Rundown (8/04-8/17) Nah, I’m For Reals Nega-Sexist Or Something

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feminism-derpaherpOkay, another short week, and then a week with a good amount of news that I wasn’t particularly interested in. I can make a post out of that, I think! Just as long as I don’t need to talk about them new Call of Duty features. Though, the infographic and ability to finally use a female character are worth noting if only for how big this series has become, and how long it took before them Fem-models were thrown in.

The first dribble of news to come out of the, no, I’m not going to go so low that I refer to the industry as a tit. Especially seeing as how the first piece is certainly plentiful in the department of breasts. After several months of meandering around whether or not they will publish the game, Xseed has announced the translation of the 3DS title Senran Kagura Burst. Which is a game about battling between woman with massive mammaries and will only be receiving a T rating when it launches on the eShop this fall.

Haganai Where are the tits who's are they

Certainly took long enough, but no wait is long in comparison to the wait over Half Life 3. Yes, Valve has been rather notorious for not talking about the sequel to a game everybody loved, which was itself a sequel to a game everybody loved. But they decided that the next and most important step will apparently be Left 4 Dead 3. As leaked by some Dota 2 players who adventured into the Valve HQ. Part of me thinks that this was intentional, but I also think that someone decided that the best step to counter high expectations is not to necessarily underdeliver, but to not deliver at all. Either that, or they want to use L4D3 as the test game before they presumably make the planet Earth somehow jizz.

Nyarko Earth Has The Best Pleasures In The Universe Nazi War

Speaking of stained white liquid in the outer reaches of space… that is the worst segway ever to ease into a Nintendo Direct. Though, this stealthy cow did not bring forth many a wow. The exact deets are over here. But for an even more abridged version: Professor Layton 6 and the crossover with Phoenix Wright are coming to both Europe and North America. Luigi will obviously be in Smash Brothers. Rayman Legends will be getting Mario and Luigi costumes for the Wii U version. And there will be a US release for an obscure 1992 Famicom shooter because Nintendo!

CDI Japan Being Japan

Instead, I feel like the biggest NIntendo news came in the form of Pokemon, which introduced Megavolutions as I call them. Which means that Amorphous, Blaziken, Lucario, Mewtwo, Mawile, ABsol, and even freaking Kangaskhan are all going to have another advanced form with a new ability and boosted stats. The problem? It is only accessed through a Pokemon specific Mega Stone when they hold it in battle. Effectively ruining any chance of them being too overpowered, but also making the game more complex than I feel it should need to be. With the sheer number of items being stupidly plentiful, and in dire need of an overhaul. Serious, why do we need the Baby breeding items or a flipping Dusk Stone! Oh, and there’s apparently going to be another upcoming game, along with a movie, Pokemon: The Origin. Which will be a retelling of at least the beginning of the first games… Hell yes!

Haganai Yay Not Entirely A Fun End For Me

In slightly less titillating news, Amazon’s allegedly got an Android console in the works. Now, the general details are pretty slim, but games will likely be an application for what amounts to a Smart TV adapter that I’d guess to cost no more than $200. But I’m becoming a bitter old man, and want there to be no more unique systems, and to have every form of media be contained by one singular entity. Something that attaches all of one’s digital property into one account that can be accessed on any box able to run it. Even though that plan would inevitably be screwed over, and likely very easily pirated up the butt.

BER Ishidoro Dress Pirate Witch

Speaking of butts, Microsoft has gradually been getting its head out of its ass, not fully understanding that just because your head in no longer in the poop pipe, that it doesn’t still smell like feces. Which may be a crude way to put it, but do not trust those with money, fore they will always seek to gain more by looking nice. Or in MS’ case, remove features like the mandatory Kinect and also spend about a hundred million on making the controller. Both of which sound like big things, but I’m not sure if they’ll amount to much. The Kinect is still going to be a big part of the system and developers will be requested to shoehorn it in when possible. While I doubt that feeling different trigger weight will somehow revolutionize the FPS genre. Or maybe I’m still bitter towards any controller that has more complex features than a rumble pack.

SCD Xbox controller video games

Even though in game technical innovations do make me rather giddy. Such as Rockstar’s proclaimed and recently introduced Grand Theft Auto Online. Which sounds to me to be a more freedom and less narratively driven as the game it’ll come bundled with, and one that lets you finally play as a female character. A perk that might sound odd as a factor that makes me really want to play it, but I’m a sexist asshole, what do you expect? I’m just not in the way that has me boost my own gender as the better of the two. That, and I don’t like the idea of needing to interact with other people in my games, even if it is just 15. Regardless, the subgame is sure to consume many a October 1st to Gen8.

Nyarko Welcome to this crazy Time You Are Gonna Be fuck Insane

On the subject of dates, that new Thief game had it’s release date crawl from the shadows, along with a CG trailer. With February 25th as the proclaimed time it will lurk into this world, and the trailer looking very… dark… and dull. Perhaps it is just me and growing suspicious when a game uses night as its default setting, and proclaims to be a serious tale of political intrigue, but I would keep an eye on it for a bit longer. Afterall, the whole game was in a bit of limbo for a few years, following the Thi4f teaser, and the leads who abandoned this project. Gameplay does look promising though, so I could just be talking out of my buns.

VO Boring Dull Drooling Sleepy

Um, how to transition… buns go well with turkey. Turkeys look like aliens. Prey 2 is a game with one or more alien! I previous reiterated about how Prey 2 would be switching hands, how they weren’t in reality, but it turns out whoever said that was a liar! In short, Arkane is working on Prey 2. Not sure what the final product is going to be morphed into, but it will allegedly be the spiritual successor to System Shock 3… what? Everybody read that as 2, making me think I have gone insane for reals this time, but I suppose that it is a good way to pitch it to people, despite how System Shock 2 is notorious for being a pain in the arse to play.

Which is all I’ve got to say here. If I somehow offended you by that last statement, I’ll… give you a Steam key to Thomas Was Alone or Sword & Sworcery. Because Humble Bundles and Steam sales. Hell, hit me up and I’ll give you the Shank games, Burnout Paradise, or Battlefield 3. God knows that I’m not gonna use them… *poot*

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