Rundown (12/15/2024) Natalie Mustn’t Become Fatalie

  • Post category:Rundowns
  • Reading time:59 mins read
  • Post comments:4 Comments

This Week’s Topics:

Rundown Preamble Ramble:
Natalie Mustn’t Become Fatalie

Well, I never thought I would need to actually deal with this, but I’m 30 now, and they call it the start of the downfall for a reason. Time to talk about my Brand New weight and diet issues! When I was 18, in 2013, I was 178 cm and weighed 55 kg. I was told that I was underweight and that I should eat more. Afterwards, my weight ‘fluctuated’ between 55 and 60 kg throughout 2014 to 2019. And I lost approximately 3 centimeters in 2017 thanks to HRT. 

When the pandemic happened, I wasn’t walking the halls of my workplace or school and had readier access to snacks, because I was home, so I put on a bit of weight. Most people did. And my normal weight gradually rose to about 63 kilograms. Which isn’t bad by any stretch. But despite doing my usual 20 minutes on the exercise bike each day, my weight recently managed to reach 67 kilograms.

Now, some of you might be looking at that and thinking that’s a pretty normal weight. And it is. I checked a few weight calculators and it’s pretty much in the center of healthy weight. I even saw one calculator cite it as an ideal weight. But I wasn’t happy with it. I felt bloated, not good, and it all went to my belly, which just bothers me. If I’m going to get more fat, I’d rather it head to my teensy boobs or my nonexistent ass… 

And just to make this super clear, I am not coming out against anybody for being on the heavier side. I don’t care what people’s weights are so long as they are happy with themselves and not putting themselves at health risks. Which, sadly, are far more common when people are obese. I have seen the way weight and health intermingle across my family, and it’s not pretty.

I identified this as a problem about two weeks ago, and because I wanted to fix it, I took corrective actions. Everybody knows the two ways to lose weight are diet and exercise, so I tried changing both. With exercise, that was easy. I added 30 sit-ups and 30 squats to my exercise routine, along with a doorway stretch and cat stretch afterwards, because they are good and easy stretches. This really is only a few minutes of activity, but if done every day, and gradually increased, things should in theory add up and do something positive. I could throw in some arm curls or whatever, but I’m pretty sure those are for building muscle mass, and not burning tummy fat.

As for addressing my dieting, that is where things get tricky. There are approximately 84,691 different schools of dieting in this wet wild world we call Urph, but the most basic one is following calories. 

Now, I do not strictly believe in calories as being this objective all-controlling measure of dietary control. Anything that says eating two apples is akin to eating a candy bar is not air tight. But it is a tool in measuring a good diet. My problem is that I eat mostly produce and home cooked food, so counting calories will always feature some napkin-esque rounding. As such, I broke down all the stuff I eat and approximated the calorie quantity to associate with it. It ain’t perfect, but it’s sumthin’!

The Things Natalie Eats!

  • Breakfast:
    • Applesauce, half cup – 50 Cal
    • Whole wheat pita – 170 Cal
    • Protein (pick one):
      • Hummus spread – 70 Cal
      • Eggs (three) with salsa (weekends only) – 220 Cal
  • Lunch:
    • Vegetable soup with lentils – 250 Cal?
  • Dinner:
    • Protein (pick one):
      • Turkey meatloaf – 170 Cal?
      • Chicken – 170 Cal?
    • Grain (pick one):
      • Roast potatoes or sweet potatoes – 170 Cal?
      • Regular potato or sweet potato – 150 Cal?
      • Jasmine Rice – 160 Cal
    • Vegetables (4 servings a week):
      • Roasted carrots – 60 Cal?
    • Sauce (pick one):
      • Chunky mild salsa – 20 Cal
      • Basil tomato sauce – 30 Cal
  • Dessert (pick one):
    • Cornbread – 250 Cal
    • Nature Valley Honey & Oats Bar – 190 Cal
    • Clif Kid ZBars – 140 Cal
  • Night Snacks:
    • Waffle – 60 Cal
    • Homemade fruit drink – 100 Cal?
  • Randomized Vegetable Tray:
    • Vegetable ‘Dip’:
      • Avocado cup – 90 Cal
      • Seven grain salad – 90 Cal?
    • Assorted Vegetables – 90 Cal?
      • Broccoli – 0, 30, or 60 Cal
      • Cauliflower – 0, 30, or 60 Cal
      • Carrots – 0, 30, or 60 Cal
      • Celery – 0 Cal
  • Beverages:
    • Almond milk – 30 Cal
    • Black tea (optional) – 0 Cal
  • Snacks (Pick ???):
    • Apple – 100 Cal
    • Banana – 110 Cal
    • Strawberries – 50 Cal
    • Cherry Tomatoes (seasonal) – 30 Cal
    • Orange (seasonal) – 90 Cal
    • Popcorn (3 cups) – 100 Cal
    • Cucumber (whole) – 50 Cal
    • Pickles (mini x 3) – 20 Cal
    • Larabar – 190 to 230 Cal
    • Matzo/toast hummus tomato sandwich – 200 Cal
    • Assorted nuts – 250 Cal?
    • Miscellaneous salty chip things – 120 Cal?
    • Spinach pie (2 per week) – ??? Cal
    • Zaatar bread (2 per week) – ??? Cal
    • Roasted food plate (Sunday exclusive) – 200 Cal?

Now, this is all pretty complicated when actually writing it down, as despite having a pretty boring diet, it is definitely not the same thing every day. Just mostly the same thing. But doing the math on this, the minimum caloric intake I could manage a day would be 1,450, which is generally not advised unless you are trying to lose weight, and assumes I am only eating my regular meals, my night snacks, my veggie tray, and my lowest calorie dessert. It is ignoring all the other snacks I subsist on throughout the day. Which warrants some explanation, especially due to the calories.

Every weekend, my mother gets me some treats from the formerly local Mediterranean grocery and bakery. Namely, two spinach pie triangles and two pieces of zaatar bread. How many calories are these things? No damn clue. One is just bread and spinach, the other is just bread with spices and seeds on it. Both are delicious though. Shout out to Pita Inn. 

And when my mother cooks, she gives me a bunch of roasted foods she made in the oven. Broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and potatoes. She just eyeballs this stuff, cooks it with light seasoning and olive oil, and gives it to me. So, what is that, like 200 calories?

Now, why would I want this stuff if I have a minimum I am aiming for? …Because I get hungry, damn it! Sometimes I just want a matzo cracker with hummus and salsa on it. So basically 200 calories. Another one of my go-to snacks is a Larabar, which runs the gamut from 190 to 230 calories, and the ones I like are just fruits, nuts, with maybe a pinch of vanilla for flavor. I also enjoy myself a nice half cup of some combination of almonds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, or cashews from time to time. And boy have I wanted to just have some this past week, but I didn’t, because that’s like 250 calories. It’s also good fat and like 10 grams of protein, but noooo. The calorie number is too high!

I could give up on ALL these… but regiment and rigor does not improve my quality of life, just my waistline. However, if I go against restraint, then I can quickly reach 2,000 calories. The standard yet also kinda bogus figure for the average daily caloric intake. it’s all just… COME ON! I am not eating anything bad! Nearly everything I eat could be classified as healthy on some level. Is the message here to just cut down bread so that I can then lose energy and brain power because of the sudden loss in carbohydrates?

Okay, okay, so… what was my diet like before this? Basically the same, but I also had a second 140 to 190 calorie dessert every day. 

Yeah. This was a habit I developed in my youth and wanted to get over, but my mother has this bad habit of stocking up on extra desserts. I should tell my mother to stop making the cornbread, but she will also need to stop buying her boxes of Jiffy mix. My house also has boxes of those 190 calorie Nature Valley Oats ‘n Honey Crunchy Granola Bars. You know, the anime granola bars. Same with those damn delicious chocolate brownie Clif Kid ZBars (they’re 140 calories).

And when people give others gifts of food, they often give desserts. For example, I have a (Joe) six-pack of Toblerones (135 calories per sane serving) in my kitchen, and that is enough to last 24 servings of dessert. But Toblerone as my dessert for a month sounds goldarn miserable. I did not even know these things existed in America before three months ago— I only knew of them from Homestuck and Neo Yokio memes. They’re good as a sometimes treat, but even the standard package is four servings worth, and… who wants to shove a foil wrapped Toblerone in their pantry? 

Really, just getting rid of those and doing a bit more exercise should help me, but weight loss is slow and hard to gauge due to poop weight and water weight. So… no update yet! Unfortunately…

Also, here’s a picture I took of my dinner this past Tuesday:

How appetizing! Truly a wonderful angle!

Change of Plans for TSF Showcase 2024-51
(No More Valkyrie Yuuki)

Hey everyone! Just wanted to announce a change of plans for the last TSF Showcase of the year. Originally, I said I would cover Sparkling Generation Valkyrie Yuuki, but I have to back down from that commitment, and for a few reasons. One, my boss canceled a vacation, so I’m losing 20-ish hours of what would be productive writing time next week. Two, I’m fatigued from my nearly novel-length showcase of The Wotch. Three, the series is almost 600 bloody pages long and I want to give it the time and attention it deserves.

I will still release something for TSF Showcase 2024-51 on December 31, 2024, but I am going to keep it a secret for now. But it will be, as Da Yoofz say, PEAK, and it will be something I have talked about before in Natalie Rambles About TSF. I had a rule to not tread old ground, but it’s the holidays, so I think I can give myself a little treat. That’s all. On with the Fundown!

Blue Protocol Is Being Resurrected as Star Resonance
(Still a Generic Name, but Also Way Better)

Back in August 2024, it was announced that Bandai Namco’s super live service RPG, Blue Protocol, would be shut down in January 2025. A move that I found to be a colossal waste, considering the obscene amounts of money poured into the project and the fact it never saw a global release. Part of the blame was on Amazon Games’ inability to get the damn game out for a global market. Part of the blame was on Tencent for also not getting out the mobile release, as mobile is where the money is. Though, there is more than enough blame to go around for everybody to be at fault.

However, the game is not just being thrown out, as Tencent and subsidiary Shanghai Bokura

 managed to scoop up what was done thus far and is repackaging and reworking the title as Star Resonance. The exact details of the connection between the two are vague, saying that it is “based on the world view” of Blue Protocol. So the amount of repurposed content, shared vision, and changes to the original title are all left up in the air for the time being.

I think one of the worst things about modern gaming is a lack of shared technology and assets across studios and across projects, as that results in so much wasted time and expense. Especially since so many of these assets are just outsourced to Southeast Asia, where people work crazy hours for a pittance. So you cannot even say that things are more ‘pure’ this way.

As such, I think any project relying on asset reuse and revisions is a wholly good thing. I think live services, more than any genre of game, should be stripped for parts when EOS is announced in order to make new games. Because then not all the work put into them goes to waste.

I hope for the best with regards to Star Resonance, but given the fact that this will just be another darn live service, I am also left with a sense of cynical detachment at this news. Because in a few years’ time, this game, like so many other live services, will be shut down.

The Platform Agnostic and Self-Important Geoff Keighley’s Spike Video Game Awards X Advertisements
(Leg’s Go!)

Heyo! It’s that time of year again, when the man immortalized as the Doritos Pope hosts his very own Winter E3 celebration! Yes, E for All is a distant memory, and winter E3 never happened like the ESA wanted. But the Spike Video Game Awards are still alive and well, and have been bloated with a sense of self importance. Now, did I watch the show? No! Because I had to write lengthy essays about webcomics! And I cannot write while watching something in the background. 

I switched over to a browser without my notification doodads, and just focused on getting work done! Which is not a snub against people who watched and enjoyed it, but I have watched enough TGAs to know that this is the route that leaves me happier. And a happy Nattie is a productive Nattie, so thank the maker and praise the buns!

Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound Announced
(D@SH and R@GE!)

As a series, Ninja Gaiden is in a bizarre spot.

The original NES games are cult classics for masochist and aging Gen Xers whose reflexes are rapidly decaying, yet none of these games are widely legally available. Same with their often forgotten SNES remakes. Same with the handheld releases that were mostly just called Ninja Gaiden. When they would make for a respectable collection of retro titles if you threw in a rewind feature. …Oh, and the original arcade game came out for PC, PS4, and Switch via Arcades Archive. That would be neat if the arcade original was any good!

The 3D action titles were re-released in 2021 with the Master Collection, which was not really the collection the series warranted. It was a quick and dirty port job by Koei Tecmo, who did not treat the games with the respect they deserved. It used the more heavily criticized Sigma versions of Ninja Gaiden Black (2005) and Ninja Gaiden II (2008). And if you want to play modern versions of those games… you may as well just buy an Xbox Series S before the tariffs hit and everything gets more expensive, possibly for everyone.

There are really no hints about a revival of the series, especially with Koei Tecmo targeting expansion and mass market titles, and I don’t really blame them. Ninja Gaiden 3 (2012) was a disaster, and the Spark Unlimited hood classic Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z was even worse.

Akumako: “Wait, how is it a hood classic if it’s really bad?”

It’s the kusoge hood!

As such, what are you supposed to do with the series now? Well, do what Sega did with the series they weren’t doing jack bupkis with and hand it to DotEmu, as they have a good track record. Wonder Boy: The Dragon Trap (2017), Streets of Rage 4 (2020), TMNT Shredder’s Revenge (2022). They at least pair up with good developers and know that if you give passionate teensy devs with oodles of skill an IP they love, they will deliver something dope. …And profitable!

As such, it is little surprise to see that Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound is being headed by Blasphemous (2019) developers, Game Kitchen, and looks quite good. It’s a high speed, stylish 2D action game with a more modern approach to mobility and player actions, letting them do a lot of parrying, acrobatics, and flourishes. As one would expect, the sprite work is meticulous, gorgeous, and benefits from a greater color depth and environmental variety than the deliberately dismal Blasphemous. Which, with my eyes, is something I appreciate.

Akumako: “Natalie doesn’t wear glasses or anything, by the way. She’s just bad at seeing things that are dark or desaturated. It’s an inability to distinguish colors if they are too similar.”

When I saw the developer, I expected it to be a Metroidvania, possibly taking some ninja action cues from Strider (2014). However, it appears to be a linear stage-based action game, which is probably best for the genre. Without linear action, Ninja Gaiden just isn’t Ninja Gaiden. It’s as essential as Ryu Hayabusa! …Who is not the protagonist this time around. Instead, the protagonist is a younger redheaded ninja by the name of Kenji Mozu. Yeah, this is just a Japanese company being weirdly protective of their main character and asking the developers to make an OC. It’s like how some companies allow costumes, but not full representations of the characters.

Overall, the game looks great. It is in good hands based on the studio’s history. And hopefully it will spur renewed interest in the series when it launches in Summer 2025 for PS4, PS5, Xbox One, Xbox Series, Switch, and Steam. 

Edgy Pac-Man Metroidvania Shadow Labyrinth Announced
(What the Fuck?)

…What the fuck? I… how? Why? Huh? Who the hell thought that it was a good idea to slap Pac-Man onto a Ghost Song (2022) looking dark sci-fi Metroidvania? Who is developing this? …Bandai Namco Studios? Why would they… Hold on, I have a theory! 

Bandai Namco has a lot of new recruits and just the past year they released a bunch of games they developed as freebies. So, was this just a new hire project that some producer liked the look of and decided to spin into a retail product after Little Nightmares did well for them? It has to be something like that. There was some obligation to deliver a new Pac-Man game, someone was working on this dark 2D action game with 3D effects, and they decided to replace a robot helper character with Pac-Man. Or maybe they just were Pac-Man as a joke, and a producer thought it was fine.

Actually, no, this was apparently made in collaboration with an episode of Amazon’s anthology series about video game IPs they could license, Secret Level. …Well, that’s just upsetting. …And this was in development for four bloody years? …Did they only put twenty people on this game?

I admire the level of leniency on display… But I think this game needs to go further. This game has a robot Pac-Man— named PUCK and the one quick Dig Dug enemy explosion thrown in the trailer. But what if the entire game featured edgy reinterpretations of a deluge of classic Namco games? Have lavishly detailed aliens from Galaga. Take Mappy and turn him into a direrat dressed in the rags of a policeman’s uniform. Take Valkyrie from Valkyrie no Densetsu and turn her into a zombie cyborg winged freak who believes she can commune with God!

I think that would be hilarious, but what they’re doing here? Nu-uh. It is close, but it almost looks more like a mod of a game. When this should be… Namco High but an edgy action game instead of a dating VN. Like, why was the Homestuck dude given access to more of the vault of IP than Namco employees? 

Well, it might be because the game looks like nothing special otherwise. Yes, it looks fine and competent, but there are so many Metroidvanias with darker themes and looks that it’s a crowded market. Also, it’s called Shadow Labyrinth. That’s one of the most generic names you could possibly give to anything. Hell, Shadow Labyrinth sounds more like an environment than a game itself. I would call it Namco: Graveyard of Icons, but my version would have a creepycute Mr. Driller as the fourth boss.

Labyrinth of Shadow: The Black PUCK MAN will be released for PS5, Xbox Series, Switch, and PC via Steam in 2025.

Final Fantasy VII-2: Re;Birth is Coming to PC on January 23, 2025
(Hopefully People Buy It This Time Around)

Final Fantasy VII-2: Re;Birth had such an odd reception. It was widely anticipated, got glowing scores, but kind of fizzled out when it came out this year. Looking back, I personally blame the PS5 exclusivity more than anything, as there are people who want big graphical showcases like this on their workstations, not their PlayStations.

Akumako: “Read back what you just said…”

No! I’m right! A PC is a workstation if you do work on it! Like spreadsheets! PlayStations are just weaker workstations! And if you have a good workstation, one that you care for and upgrade semi-regularly, what good is a PlayStation? 

Akumako: “…Oh, this is a bit that only you find funny. Gotcha!”

Square Enix has already learned that they need to push multiplatform titles, but technical restrictions and contracts prevented them from just pushing titles on more platforms. Which is why Final Fantasy VII-2: Re;Birth is not hitting PC until January 23, 2025. That, and Final Fantasy XVI came out on PC a while back, and sold… somewhere between 250k and 450k from rough estimates. Which isn’t that good, but the game had surprisingly stubby legs. While Re;Birth at least appeals to the million or so people who bought the PC port of Final Fantasy VII-1: Re;Make.

Also, speaking of belated PC ports, Sony is pushing out The Last of Us Part II: Remastered onto PC on April 3, 2025. Good for them. Once it’s out, I won’t need to think about the game, its discourse, or the bad politics it is founded on by being a sequel to what should have been a bad ending.

Akumako: “Natalie dislikes the ending of The Last of Us (2013) so much that she would wipe the game from existence if she could.”

…Yeah, I would. It’s a good game, but Joel would have been a more endearing character if he ended the game by raping Ellie in the woods. That man could have saved humanity, but he put himself before billions of people, because of some bullshit about human nature according to people with the imagination of a wet paper bag. 

The Witcher IV Properly Announced
(Thank You For the AWFUL CG, Now Leave!)

Akumako was half-joking when she talked about my vision being bad when it comes to dark and desaturated things. But this The Witcher IV story concept trailer shown here was one of the hardest things for me to visually pay attention to. Even when playing it back at 4K, full screen, on my better monitor, I had to pause things to tell the difference between a rock and a tree. It’s a visual ugliness that undermines the extensive detail the developers put into this CG trailer. Because unless you have a huge and specifically calibrated display, you cannot make out the details. And if you are on a phone watching this? You’d see more if you turned off the display and looked at your reflection. Just a truly awful creative choice that made this game look like it was made by people with a miniscule appreciation of artistic fundamentals.

What’s the most important thing about a trailer? Being able to fucking look at it! 

Anyway, anyway, The Witcher. …Gosh this series in a weird spot. What I like to call the AAA decade curse. As AAA games have expanded in size, the time between new releases have gotten insanely larger. Unless one has multiple teams working on multiple projects, it will take at best four years for a sequel to come out. But with huge series, it’s closer to ten. GTA is the poster child for this, with GTA VI set to release 13 years after GTA V, when GTA III, Vice City, and San Andreas came out in a four-year span. 

The Witcher is home to the same curse now, as The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt (2015) wrapped up in 2016, and Witcher IV will likely not come out until 2026 at the earliest. It really begs questions about the importance of all this pesky fidelity and detail if it causes games to linger in development for so long and such large staff sizes. But… no, no, save the industry talk for the end of year Ramble, Natalie.

Oh, as for the trailer itself? I have nothing to say. 

I only played The Witcher 2, and I did not like it. Combat was bad, things were depressing as a rule, characters weren’t endearing to me, and there were too many walkthrough mandatory sections. Divinity II: The Dragon Knight Saga was way better. But it got erased by people who think Divinity only refers to the Original Sin games. They are good games, but Divinity II was high quality eurojank!

I’m sure that the games would be better, and that Wild Hunt is positively orgasmic— I gave it a shout out in the incest chapter of Verde’s Doohickey Extra for a reason. But I don’t got time for these big meaty RPGs.

Elden Ring Nightreign Announced
(A Multiplayer Survival Elden Ring Spin-Off)

The mainstream success of Elden Ring is something that still confuses me. While Dark Souls is the most influential console game from the 2010s, all three games were for a more narrow fanbase. While Elden Ring brought in millions of brand new players and became a sensation. One I knowingly skipped out on, as I have chosen the way of the word processor. I still respect the game oodles, playing it would help me understand the next 10 years of gaming a lot more. But I have to get out two novels in like 12 months and needed to start on them a month ago, so give me some slack! 

I thought Elden Ring was just kind of over after the DLC announced last year… but then they announced Elden Ring Nightreign, a multiplayer-driven survival game spin-off of Elden Ring. Which sounds like… something that was specifically requested from FromSoftware by their partial owners, Sony and Tencent. The game is a multiplayer geared title, with a single-player mode, where the player takes control of eight predetermined characters with their own abilities, ultimates, and play styles. Players need to survive for three nights in a randomized map traveling around with grappling hooks, gliders, and wall-running, while avoiding/battling a wide assortment of enemies and hunting for goodies.

Or in other words, it is a response to two things Souls fans love doing. Turning and modding the games into co-op experiences, as these titles and their challenge are easier to swallow if you have a buddy by your side. And adding randomization to make the games more replayable. Because if people love a game, they probably want to play the same thing, but remixed.

When viewed from this perspective, it makes a lot of sense, though I think the reveal trailer does a shitty job of explaining what the game is actually like. I thought it was some multiplayer only spin-off at first, which I would find contentious. Instead, it’s the sort of thing I would expect to see from a re-release or a new mode added with a major expansion. So it makes perfect sense that this is an ‘standalone expansion.’

Elden Ring Nightreign will debut in 2025 for PS4, PS5, Xbox One, Xbox Series, and Steam. 

Former Team Ico X Tencent Project Was Shown Off
(It’s Sci-Fi… Good Night!)

This is kind of a nothing announcement that mostly serves as a reminder that Epic-Tencent is funding the full development of the next game from genDesign. You know, the successor to Team Icon, developers of Ico (2001), Shadow of the Colossus (2005), and The Last Guardian (2016). Their new game, which was left untitled, is set in a distinctly sci-fi world, features climbing as a central mechanic, and there are colossal robots. Oh, and the game follows a young man with a metallic/robotic helmet… real riveting stuff there! Well, okay, they did announce that it was coming out for PS5, Xbox Series, and PC, but that’s kind of just a given.

Some think this is a big deal, but we already knew that genDesign X Epic-Tencent was a thing. Like, five years ago. 

Hazelight Co-Op Venture #4: Split Fiction Announced
(Sci-Fi and Fantasy, Crossing Over in Virtual Reality!)

…What do you mean Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons wasn’t developed by Hazelight? It was the same people. Their first big project together. So it’s their first game!

Hazelight produces darling and beloved games all built around one simple goal. To create unique and interesting narratively driven co-op experiences for two players to enjoy together. A Way Out (2018) was a surprise darling title and allowed two people to go on a prison escape story while encouraging them to sympathize with their respective character. A truly brilliant game for friends and family and streamers alike.

It Takes Two (2021) was the rare multiplayer game to be added to The Ethereal Gaming Canon. One that built off of A Way Out while being a more refined and widely palatable experience about a husband and wife working together as they venture through a fantastical world. It won the 2021 TGA award for game of the year, which was an intriguing choice to say nothing else. It was a perfect pandemic game, and would have been even more so if it came out a year earlier, before the vaccines started getting distributed. But it still sold 20 million units. So, you know, a modest success.

With that level of success, a successor is inevitable, and that’s precisely what Split Fiction is. Set in what is meant to be the not-so-distant future, yet also very high flung future, the story centers around technology that allows corporations to create immersive virtual worlds created by an advanced AI. A technology capable of stealing countless works of arts in order to bring the work of novelists to light in a whole new way. Which is some of the most dystopian shit and the low-key endgame for the AI peddling tech industry. Making it so any jagoff with an idea and bad book behind them can just generate a sellable reality.

In more practical terms, the game centers around Mio and Zoe, two female writers whose worlds are being generated by a corporation who wants to steal their IP for their own game. But in the company’s haste to multitask, both the writers get sent into one of these immersive worlds together, where they must collaborate together as they bounce between fantasy and sci-fi worlds. Adding a routine genre-bending twist to everything, even though fantasy and sci-fi are basically the same genre in my mind, just with different aesthetics. But that’s a topic for a different time.

The game looks to once again capture the co-op and split screen adventure their past games were predicated on, but with bigger, louder, production values and more robust genre-bending ideas. A bigger, better sequel, at least in theory. Fortunately, we will not need to wait long to see how it fares, as Split Fiction will debut on March 6, 2025 for PS5, Xbox Series, and PC via Steam. 

Virtua Fighter 6 Announced
(We Basically Knew This Was Happening, But Whatever!)

Virtua Fighter is one of those series whose lifespan truly only lasted about 15 years. The original Virtua Fighter was a technical marvel for its time, a sign that arcades would be a showcase for the future during the booming years of the early/mid 90s. Then, with every subsequent title, the series made further strides, further refinement, and came closer to achieving reality. However, Sega lacked the staff needed to keep the series going after Street Fighter IV revived the fighting game genre for a new era in 2009. So they let the series just… sit there on the shelf for years and years. All until Sega’s flagship Ryu Ga Gotoku studio remastered the latest game 14 years later with Virtua Fighter 5: Ultimate Showdown. Which got some attention, but it was not a great port, just a way to play the game on modern systems. It was actually missing a bunch of content from Virtua Fighter 5: Final Showdown released in 2010…

While Sega could have just let that be the end, they are, in fact, bringing the series back! Built from the ground up, with some scattering of VF veterans, a Virtua Fighter 6! Unfortunately, modern games take forever to make, hence why all they really had to show was a CG trailer. One that showed that this game will have graphics, and some off-screen footage, showing that… this is, in fact, virtual fighting. What more could you ask for? An old fruit?

Additionally, they paired this announcement with a 2.0 update for Virtua Fighter 5: Ultimate Showdown, the 2021 PS4 port. With the update bringing in new moves, new balance, and new effects. …And then re-announced Virtua Fighter 5: R.E.V.O. for Steam as “a brand new entry that uses version 2.0 of Virtua Fighter 5: Ultimate Showdown on PS4 as a base” but this time it has rollback netcode. …Wait, what? Did you people seriously not include rollback in the previous re-release of VF5? 

I don’t quite get why these changes weren’t implemented way earlier, but I guess later is better than never. Or maybe this is just a way to tide people over, because Virtua Fighter 6 is probably going to be at least two years.

Turok Origins Announced
(I Guess That’s A Functional Subtitle?)

Turok is one of those series that peaked back in the 90s with its legendary run on the Nintendo 64, which has gorgeously been brought from the pale by the diligent folks at Atari’s Nightdive Studios. Publisher Acclaim tried to give the series new life and a more serious tone with Turok Evolution (2003). A rushed game shoved out the door to meet Acclaim’s deadlines, released a year before the publisher fell down the abyss of bankruptcy. 

Then the series got another chance with Turok (2008), which also had its own What Happened? episode. A reboot from a new studio, trying to cut their teeth on HD game development that did an admirable job… but did not meet publisher Disney’s impossible standards. …Oh, and there was also Turok: Escape from the Lost Valley. A cutesy puzzle action spin-off that came out in 2019… and was delisted in January 2022. What a legacy!

I think there are more promising series to bring back or revive than Turok, whose ‘Native American American vs scaley dinosaurs’ approach feels very much like a product of the later 20th century. But if one was going to bring the series back, they should probably build off of the fast action of the original N64 games. After all, those were the most iconic and successful games in the series. Instead… Saber Interactive is developing Turok Origins. a game that resembles Turok in name and the broadest strokes of its aesthetic.

First off, this game is a third-person shooter, rather than a first-person shooter. A seemingly minor distinction, but one that is immediately obvious as it changes the FOV and general feel of a game. Secondly, rather than be a single-player game with multiplayer modes, the game seems to be designed around co-op features, showing three prominent central characters, all with magic armor. Thirdly, while the game has dinosaurs and sci-fi powers, the exact portrayal of these things feels… very modern video gamey without a lot of personality to it. The crouching before knife-stabbing a crawling critter. The context-sensitive grabs. The murky rain-riddled environments with god awful depth of field effects and overly busy attack sparks. 

Without the Turok namesake, I would have just passed this off as something generic and not worth talking about… and that is not a good sign. Now, Saber knows how to make a good shooter, so this could fare well. But what is the point of bringing back a series if you do so much to transform its identity? And if you are going to do that, at least make it something fresh and original. At least do a Kdicarus Uprising… Shit, when is that coming out for Switch? Has Nina been vaulting this baby for years now?

Turok Origins will be released for PS5, Xbox Series, and PC via Steam sometime and/or eventually.

Onimusha: Way of the Sword Announced
(No Clue What Flavor of Onimusha It’ll Be!)

Onimusha is one of those prolific 6th generation series that just died in the HD era. It was an early PS2 banger, riding off of the Resident Evil hype train by being, at the risk of sounding dismissive, Sengoku Resident Evil. It saw a sequel a year later, two spin-offs in 2003, a third main entry in 2004 co-starring acclaimed French actor Jean Reno, and a fourth final game to ride out the PS2 generation in 2006. Since then, Capcom attempted to bring it back with a 2018 remaster of the first game, which everybody, myself included, thought would lead to remasters for the main four games. Not the Smash Bros clone or the GBA tactical RPG. Those are not part of The Canon! Yet… that did not happen.

Unfortunately, Onimusha HD only sold 300,000 copies in nearly two years. Which isn’t bad for a random PS2 game being re-released for $20. But it’s basically only $4 million. Probably closer to $3 million when all factors are considered. It’s enough to cover development costs, and probably justify bringing over more games in the series. But Capcom’s metrics say otherwise, and it was safe to say the series was put back in the vault. …Right?

Well, they did do a VR spin-off tech demo thing. There was apparently an anime adaptation released on Netflix last year which… I do not remember hearing about, at all. Possibly because it’s a series that lacks the enduring legacy of other Capcom titles, and the anime was apparently just another samurai anime. Not bad, but not Onimusha. This is not a great foundation for an IP to be in, but Capcom has surprisingly chosen to continue the series with Onimusha: Way of the Sword.

Clearly, the title is using Capcom’s in-house RE Engine to give the game a more realistic look, but the big question to me is how will the game wind up playing. Grounded yet fantastical samurai action games are fairly common these days, but they typically are more methodical action affairs. The first two Onimushas were fixed pre-rendered camera angle affairs, and the series did not really start brushing up against character action until its fourth entry. Meanwhile, this trailer looks like it could be any game inspired by the likes of Nioh, Sekiro, Rise of the Ronin, Ghost of Tsushima, or any others I’m forgetting. 

That is not strictly a bad thing, but I do wish that reveal trailers like these would give a better idea of what games would play like. How much action versus horror will be present here, and how will it carry the essence of the original four games? I have no idea, and if this wasn’t a recognizable IP, I would see little reason to care for it, as it is doing something that has been done almost just like this before, without any perceptible innovation or alteration.

Onimusha 5: Way of the Sword will be released for PS5, Xbox Series, and PC via Steam in 2026.

Okami Sequel Announced!
(And It’s Directed By Hideaki Kamiya!)

Okami (2006) is one of those cult classic games that people treat as this huge deal in retrospect, and like it was a neglected cult hit, when its more muted performance makes complete sense. Well, at least in North America. It was hitting the PS2 during its final big holiday season. A Zelda-like coming out two months before the much anticipated Twilight Princess. And while it looks gorgeous on an HD display, art direction like this really did not sell as well back in this era. I blame CRT displays running everything through a mud puddle, like an InstaBang filter.

However, publisher Capcom was determined to make the game a success, so they paired up with the defunct developer Ready at Dawn to port the game to Wii. It simply made sense on that platform, as the game’s central paintbrush mechanic worked wonderfully with motion controls. (Except for that part to get that one bead that required an insane level of precision.) Also, Jimmy at Capcapom, developers of Megan Man, wound up using an IGN watermarked image of the game’s box art for the official release. Absolutely iconic. Now I want to see box art for Okami for Wii where the misspelled Capcom logo is on the cover and the logo on the side misspells the game as Konami. 

Still, it eventually sold half a million, and did well enough to get both an HD port to PS3 by HexaDrive in 2012… and a sequel! 

Okamiden (2010) was largely designed as a bite-sized sequel that pushed the DS to its limits in trying to recreate the structure and finer points of the original. But this time with the puppy Chibterasu and the baby versions of many familiar characters from the original. I played the game when I was 16, got about 70% through it, and thought it was a very impressive DS title. Still my pick for the second best looking 3D-driven DS game after the excellent Solatorobo: Red the Hunter (2011). 

However, Okamiden was also a deeply limited sequel that lacked the flourish of the original, due to how the DS was never the most… robust 3D game system. The PSP was a souped up PS1. While the DS could not play N64 games without heavy alterations, and was just not a great system for 3D titles in general. It would not be hyperbolic to say 3D on the DS kind of peaked with Super Mario 64 DS (2004). A launch title.

As such, I have always been of the mindset that Okamiden would have been a far better and more memorable game if it was a first year 3DS title. One that could both use the 3D to better sell the depth of its world and use the almost Dreamcast technical prowess to deliver something with more fidelity. Because if you look at the longplay I linked, you can tell the game was TRYING to be impressive, but hit a lot of technical walls.

I always viewed that game as being Okami 2, but others disagree with that notion. Especially people who played the 2017 HD version and look back at Okamiden without having looked at DS games in a good while. Under those circumstances, yeah, this looks like some dated shit without that retro chic or Milf-like swagger or retro 3D console games. Still a solid 7.5/10 in my book though.

Anyway, the original Okami was directed by the beloved Hideki Kamiya, who was the director for Resident Evil 2 (1998), Devil May Cry (2001), Viewtiful Joe (2003), Bayonetta (2010), and The Wonderful 101 (2013). He was a golden child over at Capcom, but as the company’s values shifted going into the PS3 generation, Kamiya and his development buddies left to form PlatinumGames. And Platinum… has not been doing so hot. Sure, Bayonetta 3 (2022) turned out pretty good despite some project resets, but as managerial staff changed and the company received an investment from Tencent, their priorities shifted. I would think that a failure on the level of Babylon’s Fall (2021) would shy them away from ever doing live services again, but management thinks otherwise.

A lot of what I have heard is rumors, allegations, and hearsay, along with social media rabbit holes to figure out who is working where, but it seems like Platinum is bleeding talent. And I don’t blame them. I’m sure a lot of them would like to stick with Hideki Kamiya, as he is a true visionary.

…Oh, and Okami The Sequel was announced with a veritable nothingburger of a trailer. It would have just started development, so… it will be a 2027 title at the earliest.

Sonic Racing 4: CrossWorlds Announced
(I Miss When Games Were Announced Via Press Releases…)

Again, this is the worst type of trailer! All CG, no context, all confusion! 

The Sonic Racing series by Tencent’s Sumo Digital was always an odd one. The initial entry, Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing, was just another entry in Sega’s barely used Sega All-Stars label for Sony’s proto-Kinect, the EyeToy, and that one Virtua Tennis spin-off. A fine enough kart racer, with some nice character choices, but not much else. Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed though? That was the best HD kart racer until Mario Kart 8 hit the scene a year and a half later. Loads of characters, dynamic course designs, seamless vehicle transformations, and a high level of creativity all around. 

Then the series went on a 7 year hiatus before Sumo sputtered out Team Sonic Racing (2019). A team-based racing game with mechanics that people generally did not care to learn, and one with materially less to do than its predecessor. Plane-boat-cars were replaced with regular old cars. The transforming courses were replaced with static ones. It was a fine enough racing game, yet it was seen as a major step backwards and rather than foster the online community of the game, Sega just let the game wallow in obscurity. Still, it somehow sold well, probably with kids who saw Sonic and cars and wanted to go vroom vroom on their Switch. I mean, it was either this, Sonic Mania, or Sonic Forces. And kids don’t like sprite art. If you find one who does, check them for worms!

As such, it is very difficult to get excited or interested in yet another Sonic Racing game, dubbed Sonic Racing: CrossWorlds, especially one likely building off of the last one. It was a fine foundation, but that does not necessarily mean that this game will do anything special beyond… multi-world traversal? They could have just made a new Sonic Riders instead. I never liked them, but the games were weird and technical racers, and people need that way more than Sega brand Mario Kart. They already have Nickelodeon brand Mario Kart!

Sonic Racing 4: CrossWorlds will likely be Sonic’s holiday 2025 title, coming out for Switch, PS4, PS5, Xbox One, Xbox Series, and PC via Steam. 

Project Century by Ryu Ga Gotoku Announced
(Like a Dragon: 1915!)

How many people are working at Ryu Ga Gotoku Studios nowadays? Because it feels like it should be 1,000 people. How else could they get out a polished AAA Japanese adventure brawler/RPG on an annual basis? The last updated figure I could find says 300, but that sounds impossible. I get that they are a smart developer that reuses assets, unlike many western studios, who are ‘pressured’ to be wasteful and make barren empty worlds. But their output is just crazy. Hell, they put out two games a year on average, so that number just has to be bullcrap!

Anyway, Project Century is their attempt at expanding the general principles and core tenets of the Like a Dragon series, but do something different with it and tackle a different era. Pretty much all Japanese games set during ‘the past’ are set sometime during the Sengoku or Edo period. In part because they combine to such a honky massive period, but also because it is before Japan was forced to embrace the outside world and modernize with the arrival of the black ships. 

However, my general cultural knowledge of that era is pretty blank until the pre-WWII era, where discontent and rage were billowing amongst sects of the Japanese populace. The government was overthrown. The emperor was positioned as a figurehead, propped up by demonic men like Hideki Tojo. This led Japan to become a fascist genocidal force of destruction that attempted to colonize basically all of east and southeast Asia. They were reprehensible and incredible, and they might have gotten away with becoming The Caucasians of Asia if they didn’t pick a fight with America. That, and just leave Russia alone. 

Which is my roundabout way of getting around to the fact that Project Century takes place in 1915 Japan, which is a quite interesting era. Europe was busy destroying itself during The Great War, China was just getting by, the world was not widely globalized, and Japan had been modernizing for several generations at this point. I personally love the visual contrast of this era, the combination of stone roads, street cars, electrical wires, smokestacks from factories, and regular old wooden Japanese homes. Some people are walking around in robes and wooden sandals, while others are in trousers, shirts, and leather shoes. Technological advancements were moving at a pretty rapid pace. Innovations like film and record players were becoming common, while telegrams and radios were still a few years away from becoming popular.

It’s a bold choice for a setting for sure, one I do not recall seeing for a major game like this— Whore of the Orient doesn’t count— and pretty much everything about this trailer as a game looks promising. The Dragon Engine is being pushed to new limits as last gen hardware is left by the wayside, with oodles of novel effects. The combat in the game is still a brawler, but a touch more grounded and realistic than anything RGG studios has previously done, with lots of wet hot blood. And while the protagonist is not known beyond a name, he is a Japanese man with blue eyes, which implies he is biracial in an era where killing biracial people was generally acceptable in basically every country. 

No platforms were announced, nor a release date, but RGG has had a good enough track record that I simply trust them to deliver with Project Century. 

Dispatch Announced from Ex-Walking Dead Developers
(Now THIS is Next Gen Telltale!)

I truly do miss Telltale Games, as they offered something distinct and different in the gaming landscape. Cinematic story-driven decision-based adventure games. They were able to focus on characters above all else and delivered projects with a significant AA budget behind them. The biggest problem with them was that they focused on quantity rather than quality, and buying up expensive licenses rather than fostering original stories. I truly believe everything its creators stood for, but they disbanded, fractured, and their name was bought back by some new company who is acting like they have always been good old Telltale. 

Instead, the heart of the studio seems to have passed onto AdHoc Studio, who has not shipped anything, but they are working on The Wolf Among Us 2. A project that was formally announced in 2019, but, uh, shit happened. However, that was a joint NuTelltale X AdHoc project, while their newly announced game is an original title called… Dispatch. A ‘superhero workplace comedy’ about a former superhero working as a superhero dispatcher. Where part of the game is just working as a dispatcher, but as one does the dispatching, they get to know the protagonists’ co-workers, mold him into their own image, and learn more about this world.

Admittedly, I’m not too crazy on the idea, but it’s clear that a lot of time, effort, and skill went into what was shown. The visuals are incredible, using a mixture of 2D and 3D artwork to create something that looks like a high fidelity 2D animated show rendered in 3D. Basically doing what Arc System Works fighters did for action anime, but for western style animation. Hell, I would say it captures a level of fluidity and fidelity rarely seen there due to budgetary limitations and the death of theatrical 2D animation.

The writing, while a bit on the nose at times, warrants a sensible chuckle in spots. The world seems well thought out and devised. And there is at least some intrigue with the protagonist being someone who wishes to get back to heroics from the jump, after losing his mecha exoskeleton.

It’s promising, could be something, and is set to release in 2025 for PC and to be determined consoles.

Intergalactic: The Heretic Prophet Announced
(Natalie Gets TOXIC Over the New Naughty Dog Game)

…I was not going to talk about this game until I figured out who was developing it. Because everything about it just seems like some low budget 6/10 European sci-fi title that Deep Silver or Focus Home Interactive would publish. Intergalactic: The Heretic Prophet isn’t even a good title on its own. Intergalactic is such a generic space world, and Heretic Prophet is just a generous way of calling someone a cult leader. It sounds like a backup title chosen due to a trademark dispute, and it just reminds me of how Anthem (2019) was supposed to be called Beyond Dylan. 

Pretty much everything about the trailer manages to just annoy me in some way or form. The garishly implausibly harsh red planet that it takes a full minute to present to the viewer before showing them a spaceship that only a dipshit would drive. A red Porsche spaceship— great use of budget there— adorned with asymmetrical racing stripes, because they make you go faster in space.

And then, BAM, a dope-ass pastiche to late 90s anime, starring an action space girl with pink hair, jumping around tropical suburbia, shooting alien freaks while dual wielding pistols. I just gushed about how dope the Birdy the Mighty OVA is, and this seems like a holistic ideal of that concept. But with more blood and silky smooth 2D animation. …Then we see that this is playing on a laserdisc and a CRT display, and I immediately need to call out the sheer stupidity of this.

YOU ARE ON A DAMN SPACESHIP! Why the hell do you have a CRT and laserdisc player on a damn spaceship? Every kilogram counts when you are in space. And because this is the future, this means that by casually playing this ancient laserdisc, you risk damaging it. You risk destroying an artefact! If you want to watch high quality laserdisc anime, then get someone back on Earth to transcode it for you and then you can watch it, with all the film grain and details you couldn’t see before. Oh, but you just like the vibes of CRT? No you don’t, you Porsche driving dipshit, because you have the TV on mute while in the bathroom. Like, why even play something if you are not watching it or listening to it? The fuck are you doing, you entitled little snot?

Then we pan over to said bathroom and see the aforementioned dipshit, dressed in a basic six-pack gray tank top and baggy black pants, with tattoos over their arms, and dog tags around their neck. Oh, and to just complete the image, they are shaving their head with an electric razor. For when you want to be bald, but don’t want a truly smooth head. I have ALWAYS hated this image so much. This image of the standard military goon, a gormless soldier-fuck who willfully deprives themself of any and all visual personality. They do not care about how they look, do not want to look good or approachable, and look like they would shank someone on the train for looking at them ‘like a queer’. Or they want to get shipped off to a foreign country so they kill some Sand N-words and rape ‘their’ women for The Goodliness of Caucasoid Prosperity. 

This genre of human was represented a bunch throughout the PS3 era of gaming, and my god do I hate them. I hate the brown-haired average-looking White dude archetype of that generation. It is a stain on its artistic integrity, but this was the worst permutation of all, with a net negative personality score. 

Oh, and even though this character, Jordan, is not White, they just flat out looks like a White Supremacist. I call it the Ron Watkins or Latino Military Bro effect. Something about the way they look, act, dress, and walk gives me big ‘Non Silba Sed Anthar’ energy. And this image is  just cinched when Jordan goes out and looks over their conspiracy board of their former members of Five Aces. Which just sounds like something I’d see on ADL’s Nazi symbol list. Jordan is also a damn slob who does not make their bed or clean up after they eat. And rather than get dressed like a regular person, they just grab some mangy red leather jacket that looks like it was featured in a video game they liked. 

When they hear from a work associate who warns them of the danger they are going into, Jordan dismisses their facts as mere conspiracy theories before pretending to listen and ending the video call. Oh, and Jordan cannot be arsed to just sit and talk to their associate, so they need to have them on three screens in their ship. Like, dude, what the hell is wrong with you? Do you think you look cute sucking on that big gulp you got from Space Waffle House? ‘Cos you don’t! You look like you masturbate at work because you get off on the idea of wasting people’s time. 

Oh, and if my laserdisc comment wasn’t enough, Jordan then turns on their Sony CD changer, having robotic arms flip through them like a jukebox, before putting on some tunes. Yeah, because CDs are the highest quality source of music and such an efficient use of space. God forbid they manually change them herself or have a damn iPod they can hook up to their stereo. Do you know how long the era of the CD player in cars lasted for? Like 25 years!

People started using MP3 players when iPods became cheap in like 2004, grabbing one of those cassette deck converter things. And if someone is going to be a hipster about this, then use a damn record player instead. The audio quality is better, and it makes someone look like a big dick loser instead of a suburban White woman who refuses to give up her CD collection. This isn’t even being an audiophile! My dad worked in sound for over 20 years, running audio for music festivals and amateur plays. He values good sound. And even he got rid of his CD collection because he already backed that shit up as WAVs.

Oh, and what does this person listen to? Actually by the Pet Shop Boys? Okay, fair enough, I never heard of them, but Jordan is a space bounty hunter. If you want ironic killing music, put on some Talking Heads, dude. 

Oh, and I just realized, rather than have a typical pilot seat, Jordan has a damn Gamer chair, with a branded headrest and everything. And Jordan… isn’t even staying true to their name by wearing Jordans! they’re just rocking some limited edition Adidas. No, you dumbass! Good shoes are meant for display, not for wearing! At least be consistent…

After all this, we finally get a snippet of what looks to be a facsimile of gameplay… and it features Jordan rushing toward an alien robot creature in a dismally gray forest. Where they are wielding a red laser sword with a jagged blade that looks like it is meant to visualize audio Jordan is listening to on their headphones. Except this dipshit doesn’t have the swagger to kill freaks while listening to beats. They don’t even have the swagger of a fat White 14-year-old from Maine Crip Walking in a Walmart in 2011. 

Akumako: “What does that even mean?”

LEARN THE LORE!

Intergalactic manages to succinctly capture so many things I just viciously dislike that it feels like it was specifically engineered to piss me off. But the thing about it that I straight up hate is the fetishistic way it presents vintage technology, using CRT filters and 80s syth effects to give it an ‘aesthetic’. When, one, that aesthetic was never actually real, and two, it’s not actually cool. Making something harder to see and obscuring detail does not make something better or more real. Just because you can play any game on a tube TV from 1987 doesn’t mean it looks better on it. 

Treating art like that is choosing to ignore artistry, clarity, and facts of it in favor of vibes. And not even good vibes. It’s the vibe that you can ignore the current world and retreat into a commodified and fictionalized version of the past. When, guess what Fucker? You physically cannot do that. If the modern world is too much for you, find a roof, climb up it, and jump off. Or, better yet, try to assassinate a rich executive, then your death might have some meaning.

Akumako: “Natalie… chill the fuck out!”

Fine, fine, fine.

In other words, I do not like anything about Intergalactic. Though I shouldn’t be surprised. As far as I am concerned, the developer, Naughty Dog, has been infected with bad ideas ever since The Last of Us (2013). And while the Uncharted series managed to stave off the same nihilistic and selfish philosophy that ‘all humans are selfish bastards and that’s good, actually,’ this just slams the nail in the coffin for me. Because, based on this trailer, all the true creatives have left the company. They could have spent the $300 million that will assuredly be spent on this game on creating 30 smaller games for $10 million each, but instead, they made this artistically inept trite.

Akumako: “This is probably the meanest thing you ever wrote…”

Yeah. I just know that the reaction to this is going to be The Last of Us Part II all over again, and I would like to be on Naughty Dog’s side. But the more I learn about their latest stretch of games, the more convinced I am that they are committed to pushing bad ideas into people’s heads. And not in an obvious way like America’s Call of Duty propaganda. It’s insidious and hidden behind prestige. 

Hopefully I’ll never desire to talk about this game again!

Oh, and notice how I don’t gender Jordan at all? Yeah, dude or girl, this human has no style, no grace, and not even a funny face for me to enjoy. Just a big wet wad of nothing. Anybody calling out her design for being ‘woke’ is just parroting garbage so they can feel like they are part of a revolutionary group, when all they’re doing is trying to prevent the status quo from changing. 

Progress Report 2024-12-15

I managed to clear a run in Balatro this week… and I do not actually like the game. It lacks any permanent upgrade system and instead only features unlocks, which I think is just bad design for replayability. It makes sense for a skill-based game, but Balatro is so heavily dependent on luck and chance that it just makes me feel powerless. All the planning in the world cannot help you overcome bad draws, and I really wish there was something to upgrade chances, luck, or stats in some way.

I also tried Slay the Spire and… I have the exact same problem with it. I only find run-based games to feel rewarding or engaging if I am actively getting something for each run, and while unlocks help, there needs to be some experience or currency system. Whether it be gold in Rogue Legacy, those blue cells in Dead Cells, candies and egg moves in PokéRogue or all the amber you got in Enter the Kaleidoscape. God, Enter the Kaleidoscape was such a good structure and idea for a bonus mode. I will always miss you Dragalia Lost!

I played Balatro until I got my first clear, and having it tell me to do it again but this time just sounds like an annoying waste. I only got as far as I did because I managed to get modifier cards that boosted my score based on how many planet buffs I got and how many new cards I added to my deck. Those are both incredible buffs, and they were positioned at the end of the point calculation. Yet even this was not good enough for Ante 11, so I’m convinced this game is just low-key impossible or requires sicko luck.

2024-12-08: Accumulated the final images for The Wotch seasons 1 and 2. Had to grab over 100 screencaps. Wrote a 3,000 word summary of the development of season 3 to kick off that section, and got so bloody upset.  Added an extra 300 words to the preamble while rewriting and expanding some things. Had another 3.5 hours of anime with Cassie and Shiba.

2024-12-09: Had a medical appointment, which I do not like going to, as it is a 30 minute drive both ways, and they suggested I get a COVID booster shot, so I did… right before getting my blood drawn. This fatigued me for a good chunk of what was to be another day off, and after doing more anime with Cassie and Shiba, I mustered up 3,000 words for The Wotch Season 3 showcase.

2024-12-10: I was still recovering from my COVID booster and a persistent light headache, but even with a full day of work, I managed to get out 3,400 words for season 3. I am ALMOST at the end of the original run and after that, I’m halfway done. Oh, and I did 400 words for the Blue Protocol thing. 

2024-12-11: Oops! Guess who tried out Balatro and played it for four hours. This dumb bitch! Yeah, I only got to writing 2,300 words for The Wotch Season 3…

2024-12-12: Wrote 3,600 words for The Wotch, getting to the third to last part of the series. Wrote 2,200 words for this Fundown!

2024-12-13: 5,500 words written, edited half of the Fundown. Would have finished editing it, but I had to visit my grandmother for two hours and wanted to get my first clear of Balatro. Game has been uninstalled. Got as far as Turok. Will forego breakfast eggs on the morrow to cleanse this shit… THE CLEANSER! Now THAT would be a fun showcase! If only I didn’t abandon the mini approach! Orz… 

2024-12-14: The Wotch showcase is my contribution to NaNoWriMo, even if it’s December, every month is NaNoWriMo in your heart. Wrote 4,800 words and drained my soul in trying to write the conclusion. Was not in the mood to tackle this project after writing this much, so I decided to finally try out Hades.

That game has some truly awful visual noise and I can barely tell what I am looking at half the time. Legit wish that I could just make the backgrounds grayboxes so I could better navigate them. Also, it has the rogue-scented problem of the game being wildly different based on what perks you are provided. For example, I snagged a perk that healed Z-chan whenever he dealt a basic sword attack, Cursed Slash, and that made the game dramatically more fun than the high punishment structure of the rest of the game. Sorry that I keep getting hit, but I cannot see shit, dude. So I just respond to motion, like a reptile. With how the damage system works, I’m legit surprised there’s not an estus button, like in Little Noah.

Also… goldarn do I want to do some more Kaleidoscape runs in Dragalia Lost. I am comparing 300 hours in one game versus 3 in another, but… I liked Kaleisocape more. Because YOU controlled the variability when you started your run! Except for bosses and encounter types. Which I think is a better approach, and it would have worked better if there were just more bosses to choose from.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

This Post Has 4 Comments

  1. rain 12/15/2024 Reply

    ….i don’t think i ever counted how many calories are in a banana

    1. Natalie Neumann 12/15/2024 Reply

      Admittedly, counting calories in fruits and vegetables is tricky, as they come in different shapes and sizes. I am just using the ‘average’ sizes that I could easily find. :P

  2. skillet 12/17/2024 Reply

    Ahahahaha. I streamed TGA with a friend, and maybe halfway through the show, we decided to make a game out of counting all the crudely dubbed “sci-fi slop” trailers that were shown as if it were Bingo or something, and the reveal pf Intergalactic was an amazing unintentional punchline to the bit. As much as it feels terribly mean-spirited to talk about such massive creative labor like that, every major gaming event in the past… well, as long as I’ve been watching them, has just been *flooded* with these generic-ass, vaguely defined, regurgitated sci-fi aesthetics that seemingly exist only to ape on older, cooler, more thoughtful things. I didn’t even consider how your well established distaste for the romanticization of yesteryear’s tech would mesh with this, but I’m glad it did, as it really is the summation of it all. As much as it feels gross to rub shoulders with the anti-woke, Naughty Dog has really burned through a lot of their own good reputation with both sides of the aisle since TLOU2 (even if you don’t hold a hugely negative opinion on the game itself), such that the response to Intergalactic online was pretty mixed altogether. Really makes you wonder if Sony is paying attention after the disaster of Concord… or if they’re too confident to care. And you allude to it towards the end, but yeah, Neil Druckmann’s *questionable* politics ought to give anyone earnestly engaging with his moral quandaries pause.

    … Oh yeah, also, JESUS does that title suck ass! I had completely forgotten it until reading this! It’s like, shockingly unmemorable for a AAA game.

    1. Natalie Neumann 12/17/2024 Reply

      Sci-fi and fantasy have the same problem. They could truly and fully be anything one could imagine, and are the productions of deeply creative persons who extrapolated vivid worlds inspired by reality. However, the genres have become so homogenized at the behest of tastemakers, corporate lapdogs, and uncool jokers that many people do not see sci-fi as any form of fiction based heavily in speculative science, or fantasy being any kind of magical world. Not everything needs to be fully original, people like things that are familiar to them and enjoy familiar IPs, but when you make a new IP, it is important to give it a distinct identity.
      Another Dimension, A New Galaxy – Intergalactic Planetary manages to touch so many bad notes for me that I was seething as I realized the amount of effort that was being put into it. I want to have faith in Naughty Dog, but their games’ themes and messages have grown increasingly worrisome, and I think this will be even worse, as the true title indicates that the game will be about religion. Which… I think is dumb. Religion is already on a steady declined and is being replaced with ideologies that claim to have basis in religion, when they really don’t.
      Also, is it really rubbing shoulders with everyone if your criticisms are, most likely, completely different? It’s kind of like how the Democrats do enough bad stuff to warrant grief from leftists, working class moderates, and right-wingers. Sometimes even at the same time! :P
      Concord’s problems were numerous. But to me, the biggest one was that it was a game that generated very little attention or interest from people, with most takeaways being that of apathy, or a displeasure in the game’s art direction. People were simply not interested in it, and Sony dropped the ball on pushing it toward people. This is a Naughty Dog joint, so people are going to pay attention to it, because it is a Naughty Dog joint. They a certified hit makers… and I should go to bed before I start talking about Hitmaker. They made Virtual On!