]“

Natalie: “[Until next time, see ya!]“

DAS ENDE

Original Header Concept by Missy Scrumptious
Second Header Concept by Missy Scrumptious
Final Header by Missy Scrumptious

Thanks to Missy Scrumptious for providing the header image, character illustrations, and writing her own dialogue in the finale segment. She did not write any of the dialogue in part 7. That was all Akumako.

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This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Ouran Nakagawa 01/02/2026 Reply

    He’s dead??? And you’re all making fun of him over what? having an opinion? It’s unbelievable how childish and insensitive people can be. This isn’t just a disagreement anymore, this is straight-up bullying. I agree with him, and I don’t think he did anything wrong. All he wanted was to speak his mind and look out for his people. He didn’t deserve this disrespect, especially now.
    Rest in peace. I loved him so much, and no matter what anyone says, he was an inspiration to so many of us. His words, his courage, and everything he stood for will continue to live on. He’ll always be my inspiration, even if others choose cruelty over compassion, rest in peace Takaya Sudou from “Deep Stalker” by DATE 🕊️🙏😢