Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-Chan Review

“‘Her name is Dokuro-Chan. She’s an angel that came from the future.  For some reason, all of the sudden she started living in my room, can you believe that? I still Can’t believe it.’ ‘Pi-piru-pi-piru-pi-piru-pi!’“ This, my friends, is how you introduce either something really, really bad, or something so bad that it becomes wonderful by the end. But as for which extreme it is, hit the jump to find out.

Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-Chan Dubbed Anime Series Review:
Length: 2 season, 6 sets of 2 episodes… 6 episodes
Release Year: 2005 and 2007
Studio: Hal Film Maker/Media Blasters

The show centers around a brown haired eighth grader named Sakura, a middle schooler who has the classic trope of wanted to get involved with a girl who has no noteworthy characteristics for him to pursue. The kid, in an odd change of pace, is treated like a ragdoll by his peers, even though he does next to nothing wrong. But one day, he is visited by an angel from the future, Dokuro. Dokuro is a hyperactive big titted little bugger who wields a giant metal spiked bat that she uses to, you guessed it, bludgeon Sakura.

But to spoil the question that I used above, the characterization is just simply horrible. I very, very often glance over out-of-character moments, but here, there is no consistency. For example, the reasoning behind the bludgeonings range from the fact that she is bored, Sakura did an action that she misunderstood and refuses to hear, and she messed something up and needs to take out her anger on Sakura. And if you listen to the introduction, which can sound very grading at times, she says that this is just how she expresses her love. Because why would we want plot points like that being addressed within the show itself?

Sakura is guilty of this as well, sometimes he’s game for whatever Dokuro-Chan wants, other times she just bludgeons him to get him into following her bullshit. I mean, she wanted to form a wood based glue club… That’s just stupid. And then sometimes he peaks at Dokuro’s pants, stay classy Japan, and other times he is dead set on not even glancing at Dokuro when she is offering herself like his semen would give her eternal life. And on top of that, they are both annoying as hell!

Both of their voice actors made me want to just remove the headphones after I watched six of the half-episodes that make up this 12 episode series. Sakura puts the pussy in pussywhipped, with how much abuse he takes with the stupid looking bludgeonings. Seriously, this gore has no weight at all, the flesh does not look like it is resisting, and it looks fake by cartoon standards. It is only Sakura’s blood going everywhere, and then Dokuro makes him all better by saying her Pi-Piru chime.

Ah yes, Dokuro, she sounds like the voice actress was trying really hard to be obnoxious, and disgustingly cute at the same time. She has every negative trait that is associated with childishness, never learns anything, does not care for others, and puts her play over everyone elses work. But it is later revealed that Sakura legitimately likes her, and gets upset when her sister comes to take her to the future. Dokuro has a younger sister who is 9, but reveals everything wrong with current anime art direction.

Dokuro had double Ds and a stupid inconsistent color for her hair that was in pigtails.  But Zakuro, her sister, has long flowing light blue hair, an eyepatch, double Gs, no I am not even kidding, a six foot tall 9-year-old with double Gs, and would probably let you fill her with cock based on her voice actress’s performance. Let me just say that the script does the actors no favors, because it is just embarrassing with how poor and formulaic it is. Especially the usage of honorifics, it just sounds dumb in English if you don’t do it right, and this show sure as hell doesn’t.

And then we have Sabato, a blonde angel with ram horns on her head, who originally goes on a quest to kill Sakura with a cattle prod, but serves as a joke to the homeless during every other appearance of her’s. Seriously, she lives in a box under a bridge and is malnourished and ill… I know, it’s fucking hilarious!

But back to the killing goal, it turns out that in the future, Sakura is going to prevent all women from aging past 12, so he can live his pedophilic dream. So the future angels sent an unstable childish angel to execute Sakura, so that the women of the world would be able to bear children properly. But no, she fell in love with him, because he bleeds just right. Actually, the last part would be interesting, so that was probably not the creator’s intention. As for the continued plot, it never goes anywhere, and it is just Sakura trying to avoid Dokuro, even though he wants to bone her, or just try to bone the girl at school, whose name I forget a day after I finished watching the show, so she must have not been important.

And leaping onto the visuals, it looks like crap. It is so generic in design, so commitee based, that the diarrhea faces, yes, we have explosive diarrhea , and bludgeonings, the only reason that anyone would look at this show, both have the weight of a tissue. I cannot say bland, uninspired, lifeless, and boring enough times to show how much apathy I project towards the art style, and that’s before I remember 12-year-old with Cs. The actual animation is average, and there are some creative expressions, but they all are surrounded by scenes that make me feel like I am watching soft-hentai.

You know what the saddest part is? The fact that the beginning announces how it is trying to be a satire of sorts, but it ends up being as by the books as it can be. You want tt know what I would change, okay, here’s something I whipped up in 20 or so minutes: Instead of having Sakura as a schizophrenic mix of pussywhipping and horniness, just have him be the horniest character they can muster. Have him be a kid who’s been messin’ with girls’ pants since his first boner. It is a twist on how so many protagonists are not willing to sex up the willing women they are surrounded with. As for the Pedophile thing, have him get sexually confused later in life, so he remembers his first knockings more than his more recent failures, so he make an immortality device so that it is okay for him to screw 12-year-olds. Bam, more backstory that the main plot. As for the classroom view of him, have him be envied by both sides, the cream of the crop to the guys, already snatching the virginity of over half a dozen maiden. But give him a sexier design, so that the viewer could understand why his key unlocks so many locks.

For Dokuro, give her more reasonable breasts, maybe a B-cup, same for every character, you moronic designers. And make her goal to be that of preventing Sakura from having sex with Middle School girls, by bludgeoning him whenever he is lustful at them, so he associates having sex with young girls with pain. Meanwhile, Dokuro’s childish persona will be appealing to Sakura, and will hopefully bring him to like her more mature body as well. She will look like she’s 17, but she acts like she’s 7. And her sister, she can be sent in to help Sakura gain an appreciation for more matured women, and she’s into bondage, because that would fit with her towel and the tight rape sequence it had. Yep, a rape sequence with no shown skin, keep it classy Japan. And she is attempting to give Sakura a fetish with it to distract him from little girls as well. Sabato could no longer be an angel, but be a girl who wants to steal Sakura’s penis, and attach it to herself, because she thinks that is what you need for a sex change. It would be offensive to the Trans community, some of my favorite people in the world, but it’d be better than having her be homeless and starving.

Or in short, make the plot about a 14-year-old man who likes to fuck 12-year-old girls, but future angels need to teach him how that is not very good, while both seducing him and bludgeoning him due to a reflex, because angels were made more for combat. And, of course, they’d use the word fuck like it is on their word of the day calendar, because it’s odd to not see more gruesome death scenes, mostly involving destroyed muscle tissue, fire, and everything in both intros, without a character who loves the word fuck as much as he loves the act.

See, I made it about a pedophile who needs to learn his lesson thanks to time travel, and it is still better than this! In short, there is nothing worthwhile in this. Hell, the mistakes it makes are so clumsy and amateurish that I cannot even consider it as a learning tool, because it would take a complete moron to not know these things. Well, I guess there is one thing to learn, gore is not innovation. But hey, I don’t think more people stay with their 13-year-old mindset. Loathful characters, soulless writing, visuals that are the anime equivalent to the brown FPS. I am shocked that Media Blasters shat this show out, and got a pretty damn noteworthy cast to dub it after they released it subbed. I mean look the Wikipedia page! How did this show get two seasons for that matter, I understand that it is still about the length of half a standard season when you consider the length of each episode.

This is an anomaly that represents nearly everything I dislike about anime, missuesd talent, uninteresting visuals, awful characters, wasted potential with the very premise, and a piece that I don’t think anyone can learn from. But hey, this’ll look like Squid Girl come Christmas. I am hard on this, but it is just bland and boring. If I gave out scores for anime, I am too lazy to come up with descriptions for them, this would get a 3.5 to a 4. I plan on bringing in something that’ll be a whopping 0. This is below average, but hey, a D is technically below average.

I just got to say that a show would be better if it emphasized the Pedophilia… This is the greatest hobby I could have ever have