Nari’s Log was a ambitious unfinished sci-fi novella created by Natalie Neumann. Natalie does not recommend that you try to read the original work due to its low quality, structural issues, and grammatical errors. Instead, she encourages you to read the summary included in Volume 06: Nari’s Log of The Saga of Vincent Dawn and Volume 02: Nari’s Log of Natalie Rambles About The Saga of Vincent Dawn to better understand the content of this novella.
Well, this is a fine pickle I’ve found myself in. Now, that girl said I needed to recall everything I saw to wake up, not that I have any reason to trust the lass. But hey, what do I have to lose? I barely even know who I am. Although the name sounds a bit off, Nari. It’s comforting, but I don’t think it was normal. Or maybe I’m just the nut-ball, and this is just normal ass peaches and cream. But, back to the story.
My eyes shot open, and before I even thought about who I was, I needed to ask where the hell I was. It seemed appropriate, because hell wasn’t too far off of a guess. It was outside somewhere, although nothing looked distinctly familiar to me. I was sitting in some sort of half melted purple goo, which looked and felt like someone grounded up poop and frosting. And this stuff was everywhere, covering as far as the eye could see, which was not very far. I’m not sure what was illuminating on me, or anything else here, but I could barely see past ten meters in front of my face.
It was then the big questions other than my location, started coming back to me. Who was I? What was I doing here? What exactly is here? Is this a punishment? What did I do before now? So, is my name Nari? The stuff one would expect. And all were silenced by how, when I looked down, I saw nothing but a familiar looking pale, yet fit, male body. So now I was just wondering why would some Joe put me here without my knickers.
I cupped my crotch out of reflex, and began trying to call for people. In something I’d refer to as a broadcast voice. Like my vocal chords had just been cleaned out of any notable accent, while not being very deeply pitched at all. I began to cautiously walk around, now on a quest more for trousers than identity, but I’m sure I’d have found trousers regardless of my primary objective.
I began to walk through this purplish goo for a few minutes, before I found something that didn’t look like it was from a kid’s picture of a sewer in a land of the candy. It was some sort of semi-modern train car that was on it’s side, and partially submerged in this goop. I naturally did that only rational thing, and went into the lone train section that could easily be a trap. As if I even needed one to get caught. I was in a strange new world with my hands covering my junk! What would I do? Start kicking any kidnappers in the crotch? They’d sure have the upper hands if we started to kick each other in the crotch.
Regardless, I entered through a side door that was partially banged off of its hinges, and did my usual thing of shouting, “Hello!” As if they would not have heard me from eight meters away. Instead, I went into the abandoned cart, where, after getting a brief glimpse at more purple ooze, I felt something constrict me.
After a couple pants and weizes where I tried to call for help, I heard the first voice other than my own. It was from an older woman, but something about her speech pattern and general tone made her sound far younger than she was. It began by saying, “Akarin, he’s not the Cowboy. Stop your python impression, and let the guy go. He might be more keen on spreading his info then.” I did not see her, but I could tell she was close. Same could be said about the second voice, a young girl’s voice. Which I could almost immediately tell, because she had a very child-like lisp. “Tank goodness, lash time the badman cut off somov my hairs, and it hurts oh much!”
After letting me go, the same entrance I took, was tossed open by two the same two figures who I overheard. One was a little girl in a white dress that looked to be assembled from a torn curtain. She had a fairly pale complexion, making me wonder just how long she was staying here. However, the fact that she had hair that was a meter long, it was literally flowing in this place without wind, and was an ever changing rainbow, was undoubtedly her most prominent feature.
While the other woman was better off in the basic skin tone looking less like a sheet, but physically she just confused me. It looked like you took the body of a twenty year old gymnast, with the skin of an eighty year old woman. Although, hair did not seem to be part of the elderly woman’s skin, since she was bald. And would be naked except for how she had some loose fitting brown rag that smelled like something else that’s brown, if you know what I mean.
I chose to talk to these chaps, trying to be as delightful as I could. “So, can you dears tell me where I have found myself. Or perhaps a bit about myself? My name’s Nari if that helps.” The older woman responded, keeping her odd mismatched voice. “Hey Nari, My name’s Flare, and this little bundle of joy is my… relative, Akarin. Can’t say I’ve ever heard your name, but I guess I should fill you in. Not that we really know much. All we’ve gotten from the past… day or however long we’ve been in this dump. Was how random shit like this train car keeps on appearing as we wander off. And there’s some Cowboy fuck who has been wandering around, trying to shoot us with arrows. We’ve been trying to ambush him, but no luck thus far. We naturally think he’d know at least something about this place more than we would.”
I responded, fishing for more information, with a look of shock at how she used swears that liberally in front of a kid. “Okay… Flare? Hey, do either of you happen to have memories, because other than my name, I’ve got no idea who I was.” Instead of Miss Sparks responding, the neon haired one did. “I remembah my Mommy and Dada. And even Auntie Flare. ‘Cept tings like my Princess hair were just dere.” Flare interjected afterwards. “Yeah, I recalled little rainbow here, but that’s pretty much it. While my ability is just there as well.” I chose to question that one odd bit. “Wait, abilities, was that thing that was constricting me Rainbow Brite’s hair?” “Yeah, and I can throw fireballs. Sorta obvious with my name. Maybe it’s just a nickname, or my parents were jackasses. So what can you do?”
“Well, I’ve got nothing And by the way, where’d you get those rags? I kinda need something to cover up my crotch.” I said, shrugging and rubbing the back of my head with the hand that I wasn’t using for modesty’s sake. Flare scoffed a bit, and threw something resembling a small towel at me. I quickly used the beige rag to assemble something not unlike a skirt. Yeah, it was pretty weird, but what else could I do with it?
Wanting to change the subject away from my penis, I decided that it was business time. “Okay, so are we just going to go after this guy who’s been trying to kill you, and have Akarin grab him while you get him near by throwing fireballs, however that works?” Flare sighed at my idea. “Well, we tried that with another person, and they… Did not make it. They played as a distraction, be we were lucky that we did not get shot.” I sighed and replied with a smirk. “Well, do we really have anything else to do? I sure can’t see him with this fog. Or maybe he would just come to us, if we keep on talking. Who knows wha-” I was cut off by a clanking noise from the back of my head of my head, as I heard a sizzling sound.
I looked up to the two as they shared a look of shock that was enough to make me realize that this was probably that cowboy Flare mentioned, and I needed to run. We rushed out of the train car, as I heard an explosion and felt the ground vibrate beneath my feet. Followed by a voice like whisky mixed with sandpaper, that shouted at us. “Run all ya like, ya unmarked beefling! Sooner or later, y’all gunna be my cheesy ass burgers. So just stand still and die like the cattle you know you are!”
I quickly realized why my plan did not work the first time. However, there was no other plan than to hide behind a train car, so I told them to follow behind, and how I’d take care of this chump. Akarin shot me a frowny face, but Flare saw it as an opportunity, and dashed to it, grabbing Akarin by the hand right after I poked my head out of the train car and shouted at him. Or at least where I thought he was, because I could not see him due to the crappy lighting, or whatever it was.
“Hey, you inbred shithead! If you want to fight, you could be a real man and fight on equal ground.” I taunted at him, stooping to his level just to grasp his attention. He did not seem to like that, as he came within five centimeters of skewering my head with something that looked like a javelin with a glowing orb on it, which emanated a familiar sizzling. I poked out from one side, so I rushed to the other. Which was not a great idea, since another javelin was launched right as I want there. However, I was not as lucky that time, and it got me in the leg.
I immediately screamed and blurted out obscenities. All while I heard some chuckling from my adversary, followed by a, “Ya retarded meat on sticks! You think you can dodge my new toy? Made it specially for fatasses like ya lot!” I heard the first one blow up immediately after he was done, knowing that I only had a few seconds of life yet, I hoped for some revelation that could at least make me die with some peace. And as I heard the ticking stop on the second one for a brief second, it all came back to me.
I was Nari, a recent high school graduate who was working a job as he prepared to go to college. I was from some moderately size Canadian town. I was never much of the socialite, and was never much of a concern to most people. Just trying to coast through life, doing what I had while consuming several pleasures. It was not a glorious life, but I guessed that it was all over. Right after I learned that I even had it. Hoo-fucking-ray!
I heard the great big boom, and felt my legs fly away from the rest of my body, while some shrapnel got stuck in my chest and face. I was laying there, bleeding out after being blown in several, but basically two, pieces. Except I did not scream. I did not feel the expected amount of pain. I felt woozy, so maybe all that jazz was just a myth, or something. Maybe I was just weird? Well, it was certainly the later, as I saw my little bits of gut crawl across the jam-like floor and go back to my body.
I began to laugh as I saw this happened. Then, I was roaring. I was apparently goddamn immortal! I heard the cowboy shout back. “The Jesus-Fuck-Christ is goin’ on here? I shot you, you faggot-ass cow! Ya dead! Ya fuckin’ dead! Guess ya need to be taught once more.” He fired another spear at me, this time in my chest. But I was not worried. I took one spear, I could take another. Well, I barely knew how my powers worked, from my perspective, I was blowing smoke out my own ass as I began to taunt him again for a second time. “I’m immortal, you twat! You can’t kill me! How many of these do ya got? Cause you sure don’t have enough to take care of me.” Not sure why I was being so cocky, other than it masked my overall fear, because I think I actually did wet and brown myself before the first explosion.
As he started to grumble again, I saw an explosion where I assumed him body to be, after I saw a spark emit in the background. Yeah, I kinda figured that explosive javelins would do that when hit with fire. And that was followed by my own explosion, where I reversed my previous reaction by greeting the shrapnel with a smirk. It did not hurt more than a great big punch, but everything went black for a while, presumably because my brain was caught in the explosion as well. But i was right as rain before the duo of Akarin and Flare finished running back to me.
I smiled, right before tears started to roll down my eyes. I was playing tough guy, and just had a delayed reaction. I want to stretch how I didn’t feel much pain, but explosions that close are scary as shit! Not that either of them were doing much better. They were sobbing like this was their brother’s funeral. We stayed there, all bundled up, which felt a bit odd, because while my body seemed to reform itself, I had nothing covering my penis and testicales, and Akarin was croutching on them. Lovely.
However, like most media I recall, after relief of the male surviving, the female slaps him for being so brash. I chuckled as both yelled at me in tears of relief. Before saying that we should go and see if the cowboy had anything on his person. No sense in wasting it. Even though I was kinda, um, sloppy below the waist with… waste.
I stood up, with my body appropriately feeling sore, since it was in an explosion. But Flare let me use her as support, as I grabbed my crotch in my other hand. Yet, when we saw the point where the explosion occurred, there was nothing. It was just a big old scorch mark, like he’d been carrying enough explosives to destroy himself completely. It was curious, because I think a skeleton would still be there in some form, but there was no sign he even existed.
The three of us shared the same state of confusion, even though I don’t think that Akarin understood what had happened. Poor kid, probably shouldn’t need to see all this bullshit, since she was only about eight. Before we could begin the normal barrage of questions, a noise pieced our attention, it was coming from our backs. We unanimously decided that it was more important, and shambled on towards the noise, only to then be blinded by a clean blue light that came as a shock, seeing as how our eyes were adjusted to the darkness.
After adjusting and rubbing our eyes for the light for the light, we made out that the light was the train car irradiating. It was a pretty beat up piece before, but now it looked slick, like it was futuristic or something. The car adjusted itself out of the muck, as one of its doors flew open, revealing a figure.
It was an individual in a white cloak. They began to step out until they was within five meters of the three of us. Its voice revealed its gender to be female as it quietly said, “Nari, I have been sent for you. Please comply and come with me. It would be the most beneficial to the both of us.” She appeared to also have a bit of an accent. Not sure what, but probably German, Russian, or something along those lines.
I had no direction, yet I guessed she seemed like the most capable one to give me some. But I decided to play the nice guy and asked miss white about Flare and Akarin. The mysterious figure responded with, “They will be taken away from here in due time. They will be fine. I need you to trust me on this.” I normally would need more information for trust, but she seemed to be the tight-lipped kind of person, so I asked her to just show me her hood instead. Without saying a word, she lifted it, and reveal her face.
She had navy colored skin, with magenta eyes and plain white hair loosely down to her shoulders. She looked like some sort of character design, more than any real human, but I could say that about the other two I met thus far. Then Flare began to speak, “Nari, I think you should go. We’ve been searching for hours, and there’s nothing of value here. Take this chance and leave.” It sounded a bit unlike her, but something in my gut wanted me to go with this young woman. The navy skinned figure jestered me into the train car that was still radiating substantially. Before I entered, I attempted to take one last glimpse back to Flare and Akarin, but they seemed to vanish.
The navy skinned girl closed the door, and I felt the car shift around a bit. I began to ask her questions as to her motives, who she was, and what had just happened to the others. But she instead put me against a wall, and injected something into my neck. I was confused, naturally, but I quickly felt my tongue go numb, along with the rest of my body. But before I fell unconscious, she spoke a few final words to me. “When you fall asleep, you need to Log in everything that happened to you. Just think about everything you’ve seen since you’ve gained consciousness. I’m sorry for dragging you into this, but The Doctor needs all the Shifters he can get.” I passed out right after that.
Well, I kept some consciousness, which is how I’m able to talk right now. But now everything is starting to feel all blurry, and maybe I can wake up. So here I am, with no clear cut goal. Just the hope that I can wake up and figure out who exactly I am, where am I, and what is going on. And above all, why am I now immortal?
End of Cycle