Disclaimer: This novel contains adult material including sexually explicit activities, strong language, homophobic language, extreme violence, suicide, depictions of trauma, and more. Reader discretion is advised.
The Dominance of Abigale Quinlan
Shard 12: The Dominant Reflection
Abigale stared back at me from my bathroom mirror. Her black hair neatly framed her perfectly sculpted face. Her dull crimson eyes practically glimmered as she stared at me with a condescending glare. Her smooth lips curled upwards in a slight smile. And her tall, muscular body was dressed in a red and black suit.
As she stared at me, she exerted an aura of control. Of superiority. And why wouldn’t she? She is the one who did this to me. Who transformed my body— my reality— my history! She is the reason why I was like this, and while I might have fought against her whims in the past, as I saw her looking down at me… I let out a sigh of defeat.
“What do you want, Abigale?” I asked with my new womanly voice.
“Truly, you are giving up just like that? No snarky remarks or righteous fury?”
As Abigale spoke, she did so with the same authority and commanding presence she did when I first met her. The true her. When I tried resisting her, she transformed me into a puppet. She fed me hope and molded me into an avatar of destruction. A tool for her to wrought chaos. That is why I did not resist her. Because I knew of her strength, of her malice, and of her immense intellect. She was the dominant one in our relationship, and rather than fight her authority, I subjected myself before her.
“You left me in a state of despair and depression that has persisted for over three months. To fight against you would be a sign of immaculate folly, or profound strength. I like to think I do not possess the former, and I know I lack the latter.”
“Hmph. I anticipated such a reaction. Though the less rational part of me craved a fiercer opposition.”
“What can I say? I’ve grown up and lost my youthful resolve. All thanks to you.”
Abigale smiled at me from within the mirror, clearly pleased with herself.
“How is this possible? Did Verde put you up to this? Is she using you to exact revenge against me?”
“Hardly. Verde has nothing to do with my ‘resurrection,’ as it were.”
“Then… how are you here? Monsters like you don’t belong in this world.”
“Heh. It was not by my hand that I entered this domain. I was brought here… by you, Jad.”
“M-Me? But, I hate you! You took my life, you made me torment those I cared about, you used me as a tool of destruction! You are the reason why I haven’t been able to do anything with my life for four fucking months!”
“If you hate me so much… then why do I occupy such a place in your mind? Why did you think of me every day and dream of me every night? Why did you stagger your life because of me? Why did you allow me to dominate your mind if you loathe me to such a degree?”
“You traumatized me, you abused me— you broke me! Of course I couldn’t help but think of you. Because everything I felt in that world, I still feel to this day. From the violence to the rape, and everything in between.”
“Are you… satisfied with that answer, Jad? Or is there another reason I have lived rent-free in your mind for so long? Because I believe it is more than mere resentment. Do you seek revenge against me for what I put you through? Do you desire the excitement or the adventure I allowed you to experience? Are you envious of my power? My beauty? Tell me if I am getting close.”
“It… it’s because you took something from me. I could not look at my friends the same. At my mother the same. At my school the same. You ruined my ability to see the world in front of me and… I wanted to be able to see it the way I used to. I don’t know if you would call it innocence, but it is a hole in my heart all the same. All because of you.”
“You desired to forget about me, despite being so staunchly opposed to the idea of losing your memories?”
“No. I wanted to… overcome you. I… I don’t really know what I wanted. If I wanted to battle you and emerge victorious, if I wanted to defeat you, or if I just wanted you to say that you’re sorry for what you put me through, or…”
“A mere apology will make it all better?”
“I don’t know, I just… I wanted to put this all past me, but I was too afraid to do so. I was afraid of how those around me would react. Afraid that I would ruin their perception of me. I blamed you, I blamed Verde, but… I like to think that, most of all, I blamed myself. I’m… not a good person. They say I am, they say that they love me, and… I don’t want to call them liars, but they don’t know the truth. They don’t know the evils I’ve wrought, the people I hurt. I called you a monster, but… I’m one too.”
As I said this, my legs gave out on me. They had been shaking for minutes now, but my weight finally became too much for them, sending me beneath the sink. Beneath the mirror. I would say that this was because I just lost my strength but, truthfully, I did not want her to see me cry. And cry I did.
“I’m not skilled. I’m not smart. I’m not strong physically or mentally. I rely on others and can do nothing by myself. I lack a passion driving me through life. I… I’m a monster who can’t get aroused unless I’m raping someone. I’m a liar who cannot even tell the truth to those I love. I’m an abuser who pushed away a kind and powerful woman who wanted to help me in a way that no other person could. I’m weak in every sense of the word. I let myself be used as a tool for destruction. And… the world would be better if I didn’t exist.”
I stayed on the floor, curled up in a naked ball, and cried. I cried until my brain produced the chemicals necessary to alleviate my sorrow and generate the conviction needed to rise up. I opened my eyes to do so, but instead, I was met with a wall. A wall of reflective glass, showing Abigale, sitting in a chair, her legs crossed, looking down at me. While her expression was muted, I felt that I could see a hint of pity in her eyes.
“I hated myself. I hate myself and… I didn’t want to exist, I wanted to surrender my life to someone better. I wanted… I wanted you to take it, Abigale. Because for as much as I hate you… I cannot deny your skills, your intellect, your power, or your confidence. You’re amazing, while I… I’m garbage.”
“I barely need to try with you. However, you’re wrong on one front, Jad. You did not ‘surrender your life to me.’ I stole it. Since you returned to your world, there has been a fragment of me, festering in your mind. You fed that fragment with your negative emotions— your despair and sorrow. Then, only when you said that you were going to change, only when you found the conviction to fight against despair, did the fragment retaliate. Only then did it launch an assault on your body. It began with a headache on Monday evening, and from there, it spread the seeds of the transformation across your body.”
“Now the script has reached its climax, I take it? You’re going to take control and initiate the final procedure to turn me into an inhuman monster with the power needed to rule the world?”
“Not quite. You see Jad, I do not wish to recreate myself in this world. Instead, I want your life. Your friends, your family, everything. I want to take it, but I want to do it better. With the powers available to me— powers beyond even my understanding— I will live the life you always desired. And why would I do such a thing? Because of all the things I could do to you, this would hurt the most. Seeing someone steal your life, reshape it around your greatest fantasies, and live it for you, while you watch on with envy, until you either see your life end, or you, as an identity, cease to be.”
I knew that Abigale was malicious, that she was capable of a great number of evils, but this… this I could not accept.
“WHY? You already won, you already beat me! Just leave my life alone! Leave my friends and mother alone! I… I know you will hurt them, I—”
“—Which is why I will make it a point to not hurt them. Unlike you, I won’t hurt my loved ones. I won’t be fraught with hatred and loathing. I will succeed and prosper. I will inspire and elevate those around me, instead of bogging them down. I will be everything you wanted to be… and even better than that!”
“E-Everything I wanted to be? What does—” I stammered while looking down at my unmistakably female body.
“Jad, be honest with yourself. I could tell after you spent a few minutes in my body, but after sifting through your mind for over three months, I want to hear you say it.”
“What do you think? Your deepest desire that you hid from everyone. Even yourself.”
I did not want to say it to her of all people, but I knew that resistance was pointless. So, I took a deep breath and jumped straight for the reveal.
“I’m transgender. I want— or wanted— to live my life as a woman. Ever since I crossdressed with Maxxie, ever since I was seen as a girl for a day, I harbored a secret desire to do that again. To try dressing up and have people see me as a girl. I took some clothes Maxxie left in my bedroom and, on occasion… dressed up in them. It filled me with a warm, cozy feeling, but I never thought that I wanted to live the rest of my life as a woman… until I swapped bodies with Maxxie. Something just felt right in her skin, right in a way I had never experienced before. Shiaka’s body brought me a similar euphoria, Zoe’s body did just the opposite, and after seeing Terra react to being in the body of a… cisgender woman, I was certain that I was transgender.”
I had avoided Abigale’s gaze as I spoke, but she looked on at me with her usual reserved expression. Whether she was judging me or not was unclear.
“I… I wanted to come out. I… I thought about talking to Verde about it, but I decided not to. After my time with you, I… I felt that I couldn’t pursue that. Because I was a dangerous person. Because I was a sexual predator. Because I was a liar who could not confide with anyone. I felt I did not deserve to be happy. That I should not be happy with myself.”
Three long seconds passed before Abigale replied to my heartfelt confession.
“What’s your true name?”
“…Jade. Jade Novus. I’ve been called ‘Jade’ a lot over the years, by people who didn’t know how to pronounce my name, and… I always liked it. It sounded pretty, sophisticated, and was a lot more common and readable than Jad.”
“Well, Jade, I do believe that we are about done here. It’s—”
“—Hold on… why did you make my skin darker? Is this something that I secretly desire?”
“It is an unconscious desire of yours. One formed by the fact that you have only been in the bodies of women of color. Your mind associated these features with being desirable and attractive, so, when your mind constructed your ‘ideal’ body, it took inspiration from those experiences. Though, that is not the reason your body looks the way it does. The reason you grew taller, stronger, and darker is because I wished to shape your form into one I was more comfortable in.”
As the air cooled from that explanation, I looked on at Abigale in the mirror that had magically appeared before me, covering the entire bathtub and making this bathroom vastly more claustrophobic than it was before.
“I take it that I’m in another dream, right? I must have passed out when the numbing kicked in.”
“Not quite,” Abigale began. “Your body is still awake, and you can think of all of this as a sort of trance. You are currently trapped within your own mind, except, instead of you being in control, I am. And as the ruler of this domain, I believe it is time to show you my dominance. Time to put an end to the life you have known and begin the glorious future of Jadigale Novus.”
As Abigale said that, the walls of the bathroom evaporated before me, leaving behind only the tiled floor. A tile floor that stretched on in a flat environment with no borders or boundaries, a black sky overhead, yet an ample amount of light coming from an unknown source. It almost looked like a gray box test environment from a video game.
However, before I could examine this repeated environment in detail, I was redirected to a figure who stood before me. A massive being who towered what I could only estimate 40 meters tall, and was shaped in the form of a human. It took me a while to grasp just what I was looking at, but I knew for certain once I saw the dull crimson eyes looking down at me. It was Abigale, still clad in her black and red suit, but 20 times taller.
I had no resolve, no conviction— I didn’t even have underwear! So, when confronted with something so imposing, all I could do was stand there, looking up in awe… before I felt something poke my back.
I turned around and was face to face with someone who I had never truly seen, but who had lurked within my brain since that fateful December day. A young man, clad in a revealing leather body harness, with floppy blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a pair of what resembled bat wings poking out from his back. He matched the description I heard, but what cinched it was the voice. For, as he spoke, he sounded like a middle-aged woman doing a subpar impersonation of a prepubescent boy.
“Hoya, hoya, Jadey-poo! Miss me much?”
It was Peatrice, his body given form in this domain of the mind, and while I had maintained my composure around Abigale, I was far less restrained around her alter ego.
“YOU!!! You’ve been haunting me for months, and now you show up? To witness the end of my life…”
“Pfft, are you talking about those impressions you’ve been making? Ya nailed my style pretty good Yahd-chan, but that was your doing! You can call me ev’ry bad name under the truck, but I ain’t no liar.”
As I swallowed this sour pill— the fact that I had merely been tormenting myself all this time— including around Maxxie just a few hours ago— I felt this newfound anger in me grow tepid. I almost felt like apologizing to Peatrice and, in that moment of hesitation, he placed his hands around my waist and began flapping his wings.
Even though the wingspan was hardly a meter, the wings were still strong enough for him to rise up into the air and ascend until I could no longer distinguish the individual tiles on the ground below. Once this happened, Peatrice began to fly forward, taking me closer to the giant Abigale Quinlan who stood before me, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes focused directly on me.
“Tell me, Jade. You got any last words before we steal your life and replace it with something better?”
“Just… try to be kinder than me. Do not let the people I love down, and… stay true to your promise.”
“Ey, get a load of this go-getter! We’re fucking her li’l not-so-virgin puss and she’s telling us to fuck better than her ass ever could! Well thanks for the motivation, J-Girl, but it’s high time to welcome you to die! Yo Abi-senpai! Bottom’s up, ‘cos it’s muthafuckin’ VORE TIME!!!”
As those words escaped Peatrice’s mouth, I knew what breed of Hell awaited me, and my body clenched in preparation. We were close to the head of the giant Abigale and, as Peatrice said those two four-letter words, her mouth opened up. A massive maw with teeth bigger than my head and a mouth big enough that I could fashion it into a liveable space. Yet, before I could do anything but gawk at the scale of this, Peatrice tossed me onto the giant tongue.
I quickly found myself slipping across the smooth saliva-riddled surface and, just as quickly, found myself falling down the tongue and through the 5 meter shaft that was the esophagus. I landed in a pit of fluids. Warm fluids that immediately made my skin burn on contact and forced my eyes shut.
I flailed, I screamed, but it was all in vain. The acid was powerful enough to gnaw past my skin and sink into my muscles. There was nothing I could do but perish here and, after a minute of struggle, I accepted that. With all the conviction I could muster, I dove into the acid, holding my breath while my body was assaulted, before reaching the bottom, where I released what little air I had left in my lungs.
In its place, the acid poured in, burning my lungs and depriving me of oxygen. As these wretched final seconds of my life carried on, my senses began to fade and, with the loss of my final sense, my sense of mind, I was finally granted release. I was granted… emancipation.
The Dominance of Abigale Quinlan Main Page
Shard 00: The Novus Logs Volumes 1 & 2
Shard 01: 108 Days Later
Shard 02: Melancholic Mundanity
Shard 03: Another Day; Another Doubt
Shard 04: Fractured Family
Shard 05: Troublesome Tuesday
Shard 06: Despair And Die
Shard 07: The Enigmatic Sickness
Shard 08: The Erotic Fantasy (Osananajimi;Myself Part 3700)
Shard 09: The Egregious Downfall
Shard 10: The Oransen High Massacre
Shard 11: The Dark Metamorphosis
Shard 12: The Dominant Reflection
Shard 13: My Life As Jadigale Novus
Shard 14: Fade Unto Dusk
Shard 15: Re;Birth Unto Jade
Shard 16: Gender Reveal Party
Shard 17: Enter The Three Wives (Psycho Bullet Festival 2222 – Bout 21-2)
Shard 18: Novus X – Ten Years Later