Disclaimer: This novel contains adult material including sexually explicit activities, strong language, homophobic language, extreme violence, suicide, depictions of trauma, and more. Reader discretion is advised.
The Dominance of Abigale Quinlan
Shard 15: Re;Birth Unto Jade
As I walked through the door out of Verde’s pocket dimension, I found myself in the entranceway of my home, the midday sun shining in through the windows. I let out a sigh of relief as I realized the black door had not led me astray again. With my fears cast aside, I took a step forward… only to remember that I was both barefoot and standing on the rug leading to the front door. Meaning my feet were covered with shoe germs.
“Well, that’s pretty gross.”
Even though I had been using my new feminine voice while talking to Verde, it still surprised me to hear it come out of my mouth. Not because it sounded so different, but because it sounded like… my voice. The general cadence of my speech was the same, but everything sounded a bit softer, in addition to being an octave higher. In fact, the same sentiment carried over to every aspect of my new self.
Despite the transformation changing my very DNA, rewriting every cell of my body, I still felt like I was, in a sense, myself. The shape and structure of my teeth felt the same, fillings and all. The vein patterns covering my arms were more or less identical, and the same was true for the birthmarks across my arm. Same place, same size, and same shade of color.
I continued to look at my arms for a matter of minutes, before I reminded myself why I was here. I was to explore myself, get comfortable, and finally confront my loved ones. I had to tell them I was a woman, and explain what happened to me these past five months. I knew they would accept me as a woman and… Verde would help me with the explanation.
With another sigh, I then focused on the first and second objective by heading up to my room. While doing so, I realized the subtle differences that came with this new body. I was about 4 centimeters shorter— 173 centimeters or so, but with the different size of my feet and hands, even going up the stairs had a slight uncanny feeling to it.
Before I began exploring though, I grabbed something from my mother’s room, her full-body mirror. I had never enjoyed looking at myself in the past, so I never had a mirror in my room, but if I was going to explore myself, a mirror was an absolute necessity.
As I grabbed the mirror, I realized just how much upper body strength I lost in my transformation. I was always scrawny and only got a vague degree of muscle from gym class, but all of that was gone in my new form. My arms felt noodly and weak, and I wasn’t even sure if I could handle 5 kg weights in Strength and Conditioning. Fortunately, I was able to muster just enough might to carry this 12 kg mirror halfway across the second floor and place it right in front of my bed.
“Maybe I should ask Verde for a bit more muscle,” I said to myself in a half-hearted inflection.
With the mirror less than a meter away, I began this exploration with my face. I tilted my head around at different angles, twisted my face into different expressions, and poked at my soft skin. Much like with every other part of my body, I could see faint recollections of what was there before, but with all the unpleasant edges shaved off. Literally in some cases. My jaw and nose were smaller, brow was slimmer, cheeks were fuller, but the general placement of everything was the same.
It did more than bring a smile to my face, but as I furthered my exploration by looking at myself as I talked and laughed, an idea popped into my head..
“Can I sing?”
My face reddened as I thought about that very real possibility, and I tried singing the first female vocal-driven song that came to mind.
“At three centimeters, it’s getting kinda hot in here! We’re rapping, we’re flowing, wearing out our old uniforms! Just work it! And do it! Make a catch, release, and go! It’s hot… It’s hot… It’s getting hot so darling, darling freeze!”
I then began laughing my ass off. Because not only was the goldarn English Lucky Star theme song the first song that came to mind, but because of how I sounded. My voice was shaky, uneven, and generally unrefined, but it did not sound bad. It was cute, it had range, and once I got used to it, it seemed like I could actually sing. Singing was not even a fantasy for me before, but now it was within my grasp!
I was so overcome with joy that I grabbed my pillow and started screaming into it.
“Omigush! Omigush! This is really happening! This is really me! This is really forever! I’m a girl! I’m a girl! I’m a girl! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!”
After I let out my scream, I flopped down onto my bed, stared at the ceiling above, and talked to myself, still in awe at my new voice.
“After all this time, I… I have this thing that I wanted for so many years but… should I… Well, that might be… No. Jade, what would Maxxie do? The first thing Maxxie would do if she underwent a spontaneous transsexual transformation would be strip herself and check out her new body. It’s a normal reaction, you’re not being a pervert or anything about it and… it’s normal for women to admire their own bodies. R-Right?”
I then stood up, unzipped the back of my dress, and pulled it down my body, where it gathered around my feet. After stepping out of it, I gingerly flattened it against my bed before looking at myself in the mirror. I was wearing beige underwear that blended into my skin tone. The designs of the matching bra and panty were practical, and when imagining what sort of underwear I would prefer to wear I always imagined… something like this. My face visibly reddened as I imagined myself in something more risque, but I shook my head and looked at the areas of my body that were now exposed. Starting with my torso.
I had always had a bony frame— you could see every one of my ribs while my arms were at my side, and the same lean physique carried over to this body. Except some of the ribs were now obscured by the bra and, presumably, the breast tissue underneath. My stomach was flat beyond a light ‘donut’ of fat around my navel, yet I noticed a concave curve around the sides of my stomach, one that flared outward upon reaching my hips. It was a subtle curve, but as I rubbed the indentation with my hands, it felt massive.
As I continued this downward trek, I avoided my panty and instead looked past my hips and at my thighs. Despite being so skinny, I always had goopy thighs. They were practically the only part of me where you could grab a handful of fat. And here, the same was true, as I had a good layer of fat covering the upper half of my leg, but they seemed a bit more… pneumatic. A bit bigger, and a bit more firm, like they were filled with a denser material.
But what struck me as remarkable about my thighs was the texture. My skin was soft. As soft as it was in any of the other female bodies I’ve been in, and completely bereft of hair. I knew that I would still need to deal with leg hair even in this new body, but the smooth texture I was greeted with was something I had never been able to obtain by shaving. I then rubbed my legs together, feeling the smooth textures collide. It filled me with a warm and fuzzy feeling.
I intimidated by this sight alone, but… I knew I’d get yelled at if I didn’t go all the way. With shaky breathing, I brought my hands to my bra, gently grabbed the straps, and looked for the hooks to take out of the harness… only to realize that there were none.
I then realized that the elastic band underneath the cups was not just an aesthetic choice, as this was actually a bralette. While this disappointed me for a slight moment, I quickly realized that with my cup size, I probably did not need as much support as Maxxie or Shiaka. With no hooks to undo, I simply pulled the garment over my head, and looked down at my exposed breasts. They were small enough to fit in my hands, my nipples had a subtle pinkish hue, and the cluster of bumpy skin that once surrounded them was considerably smoother.
I began to touch them, only to stop, pause, and begin moving my torso about, brushing my nipples against the air around me. They were definitely more sensitive and, as I continued to look down, they hardened. I shut my eyes and looked away for a moment, before I took a deep breath and spoke to myself once again.
“Nudity is natural. There is nothing wrong or shameful about nudity. There is nothing wrong or shameful about exploring your body. Shame is for dummies!”
With my conviction steeled by paraphrased lines Maxxie told me over the years, I brought my hands to my breasts. I flinched as I realized just how tender they were, but I did not move my hands away. Instead, I covered them, cupping my breasts and gently rubbing them, my nipples brushing against my palms. I shut my eyes and took deep relaxing breaths as I continued this process, my mind forming a clearer outline of my body with every passing second.
“This is me. This is me. This is me.” I repeated over and over in a hushed whisper.
Yet, as this outline became more developed, I found my attention drawing away from my breasts and at the flat surface that rested between my legs. A warm tingly sensation grew as I titillated my breasts and, with hesitation, I moved my hands downward and around the waist of my beige panty. Where I slowly tugged it down to my feet, before gently stepping out of it with my shrunken feet. I placed the underwear on my bed before looking at myself in the mirror and, in doing so, my body tensed as my vision narrowed on myself, around my… vagina.
Try as I might, my hand refused to draw any closer and, with a sigh of frustration, I spoke to myself.
“Jade, stop it. It’s not going to hurt you, you aren’t going to break it. Half of the people in the world have these, it’s nothing weird or special, and… you know you wanted one of these.”
That was true. I always hated my male genitals. The way they would flop about unless compressed, the sweat they accumulated, the short mangy hairs that would brush against the compressed skin, and the way they expanded into a saggy mesh in the summer. I only ever touched them out of necessity… or obligation to Maxxie.
By comparison, the female genitalia was more compact and unintrusive. Beyond a patch of puffy skin, everything was inside me, no messy bits were poking out, and everything was safely stored within my body. It was comforting seeing it on me, but… I always had this aversion to nudity. This discomfort with seeing private parts. I was fine with medical diagrams in the like but in all other contexts, even when on a character or piece of art, the imagery always made me feel uncomfortable.
I knew this was irrational. I knew that this was a flaw of mind. I knew that this was me putting unrealistic and unhealthy standards on myself. And the truth was that… I was afraid. I was afraid of being seen as sexual. Of being seen as a perverted man. I had lived with one such man. A man who would often trounce about in clothing light and wavy enough to show the outline of his hardened penis. A man who forced my mother into acts of intercourse.
I never wanted to be like that man. I never wanted to behave ‘like a man’ when it came to anything sexual. As a teenage boy, there exists an expectation that one is perverted, horny, and fueled by a hormonal lust. Teenage boys are assumed to be sexually dangerous, desperate, and very little nuance is allowed. This simplification is accepted as the natural order. Not only for teenagers, but men in general. And… It always disgusted me.
While not the sole reason, this expectation was one of the reasons I had always considered myself asexual. I never felt comfortable with nudity so the idea of being with someone, naked, and making love, was a revolting concept to me. Not because of a discomfort with physical intimacy but because… because of me?
“Because I saw myself as male. My gender, my body… that’s what clouded my sexuality. That’s what… That’s why I thought I was asexual. That’s why I was asexual, but now… now—”
My mind then flashed an image. It featured Maxxie, naked, and me, in my new body. We were both naked, pressing our bodies against each other, our mouths interlocked. While the idea of being the old me in the same context would fill me with revolution, this image was… pleasant to my senses.
“Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh, is this… Is this what I’m really feeling now? Is my sexuality changing or—”
As I absentmindedly pressed my legs together, I felt a wetness drip from my crotch and down my perineum. I then looked down at my… labia. With my legs together, the skin folded over itself, forming two mounds that gave way to a narrow valley, a… slit. A slit that was moist with a clear fluid that I immediately recognized from my time with Jadigale.
“I’m… aroused. Oh… Oh, this is… No. FUCK IT! I am sick of being controlled by fear. Of denying myself any sexual pleasures. I fucked myse— a man in another world, and I loved it! I shadow-possessed— or whatever the hell you call it— a woman while she masturbated, and I loved it! I am Jade Novus! And I am going to masturbate, here and now, and stick… stick… t-two fingers in my… p-pu… pussy.”
Even when I tried to be assertive, I still wound up stammering, as I truly did not know what I was doing. My prior two sexual experiences involved a penis and a vibrator. I barely knew what to do using my fingers but… if I was going to do this, I wanted to do it this way. And no matter how intimidating it was, I would not run away. Now… Now was the time to fap!
…Wait, was it still fapping without a penis? Well… Maxxie sometimes called it fapping when she did it, so fapping it is!
I began by sitting on my bed, my back pressed against a pillow cushioning the wall. I looked down at my body, a serious expression on my face, as I spread out my legs, bending my knees as my labia opened up, revealing the contents of my sex. A wet, pinkish collection of lightly colored skin surrounding an orifice that went deep into my body. A flashing memory of being penetrated crossed the forefront of my mind, reminding me just how wide and expansive this hole could be, despite looking rather small when folded and condensed like this. While I knew that the button at the top was a pleasure center all on its own, and a potentially less intrusive way to masturbate like this, I felt I needed to pursue the purest option.
I began with my left index finger, slowly nudging it inwards, millimeter by millimeter, before my first segment was in. I took a moment to familiarize myself with my vaginal canal. It was moist, warm, tender to the touch, and as I continued to explore it, circling my finger around the rim, I felt its mystique fade as my mind calmed and my body grew warm.
While more than content to just stay like this, I had a mission to do. I sunk my finger deeper into myself, sliding the second digit into my folds, broadening my reach. My breathing grew intense, and an electric current surged throughout my spine with every rotation. I felt my reservations crumble as I familiarized myself with this part of my body and, once sufficiently emboldened, I added in my middle finger as well.
I continued to wiggle these two wetted fingers through my person, circling around my canal, yet the more I did that, the more I developed a… different desire. A desire that led me to remove the second segments of both fingers from myself… and thrust them back in. I did so again and again, establishing a rhythm for me to follow. A rhythm that inspired fear and unrest within me, for I did not know the limits of my body. I felt like I was on the cusp of breaking something and, right when I was sure that something was going to collapse, I felt something spray onto my hand. A clear sticky fluid that dripped from my palm, down to my fingers, and finally, my sheets.
As my breathing slowed, I brought my damped hand closer to my face, and stared at the fluid that covered it. A fluid that carried a faint sweet scent and brought a smile to my face.
“I did it, Maxxie. It took me years, but I finally understand. I finally understand the joys of masturbation.”
I laughed at the absurdity of my comment. But it was true. After years of fearing sexual activity, I… I finally understood the appeal. I felt fulfilled from the activity, and freed from the action.
I took a minute to relish in the afterglow. Not really thinking. Not really worrying. I was merely content with my situation. With my self. My soul felt light and airy, freed from the shackle of maleness and the shackle of sexual repression. I was more than satisfied from just that, but I knew this was not the end. I knew this was just the beginning of what would be a long journey for me. A journey that, looking at my hand, I figured I should continue with my first shower.
I walked through my upstairs hallway in the nude, worried that someone would see me, even though I knew this place was isolated. I did this to try and make myself more comfortable with my body, but I just wound up running to the bathroom and slamming the door behind me.
“Right. Just because I’m okay with this naked body doesn’t mean that I’m fine with other people seeing it. That’s okay, Jade. These things take time. And you are making stellar progress for someone who was ka-girl’d an hour ago.”
I then turned around to face the mirror, leaning forward and looking at my face. At my emerald green eyes, poofy hair, and cute face. I let out a sigh of relief, as I half-expected Kuro Abigale to be in the mirror, waiting to taunt me. Fortunately, it was just my reflection. Just me. I let out a small laugh as I realized this, and turned to face the shower, where I found an unfamiliar bottle of shampoo and conditioner on the rim of the bathtub. Attached to the shampoo bottle was a green sticky note that read the following:
“For Jade. ‘Cos your curls demand something better than that boy shit! Also, it smells like strawberries! – Verde”
I smiled as I looked over Verde’s latest gift and wasted little time getting into the shower. Once the water was warmed, I allowed it to cascade down me, reminding me of the whole of my being, while washing away my worries. I then took the body wash my mother and I used, squirting a dollop into my hand before spreading it across my body. Starting with my face, then my arms, followed by my torso, before going down my legs. I lathered every part of me… except for my breasts and crotch, as I worried that they might be too sensitive or I might clean them ‘incorrectly.’ Even when I was in Maxxie’s body, I avoided washing these parts, but… no more. With an overabundance of restraint, I brought a soapy hand to my breasts… only to be met with relief. While my breasts and crotch were more tender than much of my body, they weren’t these clusters of erotic sensation. They were… just another part of my body.
Next came my hair. I knew there was no true secret to washing hair. Just use enough shampoo, lather it throughout the body of one’s hair and dig it into one’s scalp, rinse, and then do the same with the conditioner. Truth be told, it was a bit overwhelming to have this much hair to manage all at once. Overwhelming, but pleasant.
After wiping down the shower walls and drying myself off on my towel, I wrapped it around myself, similar to what my mother did after finishing her showers. That took care of my body, but my hair was still soaking wet, meaning I needed to pull out the hair dryer from under the sink.
Because of how short I previously kept my hair, I never needed to dry it. However, I knew the process was pretty simple. Just point it at your hair while manipulating it with your other hand, spreading it out, pulling it back, and arranging it so that the hair dryer can fully dry everything and give your hair some volume. I probably screwed up something obvious in my amateurish attempt, but as I looked at my poofy brown hair in my reflection, I thought I did a pretty decent job.
With a sense of freshness across my being and a renewed sense of confidence, I returned to my bedroom. I instinctively went to my dresser to grab some underwear… only to see that all of my briefs had been replaced with a variety of panties. Ranging from the practical and plain, the cute, and the… raunchy. After three seconds of thought, I grabbed a plain beige panty, similar to what was on my bed. As for the bras, I found that they now occupied what was once my sock drawer and ran an identical spectrum of cute to plain to sexy. Much like with my panty, I decided to go with the ‘boring’ option.
Now only half naked, I went over to my closet, expecting it to be filled with an entirely new wardrobe and… I was not disappointed. My boring male school uniforms were replaced with a greater variety of female uniforms, as to be expected. Yet what caught me by surprise was how my casual clothes doubled in quantity, ranging from simple shirts and pants, expanding to skirts and dresses, and even a few articles of formal wear. All of which seemed like… things I would enjoy wearing.
I started simple, with an indigo sweater and a pair of dark jeans. Looking at myself in the mirror, I immediately noticed just how tight, cozy, and complimentary to my figure this outfit was. It was not flashy, or anything elaborate, but it felt… comfortable. It felt right. Like something Jade Novus would wear.
It was a good start, but I felt I needed to try on something less… androgynous for my ‘debut,’ leading me to head into the skirt and dress section of my closet, and trying on… pretty much everything. A light green sundress that complemented the more dainty aspects of my figure. A little black dress that… ‘made my heart go doki doki’ for the five seconds I was wearing it. A cream-colored sweater dress that nearly blended in with my fair complexion. A white sweater with exposed sleeves that paired with a short black skirt and… yeah, that was ‘2-lewd-4-me.’
This ‘starter wardrobe’ definitely gave me a lot to work with… but I wound up settling on the floral dress I was poofed into. Something about a floral dress just seemed right. It was an inarguably ‘girly’ piece of clothing, symbolized springtime and rebirth, and was just, in general, really cute.
Once I settled on my outfit, I looked over myself one last time and realized that my reflection was starting to look… normal. As I looked in the mirror, I saw me. I saw Jade. And… Jade was ready to reveal herself to her loved ones.
“I’m ready, Verde. I’m ready to tell them the truth.”
A second later, I heard an electronic clanking before Verde’s voice came out of the center of my bedroom ceiling.
“Hell yeah! I knew you had it in ya girl! Now let’s get this party started!”
The Dominance of Abigale Quinlan Main Page
Shard 00: The Novus Logs Volumes 1 & 2
Shard 01: 108 Days Later
Shard 02: Melancholic Mundanity
Shard 03: Another Day; Another Doubt
Shard 04: Fractured Family
Shard 05: Troublesome Tuesday
Shard 06: Despair And Die
Shard 07: The Enigmatic Sickness
Shard 08: The Erotic Fantasy (Osananajimi;Myself Part 3700)
Shard 09: The Egregious Downfall
Shard 10: The Oransen High Massacre
Shard 11: The Dark Metamorphosis
Shard 12: The Dominant Reflection
Shard 13: My Life As Jadigale Novus
Shard 14: Fade Unto Dusk
Shard 15: Re;Birth Unto Jade
Shard 16: Gender Reveal Party
Shard 17: Enter The Three Wives (Psycho Bullet Festival 2222 – Bout 21-2)
Shard 18: Novus X – Ten Years Later