Disclaimer: This novel contains adult material including sexually explicit activities, strong language, homophobic language, extreme violence, suicide, depictions of trauma, and more. Reader discretion is advised.
The Dominance of Abigale Quinlan
Shard 14: Fade Unto Dusk
I awoke amidst darkness. My body floating, unaffected by gravity. My ears filled with a faint static. And my skin numb, bereft of feeling. A haze clouded my mind as I tried to piece things together… until I remembered what happened. Until I remember what I just saw.
A day in her life. The life she stole from me. The life she made… better in every way I could imagine. I saw it, I felt it and… it filled me with a vile envy. For as much as I despised Abigale Quinlan for what she put me through… I wished I lived that life. The life of Jadigale Novus.
“You won, Abigale. You have proven your dominance and, like the recessive being I am, I… grant you control of everything I am. With you living my life, Maxxie, Zoe, Shiaka, Terra, Caroline— everyone… Everyone is happier. I don’t know what you have planned for me but, whatever it is, I shall accept it. Whether it be nonexistence or living as a passing shadow in your mind. I am… yours to shape. Yours to control.”
Silence persisted for a few seconds, before the static filling my ears was replaced with the voice of Jadigale Novus.
“It’s nice that you are so accepting. So willing to cast yourself aside. I thank you for being so cooperative and, as a reward, I have a little gift for you. Think of it as a… farewell song.”
Music then appeared in my head, setting an oppressive, depressing, yet nevertheless soulful tone that Jadigale sang over, her voice strained and sorrowful.
It’s all been lost
Your end is near
Lights are out
Accept that you are done
Do not run
From what you’ve become
Your hopeful life has went and gone astray
All your optimism seems to have gone to…
Right before you
Yes you tried to
You were a fool who
Drove herself insane
So sad, but this is the last time
Yet you need to pay for your crime
All ‘cos you were so damn selfish
Never truly cared
So it is time to
Go and end you
You know that it is true
You accept it is time now
What a joke to see how
So damn foolish
Your lacking trust is what’s brought you here
The regrets swimming in your heart
The confession you just could not start
Yes I played you, I made my stand
All because you thought they wouldn’t understand
That terror is what allowed me to be
I’ll make its so you never hear those vile thoughts
‘You killed me’
‘You raped me’
Made you go insane, living it every night
That feeling made your heart so dark
Gotta let life go
All these months and you still fall apart
Hurt you every single day
Never going the right way
Killing you inside!
You just wept, kept hoping, that things could get better
And now things are better
So bear a smile
It’s… finally here
…Abschied, Jade Novus
As Jadigale’s song came to an end, the darkness began to gnaw into my body. I felt no pain as I was consumed, just… emptiness. Emptiness and serenity. All of my worries were no more. I never had to think, or do anything, ever again. As I ventured into this eternal rest, I knew that my life would be in better hands. That things were… better this way.
Yet, as I felt my being whittled down to a mere scrap, a fragment of a person, unable to see or hear, I felt something. I felt something grab me and pull me away from this darkness and into the light. As I basked in this warm, comforting radiance, I felt my senses return. I felt my body grow from a shard into a fully formed human once again.
Once I had the strength and parts needed to open my eyes, I was met with a familiar sight. A small lavender room with two white armchairs facing each other, and one black wooden door with a mulberry-colored doorknob.
It was Verde’s domain.
When I walked out that door, I thought I would never see this place again. Yet, I found myself standing here, alone. At least, until the dark door opened, revealing a woman in a forest green sweater, tan skin, long dark hair, and violet eyes. It was Verde as she looked during the entirety of our second session, right down to her choice in clothing. As I looked at her with disbelief and confusion, she offered me a warm smile.
“You’re going by Jade now, is that right?”
“Y-Yeah, that’s r-right,” I said, stammering as Verde walked closer to me.
“Please, dear. Take a seat. We have much to discuss.”
I did as she asked, and as I sat down, I looked at my body. It was as if my transformation never happened. I looked exactly as I did on the morning of April 6th. My hair was short, my skin was light, I was wearing a blue t-shirt and khakis, my body was both bony and rectangular, and I felt a satchel of skin dangling from between my legs.
It was ‘me.’ It was ‘my body.’ But after what I had been through the past week, this sight did not bring me comfort. It did the opposite. It brought me an intense feeling of dysphoria, worse than anything I had experienced before in my life. It reminded me of what I had gained this past week and… how much I loved the feeling of being in Jadigale’s body.
“It’s been a minute, huh?” Verde said, her voice booming in this small room.
“Y-Yes, it has been over three months since—”
“Three months for you, but for me… it’s been 8 years.”
“8 years? How… How does that even work? Are you a time traveler too?”
“If I want to be, I can. But… it’s more complicated than that. I hurt you Jade and… I want to make things better for you. Before I do that however, I should be transparent with you and explain what happened.”
“You were pretty apologetic last time. I just was not in the mood to accept any apology or reason. I left you and—”
“No! You are not going to blame yourself again! Jade, I’m the one who fucked you over. I ruined your life because I was being a dumbass who misread the kanji for Kuro and Zen. They don’t even sorta look the same, and I was a stupid weeb for even thinking that I should use kanji as part of my file structures. I put you through hell, and… I guess I’m responsible for what you just went through these past few days.”
“I… don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
“Right, right… you know how I established I was a God last time we met?”
“You… actually said you disliked being called a God.”
“Did I? Well, it’s been 8 years. My opinions changed. Name’s Verde Dusk, I’m a God, nice to meetcha, Miss Jade Novus.”
I stuttered aimlessly as Verde called me ‘Miss’ with zero hesitation, before she resumed the conversation.
“Anyway… it will be easier if I just tell you my whole story. I’ll breeze through everything at once and you can ask questions after I… ring this bell!” Verde said before she snapped her fingers and brought a handbell into existence. “I know that’s a trifle bit queer, but trust me, this is gonna be a freaking doozy.”
Verde then readjusted herself in her seat, cleared her throat, and began a 1,000 word speech detailing her life story.
“Even though I’m a God now, I wasn’t always one. I was born as Danny Verres back in 1998. As Danny, I lived a very… sad childhood. I had a lot of developmental issues and my parents, well, they tried at first. After putting up with me for a few years, they started neglecting me, stopped talking to me, and acted like they didn’t want me any more. This meant that I was… alone for much of my childhood, and the only bright spots in my life came from my friend Terry Tanaka and my teacher Claire Williams. Both of whom left my life within less than a year. However, they gave me the study skills and confidence needed to make my way through school, at least until eighth grade.”
“In eighth grade, I was bullied relentlessly, and because my school didn’t follow up on the obvious warning signs, I panicked and took care of the problem the only way I could think of. …With violence. I was expelled, and my parents saw this as an opportunity to send me away, get me out of their lives, because they had stopped loving me years ago. I overheard their conversation, heard them say that I was a burden, that they wished I was dead. It broke me and, bereft of hope, I decided to end it all. At the stroke of midnight, I snuck into their bedroom and ended their lives. Then, with the bloodied weapon still in my hand, I ended my own.”
“Normally that’s the end of things, but that was not the case for me. Instead, my death was followed by a re;birth into, well, a God. I could will anything into existence, do whatever I want, create new universes and compartmentalize them, the list goes on. I could do anything I wanted with just a thought… but I wanted something less abstract. This led me to create VDVerse, a piece of software that could do everything I could do. And it was quite a useful tool. It made changing things, creating new universes, or worlds— or Scenarios as I liked to call them— super easy.”
“With my new powers, I made myself a new body. I started calling myself Vincent Dawn. Then, I took the only woman who was ever kind to me, Claire Williams, and modified her mind and body into the perfect partner, who I named Abigale Quinlan. Though, she is not the same Abigale Quinlan you know. There are several Abigale Quinlans I have created over the years. My wife, Shin Abigale Quinlan, is the original and true Abigale Quinlan, and an incredibly kind woman… when she wants to be. The one you know, Kuro Abigale Quinlan— Black Abigale Quinlan— is a pompous genius-brain bitch who gets off on killing people and psychologically torturing those weaker than her.”
“With my wife and my new body, I enjoyed several years of divinity, creating Scenarios, playing games, doing sex times with the wife, watching anime— It was all the sort of shit you would expect a 14-year-old murder boy to do after they got divinity. But then I tried to reconnect with my best friend Terry Tanaka and fucked up so badly that I wound up torturing him again and again until he begged for death via nonexistence, and I gave it to him.”
“Distraught over how I ended the life of my childhood friend, I decided to do some self-introspection with the help of Shin Abigale Quinlan. I realized just how awful of a person I was, how I was deeply unhappy with myself and, after turning myself into a girl for a little bit… it all started falling into place. Following that euphoric experience, I no longer wanted to be a callous and abusive little bastard. I wanted to be a kind and caring person, leading me to transition, physically and mentally, into Verde Dusk.”
“As I came into being myself, I contacted you and… I was going through some hard times, figuring out who I was, and trying to push myself in a different direction. But that’s no excuse for how I acted back then. In our first Scenario, I left you alone for hours because I was too scared to talk to you. Then, in the second Scenario… I fucked up. I originally wanted to send you on a story about self-discovery, the power of friendship, and instead, I subjected you to a breed of torment that I swore to never subject anyone to, ever again.”
“I know you have been bearing the trauma ever since but I… I did not have the same resolve as you. When you left me after our second session, I was overcome with despair. I did not want to live anymore. I believed myself to be a failure, unworthy of being. Except, rather than reflect on this, I took drastic action and loaded up Cataclysm.exe.”
“Cataclysm.exe was a failsafe. A contingency program meant to erase me and all of reality, to destroy the entire VDVerse. I executed it but, as the program was running, my wife, Shin Abigale Quinlan, rushed in to abort it. She succeeded. Reality was not destroyed, as you can tell, and I have not been erased. However, I did lose my God powers and the VDVerse went rogue, generating millions of Scenarios. Including the one you were just in. The Dominance of Abigale Quinlan.”
“I spent the past 8 years deprived of my powers, haplessly going from world to world, Scenario to Scenario. All until the 256th time, where I was finally able to signal Shin Abigale Quinlan and regain my God powers. I then returned to my home, fixed some critical issues with VDVerse after Cataclysm.exe screwed up my permissions. Afterwards, as I was checking in on what things of importance happened while I was out, I saw that you were in the middle of a crisis, so I came to save you! That’s the short version!”
Verde then immediately rang her bell, causing me to nearly fall out of the chair.
“Any questions, Jade?”
I had so many, but I did not want to pry into Verde’s backstory too much, given how… voluminous it was. Instead, I kept things squarely focused on ‘The Dominance of Abigale Quinlan.’
“Um… Abigale did not mention what those dreams were about, but they felt incredibly vivid and—”
“Oh, those were your consciousness being temporarily transferred, or Shifting, into other Scenarios. One where you were an abusive mother-beating cisman. One where you were an unfulfilled cisman who killed himself after he became distant from all meaningful relationships of means of self-fulfillment. One where you and Maxxie did a forever body swap after getting the body swapping doohickey. And one where you Shifted back to the second Scenario and saw things from another perspective.”
“…So what future Jad said to me was right? That I was Shifting through worlds like a Zero Escape protagonist?”
“Pretty much, yeah. You wanted to escape your life and experience another which, when combined with the presence of Kuro Abigale in your mind, caused you to gain the abilities to vicariously live through other worlds. Three times as a backseat driver, and one time in full control.”
“So… all of those lives I lived through, they’re alternate universe versions of me?”
“Precisely! You have a bunch of alternate universe clones that were created after Cataclysm.exe.”
“That is… worrying. Why are you not going to them then? Are they—”
“Jade, first off, don’t think about it too much. Second off, the ‘AU Jade Novuses’ are autonomous individuals who lived their lives on their terms. They were not screwed over by my mistake, unlike you. Third, there are over 250 million Scenarios out there now, and I cannot care about every one of them.”
“250 million?” I repeated in disbelief.
“Cataclysm.exe triggered a Scenario generator protocol that had a cap of 256 million. Actual cap is infinite, but, as a precaution, 256 million seemed like a good number.”
“How in the… no, no, I need to stay focused on… Hold on, how did ‘Kuro’ Abigale get ‘inside my mind?’ How did she start transforming me, let alone steal my body and life for herself? She offered an explanation, but…”
“Hm… lemme look up the details.”
As Verde said that, she began poking against the air, manipulating some sort of invisible tablet floating in front of her face.
“Ah, now I’ve got it! It turns out that you did not properly return to your usual home Scenario before I ran Cataclysm.exe. Cataclysm.exe did some utterly bonkers stuff that I still don’t understand and, in manipulating VDVerse, it created a ‘fragment’ of Kuro Abigale Quinlan that was stored within your mind. This fragment was initially powerless, but it grew in strength over time. So powerful that not only could it transform your body, but it was able to lightly reshape history. That’s why Bryce was a different ethnicity and not a scumbag. Why Zoe never developed astigmatism. Why Shiaka was more confident— because she wasn’t almost murdered in an elementary school bathroom. And why Terra transitioned earlier.”
“I… I gathered that she could do those things. But why did she have these powers?” I asked, not knowing what kind of answer I would receive.
“Kuro Abigale’s powers were a reflection of you, Jade. Your desire to transform into a woman, and your own self-hatred. After you destroyed Oransen, you wanted to escape from your own life. You wanted someone more ‘worthy’ of living your ‘privileged’ life and become a better ‘you’ than you could ever hope to be. Kuro Abigale Quinlan fed upon these desires, and with the creation of Jadigale Novus, she made them a reality. She made the ‘you’ that you, deep down, wish you were.”
As I heard Verde described what has been flowing through my head for months, tears trailed down my face. She was right.
“This happened because… I wanted this. To be cast aside and replaced by a better person. I wanted to lose my life. To… kill myself.”
“And you wanted to kill yourself because some inglorious self-styled God-tier bitch thought it was a good idea to take a neurodivergent egg and send her on ‘adventures.’ ‘Adventures’ where she was psychologically tortured by a malicious psychopath who gets off on murder. Jade… please do not blame yourself for this. You know this was my fault.”
“Everything that happened to me these past few months might not be my fault, but… I still fucked up my life. I’m 18 and have basically nothing to show for it. I’ve created nothing of worth, accomplished nothing, and have no skills to call my own.”
“Jade, you know that’s a fucking stupid way to view yourself. Life is not a game. It’s not about being a remarkable or special person. It is about finding happiness and fulfillment wherever you can. You know this, you just don’t want to listen because you’ve developed a compulsion for this. You have been told again and again how great you are, but you have never been able to accept that, because you have these walls that prevent you from ever being truly happy. I tried to bring you happiness and fulfillment with my Scenarios but… I clearly didn’t know what the hell I was doing. So, I’ll be more direct this time. Jade, what can I do to make you happy?”
I knew the answer. Abigale— Kuro Abigale already coaxed it out of me. Already tempted me with Jadigale. Yet, for as beautiful Jadigale was, I… did not want to be her. I… had experienced the greatest happiness when I was a girl in body… and mind. …And that’s what I wanted.
“You basically said it already, but I’ll be more direct: If you want to make me happy… turn me into a girl.”
“Kay,” Verde said as she snapped her fingers.
A puff of smoke then filled my vision, blinding me for a second before it swiftly disappeared. I immediately noticed that Verde looked slightly taller, sitting in the chair in front of me, and the second thing I noticed was a strand of curly brown hair falling into my face. I brought a hand through my hair, in order to get a better look at it, only for Verde to snap her fingers yet again, causing a full-body mirror to appear before me in a puff of smoke.
In the mirror, I saw a teenage girl with a fair complexion, emerald eyes, and curly brown hair that went down to her chin, wearing a green and white floral dress that clung to her skinny figure. Her chest was modest, as were her curves, but they were there nevertheless. Her face reminded me of that of Jadigale and my mother, yet it felt more… right. It felt like… me. The me who I always wanted to be.
I felt my heart racing as I leered into the mirror, my body growing hot enough to inform me of my new sensory homunculus, and hotter as I counted every change. My shoulders were narrower, my hands were slightly smaller. My bare feet had become dainty in comparison to what they once were, and as I folded my legs together, I did not feel anything poking out from my crotch.
This was real. This was not a fantasy or the work of some malicious actor. After so much doubt, so much repression, it finally happened. I was actually a girl.
“Y-YES! Is this really happening? Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh my goodness! Is this my voice, is this what I sound like? H-Hello, my name is J-Jade Novus and… AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!”
In my excitement, I thrust the armchair back, where it fell on the ground, and my body crumpled on top of itself. But even that didn’t dissuade me. It was merely an excuse to stand up and try walking on my new feet. I was slow and delicate with my movements, not entirely sure how strong or agile I was.
Fortunately, I had little difficulty rising from the floor. I did not even need to use my hands. As I rose, I was met with Verde, looking at me like a mother whose young child just came in first in a schoolwide competition.
“I’m glad that you enjoy your true body, Jade.”
“Is… am I going to get to keep this body when I—”
“That is your body, now and forever. Well, unless you want me to make further changes to it—”
“N-No! Well, I mean, I might want to change this or that as time goes on— T-This is all still new to me, so, I… Thank you so much, Verde. I take back all the nasty things I said about—” I stammered, my joy overflowing.
“Hey now, I get that you have a lot of estrogen and dopamine rushing to your brain, but don’t let that cloud your judgment. I was one graceless diehard bitch to you, and after the shit I put you through, this is the least I can do.”
“R-Right. I guess that… well, you probably have experience with how this feels.”
“Sweetie, that was over a decade ago… but yeah, I remember it pretty darn vividly.”
“Wait, half your life? Verde, how old are—”
“Just because you’ve got a uterus now doesn’t mean that you can ask a fellow woman her age… but I’m 32.”
“W-What? S-So you were only 24 when I m-met you?” I asked, my mind doing somersaults.
“Eyup. What, didja think I was like one of those thousand-year-old lolis or something?”
“Well, no, but… that’s still really young and… Oh crap. How am I going to explain this to everyone?!”
“Jade, relax,” Verde said as she placed a palm on my tiny shoulder. “Remember who you’re dealing with. Remember that I can do anything! So, tell me, what is it that you want? How do you want me to help you explain things? Hell, do you just want me to make everyone thing that you were always a—”
“No! Absolutely not! I… I need to tell them the truth. I want them to know everything. Maxxie, Zoe, Shiaka, Terra, Caroline, and Babs. They all need to know the truth. Or… as much as they want to know.”
“Oh? Just them? What about Vivi, Anita, and Gem?”
“Well, I like them, they’re nice people, but I still don’t consider myself to be… ‘friends’ with them like I’m friends with Maxxie, Zoe, and Shiaka.”
“Yeah… I was hoping to address that, but plans changed.”
“…Should I even ask?”
“It’s best that you don’t.”
Verde then offered me a knowing laugh before flipping the fallen armchair back to its original position.
“Tell me, where would you like to meet with everyone? Maxxie’s house, your house, an abstract location of your choosing?”
“I think my living room would be the best place. It’s pretty empty most of the time, but we have enough seats there for everyone and I’ll probably be the most comfortable in my own home.”
“Good call. Do you want me to do the talking or—”
“I am overwhelmed with the act of existing right now, so… Yes, please help me, Miss Dusk.”
“Heh. Formalities are… inappropriate for someone like me. I get it, this is a lot to take in, and you probably want to be alone. Tell you what, I’ll give you some time to get… acclimated with yourself in the comfort of your own home. I’ll make sure to give you a sample wardrobe to try on, and if you need anything, just call my name.”
“Thank you again Verde, I—”
“Do not thank me, Jade. I screwed up, and this is my way of saying I’m sorry for giving you a throbbing wet sack of trauma. The door out of this domain will send you back to your home, nobody else will be there, and if you’ll excuse me, I need to wrangle up a… special guest.”
Before she could elaborate any further, Verde vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving me alone in this tiny lavender therapy room. Turning around, I was met with the dark door once again. A door I was apprehensive of touching, given what happened last time I walked through it. But this time, it would be different. This time, I would have a happy ending.
Author’s Note: The song sung by Jadigale Novus is a ‘transformative parody’ of Socks on Top by Nihmune.
The Dominance of Abigale Quinlan Main Page
Shard 00: The Novus Logs Volumes 1 & 2
Shard 01: 108 Days Later
Shard 02: Melancholic Mundanity
Shard 03: Another Day; Another Doubt
Shard 04: Fractured Family
Shard 05: Troublesome Tuesday
Shard 06: Despair And Die
Shard 07: The Enigmatic Sickness
Shard 08: The Erotic Fantasy (Osananajimi;Myself Part 3700)
Shard 09: The Egregious Downfall
Shard 10: The Oransen High Massacre
Shard 11: The Dark Metamorphosis
Shard 12: The Dominant Reflection
Shard 13: My Life As Jadigale Novus
Shard 14: Fade Unto Dusk
Shard 15: Re;Birth Unto Jade
Shard 16: Gender Reveal Party
Shard 17: Enter The Three Wives (Psycho Bullet Festival 2222 – Bout 21-2)
Shard 18: Novus X – Ten Years Later