Rundown of E3 2013: Days 3 and 4 – Some Seeds Before The Drought, Sir?

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Okay, most of the big news was thrown off in the first day, then the second day, and come the third and fourth days, there really was just over a page worth of stuff I felt like writing about, because it was just more in depth looks at the games announced on the first day. With most of my thoughts, like Yoshi’s New Island looking like hogwash even in 3D and A Link Between Worlds having the worst Link model in the series, staying the same.

Microsoft seeped through with their gross over confidence in the wee hours of the morning, addressing the people without an internet connection to, essentially, shut your mouths and just get a 360, ya fuddruckers! Well, it wasn’t as colorful, but it is just as oddly arrogant, just like Sony was when they said, “Ya don’t gots enough of dat money for dem PSTrees? Get a second job ya Plebeian prick!” But if they want this to be a two party race, let it be. Hell, three if you count PC, which will likely get most of their “exclusives”.

However, in my groggy unable to sleep in past 7:30 state, I’m just as upset at Retro, who apparently chose Donkey Kong over Metroid, a major knicker twister, considering there are only, what, three 2D Metroid titles made within the past 20 years. Granted, it might have been another Prime title, but going back to play a 2D platformer that is a follow up to a title labeled as a Return, just feels a bit too grabby.

Oddly also putting me right in front of Sony as they showed off that fairly mysterious Knack thing, a title that… puts kick in my step as I spruce a moose named bruce? Going by impressions, Knack is a game about controlling a little robot thing that collects little giblets called relics, which are constantly added to his body, allowing him to change his form and size. Providing for a sense of growth in every level and very nice next gen effects, as particle effects and objects fly off of the screen when you punch goblins and get hit by them and lose some relics. And while the impressions do leave room for it to be a bit simplistic with a clear child-friendly focus, the fact it was introduced and directed by Mark Cerny, veteran game developer for 30 years, I’m sure the balance will be hit.

Although, that almost gives me hope that the industry as a whole is going in the best direction, when Dead Rising 3 is still a bastardization of what the original titles were. Being a perfectly fine title I’m sure, but in terms of a sequel is one of the least recognizable I’ve seen in years. I would ask what Capcom Vancouver were thinking, but claims to be aiming for the Call of Duty audience while putting in motion controls… Why is this still a thing? We’ve done this dance so often my feet hurt just by looking at the players, don’t aim for an audience, just make a fun game!

At least they’re going to be cruising down the third place street of mediocrity and failure, to so I hope, but Nintendo is in the awkward middle ground with next to no third party support beyond Platinum Games. Sure, Ubisoft claims to still be supporting Nintendo, and Iwata promises other third party stuff, but the Wii U has a very clear future as the second console people own, despite a year long leap. Oddly getting to the point where Nintendo themselves plan on releasing a free to play title. You know Nintendo, you could draw forward some well know indies if you let them use your IPs. Which I basically stole from Jonathan Holmes, but when the little fatherless boy of every ethnicity is right, goddammit he’s sexy! Well, in addition to being right. I know that from August onward, Nintendo has exclusives coming in, but most of the titles seem to lack the wow factor that I more or less expect Nintendo to deliver. At the end of the day, the follow-up to Galaxy is 3D four player co-op Doki Doki Panic with catsuits, except you still keep the run physics nobody dislikes because they’re just used to them.

Although, the WIi U oddly did have the most exclusives at E3, which is very weird to think about, if only because I look at most of the games and have zero means of fully justifying the purchase of it alongside a $350 box. Yet as I was about to type up another jab towards Microsoft making the most negatively viewed console since… moving on, they made themselves look like Saturday morning cartoon villains, ambushing Nintendo E3 events at Best Buys across the country! This is incredible, nothing says a good company than asking people why they are bothering with the competition as they rudely stop you from playing your Nintendos.

However, that is more or less all there was to E3, aside from impressions, previews, and interviews that you could find pretty much at whatever out let you prefer, although I’d recommend Revision 3’s coverage and interviews of the bigger titles. With a great chunk of it being Adam Sessler of G4 fame free from any and all imposed ties and wearing out his voice as he showed an impressive amount of interest in dozens of titles.

Instead, it seems to be back ot the old grind, as Atlus’ parent company hads been accused of fraud. Something that sparks an absurd scenario involving Activision buying up all of Atlus’s assets, which in turn makes me think of something between Hyperdimension Neptunia and Amnesia Moon. Which obviously includes Peodphilia in Atlus’ thirteen year old japanese schoolgirl bumhole by a white fifty year old man in a suit as Banditos with rusty submachine guns watch… Yeah, I’ll go back to writing that story about being in the body of the greatest terrorist in on earth, which will involve masturbation by the second chapter. I blame Digimon!

WIll likely have the next Rundown cover up to the 22nd, because lord knows that nobody wants seconds in terms of news after E3, preferring to spend all summer catching up on their backlogs, because jack comes out until August, unless you like titles that needed a few months to come out in the North America. Which all come out on July 16th, or at least they did until Rune Factory 4 shifted back to plain old summer.

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