Rundown (4/28-5/04) I’m Allergic to Your Very Soul Vidja Glums!

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KS I am Sick NRI spent a while thinking if I should bring up the Dragon’s Crown Kerfuffle, and it seems like an alright opener. If this was done solely to get more media attention to Dragon’s Crown, good job Vanillaware. Now if only they would take it to the true extremes, which would probably just be levitating spheres bigger than watermelons that do most of the battling. Either way I want to buy the game solely for the overly exaggerated and sorta gross in a good way character designs. Just need to get that Vita.

Sliding on a sea of marmalade, there has been confirmation that Nintendo will do something about combining the online services of the Wii U and 3DS. I say something, because it is foggy other than some Wii U Virtual Console games will be playable on the 3DS. However, this is something I’d have liked to see back in… 2011. It is bad enough they can still get away with charging $5 for games that are older than a good portion of their market share, while people are putting out new games for that much, but there is no good reason I couldn’t have bought Demon’s Crest, Ufouria, and Super Metroid for my handhelds yonks ago. C’mon, how hard is it to do account integration, stop saving data to the system itself you old ninnies! I mean, we’ve been waiting how long for Shantae on the Gameboy color? Been in talks for about 2 years, if I recall.

PGOS Let's bun girlfriend fun times

I mean, it is not hard to bring over a ROM of a gameboy title and charge $5 for it. it’s not like you’re developing cutting edge tech, like the boys at Microsoft, who made this Illumiroom thing that makes me very, very sad. Call me an old fashioned Southern Moor-lord, a term that I blame on Shakespeare more than anyone, but I really don’t like the idea of making the experience of a video game into anything that is not contained to a controller. If only due to the long term perspective of many arcade titles that were dependant on a certain set up no longer used by anyone, that they have virtually no value in these modern times. It is just limiting the number of outlets that your game can be experienced on, when I feel the best method is to keep to the UI formats we’ve got. It’s bad enough the Vita has a back touchpad that I doubt would be used for two generations, but filling up your room with additional effects seems more distracting than anything anyhow. When playing a game, I naturally blur out the surroundings, don’t uncannily bring them back, you fools! Okay, rant over.

SCD Parents are abandoning you goodbye we're done

Well, I’ve still got to yell at Microsoft in a move that shows I care about them because of the number of games I purchased for their system. Well, not so much yell, because word down the street, or was it on the street? That studio that came about when Infinity Ward and Activision had a tussle that lost a couple key members, Respawn entertainment, is allegedly working on a project with EA that will be only for the next Xbox. Although, it will likely be an always online Sci Fi shooter. Which, y’know, nobody else is doing as a mega-multi-million next gen project. *Groans*

SCD It is worse than I thought this bad thought never

The only reason I see to make these big games that demand constant player interaction is to stop piracy, which I guess is a bigger problem than I realized it to be. With one tiny game by a two man team and $8 price tag on Steam having a 90+% piracy rate on day one. However, not unlike that immortal scorpion from Serious Sam 3, the developers did something clever to the pirates that is pretty brilliant in my opinion. Sending out a torrent of the title with one little alteration in the form of how the game about running a game studio would progress. At some point you’ll reach a wall where your game is always pirated and you are in an unwinnable state. Truly a classy way to screw with people who need to be farted on until their skin permanently reeks of poots.

WataMote Undies Smell like Peaches Wonderful PantiesOh, and I guess Gearbox deserves a similar punishment, except not really, because they, along with Sega, are getting a Class Action Lawsuit for Aliens: Colonial Marines. While many games do showcase unused locals and set pieces when first revealed, there are few that end up raising expectations to something the project doesn’t come close to. And you know what? I say give these people their money back because you never really showed finalized game footage, even after release. Hopefully my friend who was stupid enough to buy it on the second week will get something back, assuming he has a receipt, which I doubt, the schmuck. Well, assuming it was well worded in its intent, which it is not, taking issues with something that can easily be defended.

MGX Face 27Yet bringing in the sad face, Rockstar deserves a big brick to the face for being the biggest bringer of sheer quality not reliant on randomly generated maps, by promising that their next game, the ever anticipated Grand Theft Auto V, will be five times the size of Red Dead Redemption. The very idea of Red Dead Redemption’s world frightens me, because it is so massive. But with the promised amount of square miles extending into the triple digits? I feel sorry for anyone who plays games as a kleptomaniac and buys that game. Not me, but that is because none of the main characters seem like people I would like to play as.

KS Sad TIme Depression UpsetAlthough throwing in everything you can doesn’t always work super well, as many people have said while looking at Scribblenauts, whose developers are being accused of copyright infringement. All because they included Keyboard Cat and Nyan Cat in their games… huh? Yeah, internet memes have gotten so powerful, they actually think they could pull off a lawsuit for being used as what I’d presume to be jokes. Which is about as dumb as how Zone of the Enders 3 isn’t happening right now. Yeah, I haven’t bought the collection yet, but after the Snatcher reboot cancellation, I feel sad for Kojima… he had a game canned in early 2012, which was likely a Snatcher reboot, or so I remember.

WataMote Remember the pantiesI also remember how the last Nintendo system took a while to properly launch, and it was right before the biggest competition. And apparently that is basically the plan for the Wii U. With a rumor or titles being delayed for a system optimization update, it certainly explains why the Wondrous 101 (It is a better sounding title) lacks a release date, but not why there isn’t any real winter titles announced. Its system balarky that I can’t help but view as something that holds Nintendo back from being Nintendo, but I’ll eventually buy a Wii U regardless, I know that much.

PGOS Even your stupid brain can understand it

And I guess if I do, I’ll have another game to play, assuming that Eternal Darkness‘ successor is a thing. WIth a kickstarter coming up on May 6th and an asking investment of 1.5 million, Shadow of the Eternals, which is a very weird sounding name to me. Looks to be pretty much what people wanted based on a teaser trailer, however that was a game from 10 years ago, with a studio that made Too Human, and X-Men Destiny. Two games that are no longer available for purchase because the studio founder, Denis Dyack called out Epic Games for not making the engine well, before needing to destroy everything they made using the Unreal engine. While also lying to their investors about their studios workforce in projects, trying to get a new Eternal Darkness game off the ground. Which has Denis Dyack reach the level of a person who I would not trust with my shoes because I think he would eat them to save money on food.

CDI I will Eat You Revenge AngerWell, my allergies are acting up because trees are budding, so I’m just leaving this ramble here. Now I’m going to be away in terms of review, because I’ve began Red Dead Redemption and the game is probably bigger than the entire world as far as my eyes have seen. Well, maybe aside from that flight from O’hare to Denver… I will probably be writing a body swap unerotica to fill the void while I’m working on my sub-novel about monster hunters in the Pacific Northwest.

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