Nari’s Log Cycle 09: The One With The Mechas

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Nari’s Log was a ambitious unfinished sci-fi novella created by Natalie Neumann. Natalie does not recommend that you try to read the original work due to its low quality, structural issues, and grammatical errors. Instead, she encourages you to read the summary included in Volume 06: Nari’s Logof The Saga of Vincent Dawn and Volume 02: Nari’s Log of Natalie Rambles About The Saga of Vincent Dawn to better understand the content of this novella.

My eyes were greeted by a screen once I woke up. My vision quickly altered to see it say, in big green stylized letters, “Fighter Ready” over a black backdrop. Getting used to this, I decided to start with my Host’s voice, seeing as how there was not enough light to see, and my hands felt strapped in by something. “Testing, one, two, three.” I said, clearing out my Host’s throat. I shot a smirk after I realized it was a male voice. It had a naturally cocky tone, and I am sure I could’ve manipulated it so it sounded like auditory honey.

Seconds later, the screen changed to display a man over a blue backdrop. The man in question was the same one I met a few hours ago, if that. Jetter, his name was, according to The Doctor. Donned in the same black suit, with the same intimidating look. He puffed a cigarette before tossing it and looking directly at me. “Hello Fighters of Great Intentions, FoGI. You mission this week is to do as you always must. Attempt to reclaim one of the lost Zodiac Totems from the Business of Pandorans, BoP, the rodent followers of Pandora! You’ve done a swell job with the Gemini and Aries, even Libra was no match for you. But now, led by one of their Super-Elites, the Glorious Gafunk’s Scorpio, you must show the great city what you’re made of. You shall deploy within ten minutes!”

“…” Was my reaction for a few seconds, before I heard a very sugary sounding voice come from my left. “Who’da thunk it? We’re actually doing something where I have good memories. Hope this doesn’t end with a Witch eating my head though. Cripes, this inflection is tough!” I tried to ask, “Who is this?” But it came out as, “Oh, what’s going on this time?” There was a lack of control to everything that came from my Host’s mouth, almost like a filter was in place. To which the voice responded, “Oh, I take it you’re Nari! Hey, what’s up?” As she responded, the only thing in my field of vision, a blank screen, lit up. On it were two faces, one was of a cute looking teenage girl with pink hair in booming pigtails, magenta eyes, and little bits of lipstick. Who I presumed to be the one talking to me. While another smaller face was of a smug looking blonde with the same cyan eyes that I’ve had in all three of my Shifts thus far.

“Okay, any clue what we’re doing Maxxi?” I asked to the woman, sounding remarkably confident. “It’s Y’vonne in here, cutie. Just feeling a lot looser in good old Cupcake. How’s the ever-brave hero, Black Swift?” I was not sure to answer that, because I couldn’t’ move much, just nudge around. “Hard to say, kinda tight in here, but room for one more.” I said without complete control, as my reaction afterwards demonstrated, even though Y’vonne knew my speech was altered.

“Well big guy, hate to spoil your fun, but you might want to alter the panels in front of you. Just say, ‘PP’. Just think you should see your self in a more… complete picture.” “Sure thing. PP.” My eyes automatically closed, as my vision altered to a third person perspective. I could see my Host, Blake Swift according to Y’vonne, if there were ever a more stereotypical hero name. He was normal in terms of face, but his arms and everything below the torso were imbedded in some purple metal. But the torso was where things got weird. I was in some sort of black shirt made of rubber, leather, or something that glistened. But my borrowed back had a ton of wires and tubes coming out of it, and with the black substance seeming growing over it, as I could see my skin merge with it aswell. I said “PP” once more, and made the image vanish, leaving the screen with Y’vonne, or Cupcake, right in front of me.

“Well, this is peculiar.” Came out instead of me asking, “What the hell am I?” “Yeah Blakie, its a long story about brain jacking with computers. Just chill out, I know that we’re going to kick some ass with next to no problems.” “Yeah, you’re probably right.” Was the result my vocal chords settled on.

The screen then adjusted itself to show three evenly dimensioned images of faces, with one empty black space in the corner, along with nametags beneath my Host’s face, reading “Blake Swift”, and Yvonne’s Host’s face, reading “Cupcake”. The third one was a very trampled looking young woman with scars covering her face on one side, leaving no eye. While the other side just looked depressed as a yellow eye emitted from the one good socket. And topped off with messy looking black hair that looked half burnt. I remained silent, as Y’vonne pitched in with the explaining.

“You must be Maxxi. Pretty sad, being trapped in Anita Neukar’s burnt out body. No hard feelings, it was probably an accident caused by Jetter.” Maxxi’s one eye lit up before she spoke. It was a pretty grim sounding monotone, like someone just took a poop in her face, and she was tied up. Not that it stopped a heavy dose of sarcasm. “Oh no. I totally wanted to be trapped in a broken down body like this one. And I adore being shoved in a tube, and told to fight out for some random Zodiac crap. And I take it Nari had to deal with this last time we were out. So at least the pain is going all around.”

After a brief moment of silence, I felt something tug on my back cords in a very awkward jerky motion. The area around me began to light up, as the then unused fourth screen started displaying the phrase, “Eyes shut and prepare for combat! Say 3P to enter battle view” I looked at the other screens, and both Maxxi and Y’vonne just kinda shrugged in agreement that we should just do what the screen said.

My vision once more entered a third person perspective, except I was not looking at half a man with tubes coming from his back, I was looking at a robotic dragon in a grey metal room. It was the type that was on all fours, for whatever that’s worth, with wings poking out, along with little bits that looked like jets, and a mouth that seemed to glow orange behind its clean white teeth. I flinched a little bit upon seeing it, only do see the dragon do something similar.

And through a few instances of trial and error, I realized that my thoughts were controlling this black robotic dragon. I could make it fly, slash its claws, and even breath fire, and it was all pretty empowering, especially with how there was some form of sensory response to my actions, leading me to believe that I was actually inside of this thing. I let out a triumphant, “Oh yeah!” upon realizing this, only to have Y’vonne’s borrowed voice to break my concentration. “Save some for the Pandorans, Swift. You’re gonna need all that spunk to take them down this round.” I opened my eyes as my vision of the robot blink away, and back to the screen with my two teammates.

“Well, this is badass!” I bursted out with a grin, starting to embrace this scenario. “I’m stuck with a robotic Chicken. What barn animal did you two get stuck with.” Maxxi soullessly blurted out. “First off, you’ve actually got a cock, basically a male chicken. Secondly, we didn’t get any barn animals. I got this sick Cobra Mech, and Nari’s got the Dragon Mech, so you’re just the lame one in this situation. Think of it as karma for the three times you were a demigod.” Y’vonne answered, relishing in how cocky she naturally became. I was about to ask how she knew this, but I stopped an instant before, after remembering that was her special ability, accessing the Host’s memories.

Before I could keep on smirking at the prospect of controlling a giant robot, or at least it felt giant. Jetter popped in the fourth screen and began to speak in his usual smooth monotone. “Synchronization is complete. Engaging alpha type Megamecha. Headsets lower, and get ready to kick their western asses.” In the course of five seconds, I felt something clamp down onto my head, cloak off my hearing for a second, and then adjust my view.

I was once more looking at “battle view”, but it was of a mountainous wasteland, with three large “Mechs” in view. One was my black dragon in the center. To its left was a white and red cock, pretty much the stereotypical rooster if it were made of metal and large enough to have bushes smaller than its feet. Yet, it looked fairly menacing due to it’s glowing red eyes, and sharp looking large beak. While to my right was an equally sized robotic cobra with no skin patterns beyond being metal and purple, with black fangs that oozed a similarly colored liquid, and yellow eyes not unlike the cock’s.

What followed was a transformation sequence of the three “Mechs” leaping into the air, and altering their forms. The dragon became something akin to a torso with wings on the back and a jet booster on instead of a waist. While the cobra and cock both became arms. In the form of a large cobra mouth, and a yellow drill from the cock’s beak. And once the two limbs were inserted, a head popped out in the form of a helmeted figure with colors based on the three that merged together, along with a menacing looking tooth filled grin.

And when it was done, the combination roared, flapped its wings, and threw out its arms, levitating above the ground, and sending a burst of adrenaline through my spine. Y’vonne was the first to talk, her voice entering my right ear. “Alright guys! Shout really loud, and drill a hole in that jackass’s face! It’s normally how things work when piloting the Megamech.” The cobra arm pointed forwards, as my perspective shifted to reveal a red metallic scorpion dashing after the “Megamecha” as it’s screech started to penetrate my ears.

It was filled with glowing lights as it snipped its claws, and looked to be charging up its stinger. I tried to think of what would work best to stop this threat, as my head filled up with two other voices, the ones used by Y’vonne and Maxxi. Acting as one unit, we flapped the Megamech’s wings to propel it high into the air, and dive down drill arm first into the glowing stinger. A clash of sparks followed, as the rumbling of the drill coursed through my body, causing me to let out a loud yell of excitement.

I heard the others chime in as I saw the stinger remaining intact. Our thoughts were one, we were no longer three people piloting a giant mech, we were three minds centered on one goal. Quickly dodging a counter attack by the stinger, and grabbing it with the cobra’s mouth, my vision adjusted to show two squares on both sides, while the normal third person perspective retained for the center.. Three were Y’vonne, Maxxi, and I, but the fourth was a raccoon with green and black fur that was fashioned into a mohawk, wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses. The voice indicated the raccoon as male, and also that he was adoring his job and trying to sound as cheesy as possible.

“You spoons! The Business of Pandorans is beyond your simple maneuvers! I, the Glorious Gafunk, shall knock all y’all down!” The grip of the cobra arm was loosened, leaving only a small mark covered in black ooze. I attempted to speak, but instead, it was far more filtered than normal, and sounded more like three voices, just like my thoughts. “Oh, so that’ your game. Well punk, I’m just warmin’ up! Get ready for my second level, ‘cos I’ve got plenty more to go!”

For several minutes, we clashed with each other. The three of us were operating on the same wavelength, swiveling around the scorpion’s claws and tail, even a few stray lasers that he shot from his eyes, and the few times it tried to crush us with its body. We dodged pretty much every blow, but we didn’t land any lasting ones ourselves. The outer shell of the Scorpion was too thick for Maxxi’s drill, and the cobra venom didn’t do anything. Even after we tried spitting out glops of venom, it just made the Scorpion more annoyed than anything.

“You nitwits! Is this the glorious band of fighters that brought down four of my brothers? Bah, bah I say! You can withhold my wrath no problem, which was expected. But not even a decent dent? Pathetic! I can have reinforcements coming within three minutes, but I’d like to settle this formally. And I’ll make it more than worth your wild” “…Go on.” We said in unison, barely even remembering we were other people. “If you defeat them before my men arrive, you shall not only get the Boar Totem, but the all mighty Tiger Totem! If not, you lose yours! I am a being of honor. You betcha ass you can trust me!”

Normally, such an idea would sound absurd, and we’d just keep on wailing on him, but then a voice popped up in the corner of our collected hearing. It shouted, “Just go for it!” and it sounded just like The Doctor, so our decision was pretty much made for us. We flapped the wings, and readied the thrusters at the nonexistent waist, as we continued to strike at him for another minute, this time trying to grip the tail to either stab the Scorpion with its own body, or fling it into a mountain. It did not work, and we were lucky to only get a few scratches.

Two minutes remained, and we didn’t have any plans. Failure was an option, but we did not want two in a row. Hope seemed lost, but then something caught our eyes. The view adjusted to show two running robotic figures on the horizon. One was a dog that looked to be made of some sort of gold alloy based on its shimmering color. While the other was a giant pink rodent that seemed to leap right towards us. We rushed towards them, as our vision adjusted to our, for lack of a better term, cockpits. It was slightly different from before now containing six faces. Y’vonne, Maxxi, Gafunk, and I were still there. But there was a grinning long haired hispanic man with a beard and headband that looked to be for style more than anything. Beneath his image was the name, “Vincent Dawn”. And a scowling woman with dirty blonde hair that put his to shame, and orange eyes that leered instead of looking. According to the screen, she was called, “Wolfe”

The man spoke first, in a higher voice that sounded as if he consumed some helium. “Hello FoGIs, heard you could use a hand. Or rather a leg.” The woman replied, sounding angry in every syllable. “Enough of the chit chat, we’ve got 90 seconds to whoop some Western ass! Let’s just show this bastard who’s got the biggest balls!” Gafunk then interjected, jerking forward. “What? I’ll show you balls if you’d fight like a true hero, you sizz! I’m just one Super Elite, and your assets have been compost!” With that, I felt a headrush, and saw the view adjust back to the third person. Over the course of a second, the giant robotic rat and dog adjusted themselves into large rectangles and jammed into my waist thruster, where the Megamech started to contort itself and combine with them, creating a crotch to keep them in place.

We, meaning Maxxi, Y’vonne, Wolfe, Vincent Dawn, and I, mentally moved the mech while shouting out the term, “Omegamech.” Without wasting any time and still floating in the air, we dashed straight for the Scorpion’s tail, grabbed it with the cobra arm, and pierced through it with the rooster’s drill. And with a great pull accompanied by a roaring shout, we grabbed the Scorpion with the cobra arm, and started swinging it in a circle, gaining enough momentum as Gafunk screeched in his displeasure.

His last words were, “I shall return, mightier than you can imagine Long live Pador-” before he exploded upon touching a mountainside. Not sure why, but it made the five of us happy. We shared a collective sigh of relief as our view returned, once more, to the screens. Y’vonne had a lovely grin on her borrowed face. Maxxi’s held boredom, before sticking out her tongue with a fart noise. The hairy VIncent Dawn was chuckling, and would probably be clapping his hands if he could move them. While Wolfe just yawned as her hair bobbed as if it were one object. While I chose to congratulate them. It coming out as, “Grats team. Couldn’t have done any of this without you.”

But after we got a moment to breathe, the screen adjusted to one view. It was a black cube that had some sort of fog effect around it. It was accompanied by a voice that sounded like everything was being filtered through gravel. “So, even in this world, you managed to defeat meme! It matters not! I have unlimited chances, and you already lost much of your morale last time we met. Regardless of your involvement, this shall be just another world of mine, while the three of you keep on fleeing, hoping you can stop me! I go by many names, but for now, I shall give you one character, Zed!”

Half a second later, the screen went back to normal. Now showing Jetter where Gafunk once was, as he congratulated us without any emotion. “Not bad,” he said while tapping his chest. “We have received word that the Totems shall be taken to the I-N-V soon enough. With no commander in sight, the grunts are running back home. Some flyers will pick you up in a few minutes to take you back. Please try to be considerate of your energy next time. We only have 600 seconds for each battle. Any more and you’ll burn out.”

Jetter then blinked out, as the five of us were left to converse by ourselves. Wolfe began, keeping up her tone of irritation. “You could’ve at least let me kick the furred crapsack. None of this BS about power reallocation. It’s bad enough I’m stuck as a leg on a flying mech, but I could at least be used to curb stomp a cockroach like him.” Vincent Dawn replied with a chuckle. “Ah, but Lassie, you know why you can’t do much, no?” Wolfe then spat towards the screen, presumably directed to Vincent. “Common! You lost yer legs trying to get some of those punks! As many, we not so good, but as one, we can save the warld!”

Y’vonne then entered the conversation, being the only one with a general idea of who these people are. “Look guys, we do this every time. Couldn’t you just kiss like everyone expects you to?” This caused Wolfe to panic while blushing a bit. “I-I-I Don’t want that! I just want this clown to show more aggro than me. It’s bad enough Blake’s a pretty boy, but at least he’s got some balls!” “Hey, don’t bring me into this!” I blurted, trying to not act like an idiot and be given an unanswerable question.

Maxxi was watching my back as she interjected, though sounding incredibly bored. “We beat the bad guy, and didn’t get hurt. Must we have this repetitive drama? Especially with another two FIghters coming up. We want to at least look functional.” “Anita’s right,” Said Y’vonne. “We are clashing too much. I’m surprised we were even able to use you two for the Omegame-” “Hey, I’m the one who is ready to kick ass. Blame ratboy over here!” Wolfe snipped. “Common guys! We don’t need all this conflict. And if we only focus on fighting, wouldn’t we be like Gen 4?” “Don’t mention Gen 4, you slimey saltlick! That shit has nothing to do with you or me! It doesn’t have anything do with anything, because they were worthless pieces of trash!”

Y’vonne decided this was enough, and went off at both of them. “You want to know why we don’t use the legs, and use Blake’s wings? Because you two can’t work the legs! We tried you out for arms, but firing an arm doesn’t work very well, Wolfe. And Vincent, you are barely worth using on grunts, let alone Totems! If either of you want to stay on the active team, you need to learn how to play with each other. Blake, you tell them.”

I was a flustered, but everything I said came out decently smooth at the very least. “Yeah kids, listen to your Mother, she knows what’s up. Settle this jazz outside of the mechs, okay?” Wolfe grumbled as Vincent as he sighed in compliance. With that, they disappeared from the screen, and it was just Maxxi, Y’vonne, and I with one empty screen, that shot out Jetter, smoking yet another cigarette. “Congratulations are in order for the three of you. You adapted very well to your environment. And you did manage to succeed more than expected. That Gafunk fellow was not predicted to unveil the locations of two new totems. I have other assignments, you three will be sent back in three, two, one, goodbye.”

Like he said, my vision went black, and here I am. It was like going to the circus in comparison to my past adventures, and I could actually manage to get used to this. After all, Maxxi and Y’vonne seemed to be doing this fairly naturally. But now I’m just starting to wonder how long it took them to adjust, since this was only my third Shift. But before I bring that up, I should probably ask about that black cube.

End of Cycle

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