Rundown (4/01-4/06) The Sweet Tsunami of Splendid Summer Swimwear

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PGOS Attack of the swim suit tsunami2

It figures that I have run out of things to say after two months, so I’m just going to list some random thoughts, like Chibi Robo’s adventures in a nightclub which ends with it causing all the sex from the humans… Yeah, I’ll just get to the news before I start typing out Max Anarchy song lyrics for fun.

Crawling out of bed for a slice of something potentially radical, something related to the game where you can run over kimono dragons and stab sharks has been revealed. Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon is a title that basically promises to be the eighties no strings attached, because that was a neat decade, wasn’t it? With a very 90s site and some leaked achievements about hunting down VHS tapes, it looks to be capturing a sense of humor that I always like to see games start off with and hopefully build upon. Although, the screenshots make it look like Far Cry 3: Techno Remix, which actually sounds gosh darn bodacious.

PGOS Radical Sunglasses of cool

However, I can’t help but recall how the game is, like most nowadays, better on the PC, because consoles are old and need a vigor of Youth into their cold hard 2005 hardware. I mean, apparently mobile phones are nearly as powerful. An idea that strikes me as hard to swallow, but I can very easily understand due to how Unreal 4 will be running on them eventually. But instead of thinking about the console market, I must ask, “Who the hell needs and Xbox 360 as a phone?” But I still don’t have a cell phone, so I guess I’ll just never catch up, seeing as how my 90 year old great grandma even has a flip phone, while mine was taken away because I didn’t use it.

PGOS Adorfable face of cute chubbiness

Speaking of little cheap looking techno thingies, the Ouya is launching with 104 titles… wuh? Oh, they’re all likely crap, with games like Puzzle 2, Zombies & Trains, and The Ball. Also, a SNES and N64 Emulator kinda makes it the best launch line up ever, so I guess they automatically win the “console war”. Well… Nope. Seeing as how the reviews are gosh dang negative. Forever making me wish that all these consoles would go away and there will be something like Steam, but mixed with GOG and the Virtual Console. Which will happen when we see The Phantom come out… golly, I’m old!

MLM Hopeless Old Man

But a lot of things besides my thoughts will likely not go into the world as far as I am aware. But you know what isn’t? Fantasy Life! Well, probably. A trademark was recently registered for the game in the west, which, along with very good sales in Japan, basically means that I will be able to buy it this October. Which I am excited about, along with the all but confirmed Bravely Default localization confirmation, yet I’m also terrified of it. Because if I ended up buying every title like Fantasy Life, a not extensively produced very Japanese title that will be an anomaly to sell over 500,000, I would have no money left. Especially if they were all like Shin Megami Tensei IV, and cost $50 despite being a 3DS game.

WataMote Stop That Save Money For More IMportant

However, that is relatively small potatoes compared to how classic developer of adventure games, and intended makers of Star Wars 1313 and that XBLA thingie, LucasArts, is no more. I can’t muster up much beyond a meh to be honest. It sucks how 150 people lost their jobs, let alone on the same day as High Moon Studios lost 40. But that is the nature of the industry, lost of people get laid off and companies close like boxes every few years. As always, I hope that they find good homes, but that is because I think that unemployed game designers are cats until they get a job by pawing at a studios doorstep. Also, this is the fifth or so studio dead this year alone? Cripes, we haven’t even hit day 100!

SCD Get A Job And Stay Single

And the industry obviously can’t go with every project either, with Telltale’s King Quest title getting canned. honestly, this is not very surprising. After the smash hit The Walking Dead, I would’ve been surprised if they didn’t need to clear off their plates of a project or two. But they had enough for a new Poker Game So I guess that it shall stay where it once was, as a series that innovated, refined, changed in terms of tone and style, and then changed into pure rubbish because people wanted more action RPGs, I suppose.

Watamota Soda burst Typical It Figures Obviously

Oh, but we’ve got us a poo train roaring into a tornado, just enough for a decent shitstorm… Gosh I’m a nitwit! Well, not as much as Microsoft, who all but confirmed an always online console. If you live in the middle of nowhere or don’t have a decent internet option so you lack a reliable connection, “Deal with it”. I’m honestly surprised the Microsoft man in question didn’t call those people human excrement, just believing that people choose to live in a place where they are off the metaphorical grid. You know what? Do it Microsoft. Freaking do it. It is just an excuse to stay with my current system as you offer a crumbly service that will put you behind the Wii U. I personally don’t have any rush to upgrade, but if you want to follow up with a product that has something as crappy as a 30+% failure rate, it’s just an excuse to not even look at it.

SCD A failure as a person

What happened to the idea of working men wanting to get off of their tractors from making loads of corn, and play them some Mass Effects? I don’t know, but they could also simulate their useful ways of farming on their consoles. Yes, a Farming Simulator on a console! I will buy this, assuming it launches for less than $30, and then I’ll wait for it to be half of that. Because the idea of playing a farming sim makes my legs vibrate like they are filled with mice, for the same reason I’d play that European Truck Simulator 2, or whatever it is, that was on Steam a while back.

SCD You are a weird looking person odd hat

I mean, it’d be better than playing Aliens: Colonial Marines, the game that invented the universally accepted term of Gearboxing. And thankfully, Sega realized this, by dumping the Wii U version. Now if only we got us some Pikmin 3s and a full library of downloadable Wii and Gamecube games for the bloody thing. And snip a dogger if ya think that’d pince some jimmies, seeing as how if the act of buying Virtual Console games was cheaper and more fun, I’d have bought about 75. But that still doesn’t warrant a purchase because $300 is a lot for someone who is likely to work as a warehouse organizer over the summer because he never learned how to do things with websites or do the coding right.

SCD My COmputer floppy disk outdated technology

What I did learn as well as I could was Pokemon, but then I fell out of it and forgot most of the mechanics and whatnot, to the point where I want to take the franchise, murder it, and remake it in my own image. But that is not going to happen, so I just get a new Mewtwo form. Fan-freaking-tastic. No, don’t streamline everything and remove the sheer quantity of management that would need to be done to get every one of the characters who you still incentivise us to get, as you make the process filled with more adventure and incentive to regularly rework teams. Seriously, I want the schmuck who came up with Effort Values to get clubbed in the back, even if he was the nicest man in the world, it is more than a fair punishment. Also, I’d guess it to be a link between Mew and Mewtwo.

WataMote Pointless SHould Have Said So Idiot

Well, that is all I have in my magical pocket, so I guess this is a baked ham sandwich is sealed for later consumption.

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